Attempted short story, more or less, but probably less. Part 2

Uncle Ned had been wounded during the Battle of the Bulge in World War Two when a jeep he had been riding in hit was hit and knocked into a ditch by enemy artillery fire.
Uncle Ned lost an eye for his troubles, and spent the rest of the war moving from army hospital to army hospital first in Europe and then back in the states.
His final destination was an army hospital in Battle Creek, Michigan, where he met Aunt Junie who was working as a volunteer nurse's aide in the eye clinic.
Like many things during World War Two their romance progressed rapidly. They met, they fell in love, and the day that Uncle Ned was discharged from the army, a short two months after his arrival in Battle Creek, they were married, and on a bus back to South Dakota just in time for Uncle Ned to help his father and brothers with the spring planting of 1945.

Attempted short story, more or less, but probably less.

When I was thirteen years old my parents shipped me off by train to South Dakota to spend the summer with my Aunt Junie and Uncle Ned.
Aunt Junie was my mother's younger sister. Junie was short for June Bug, a nickname my grandfather had given to my aunt when she was a few months old back in Tennessee, which was shortened to just plain Junie by the time she started school after they moved to Detroit in the mid 20's.

25 seconds remaining

I'm listening to my Zune.
I've got about 2 and a half gigs of stuff.
I haven't deleted anything since the second day.
I'm on shuffle.
John Prine, Bob Dylan, Lucinda Williams, The Velvet Underground, Neil Young, The Byrds, Kasey Chambers, and the list goes on and on.

I have gone tech crazy since the first of the year.
First my new camera, then the cellphone I think, then the Zune, and then yesterday I bought a new telephone, I couldn't turn it down, it was marked down from $119.99 to $19.99 at Radio Shack, and yeah, the $119.99 is an inflated price, but I checked the phone out online and the cheapest I saw it for was $49.99, and damn is the phone ever cool. It's got call this, and call that, and voice mail, and a full color screen, and beeps and chimes and buzzes, and you can upload pictures from your computer, and sounds too, and it's almost like a cellphone, but it's not, and it's a speakerphone too, a goddamn speakerphone, can you believe it, and no, I'll never use the goddamn speakerphone, but it's nice to know that I've got a goddamn speakerphone if the need ever arises that I have to try to impress someone who is impressed by goddamn speakerphones!

I would father Lucinda William's bastard children without a second thought, amen, and good night.

A razor blade in the snatch is worth two in the bush

Ok, so these two guys walk into a bar, a bar just outside the main gate of some army post somewhere in the southwest. The bar was dark and smokey and the jukebox played TexMex and I forgot what happened next, but I'm sure it had something to do with drinking ice cold beer out of long neck bottles, knife fights in the back alley just off the crapper, and hookers with hearts of gold, but really, do hookers actually have hearts of gold, I mean I'm sure they have hearts, and probably some gold, and demons, yeah, and addictions, and children, and college degrees, and hopes, and dreams, and unlisted telephone numbers, and razor blades in their snatch, but golden hearts, nah, I kind of fucking doubt it, and I could tell you some stories about hookers, and some of them would be true, and depending on the mood I was in the stories would paint me as a sexual stud or a naive and confused young man, and I think I'm going to back and delete the part about the jukebox playing TexMex music, and the stuff about the long neck bottles of ice cold beer, and the knife fights, because yeah, I wouldn't know how to describe a knife fight if it came up and bit me on the ass, but there was this one time when I was in the air force, and I was stationed on the island of Crete when a friend of mine who was very drunk pulled out a switchblade and stuck it against my throat and threatened to kill me, but he was just drunk, and he didn't mean it, and I wasn't too scared, just a little afraid that he might pass out or something and slit my throat while he was falling down, and to be completely honest with you my life has been almost devoid of physical violence of any kind, except for maybe that time back in 1972 when I had just gotten out of the air force and some guy who I didn't even know threw an unopened can of beer at my head that missed and exploded, and I mean exploded, against the wall, but that's about it, and I guess that's the end of another attempted short story at 1:30 in the morning, and did I really refer to the restroom as a crapper???

See, the part about the razor blade in the snatch, well, that has to do with all the stories I used to hear about the hookers in Vietnam having razor blades up their snatch, no wait, the hookers in Vietnam had horizontal snatches, I forget which nationality of hookers had razor blades in their snatches, but trust me, they did.
Horizontal is sideways, right, and why would a hooker have a razor blade up her snatch, I mean, suddenly at two in the morning it's all become very clear to me ...
NO HOOKER OF ANY NATIONALITY, EVER HAD A RAZOR BLADE UP HER SNATCH, AND IF YOU THINK THEY DID, GIVE ME SOME FUCKING PROOF, AND PARDON MY caps lock.

I'm suddenly very tired evidenced by the fact that I am starting to hallucinate about the first time I saw the movie Reefer Madness which I haven't actually ever seen.

I think I might have gone over the edge

I want a muffin, but not a bran muffin.
I want to be the last of the red hot lovers, but not the very last.
I want to be free, but not obvious about it.
I want this headache to go away, but not at the expense of something else.

I really felt like smacking a retarded man the other day, he really deserved it, but if nothing else I have self control so I didn't.

I got the finger up the wazoo at the doctor's today, and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a little bit titillating.

I don't know, I guess that's it for now.

Except for this.

And this.

And this.

If you prick me do I not bleed?

I have to fast tonight after midnight.
I have a blood test in the morning.
I used to hate blood tests, or anything that involved needles.
Then after I started getting blood tests every month because when they were searching for the cause of my anemia, which was hypothyroidism, I started looking forward to the blood tests, ok, not looking forward to them, well, ok, yeah, looking forward to them, and don't ask me why, I just did, I sort of looked forward to all the different tests I had to take back then, the only one that I didn't like was when they took a c-scan, and that was because I had to lift my arms up over my head, which was very painful for me at the time, and also because I had to drink a lot of crappy tasting stuff so they could see my veins and arteries and other things inside my body that they couldn't have seen without me drinking the crappy tasting stuff, and oh yeah, as an extra added touch they told me that the crappy tasting stuff I had to drink would give me a serious case of diarrhea so I'd better hurry home after the test or else ...
But where was I?
Oh yeah, and then I started looking forward to the blood tests, and now that I am only getting them once, or maybe twice, a year, but I think it's only once a year, well, now I am back to not looking forward to them, and ok, yeah, there have been a couple of times that I got a little dizzy after the they drew my blood, and maybe that's why I don't look forward to the blood tests anymore, but you know, if the techs are pretty, and you can never tell if the tech you get is going to be pretty, or a dragon, but yeah, if the tech is pretty, then it's ok with me, and really it doesn't matter what they look like if they mop my brow and whatever other stuff needs mopping, because then everything is copacetic.

Money is the rooster of all anvils.

My nephew just paid me back $1400.00 of the $1600.00 he borrowed from me five and a half years ago to keep him from getting thrown in jail for back child support, and now I ...
WANT TO BUY SOMETHING REALLY BAD!!!
I want a Zune, or an Ipod, no I want a Zune, Ipod's are way too snooty for me.
Oh yes, I'm an Ipod, and you aren't, aren't I grand!.
I mean, I almost bought a Zune last night, but I talked myself out of it and bought a pulsating shower head instead, but the cravings, the longings, and yearnings are back today ...
I WANT A ZUNE!!!
Yeah, the shower head, it's a hand held shower head, is really nice, five settings. Mist, spray, pulsating, massage, and ORGASM, but it's not a Zune!!!

I guess that's it for now, except that MB had her follow-up at the eye clinic today, and everyone is really pleased with the progress she has made. Her eyesight in each eye is now 20/30, which is really more than they expected this soon after surgery.

Dentist Appointment at 10:10 tomorrow morning

Once when I was in the Air Force and stationed on the island of Crete a group of about twelve of us were sent on a temporary assignment to Turkey.
When we arrived in the airport in Istanbul we were assigned a guide, a girl from Yugoslavia, to help us make our way by bus to the base which was an all night drive from Istanbul.
She was very pretty.
She was thin with long blond wavy hair.
She wore blue jeans and a sleeveless blouse, and sandals.
Her toenails were painted red.
She got us hotel rooms for the night.
It was a small inexpensive hotel.
She told us we should say that we stayed at the Sheraton and that when we were reimbursed we could pocket the difference.
She got us two hookers.
I declined on the hookers.
I didn't like the odds.
So, the two of us sat in the lobby and drank warm Turkish beer and talked about music, and movies, and nude beaches until the hookers left.
The next day when we got to the base we all got together and chipped in five dollars a piece to give to her for her troubles.
I also gave her a carton of Marlboro's in the soft pack.
She thanked me.
The rest of the guys ribbed me.
Big deal.

Cheap Thrills and memories of 1969

I've been singing The Chelsea Hotel #2 off key, but with feeling, for most of the night, and I always get choked up a little bit on the part that goes
Giving me head on an unmade bed,
While the limousines wait in the street.

Three days in March, make that 2 days in March and one day in February

MB had her second cataract surgery on Wednesday, she is doing fine except for an occasional vacation from reality, and you know sometimes it feels pretty good to take a vacation from reality, so who am I to bitch about it ... huh!!!

After we got home from her follow-up visit to the doctor yesterday MB said that she thinks most women are jealous of her because she has a handsome son who takes care of her, she still has her figure ... sort of, and she doesn't have a fat husband sitting next to her.
Of course she also said that the doctor was staring at, and testing her, through the mirror in the waiting room, and if any of the other women had half a brain they would have realized this.

I went to the Dollar Store today and bought MB a pair of reading glasses like the Doctor suggested.
When I got home I handed her the first thing I could find for her to read. It was a package of sanitary napkins.

I saw a cat got hit

It's three in the morning and I can't sleep, which is weird because last night I was asleep by twelve thirty. I think it may be because I am all wound up from doing so much stuff today.
I shoveled wet heavy a full eight inches deep of snow, which took me four tries to finish, or swedish, or norwegian, because of my advanced age I know not to overdo it, and I didn't, but it was heavy, but it felt good, you know, exercising, and I didn't strain my back at all, so maybe the surgery did some good, but I did sweat a lot, and I bet my arms are going to be sore tomorrow.
I also cleaned a bedroom which wasn't mine, and I did some laundry, and I folded some laundry, and I cleaned up the garage a little bit, because my niece is coming up to visit on Saturday, and yeah, she sleeps in the garage, but it's ok because part of the garage is like a summer room, but since it is winter it is pretty messy right now, and that is why I was cleaning it today, so my niece can sleep out there on Saturday when she comes, or if she comes, because if the weather is bad she won't come, and yeah, like just like about everyone else she thinks MB is adorable.
Phew.
Also, I was thinking back to when I was in high school and I had this strange attraction to girls who wore knee socks, but only dark blue knee socks and dark green knee socks, and yeah, I guess burgundy knee socks too, and there was one girl who wore them a lot, a girl that I had a crush on through most of high school, who I actually went out on a few dates with, ok, on a couple of dates with, and she saw the Beatles in concert in 1964, and the Rolling Stones in concert in 1965, and she actually met either Simon or Garkunkel at a party in 1966, then she married a guy in the retard navy right after high school in 1968, but I'm pretty sure she liked me better, at least in dreams she did, I just think she wanted to get married to get out of a bad family situation, because her parents were divorced, and her father was tyrannical, and her mother wanted to be her best friend, and her dog was retarded, and I've actually used retard or retarded twice in this post, and all of a sudden I've gotten very tired, so I guess this is it.

And the winner is ... Spliff the Wonder Dog!!!

It's midnight, and I'm tired, so I think I'll go to bed.
I have a dentist appointment tomorrow but I think I'll have to reschedule it because of the storm that has ripped through the heartland of our country.
It hasn't seemed so bad though.
Some snow, some wind, and a five second power outage earlier this evening.
Saturday I went out to stock up on provisions.
All I could think of to get were pickles and bread.
Then today before the storm started I went out shopping again, and bought lots of stuff.
I bought milk.
I bought tomato soup.
I bought crackers.
I bought frozen microwave breakfasts.
I bought hot dogs.
I bought hot dog buns.
I bought potato chips.
I bought ice cream.
I bought caffeine free diet Coke.
I think I bought some other things but I can't remember what they were.
Oh, I bought some medium size stretchable bowl covers from the dollar aisle, man, I love those things, and don't be fooled, the medium size is actually pretty big, and they are tinted blue.
Oh, I got my cell phone all set up, the pre-paid one, the kind where I don't have a ton of minutes, but it only costs about 8 dollars a month, and the minutes carry over, and it's a camera phone, except I can't download the pictures to my computer, so I contacted customer service by email, but I haven't heard back from them yet, and like I said I have limited minutes, so my brother in law calls me on the cell phone yesterday, and he wants to talk and talk and talk, and even if I had unlimited minutes my brother in law would be the last person in the world that I would want to use them on, the last person in the world except for maybe that guy who will be starring in the new Showtime series The Tudors which starts April 1st, and if you get Showtime you must be as tired as me at all the promos they have done for The Tudors, and just forget that I even mentioned The Tudors, but yeah, I finally cut my brother in law short by telling him that MB needed some help, and after he hung up I played all the dial tones over and over and over again before finally deciding to stay with the default dial tone, and so on and so forth.
So, I guess that was my weekend.

Gusting to 42 miles per hour

Ok, ok, ok, I haven't posted in awhile.
MB's first cataract surgery went super duper.
She is already driving me up the wall with comments such as:
Oh, look at the colors.
I can see the forest for the trees.
I didn't know your shirt was blue.
Yeah, right ma, give it a rest, will ya!
But yeah, everything is good.

And
I changed my telephone provider.
I'm with MCI now.
With a different plan.
200 long distance minutes a month, and all the other good stuff, and it's costing me half as much as I was paying with AT&T for unlimited long distance minutes, but hey, I don't make many long distance calls, so with the 40 bucks a month I am saving I've decided to get a cell phone, and I'll probably get a pre-paid one, through Alltel, which they say is the best for my area, I can get a phone for about 40 bucks, or a camera phone for about 70 bucks, and if I go with the one year thingie I can get 650 minutes, plus another 120 minutes if I activate the phone online, and seriously, that's a lot of minutes for me because, well because, I don't use the phone that
much, and the only thing I'm not decided on is whether to go with the camera phone or not, but I think I will, and I can't wait till they start offering the Maxwell Smart Shoe Phone, and I think that is it for now.
I'm still watching Oz and Carnivale on HBOZ, and did I mention that MB is driving me crazy being all perky, and enthusiastic and everything, and the zoloft is good except for the hot flashes at night, and I'm doing a salt water gargle which has helped my sinus, but ... the bathtub drain is running a little slow because of the cold weather, and it hasn't done that since that one year in the 90's when it was so cold that the water department asked me to keep at least one faucet running at all times so the pipes wouldn't freeze up, but they reimbursed me, and I only had to let the faucet run at a little more than a drip, and MB is actually looking forward to her second cataract surgery next Wednesday, and did I mention that I lost a filling while she was in surgery and I was snacking on something in the surgical waiting room, and I can't remember what I was snacking on, well, I can, but certain people will get upset if I mention what it was, so I won't mention it, and I guess that's it for now, oh, except that I made some pistachio pudding about an hour ago, and I'm positive that MB is going to be all
Ooooh, I didn't know pistachio pudding was soooooo green
And she is already trying to talk my brother in law into getting cataract surgery, even though as far as anybody knows he doesn't have cataracts.
Baby!!!

Teach your tech

I'm having hot flashes.
I think it might be the increased dosage of zoloft.
I think I might be Gordon Lightfoot pre-1969 version.
I'm going to watch television and groove to the flashes.

Mumble, mumble, mumble

Ok, I admit it. I haven't been feeling too good the last month or so.
Some of it is anxiety.
Some of it is sinus.
Some of it is just a general rundown feeling.
It's nothing all that serious, but yeah, I feel kind of crappy.
So crappy that even MB has noticed it, and she is concerned, which is nice, and she has started to ask me how I feel, which is also nice, but ...
It isn't nice when she bursts into my room at four in the morning and says:
MB: Are you feeling any better?
Me: It's four o'clock in the morning go to bed!!!
MB: What??? Are you feeling any better?
Me: It doesn't matter how I feel, it's four o'clock in the morning, go back to bed!!!
MB: Huh?
Me: Go back to bed!!! Look at the clock, what time does it say?
MB: Look at what?
Me: Ok, ok, I'm alright, now go back to bed!!!
MB: I was just wondering how you felt.
Me: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine, as fine as I can be at four o'clock in the morning!!!
(slight pause)
MB: I'm glad you hung those pictures in my room they look real nice.
Me: Mmmm
MB: I really like your rug. Did you buy it?
Me: Mmmmm, no I stole it!!!
MB: Ok, I'm going back to bad now, you sure you feel ok?
Me: Phewwwwwwww, yeah.
MB: Next time you go out get me a puzzle book, I like to work crossword puzzles.
Me: Can it wait till morning???
MB: Of course, it's four o'clock in the morning, I didn't expect you to go out now.
Me: ...

A little something I bet you didn't know

My grandmother, my father's mother, was very fertile.
She had three sets of twins.
The oldest set were two boys with one dying in infancy.
The second set was a set of stillborn girls.
The third set was my father and a stillborn girl.
So if you add those four to the nine children that she had that lived you have thirteen kids, and I'm not sure, but I think she may have had one or two other stillborn babies, and do they still use the term stillborn?
I think I would have made a great twin.

Sex, drugs, and the custom car show

It was 1968, and me, and R.U.B. Ronnie Brown, and Wesley from across the street were driving to the custom car show at Cobo Hall in downtown Detroit.
I was driving.
I was the only one who had a car.
It was a 1964 Burgundy Buick Skylark with black leather bucket seats.
Wesley from across the street was riding shotgun, and R.U.B. Ronnie Brown was in the back seat, and I don't know why we called him R.U.B. Ronnie Brown, we just did.
So, we were driving down I-94, or maybe it was I-96, or it might have been I-75, who can remember it was almost 40 years ago ...
Wesley from across the street reached into his shirt pocket and asked if anyone wanted a smoke, and we said ...
We got our own smokes what we need is pussssssssssssss-y,
Which was pretty much our standard reply to anything, and just think how much different all our lives might have been if we were actually getting some, but that's another story, and I'm already tired of this story, so I'm not going on to another story, or ...
You see, that's what happens every time sex enters into anything, you, or should I say I, lose all train of thought, and this was going to be a great post about how what WFATS pulled out of his shirt pocket wasn't a cigarette, but a joint, and I was going to relate a tale of magic and stuff about getting high for the first time while going 70 miles an hour down the interstate, and getting lost, and not really caring about getting lost, and how magically, and there's that word magic again, and how we magically, and miraculously ended up in the parking garage at Cobo Hall in time to see the custom car show, and you know, I never really cared anything about hot rods and custom cars, but R.U.B. and WFATS did, and like I said I had the car, and they talked me into going, and I'm glad I went, and remember this was 1968 and drugs weren't really rampant, but Wesley from across the streets sister was a hippie, and she gave WFATS the joint, and all the time we drove around lost on the interstate I thought for sure in my paranoid delusional mind that Penny, that was WFATS hippie sister, just gave us the joint so she could eventually get me hooked on heroin, which, despite what Lou Reed might think, is not nice ...
But that post just went to hell when ahhhh sex reared it's ugly head.
I'm going to bed.
Goodnight.
Ok, I'm going to run spellcheck first, and then I'm going to bed, ok, I might have something to drink first, and then I'm going to bed, and I'll probably watch Oz and I'll most assuredly watch Carnivale because I am totally hooked on Carnivale, and not just because of Clea Duvall, who by the way, is probably the sexiest looking ugly woman in the world, and did I really just say that, and is it Duval or Duvall, and is she gay or is she straight, and is it ok to call lesbians gay ...
Oh, and don't forget Adrienne Barbeau who despite pushing 60, or maybe because she is pushing 60 is, or has become, one hot looking babe, at least from where I'm standing.
Ohhhhhhhhh, and don't forget the Siamese twin sisters!!!
Or the bearded lady?
Or Clea Duvall's or Duval's comatose mother.
And there's that sex thing again.
Goodnight.
For real this time.

Before he was a doughnut he was a hell of a hockey player

About a month and a half ago I entered a contest sponsored by Raymi the Minx called "Write A Post Like Raymi". There were prizes for the top three entries. The first prize was a copy of her book Marketable Depression. The second prize was a once opened CD by Justin Timberlake. The third prize was something to be decided by Raymi that she hadn't yet decided on.
Here is my entry.
I won second place, and yeah, I know I should have won first place, but picking a winner is pretty subjective, so I'm happy with second, happy except for the prize being a once opened Justin Timberlake CD, so I contacted Raymi and asked if I could have the third place prize instead of the second place prize and she said no problem and that she didn't think I'd want the once opened Justin Timberlake CD ...
Ok, I have a confession to make here. I already have the once opened Justin Timberlake CD, but I didn't pay for it, and I've never listened to it, I illegally downloaded it for a friend and I just haven't gotten around to deleting it from my hard drive yet, but I have to admit that he is kind of cute in a potential prison bitch kind of way.
So anyway, I received my third place prize of something to be decided on that Raymi had yet decided on today, and yeah, well yeah, here's a picture of my prize(s-s-s-s-s) and yeah, um yeah, this is just about perfect.
Thanks Raymi, I really love it.



Raymi the Minx button on my Beatles cap



An audio post describing my prize.

My last dozen or so comments on buzznet

boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:42 PM [view in context]
If I didn't have to walk or feed it I'd like another dog, oh yeah, and if I didn't have to take it to the vet's too.
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:38 PM [view in context]
Outside the synagogue there's a flower ...
Now if i was Dan Fogelberg I'd have the rest of the song written in an hour or two, if I knew who Dan Fogelberg was.
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:35 PM [view in context]
I need to watch me a good zombie flic.
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:34 PM [view in context]
Whoa Nellie!!!
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:34 PM [view in context]
Most excellent ring
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:32 PM [view in context]
Same to ya toots.
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:32 PM [view in context]
Tangerine Dream
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:33 PM [view in context]
Lame comment I know, but I've been sick.
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:31 PM [view in context]
I want a chair like that, I refuse to say the word stool.
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:28 PM [view in context]
I think that's my nephew's car.
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:27 PM [view in context]
The black car to the right of the woodie is the same type of car I rode from the hospital in after I was born, or maybe it was before I was born, it was so long ago.
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:23 PM [view in context]
I want the woman who fits those shoes.
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:22 PM [view in context]
I feel so insignificent now.
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:21 PM [view in context]
What the Valentineous dvl just said.
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:20 PM [view in context]
If that is your house I like it. If it isn't your house I still like it.
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:19 PM [view in context]
We got about two inches here, but it is colder than (fill in the blank).
boz48730: 02/14/2007 4:06 PM [view in context]
La di dah, la di dah.

Sometimes

I was about to thank a lady for holding a door open for me today when she let it go and it almost hit me in the face.

I now have four different browswers.
I did have five, but I uninstalled Netscape.

But Ken, why do you have four browsers.
Maybe it's because I am anal retentive.

I am watching the movie You Me and Everyone We Know and it's the part where the little boy is in a chat room and he is talking about poop.

I am really bored.

And did I just call myself Ken a few sentences back?

Did I tell you I am really bored.

I just finished drinking half a glass of caffeine free Coke, and then I burped, not a loud obnoxious burp, just a normal run of the mill I just finished drinking a half a glass of caffeine free Coke a little too fast burp, and there, I just burped again.

So I guess this was just an update of my Claire Danes so called life.

It's fab, it's gear, it's mod ... it's the Beatles in A Hard Days Journey Into Night

A Hard Days Night is on tv later on tonight.
The first time I saw it was back in 1964 in Mt. Clemens Michigan, at either the Jewel or the Macomb.
I saw it with my parents.
It wasn't my idea to go see it, but I was thirteen years old, so I went.
It was on a double bill.
Most theaters showed two features back then.
A new release, and an older, or a b movie.
I'm not real sure what the other movie was.
It might have been West Side Story, or it might have been one of the Frankie and Annette Beach Party movies.
A Hard Days Night was in black and white.
It was hard to understand because the British accents were very thick.
I think John was the hardest to understand.
I thought Ringo was a chump.
Paul was very peppy.
George was my favorite because he played guitar, and was the quiet one with a sly sense of humor, and even though I didn't play guitar I wanted to, and I was quiet with a sly sense of humor too.
During the intermission between the movies they played the song Because by the Dave Clark Five over the sound system.
That's about all I remember about it.
I think my dad kind of liked it.
I'm not too sure about my mom though.

Things go better with other things

I sort of half way watched a couple of movies tonight, but mostly I was just chillin' like Magellan, and eating pudding, and french fries, and drinking Diet Code Red Mountain Dew, and Caffeine Free Diet Coke, and I think I ran the dishes through the dishwasher, and I had to make some more pudding, because MB likes pudding, and I ate the last of the last of the last, and now there's another movie on starring Dennis Leary, and yeah, they still let Dennis Leary make movies, and if I had my way I wouldn't even let Dennis Leary watch movies.

When life imitates cartoons

I swear to god I saw Cotton Hill at the barber shop today, he was short, and had white hair, and he was even wearing a USMC field jacket ...



And he was standing next to Jimmy Carter, and Hank Hill too.

That lady at the supermarket

I stood in line behind an annoying Asian lady at the supermarket this afternoon.
She had a fifty dollar bill in her hand.
She was short in stature.
She unloaded one item at a time and made sure she double checked each item.
She had past due coupons.
She wouldn't admit they were past due.
She questioned the cashier numerous times.
She bought a tiny watermelon.
She bought a lot of Stouffer's frozen items.
She wore a funny hat.
She hummed along with the muzak playing in the background.
She bought buy one get one free items, but she got the wrong size.
She turned around and smiled an I'm sorry I'm taking so long smile.
She asked me if I had seen The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants.
She wasn't happy that the cashier bagged her groceries in paper.
She grabbed a plastic bag and stuck her tiny melon in it.
She checked and re-checked her cash register receipt.
She walked away mumbling something.
She bought a mega million lottery ticket.
The end

Mental health update

I took a zantac, and a shower, and I surfed some porn, that seemed to help some. I bet a finger down the throat would help, but I don't want to start up with that.

Things that I hate

1. Making posts like the last one.
2. Freezing cold sub-zero weather, which is what we are having now.
3. When my nose hairs get too long.
4. Sweating for no reason at all.
5. Throwing up, I really really hate throwing up.
6. Japanese porn.
7. Popular movies.
8. Struggling to get out of bed.
9. All of the hosts on all of the shows on all of the cable news networks.
10. People who stretch out their 15 minutes of fame for an hour or two.

Saturday night is here again

Ok, I'm sick tonight, and I'm not kidding around this time.
My head hurts, my sinuses are stuffed up, my throat is raw, my stomach is upset, and the thing is, I don't know if I'm sick because I'm sick or because I'm just nervous.
I'm nervous because I finally realized that MB's well being depends on me, and only me, and that's a lot of responsibility, and I have avoided responsibility all my life, and I don't know if I am up to it, ok, I can do it, and I will do it, be responsible, and I think the real cause of my nervousness is because no matter what I do it won't be enough, but still ...
I'm going to go lay down now.
Be back later, I'm sure.

Scheduled outage at 11AM PST

It's Friday night, and it's cold, and I'm listening to the MC5, and I'm not going anywhere, because it's cold, and Perchville USA is tomorrow, but I'm not going, because it will be even colder, and here's a picture of a naked lady.



I like her shoes, they look sort of like a pair of shoes, that belonged to a pair of feet, that belonged to a pair of legs, that belonged to a woman I knew, but only up to a point, because, seriously, how well can you actually know someone, and the Human Being Lawnmower goes:
Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop ...

More songs

Dirty Deeds and they're done for me

I'm too tired to make this post, and dammit, I don't want to sleep all day tomorrow like I did today.
I'll let you know tomorrow how I make out at not sleeping all day.
It's late.
I'm tired.
I'm going to bed.
I'll probably watch a movie.
I'll probably try to convince myself that I won't sleep all day, but you know, with the new electric blanket I just bought the other day it is just so easy to roll over again and again and go back to sleep.
Seriously though, I really do plan on getting up earlier tomorrow.
Honest.
I mean it this time.
For real.
I hear you laughing.
Stop it.
I mean it.
I really do.
Ok, time for the movie that I said I thought I might watch.
I'll let you know what happened tomorrow MORNING!

Some songs

If I lived somewhere else I'd be there by now

I'm thinking about starting a new blog and calling it the Wendall Shin and Jesus Blog.
What do you think?

What is wrong with this picture?



What is wrong with this life?
What is wrong with that person who stared at me at Burger King?
What is wrong?
What is wrong?
What is wrong, or better yet, what is right?

FemHyg products

I asked MB if she wanted anything from the store tonight, and she asked me to pick up a box of Kotex ...
KOTEX!!!
MB has never ever ever said that word to me in my life!!!
Ok, I'm not an expert on these things, but she's 85 years old, and I'm pretty sure she, well, I'm pretty sure she stopped needing (HmmHmm)tex about thirty years or so ago.
And yeah, MB's mind is wandering a little bit more now, and yeah, this might have been an example of that, but then she said that she wanted the (HmmHmm)tex as a little added protection when she goes to the doctor's next week.
Then ...
Then ...
Then, I had to ask her if she wanted pads or what???
I wasn't even sure if they still made pads, but hey, I was flying blind here.
Yeah, pads.
That's it.
I will never discuss this again.

The one after one thousand and one

I've got this kind of rhythm going in my head tonight.
Sort of a clackety clackety clack clack clack sort of thing.
It's very invigorating, it's very stimulating, it's very ...
It's very I want to stay up all night and do things sort of thing thing thing.
Because you don't often get this rhythm, this syncopation, this beat, this feeling and it would be a shame to waste it watching tv, or reading, or thinking, or plotting, or scheming, or sleeping, or beating off, or beating off, or beating off, or whatever whatever whatever.
But I will.

$4.99

When I walked into the pizza parlor today a young girl in a baggy shirt and pants and covered in flour waited on me.
She had fly away hair and a cute smile and as she walked back to the kitchen with my order she started bopping along to the country music station that was blaring from the dining room speakers, and I thought to myself I wonder what her friends would think if they only knew.

My eclectic blanket beckons, doo dah

So, there's a documentary about Charles Bukowski that comes on in about an hour on one of the premium cable channels.
I guess I'll watch it.
I mean, I've read some stuff by him, and it's pretty good.
I mean, I'm not a devotee, are there two e's in devotee, or am I hallucinating again?
Like I said, I've read some of his stuff, and oh yeah, I saw him give a reading when I was in college back in about 1974 or 75. The reading I almost skipped because I wanted to go to the student union and play pin ball, and I'm sort of glad I didn't skip it, because now 30 years later I can tell people that I saw Charles Bukowski give a reading, and it doesn't matter that I don't remember too much about it, and didn't he used to work at the post office, and didn't I once put in an application at the post office, but when it came time to take the test I decided to go back to college instead in the off chance that one day I would get to see Charles Bukowski give a reading.
But yeah, Bukowski was ok, but I can name tons of guys that I liked betterererer.
Vonnegut, or however he spells his name today.
Heller ...
Ok, I can't think of a ton of guys, but seriously, there are a ton of them, and did Neal Cassady ever write anything, and if he did should I have read it.
Ok, here's another one ...
The good Doctor Hunter S. Thompson.
And yeah, Kerouac too, and a lot of people don't like Kerouac, at least a lot of people I know, but I just don't why, he's not my favorite, but I like him
Oh yeah ...
Evelyn Waugh, the British guy, yeah, he's a guy, and you know he had to take a lot of shit with a name like that.
Ok ...
Huxley too, but that's an easy one
And Orwell, because you can't say Huxley without mentioning Orwell
And have you ever read In Cold Blood by Capote?
Well, yeah, I know, it's Capote, but you should still read it, go ahead, I can wait.
But you know, I never liked Faulkner, I guess I'm just not into cow fucking.
Ohhhh, Nathaniel West, yeah, Miss Lonelyhearts and Day of the Locust, all you So Cal people have to read Day of the Locust, because the Day ... of ... the ... Locust ... is coming.
Anyway, I guess that's it for now.
Oh, and John Irving, and Thomas Wolfe, and that guy from the Pacific Northwest that wrote One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Next, and I really should know his name, and yeah, he hung out with Neal Cassady back in the Merry Prankster days of the mid 60's, and, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, the 60's, need I say more.

If you can read this you're too damn close

It's weird.
I get up, I do stuff, the same stuff, I go to bed, I get up, I do stuff, the same stuff and I go to bed.
Is that it?
The same stuff for the rest of my life?
Don't I have anything to look forward to, just get up, do stuff, the same stuff, and then go to bed?
I want my money back, or my life, or my sanity, or my ...
What a gyp.

Homo sapiens and other topics of the day

Ok, I'm going to be watching this movie in a half hour, so you kids better keep the noise down.
Other than that, this has been a pretty boring weekend.
I did make pudding though.
I also bought a half gallon of Death By Chocolate ice cream.
And ...
Ok, it's not actually called death by chocolate
It's actually
Chocolate ice cream
Miniature peanut butter cups
And
Peanut butter swirls.
And ...
I've been eating a lot of bbq chips lately.
It's funny how you get those cravings every once in awhile, isn't it.
And by a lot, I mean two bags in a week, it's not like I'm pulling a Brian Wilson here.

I don't think that Gabbly chat thing is going to stay in the side bar much longer either.
It irritates me ...
IRRITATES ME!!!

In other news, the movie starts in 15 minutes.

I'd better hit the fridge, because it's going to be a long movie.

WTF!!!

My niece doesn't have much computer savvy.
She has my old computer, which is still running Windows 95, at home, and at work she only has access to an email account.
So, anyway, I occasionally email at her work address where I send her pictures and we bad mouth other family members.
Last night I emailed her about a crazy thing that my sister, her aunt, said, and at the end I said:
WTF is up with that?
Today she emailed me back and asked if WTF meant what she thought it meant, and I told her that yeah it probably did, so all day today she was emailing me with
WTF this
and
WTF that
and
WTF this again
and
WTF that again
and
WTF
Ad Infinitum

What do you do when it's too cold to do anything?

It's 6 degrees below zero and it's too cold to do anything.
What should I do?

It's I love the 80's week on The Grand Ennui, sponsored by the US Army, and Massengale Douche

So, I'm going to watch the movie Videodrome in about a half hour.
I'll probably eat some BBQ chips and drink a diet coke too.
I haven't seen Videodrome in over twenty years, and I am afraid I didn't appreciate it for what it was back then. All I was looking for were Deborah Harry's tits, and if I remember right they weren't featured in the movie, and that is why I didn't appreciate it, and isn't James Woods some kind of batshit crazy, and I don't just mean in this movie, I mean in everyday life, and I remember reading once somewhere that he had about the biggest penis in Hollywood, but that's just something I read, maybe I'll Google James Woods Penis and see what I come up with.

Is that your tongue in your mouth or are you just glad to see me

A week or so ago Kat made her first post in a couple of months and I commented with what both of us consider
THE
BEST
COMMENT
EVER
When I said:
It must be hell trying to take dictation when they start talking in tongues.

I'm walking here, I'm walking here.

So, I've felt crappy, and tired, and bored, and depressed, and sleepy, and worried, and relieved, and crappy, and crappy, and crappy, and a little bit constipated.

At eight tonight I had the choice of watching Midnight Cowboy, The Hills Have Eyes II, or Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, and I watched Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. I missed the first ten minutes because I was channel surfing for something better, but that was alright because I saw most of the first half hour of TSOTP last night, and yeah, I teared up some when Tibby found out the little blonde girl had leukemia, and really, it wasn't such a bad movie, but it might have been better if they had called it the Midnight Cowboy of the Travelling Pants, and had Joe Buck, and Ratso Rizzo in the place of the soccer girl and the Greek girl, because even though they were the two cutest of the sisterhood they were also the most boring, and I guess that's all I have to say about that, except for the fact that I remembered that the emo girl was named Tibby without looking it up, and that the soccer girl was Britney, and the Greek girl was Lena, and the Puerto Rican girl was Carmen, also without looking it up, and really there's nothing wrong with that, is there?

My two sides fighting against each other

I keep switching back and forth between the football game and the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

If my feet weren't cold it would be a whole different story

I didn't make the bed today, and I didn't shave either, and my feet are cold.
I've had sort of a sort of cold, or cold like symptoms today, but I took some Tylenol Flu and some Nyquil earlier, and I feel a lot better, and I'll probably be taking another dose of both within the next hour, and really that's all I have.
Oh, remind me the next time I decide to go tracking through the snow to take pictures, remind me NOT to do it.

There are lots of things I should be reminded of, but they've slipped my mind.

The bird that mocks me just peeped from the other room, it's about time that I covered her cage, the cage that you should have reminded me to clean today, but I didn't, and I promise to clean it tomorrow, and to vacuum, and to wash two loads of clothes, and to fold three loads of clothes, and to figure out some kind of non-fat meal for MB's dinner tomorrow night, and does soup have fat in it ...



My shadow in the snow taking a picture of one of the frozen parts of the Au Sable river, which is the reason that I have cold like symptoms, and cold like feet too.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH, there, now I feel better

Back from the doctor's.
It might be acid reflux, it might a couple of other things.
Monday morning MB has to get an upper GI, an ultrasound of her stomach and some blood work ... MONDAY FREAKIN' MORNING!!!
She has two more prescriptions.
They are both for stomach, heartburn, indigestion, nausea, etc.
One she takes twice a day.
The other she takes with meals and before bed time.
The one she takes with meals has to cut in half, and it's so small it isn't scored, so I had to go out and buy a pill cutter.

MB's mouth almost wrote a couple of checks that her butt couldn't cash in the waiting room of the doctor's office.
When the somewhat hefty receptionist was walking away after getting MB's signature on some kind of medical form MB asked:
Is she pregnant?
Luckily, the non pregnant, but hefty receptionist didn't hear her, at least I don't think she heard her.
Later on, a man, or maybe it was a woman, came in and sat down, and I was confused whether it was a man or a woman, and I thought to myself I hope MB doesn't make a comment.
When the man, or woman took his, or her coat off it was evident that it was a woman, and yeah MB asked me, right in front of the manly woman:
Is that a man or a woman?
All I could do was place my finger in front of my mouth and go shhhhhhhhhhhh, but I'm pretty sure that the manly woman heard her.

So yeah, I guess this has ended up being an arghhhhhhhhhhhhh kind of day.

Too much monkey business for me to be involved in

I've got to take MB to the doctor's tomorrow afternoon.
She isn't really sick, but she has been throwing up, but not really constant violent spasmodic upchucks, it's more errrrrp, and then some phlegm, and then she feels better again, but there was one where it looked like she threw a bowl of tomato soup on the floor, but that was mostly because it was tomato soup, but like I said it's mostly errrrrp and bam it's over, and like I said, she really isn't sick ... ish, and it hasn't made her lose her appetite, and it hasn't stopped her from doing all those little things she does that aggravate me to no end, but it's still a good idea that she goes to the doctor tomorrow, and she's going to be a real pain in the ass until we're finished there.

In other news, my sister, who is 65 just had cataract surgery performed on both her eyes, and now MB is determined that she is going to have cataract surgery on her eyes, I mean she won't let it rest, ok, she does have cataracts because about five years ago she had the screening down at the eye doctor's, and I don't mean the eye doctor who works at the Vision Center in the local strip mall, I mean the guy who went to doctor school and everything, and majored in eyes, and this is the guy she is going to see again next Tuesday, and I hope for his sake that he agrees that she needs cataract surgery because she may rip him a new one if he doesn't, but damn, she's 85 years old and I don't need this grief!

N stands for more than just narcolepsy

The free Evil Boz 16x20 inch poster I got when I bought my new camera.



Free except for the $5.00 s&h, and the $4.00 frame, and the $???.?? camera.

It sort of looks like
BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU
Doesn't it.

Selling my soul for a year

I got a letter from my cable company as I was walking out the door today.
Right now I am getting channels 2-78 and 3 meg internet access.
The letter offered me a one year deal where I could go up to digital cable featuring all the premium movie channel tiers for eight dollars more a month if I called their 800 number.
Sounded like a deal to me ... all the premium movie channel tiers.

All the HBOs ... yep.
All the Cinemaxes ... yep.
All the Starz ... yep.
All the Starz Encores ... yep.
All the Showtimes ... yep.
And
All the TMCs ... yep.

Yeah, sounded like a real good deal to me.

I decided to call the 800 number when I got home and set up an appointment, but while I was out it came to me that I would be driving right by the cable tv office, and I could just stop in and see if they could give me the same deal as the 800 number, because sometimes the right hand doesn't know what the left handed is doing in the cable industry, if you know what I mean.

I stopped at the cable office and showed them the letter and asked if they could do the deal for me, and she got on her computer and did a lot of typing, and said yeah, she could do it.
So, she brought out the digital cable box and the remote control, and I thought to myself cool I don't have to set up an appointment for a service guy to come out I can do this myself.
She then went into a long blahhhhhhhhh about how to hook everything up, and from experience I know not to pay any attention to the long blahhhhhhhh, because the long blahhhhhhhhhhh is usually all wrong (and it WAS all wrong), and besides I was too busy trying to look down her blouse, and how can I be expected to do two things at once anyway, and then as she was getting the computer print out for me to sign agreeing to all of this she told me that she got me an even better deal than the eight dollars more a month ...
SHE GOT ME A DEAL (AND YOU KNOW I DON'T USE CAPITAL LETTERS UNLESS THEY ARE REALLY CALLED FOR), SHE GOT ME A DEAL FOR SEVEN DOLLARS LESS THAN I AM ALREADY PAYING!!!

Huh???
Yeah, I didn't understand it either. I'll be getting digital cable and all the premium movie tiers, plus everything I am already getting and ...
I'LL BE PAYING (AGAIN WITH THE CAPITALS) SEVEN DOLLARS A MONTH LESS THAN I AM ALREADY PAYING, AND THE RATE IS LOCKED IN FOR A YEAR!!!

So, don't be bothering me tonight at 9:00 PM eastern because I'll be watching the first episode of the rebroadcast of season six of the Sopranos.

Oh, yeah, I get all those crappy music channels too.

Snow pictures

And how come every time I stop to take a picture a line of real old guys who can barely see over the steering wheel of their 1997 Cadillacs pull up behind me and give me dirty looks, like they've got any place they have to be in the next ten years?

Give me fire and I will rule the world

We're supposed to get a shitload of snow, so I went out and bought a shitload of stuff earlier today, and none of the shitload of stuff I bought would help in an emergency, but I just had to get out and act like I was preparing for the nuclear winter.
I ended up buying 2 twelve packs of Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper because it was buy one get one free, and then I bought a twelve pack of Caffeine Free Diet Coke that wasn't buy one get one free, and then I bought two cans of Glade Air Freshener which was buy one get one free with a coupon, and then I bought some kind of Glade carpet fresh crap which was also buy one get one free with a coupon, and I bought some other stuff too, I bought a tiny little bottle of British Sterling cologne, and a couple of packs of Sharpie markers, and they were both 75% off, oh yeah, and I bought two packs of store brand Depends for MB, so I guess I actually did get something that was a necessity.

And now I am listening to Patti Smith.



Patti Smith, Punk Poet of the People in all of her alliterative glory.

And was this post even worth writing?
And I've got some of that room freshener on my hand.
And it smells like like some kind of unbrella drink.
And I can spell alliterative but not umbrella.
Anyone for Yahtzee?
Or tennis?
Or gelatin, there's always room for gelatin.
Or ...
I think I'm going to check and see if it has started snowing.
I can't tell, but it doesn't look like it.
I'm stumped for an ending.

Not another teen movie

Gabcast! This is H.G. Wells signing off

America: sex, murder, madness, and the best damned ice cream in the world

So, I tried to watch football today.



I mean, I used to be a really big sports fan. I'd get nervous and stuff before an important game, and I'd get in on football pools, but blahhhhhhh, even writing this post about how I used to be a really big sports fan is putting me to sleep.

I'd rather write about getting high on Saturday night back in the 70's, or anything back in the 70's, everything was so much clearer back in the 70's, ok, if you were high things weren't that clear, but you know the 70's were a much clearer decade, wait a second, I'm thinking of the 50's, yeah, the 50's were a much clearer decade, I must have been stoned when I said that the 70's were a much clearer decade, and actually I liked the 60's better than I liked either the 50's or the 70's, and it's not just because I was young, because I was young in the 70's too, and really young in the 50's, but the 50's, I mean, everyday in the 50's we'd wake up thinking that the Soviets were one day closer to bombing the ever loving shit out of us, and you know by the 60's we were more worried about Vietnam than we were about the Soviets, and I mean really if you were a teenage guy back in the 60's Vietnam was your number one concern, that and getting laid, ok, getting laid was your number one concern and then Vietnam, but where was I, oh yeah, Vietnam and the teenage male of the American species.
Can you sense that I am slowly psyching myself up into writing a really virulent anti-war post?
That's all I have to say, really.
For now!!!

People have never understood the real me

Ten questions from Melissa.

1. What is your favorite word?
Umbrage.
2. What is your least favorite word?
Snot.

Contemplative

3. What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]?
Beautiful, and I don't mean it in a purely physical way, women.
4. What turns you off?
Loud, obnoxious people.
5. What is your favorite curse word?
Jesus Fuck.

Snobbish

6. What sound or noise do you love?
Thunder late at night when I am half asleep.
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
The telephone

Mock Humility

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Late night disc jockey.
9. What profession would you not like to do?
Anything where you have to sell yourself.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
I'm out of here, take over.

I dreamt last night that I was married and had a retarded baby and that's why I don't want to go to bed tonight.

I was eating popcorn and watching Escape From Alcatraz, but I got bored, I usually get bored watching movies, I usually get bored doing anything.



Maybe I should just become a celebrity, or have a sex change, or have a celebrity sex change ...
I didn't mean that part about the sex change, I was just rambling on, and trying to think of something to write, and I don't want to be a celebrity either, because then I might have to be on one of those reality shows on A&E, or Bravo, or ...
And am I the only one who remembers when A&E and Bravo were kind of classy channels?
But, yeah, or VH1, or MTV, or anyway, I don't want to be a celebrity either, but if I were a celebrity, and I did have to have a reality show I think I would like it to be called Boz and the Fetish Models, and the premise would be me and a bunch of fetish models living in a big house, or dungeon, yeah, a dungeon, and each week we would do stuff in the dungeon, or the sauna, or the jacuzzi, or the dungeon, or in the game room, or the dungeon, and I would be in charge of the keys, and the stuff that the keys lock and unlock, because after all, the show would be called BOZ and the Fetish Models.

Flickr tag nipple

Originally uploaded by Scots Snapper.

So yeah, I just finished eating three quarters of a bag of Hershey Kissables, and I just lost all track of time, and I just sort of surfed into flickr, and I used nipple as a search word, and this is what I came up with, and you have to admit that she is kind of hot with her one nipple sort of peeking out like that, and I wonder if she, or someone she knew actually posted this picture on flickr, and yeah, sometimes I wonder about things like that, when I'm not busy worrying about global warming, or cheese, and I wish my nickname was Scots Snapper.

It's an acquired taste yet the big fool says to march on

So ...



I didn't plan to do anything today, but I got a haircut, and I spent about 18 dollars from my gift card on disposable razors, antiperspirant, and 75% off after xmas clearance items, and when I got home from doing that my new camera was here, on the porch, in a box, which was in another box, and there might have been one more box, but I'm not too sure, because I was pretty excited, but still a little bit intimidated by the new camera, because it has all sorts of dials, and buttons, and clicky things, and one of those lenses that goes way out when you turn on, or as us professional photographers like to say, when we boot up the camera, and I'm pretty tired right now, because of the camera knowledge I had to aquire, and I think something is wrong with spellcheck on new blogger, and I'm not sure if aquire is spelled aquire or acquire, and I can't think of another word to use in the place of aquire, but I do know for a fact that u follows q except in Iraq where we continue to follow Bush into an untenable quagmire.
Thank you.

Things that appear out of nowhere in the morning

I woke up with a totally obnoxious hard-on this morning.
I'd post a picture but I don't want to spoil the illusion.

Another day and another day I didn't die

I guess that about says it all.



Another time I was almost killed.

Not to long after I was discharged from the air force I was sitting on my parents front porch, because I was still living with them, and it was summer time, and from out of the blue Wesley from across the street walks up, it was out of the blue because the last I had heard Wesley from across the street was serving a six year hitch in the navy where he was supposed to be doing something with submarines and nuclear shit, and if you knew Wesley from across the street nuclear is something you wouldn't want him to be involved with, anyway, it turns out that Wesley from across the street just couldn't cut it in the navy and they gave him a genereal discharge after about 14 months and 75 acid trips, but hey, I'm not here to judge Wesley from across the street, I mean, I had known Wesley from across the street practically all my life and we had been off and on best friends since we were about ten years old.
So, Wesley from across the street comes over, and after we finished with the ...
Whoa dudes
and
Other pleasantries
We decided that we should go fishing in the morning.

Sorry, I lost my train of thought for a minute. Lou Reed is singing Take a Walk on the Wild Side, and the colored girls are just starting to ...
Do do do do do do do do

So yeah, we went fishing the next day, we took Wesley from across the streets little red convertible Triumph sports car that was missing the hood, and the missing hood was a real pain in the ass because whenever we went to the local topless bar someone would always fuck with the alternator or the distributor and Wesley from across the street would have to get a screwdriver and a pair of pliers out of the glove box and piddle away till he fixed whatever it was that needed fixing.

Yeah, we drove out to one of the not so local inland lakes and rented a row boat and fished, and drank beer, and fished, and drank beer, and we probably lit one or two up, and it was really sunny, and the fish were biting, and we took off our shirts and got sunburned, and there were lots of girls in bikinis, and bikinis were different back then, you saw a lot more hip bone than you do now ...
But that's a story for another time.

So we fished until we ran out of bait and beer and decided to come home.
So we hopped on I-75 with the top down and headed home.
And the beer, and the sun, and getting up way too early in the morning was starting to take effect on me.

Yeah, so, I'm starting to doze, then jerking awake, starting to doze, then jerking awake, starting to doze, then jerking awake ...

Then in a flash of sudden lucidity I realized that we were heading straight for one of those concrete underpasses, overpasses, whateverpasses abutments, then I looked over at Wesley from across the street and he was sound asleep, so I reached over grabbed the wheel and Wesley from across the street let out a
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK
And slammed on the brakes
And we shimmied
And we shook
And we went up over the shoulder
And we kicked up a lot of gravel
And we stopped
We stopped
We stopped
And we were alive
We were still alive
And we sat there for awhile
Just to make sure we were still alive
Then Wesley from across the street started the car up and we sort of crawled to the next exit, and then took the secondary roads home without further incident.
Amen

The ghost under my bed says to say hello

I had a drink last night.



It was pretty good.
I might have another one tonight.
I might not.
It's 6:23 in the morning.
I need to go back to bed.
I'm going to vacuum behind the couch today, not now, but later today.
I cleaned the birdcage yesterday.
I mopped the kitchen floor too.
Yeah, I finally got around to it.
I went grocery shopping yesterday.
Milk was on sale for 99 cents a half gallon, and bread was two loaves for a dollar.
I also bought some Popsicles and a five quart bucket of vanilla ice cream.
I didn't buy a lot.
I think I spent about ten dollars at both the stores that I went to.
That would be ten dollars at each store for a total of twenty dollars.
I am going to buy a bandanna today.
I also plan on cleaning out my bedroom closet and throwing away all the old clothes that I haven't worn for a long time.
That will give me room to buy new clothes that I won't wear for a long time.
I have three monitors and my last computer in my closet.
My last computer doesn't work, but the monitors all work, but I think one of them is about to go ppppp-ffffffffut.
I have planned to get my old computer repaired since the day it went on the blink.
It's been two and a half years since it went on the blink, and every day I still plan on getting it repaired.
It's a nice computer.
It wouldn't take much to fix it, at least this is what I tell myself.
No parts, just labor.
It's a long story on how it broke but not very interesting.
It's still dark out so I am going back to bed.
The pump don't work
Cause the vandals
Took
The
Handle.

A Slovenian, a Croat, and a diabetic walk into a bar ...

Crap, I feel like pulling an all nighter.
I've been listening to the Kinks, and Joan Baez, and some low down Dirty Blues, and I watched a Slovenian movie, which was actually quite good, and I've ate a lot of 75% off after Xmas chocolate, and I drank one too many Diet Mountain Dew Code Reds, and I shaved, but that was a long time ago, it was today, but it was a long time ago, and I slept till 2:30 in the afternoon, but I've already posted about that, and my fingers are literally flying across the keyboard, and my breath could be a bit fresher, and I've been watching Bettie Page videos on You Tube, and my head feels numb, and I feel hip, and cool, and urbane, no wait, I feel the opposite of urbane ...
I am Boz the Anti-Urbane!!!
And I've got a little itch behind my right ear, and a slight chill in my arms, and a needle in my haystack, and more hair on my chest than I have on my legs, and remember how I mentioned Joan Baez at the start of this post, well, I hate to admit it, but she is one damn fine looking woman, and I don't mean 40 years ago when she was young, I mean now when she is not so young, and yeah, she was a damn fine looking woman 40 years ago too, and really, today is the first time I ever noticed it, and if she were to come up to me right now and ask me for a ride to into town, I'd do it, well, I'd probably want to brush my teeth first, but I'd do it, and I wouldn't even mention Bob Dylan's name once, and now I'm starting to get weak, and it must be a bitch to be diabetic, and have you ever heard the story, which I am sure is an urban legend, about the little girl who was diabetic and went into a diabetic comma, or coma, after she found her non-diabetic siblings Easter candy and ... well, yeah, there's always an and, but yeah, I think my mother repeated that story every year around Easter time, as she shook her head and clucked her tongue about the irony of it all.
Bam!!!
I just hit the wall.
Goodnight.

Does the carpet match the curtains?

I don't know, but I think part of the appeal of Bettie Page is that a lot of her photographs look like they could have been taken in our living room back in the fifties.

No football, now, or ever, unless it is topless Playboy Bunny two had touch, but really, not even then, because Playboy Bunnies are PLASTIC

Weird day, weird fucking day.
I slept till 2:30 this afternoon, not because I was bored, and not because I was depressed, but just because every time I woke up I rolled over and fell back to sleep.
When I finally rolled over and didn't fall back to sleep I convinced myself that I should get up and mop the kitchen floor, but when I got up out of bed I guess I had been sleeping so long that my back was hurting. I mean it was really hurting, like in I couldn't stand up straight hurting. So I took a couple of Tylenol, and washed up and got dressed and decided to go out instead, and honestly, I really wanted to mop the floor, but there was no way, I mean it, no way that I could do it with my back hurting like it was.
So, like I said I went out, and just drove for awhile, and then stopped and got a coke, and then came home, and I don't know what happened, maybe the Tylenol took effect, or maybe being forced to sit up straight while driving around, or maybe it was just a MIRACLE, but when I got home my back wasn't hurting anymore, but ehhhh, I was out of the mopping the floor mood, and it's strange because I have all this energy right now, which I think is from the Diet Mountain Dew Code Red I just drank, I have all this energy right now, all this energy which if properly harnessed could be used to mop the kitchen floor, but seriously, I could be Mr Clean right now, and there is no way I would, would instead of could like earlier today when I couldn't mop the floor because my back hurt, mop the floor.
So I think I'll just go abuse myself, I mean since I already wear glasses what could it hurt.

Get me out of here, and I mean now!

I am way too impulsive.

Tuesday I was all gung-ho about getting another tattoo, but I couldn't find anything I liked, so I put that on hold.

Thursday I bought a new camera (((poof))) just like that, out of the blue, I saw it, I wanted it, so I got it, so what if it cost too much money, it was on sale and I got it for too much money minus seventy dollars, with a 1 gig memory card, and a 16x20 inch poster size print, and free shipping, for, well, for free, but you could probably tell that the shipping was free when I said it was free shipping, what I meant was the 1 gig memory card and the 16x20 inch print were also free, and seriously, I don't see how people can make any money when they are practically paying me to buy these things, even though it was too much money for me to spend.

Today I woke up and decided I wanted another parakeet, so I got all cleaned up, and shaved, and dressed and stuff and drove up to the pet store, and I'm serious I was going to buy another parakeet, but they only had one, and it was HUGE, I mean it was ten times as big as the parakeet I have now, and this bird was only a few months old, and my bird is about six years old, and no, I wasn't looking at a parrot by mistake, it was a real honest to goodness parakeet that just happened to be so big that it could have been like one of those freaky animal mutations from a 50s b-movie sci-fi thriller, the kind that evolved after all the atomic tests that went on after WWII, and made weird high pitched sounds, and threatened to take over the world, and where James Whitmore is the cop, and Hugh Beaumont is the scientist, and Julie Adams is the scientist's assistant and fiance who wears a bullet bra and a Jantzen bathing suit, and I think I'm lost, but yeah, it was a big fucking parakeet, so I didn't buy it.

Julie Adams in her bullet bra and Jantzen bathing suit.

Bozley's Believe It Or Not

A man in East Taiwan Michigan has a wristwatch with a band that resembles the head of a penis.

Cue cheesy prom music

I'm sitting here with the lights turned off, an empty can of coke on my desk, some kind of rash on my pinkie finger, wishing I could write like Leonard Cohen, and you know sometimes I wonder if Jack Kerouac really did write On The Road on a continuous roll of teletype paper, and it's hard to believe that I haven't had a cigarette in almost twenty years, or that I've never ridden a horse, or a Harley, and I've only ever sung Sixteen Candles to myself and never out loud to anyone, and Dita and Marilyn are getting a divorce, and how come I always want to call Marilyn Charlie instead of Marilyn instead of Charlie instead of Marilyn instead of ad infinitum, ad nauseam, add milk and stir ...




And boobs are really great, aren't they.

Meine Kleine Webcam

Sixteen is just thirteen plus three

Here's the thing.
I didn't get much sleep last night, and I doubt if I'll be getting much sleep this morning, and it's all because of a dream I had the night before last, the kind of dream that you don't necessarily wish was real, but the kind of dream that you at least wish you could have whenever you wanted to, and that's why I couldn't sleep last night, because I knew I wouldn't be able to have that dream no matter how hard I tried, and because we all know that when it comes to dreams the harder you try to repeat it the less likely it is to happen.

The Dream
I was sixteen, and I was living in the house I grew up in, and the girl next door, the girl next door that didn't exist in real life, and I had a clandestine relationship going on. I would sneak over to her house late at night and climb into her upstairs bedroom window, and we would talk in whispers, and lay on her bed, and touch each other under the covers, and I would want to go further, and I think she did too, but something would always come up, maybe it would be her parents making a noise downstairs, or a dog barking outside, there was always something, and she would get all up tight, and she would ask me to leave, and we would promise to meet again the next night, and I would go back out through her window, and sneak back home, and lay in bed all confused.

Then I woke up, and I rolled over and fell back asleep, and I dreamt I was the governor of Illinois and I was at a party with the governor of Indiana and the governor of Ohio.

I think there is a law that everyone named Diana has to be a babe, or a dead princess

I first posted this on the original Grand Ennui back in February of 2003. It's cute in a horny sort of teenage boy way.

The hottest girl in my 10th grade class was Diana Teal, and baby she was hot. I don't know, maybe it was her peaches and cream complexion, or her soft brown hair, or her deep blue eyes, or the one extra button she always kept undone on her starched white blouse, or maybe it was the way the sunlight twinkled across her braces when she smiled. It didn't really matter, like I said she was hot, and she knew it. She was an office aide, and I remember the time she walked into my Biology class and my lab partner, Paul Heideloff, saw her and said "Yowza" in a voice so loud that even Mr. DiStefano, our teacher, with his bad rug and all, had to laugh, but Diana didn't blush, she didn't even break stride, at the most she might have let the florescent lights play across her braces as she gave a little half smile at the realization of the power she held over a bunch fifteen year old walking, talking hard-ons.

Fritz Von Erich slaps the Irving Klaw on Bruiser Brody, and other tales from Texas Big Time Wrestling

Ok, so I went to the tattoo parlor yesterday to look at flash. You know for a pin-up, or something like, or akin, to a pin-up, and Rollo the Tattoo Guy, who isn't really named Rollo, but he should be, well, Rollo wasn't busy, I mean there was no one but Rollo and me in the shop, and damned if Rollo didn't hover over me the whole time I was looking at flash, but I kept looking, and Rollo kept hovering, and Rollo kept offering suggestions, and Rollo kept bringing out books, and magazines, and his hidden secret x-rated flash, and there was nothing, and I mean nothing remotely close to what I wanted, but still Rollo kept hovering, and after about twenty minutes I started getting a swimming, or a swirling headache, you know the kind don't you, it's not really a bad headache, nothing that could incapacitate you, but it's annoying, sort of like Rollo and his hovering, and it makes you dizzy, and makes your nose run, and makes your throat kind of sore, and makes all your joints ache, and ...

Hey, could it be I was coming down with something, like the flu, or a virus infection, and yeah, I think that's what I was coming down with, and now I'm starting to wonder if Rollo and all his hovering might have passed on some sort of INK INFECTION, you know from the ink, the ink they use in tattoos. So now I'm starting to sweat, did I mention before that I was starting to sweat, well, even if I didn't mention it, I was ... starting to sweat, and my vision was getting blurry, and Rollo, that damn Rollo, was still hovering, and I was starting to get stomach cramps, and you KNOW how I hate stomach cramps, and I might have started hallucinating too, but I'm not to sure about that, because with all my other symptoms ... I MEAN WITH ALL MY OTHER SYMPTOMS ... I might have just been imagining that I was hallucinating.

So, to make a long story short, I didn't find anything that I liked, but Rollo told me, Rollo told me while he was hovering, that I could check out the internet to see if I could find anything that I might like, and I could print it out, or save it to disk, or email it to him, but do I really want someone named Rollo who isn't really named Rollo to have my email address???

In conclusion, I am better today, I guess it was only a 24 hour INK INFECTION, and all the Nyquil I took must have combated it pretty good, because I really am better today, I mean lots better, I mean like in almost perfect health except for the ghost of Irving Klaw sitting on my bed shooting me dirty looks, but that's a small price to pay for whatever it is I've been trying to type for the past half hour.

In conclusion, and I really mean in conclusion this time, it looks like the pin-up tattoo has been put on hold, or maybe I won't get a pin-up tattoo after all, maybe I'll just get something else, and I just looked over, and Irving Klaw is nodding his head in approval, so I guess that's it for now, I guess.

Gotta take that one last ride!!!

Ok, tomorrow I am going to go to the tattoo parlor and look at flash.
I really want to get a retro pin-up girl, or a tasteful nude, or maybe just some kind of ethereal looking chick, ethereal, you know all wispy, and shrouded, and spooky in a good way, and ...
Yeah, I'm really not sure what I want to get, and that's why I'm just going to look tomorrow.
Of course, if I find what I want, and Rollo the Tattoo Guy* isn't busy, I might just go ahead and get it done.

*Rollo the Tattoo Guy isn't the tattoo guy's real name, but it should be!

My favorite beach and bikini movie of all time is about to start so I am out of here.

Gabba Gabba Hey

Gabcast! My Wristwatch Obsession

Hello Newman

The funniest, yet in many ways the most pathetic, post I have ever made on Buzznet.