Friday, September 18, 2009

Be Bop Re Bop

I woke up at four thirty this morning and I was starving.
So I fixed something to eat.
But I can't eat alone so I turned on the television.
And a Glenn Ford movie was just starting.
And you know Glenn Ford.
Glenn's a righteous man
A passionate man
Always at odds with himself or society, or both
And it weights heavy on his soul.
And he's loud
And he wrings his hands
and wipes the sweat from his brow
And he thinks out loud
And he's indignant when people don't see it his way
And this movie was no different.
He worked for an airline and was investigating a plane crash.
And fifty three people were dead, damn it
And he needed to know why.
But Glen was a little too righteous, a little too passionate, a little too at odds, a little too indignant, and a little too loud this morning
So I turned off the television and here I am.

Thursday, September 17, 2009


I had such a nightmare last night that I woke up at five thirty and didn't even think about going back to bed until seven thirty.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

If you touch it, you bought it.

Hey, it's me again.
Can't sleep.
How about you?
I'm listening to music right now.
Sort of sad folky music from the mid 60's.

I wonder if Asian girls with dragons tattooed on their backs like sad folky music from the mid 60's?
Yeah, it's pretty late.
Just after three in the morning, so I'll probably be sleeping till around noon again today, and I almost typed till noon tomorrow, but tomorrow is already today, and I hope I don't forget to make my meds again today.
Fucking bug is attacking my monitor. One of those little no see me's.(mes?)
Go find your own fucking light to be fucking attracted to(too?)

Whoa, I almost lost consciousness there for a second.

Anyone want to fuck, fight, or philander?

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Is your boat still floating?

I'm going to take a shower now.
Did I mention that I shaved my head?
It's cool, but now I have all this shampoo.
Ok, I still use the shampoo, but I just don't use as much.
Is this post going anywhere?
I think this is why I stopped posting in here.
My new tattoo itches, and is flaking.
Or is it flaking and itching?
I don't care.
There is a plastic rat on my desk.
Film at eleven.

Just another day

Hey, how you doing?
I was going to post something tonight, but I got caught up with emails.
I have a lot of correspondence with women in prison, and they get kind of pissed off if you don't email them right back, I mean RIGHT BACK!

What can I say, confined chicks dig me.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Something, something, ass, ass, ass.

Man, my fucking back really fucking hurts.
It's my lower back that hurts tonight.
But fuck that.
Did I tell you that I shaved my head?
Did I tell you that I got a giant dragon tattoo on my back?
Did I tell you that I just ate two peanut butter sandos at three in the morning?
What is it about me and three in the morning.
It's like I don't start feeling awake until three in the morning.
And more importantly, why do I find actress Jane Adams so incredibly sexy?

Jane Adams, the actress that I find incredibly sexy, and maybe I should write her a fan letter and tell her my true feelings, or better yet, maybe I should write some fan fiction where Jane Adams and I are stranded alone together on some desert island where our lives alone together are like the plot of an FX sitcom, where we can say shit once an episode and have fleeting blurred glimpses of my ass, and on and on and on and on and on, then suddenly ... I wake up in a cold sweat, my wife by my side, a wife that looks nothing like Jane Adams, and then I really honestly wake up for real listening to some song by Steve Earle, or Sheryl Crow, or They Might Be Giants, or the Pogues, or the Ditty Bops, or Jenny Lewis, or the Old 97s.
The end, while I am still ahead.
And how did I get tangled up in all these wires?

Sometimes strange people are just strange.

So, I watched a movie tonight.
Ok, it wasn't a great movie.
Ok, it wasn't even a good movie.
Ok, it was barely a movie, but it was the kind of movie that I wanted to watch tonight, and it was, WAIT FOR IT ... House Bunny.
Yeah, the one where the former playboy bunny becomes a house mother to a broken down sorority, and I guess it was like a female virgin, I mean version, of Revenge of the Nerds, but not as funny, and not as good, but it was what I wanted to see, because I've been thinking some really heavy thoughts lately, and I needed a moron movie, and is that the way to spell lately, well, it will be after spellcheck.

And this is Connie Kreski my favorite playboy playmate of all time.

And I think she was my favorite playmate of all time was because I was seventeen, and she was the first playmate of the first playboy that I ever bought, and I hung her centerfold up in my closet in my bedroom, and I would stare wistfully at her for hours on end, well, I would stare wistfully at her for hours on end when I wasn't pretending I was Jim Morrison of the Doors in front of the mirror in my bedroom.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Jesu7s Christ, I mean Jesus Christ without the 7

So, I was just just surfing around, and I found an old blog by an old blogger who doesn't blog anymore, and he had a link to a blogger that is still blogging, and that blogger who is still blogging had a link to here ... HERE!!!
Seriously, has it really been ... (March, April, May, June, July, August, September) six months since I posted, and was my last post really post 1398, and if it was, why didn't I at least stick around till I made post number 1400, and I think I'm going to post a picture of a half naked celebrity just for old times sake.

Here's to you Zooey Deschanel, Jesus loves you more than you will know

Woo, woo, woo.
Edited to add that she really isn't half naked, but in my mind she is.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

There's nobody here, except the people who are always here.

So, I'm sitting here, and I'm very hungry, I mean very hungry, I mean like I might pass out any minute hungry.
So, I mean, but, I don't know what to eat.
Maybe a Hungry Man Dinner, mmmmmmmmm, that sounds good, or maybe peanut bu ... no, none of that, or chicken broth, no way am I eating chicken broth, and you don't really eat chicken broth, do you, you just sort of let it slide down, and seriously after my liquid diet I don't care if I ever taste, (ha, you don't taste broth!) I don't care if I ever taste chicken broth again in my mortal life, and did I tell you that I spilt a whole cup of vegetable broth on myself while I was in the hospital, and I started screaming OWOWOWOWOWOWOW, which is not to be confused with WoW, which is still kicking my ass, I started screaming, ok, not screaming, but just a notch or two below screaming, yeah, I started screaming to the negative 2, and a shitload of nurses, and aides, and techs, and social workers, and that guy that used to be on TAXI all came running in thinking that I was about to fall, but I was sitting down, so I really couldn't fall, but they came running in anyway, and oh yeah, I wasn't screaming OWOWOWOWOWOW, I was screaming, well, you know, not quite screaming OWOWOWHELPMEHELPMEHELPMOWOWOWOWHELPMEHELPMHELPME, and they all came running in, and found out I wasn't falling, and maybe the broth wasn't all that hot, but it was hot enough to send me into hysterics, and to cut a long story short the staff cleaned me up, and made sure my secret parts didn't get burnt, and the incisions were ok, and to tell you the truth I felt kind of sheepish about all the hubbub, but not that sheepish, then I went back to bed and had some ginger ale.
I think I'm still hungry, back to you Felipe ...

Eh-thank you Mister Senor Boz.
Mister Senor Boz my friend Eduardo would like to come eh-visit me on my eh-day off ...

You don't get a day off.

Oh, I see Mister Senor Boz, I will eh-fix you eh-something to eat eh-now. Would you like some eh-Mofongo?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Why, oh why, did I eat ice cream right out of the carton at 8:00 in the morning?

Because it was there.
Because I've really been on an ice cream binge since I got back from LA.
Because it was chocolate peanut butter swirl, or cup, or something like that.
Where's Felipe, I need somebody to draw my bath.
Ok, there really is no Felipe, that's just a character I came up with at the spur of the moment when I was writing an email to a friend that haunts the local drugstore looking for strange products that she herself would never use, but has no qualms about recommending to friends, like I said, Felipe is just a character I came up with at the spur of the moment when emailing a friend and it just flowed out of my mind, into my fingers, and then tippy tippy tapped from my fingers, to my keyboard, where it now resides in my computer and on my monitor, singing it's body electric across the world wide web forever and ever and ever.
I wish I hadn't eaten all the ice cream because I think I want some more.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Adventures of Felipe, Boz's Slightly Effeminate Manservant. #2

Hello, I am once again Felipe, Mister Senor Boz's slightly effeminate manservant.
Ever since Mister Senor Boz's eh-mucho serious health problems of the past few months. I have taken to eh-sleeping on a pallet at the foot of Mister Senor Boz's bed. Mister Senor Boz assures me that this is no longer necessary, but I can tell by the eh-tone in his eh-voice that he eh-longs for my companionship.
Mister Senor Boz is a proud man and oftentimes you eh-must listen to what he eh-means, and not eh-what he says.
Eh-scuse me, but I hear Mister Senor Boz eh-calling for my services from a room that is not this eh-room. Such is the life of a slightly effeminate manservant.

The Adventures of Felipe, Boz's Slightly Effeminate Manservant.

Hello, I am Felipe, Mister Senor Boz's slightly effeminate manservant.
I am 25 years old, but I have been told frequently that I could pass for 15.
Mister Senor Boz has been very eh-busy lately and one of my new eh-duties is to make sure that Mister Senor Boz's delightful blog, The Eh-Grand Ennui, does not fall into disrepair.
Eh-scuse me now, I have to go take my music lesson. Mister Senor Boz would like me to learn to sing and play in the fashion of the post heroin addicted Eric Clapton so on nights when Mister Senor Boz has trouble eh-sleeping perhaps I can serenade him till slumber embraces him.

Monday, March 09, 2009

I heard that Eric Clapton song, where he pushes his son out the window, twice on the radio today.

Hello, this isn't boz.
I'm just some guy who hacked into boz's blog today to see if he is keeping his word about re-inventing blogging.
So far, I'm not real sure.
I mean, you know boz as well as I do, and mostly his intentions are good, but yeah, he has a short attention span.
That's all, I've only got five minutes before the internet police can trace this hack.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Have you ever sneezed 15 times in a row? I have.

Damn, it's like one in the afternoon, and I just got out of bed, you know, not because I'm lazy, but because of daylight savings time. I have this theory about daylight savings time, My theory is the day before DST starts or ends I always stay up as late as I can and then totally disregard the time change on the next day. Of course, this fucks up my whole day, but it's a small price to pay for my sanity, or my tenuous grasp on sanity, or my long walk off a short pier to the bosom of insanity.
Don't forget to turn the lights off when you leave, I'm going back to bed.

I don't know which clock to believe, the one that says 3:24, the one that says 4:24, or the one in my head that tells me that it's time to kill the ..

monkeys, kill all the monkeys.

Just a picture of the mountains outside my airplane window on my flight home from LA. I did tell you that I was in LA, didn't I? Anyway, I don't know what mountains these are, they might be the ones around Los Angeles, or they might be the Rocky Mountains, or the lesser known Bullwinkle Mountains

I'm so very sleepy, but you know, when I close my eyes there's nothing there, well,
that's not really accurate, because if there was nothing there I'd probably be asleep, so there is SOMETHING there, it just isn't sleep. I think maybe it's a hologram of GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, yeah, that's it.

All my old blog friends are dead and gone ... sniff, sniff, sniffer-o-o-o-o

Ok, I left one blog link, but that's mostly so I'll know how to post new blog links if I ever get any new blog links, but I'll tell you, they're all gone, ok I should probably link Malone's blog, cause he sort of still blogs, and did I tell you I met him when I was in LA, and we both said that we were going to re-invent blogging, but I think it's still in the planning stage, or maybe the procrastination stage, but uhhh ...
Long live blogging and ...
Long live the dancing baby.
Vive la baby!!!

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Spring forward ... and fall flat on your face and get a nasty gash in your forehead, oh no, not me, not this year.

Boz, what happened to your hair, I ask myself using the third person, which I have become so fond of.



This is what happens when they ask if you'd like to try a #2 clipper attachment, and you're like, what the hell, it will always grow back if I don't like it.
It sort of looks like I'm getting ready for brain surgery, doesn't it.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Maybe this proves that I'm not such a nerd after all.

Ok, World of Warcraft is kicking my ass.
My character's name is Bozbozenboz, and he's a human, and a paladin, and I really don't know what that is, but he has a big wooden hammer that he's supposed to kill things with, but so far all he has killed is a cute little bunny, and he's been killed twice, once by some kind of rat or something, and another time by a couple of teenage punks with spotty complexions hanging around outside the bowling alley, and to add insult to injury some level 14 geek with a character name of something like GoodKingPoofEnToofer called me a noob!!!
I have a long road ahead of me.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Nerd alert, nerd alert, nerd alert ...

It's not my fault, I was brainwashed and re-programmed by the dvl family. Now I just need a suitable screen name, and a clue to what the fuck the game is all about.

More from LA

This picture was taken from the terrace of the Beverly Plaza which is a huge mall just about a mile and a half from where dvl lives. The mall is like 15 stories high, and has all sorts of cool stores that I have never heard of, but they did have a Foot Locker and that is where I used my two $50.00 gift cards to buy myself two pairs of Chucks, and while we were on the terrace dvl drank a coffee from Starbucks (I think it was Starbucks.) and I drank a diet Coke from either a Chinese, Korean, or Thai restaurant.
This is probably the first of many pictures that I took of the hills surrounding the city, which of course, dvl was quick to point out that I must really love the mountains, and that was just before she tried to harvest my organs to sell on the black market and sell my soul to the Scientologists on Hollywood Blvd.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

The Grand Ennui, and blogging in general, reborn!!!

Talk about old school! Look who I met in LA, dvl and Kevynnn Malone, and we all agreed that it is time for a rebirth of blogging, normal people style.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Please dear God, don't let Will Smith produce, direct, and star in a movie about President Obama.

I mean, he can do Bush if he wants, but NOOOOOOOOOOOObama.
Thank you.

Friday, January 23, 2009

No sleep

Feel dead.
Must go back.
To bed.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

I hardly did anything that I wanted to do today.

I didn't shave.
I didn't take out the garbage, but I can take that out in the morning, I mean, there's no big rush about it, because they never pick up until late in the afternoon, except maybe for tomorrow.
Ok, they don't deliver mail on Sunday. Monday was a postal holiday, I didn't get any mail on Tuesday, and I didn't get any mail on Wednesday, and it's time like these when I question whether I actually exist or not.
I watched way too much television tonight, and ate way too many Reese's Pieces, and ???
Ohhhh, I used my new four slice toaster tonight, and I was kind of worried about how well it would work, because I bought the cheapest one I could find, but when I took it out of the box I realized that it was the same cheap brand as my two slice toaster, and that's always worked pretty good, so that eased my fears, yeah, like I was really afraid.
My fingers are telling me to quit making so many typing mistakes and go to bed.
So, I will.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Do toasters come with built in mp3 players?

When I wake up I am going to purchase a four slice toaster.
I used to have a four slice toaster but MB in the depths of her dementia buried it in the back yard.
I do, however, have a two slice toaster, so maybe I should just buy another two slice toaster and duct tape them together.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Did you know that anemia is not a country in central europe?

I ate peanut butter at 3:00 this morning.
It wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done.
Then again, it wasn't the dumbest thing I've ever done either.
Oh yeah, I remember something else I want to see/do in LA.
I want to see the Hollywood sign, but I think I mentioned that already.
Ohhhh, and I want to sing a duet with dvl of the song In California originally recorded by Neko Case.
And I guess that's it for now.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

And the Hollywood sign, the Hollywood sign, how could I forget the Hollywood sign.

We got another shitload of snow yesterday.
It's finally stopped.
I know this because the city snow plow(s) have already been by.
I really don't need this today.
My whole body already hurts.
And I'm still half asleep too.
Ah, but I do have a new snow shovel.
And I almost forgot that when I listen to an mp3 player while shoveling it makes the time go by faster.
On the other hand, the heartburn that I had last night is starting to come back.
I've also got a whole lot of empty bottles that I need to take back to the store.
Stupid deposit law.
Ha, but at least we don't have to recycle.
We just throw our stuff into a landfill and let nature takes it's course, or not.
My back is killing me.
I'm going back to bed.
Where I'll probably dream about shovelling snow until I have to get up and actually shovel snow.
That is, if I even fall asleep.
Sometimes it sucks being Boz.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

If Woody Harrelson were a tree, what kind of tree would he be?

Did I just wake up at seven thirty in the morning and have a bowl of ice cream?

Easy listening hits of 1968-69 aren't that easy to listen to.

My flight to and from SoCal is booked.
Yeah, for me, and yeah, for Dvl and Tim for gently reminding every few months that I was still welcome.
I'm leaving February 21st and will be returning March 3rd.
I'm actually pretty easily entertained.
Some of the things I'd like to see or do, but I'm not married to any of them.
1. The Pacific Ocean would be nice to see, but I'd settle for the Los Angeles River.
2. The Sunset Strip and all the cool stuff on the Strip, I mean I don't even have to go into these places, you know, I'd just like to see them from the outside, like the Whiskey A Go Go, and the Troubadour, and you know, I'm not even sure that these places are on the Strip, but if they aren't, I'm sure there are places just as cool, and yeah, I'll be saying cool a lot, because they say that a lot out in SoCal.
3. Um, I can't think of anywhere else right now, oh but, my relatives from Michigan are worried that Dvl and Tim are going to kidnap and sell me into white slavery (I wish) and my relatives from Florida have "concerns" about Tim, and this was before I even told them that the dvl's live in West Hollywood.
4. Oh, I know what would be nice. It would be nice to have some kind of meet and greet so I could actually meet some of the people from SoCal that I have gotten to know over the internets. You know, at a bar or something, and they could damn me with faint praise.
5. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, I would really like to be met at the airport by Dvl holding a sign with BOZ written on it, like all the high rollers get.
6. Ok, seriously, I can't think of anything right now, oh wait, I'd like to go to Duke's, which is a diner near the dvl's condo where they eat breakfast once in awhile because it is close and convenient, and do close and convenient mean the same thing?
7. Is there a Martin Milner museum out there? That would certainly be worth a visit. One Adam Twelve, One Adam Twelve ... damn, I loved that show.
8. I was actually in Los Angeles once. Well, I was in the Los Angeles airport once. It was back in May of 1972, and it was the day I was discharged from the Air Force, and I took a flight out of San Francisco, and I was bumped up to first class, and I got two free drinks, and me not being much of a drinker, the two free drinks that I drank in like a half hour, were enough to put me on a pretty good roll once I got to LAX, and I had a three or four hour layover, and for the life of me, I don't remember a single thing I did while I was there, there being the Los Angeles airport or as us frequent flyers like to call it ... LAX.
9. I'm really tired now, and I just had the shit scared out of me because one of the giant icicles on the back of the house just broke off, very loudly broke off, I might add.
10. So yeah, I'm going to SoCal, and just how cool is that!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Dvl, phone home, or at least answer your emails.

Ok, I have a problem here.
You see, I'm going to fly out to California in the next month or so and visit the hauntingly beautiful dvl and her family, and we are going to drink margaritas and eat peanuts and watch the sun come up over the Pacific Ocean, wait, that would mean getting up really early, so let's change that to watch the sun go down over the Pacific Ocean, while drinking peanuts and eating Margaritas ...
Anyway, my problem is, and it's really not a major problem, and maybe it even isn't, shouldn't that be isn't even, yeah, and maybe it isn't even a problem, so I'll let you decide.
Ok, maybe that's a bit strong, maybe dvl has been busy.
Yeah, that's it, she's been busy defrosting a pot roast, or something, to acknowledge any of the thousands of emails I either did or didn't send her today.
Ok, I only sent her one email today, asking her when would be the best time for my visit ....
She's ignoring me for a reason!
(Here is where my rampant paranoia kicks in)
She never wanted me to visit in the first place.
It's just a cruel joke that her and the rest of Southern California are playing on me.
Yeah, I bet all of SoCal is out there eating peanuts and drinking Margaritas and laughing at me while the sun sets over the Pacific Ocean.
That is so cruel.
I think I'm going to duct tape myself into the fetal position and go to bed and cry, and I should probably wait until I get into bed to do the duct taping.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Whatever you do, don't pull my finger.

I feel sick tonight.
Maybe it's the cold weather, it's already like -2 degrees.
Maybe it's the half can of Buffalo Wings Flavored Pringle's that I ate earlier tonight.
Maybe it's the way the moon and the stars are aligned.
Maybe it's because I bought an 8th mp3 player.
Maybe it's because I walk around the house all day in my underwear, not for any socio-sexual-political statement, but just because I can, and, no, I am fully dressed right now.
Ok, I think I've figured it out.
Ok, I think it's because I went out earlier today in this bitter cold weather wearing nothing under my coat but a t-shirt, a t-shirt that wasn't tucked in, a t-shirt that because it wasn't tucked the cold bitter arctic winds were able to swirl up my t-shirt and attack my unguarded, and highly sensitive skin.
Ok, maybe it was just the Pringle's, or is that Pringles sans apostrophe?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Is it time, or am I just imagining it?

He was running his hand through his thinning hair when he first noticed the small bump on his head, but he didn't pay much attention at the time, he was too interested in the hockey game on television.
(Ok, this is a short story, and it's not autobiographical, it's just about a guy with thinning hair, and it's just a coincidence that I have thinning hair, and I don't have a small bump on my head either, at least not that I've noticed, and, yes, the hockey game is on television, but I'm paying more attention to this than I am to the hockey game.
So, like I said this is a short story, but it's not about me.)

He sneezed.
(I sneezed too!)
And then he started typing frantically on his computer keyboard.
(Ok, now, this is getting spooky, cause, yeah, I'm frantically typing on my computer keyboard too, but ha, my keyboard is illuminated.)
He finished his thought, and sat back and admired his new illuminated keyboard.
(Yeah, but mine is red.)
His red illuminated keyboard.
(Isn't this fun. I mean, I could do this all night ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

I bought shirts for $3.50 each

Ok, they looked better in the store.
And I also ate about a quarter of a bag of BBQ Pork Skins just now, and really, they are terrible, I mean, they were terrible after the first bite, but I kept thinking they would get better, I mean, they had to get better, didn't they, they couldn't get any worse, could they, but actually they stayed the same, so it was moot that I continued eating.

And no, I didn't find a luggage tag for under a dollar. I FOUND TWO LUGGAGE TAGS FOR UNDER A DOLLAR, and they are great and awesome luggage tags that won't embarrass me when I land in California, of course the shirts might embarrass me ...
Hey, I smell ice cream.

After further review ...

I've got an appointment to see a massage therapist on Monday.
I've wanted to get one for years, but something always came up.
But I actually made the call this morning and the massage therapist's name is very alliterative. I think it's Debbie Doright or Debbie Somethinglike that. It should be fun, and I'm glad it's a girl and not a guy therapist, and not because of that, well, yeah, because of that, but because, I mean, who wouldn't prefer to have a woman's hands all over their body ... yeah, I thought so.
Ok, I'm going to go get something to eat, and maybe try to find a luggage tag for my impending trip to California, but I will not, I repeat, I will not pay over a dollar for a luggage tag, ok, maybe I would if it were a Bettie Page luggage tag, but that's it.

So, I guess I'm back ... redux

Ok, I've already posted on that other place.
The place where everybody likes me ...
But you know, this is still the place.
Ok, maybe it isn't the place.
But it's a place.
And it's been a place for over six years.
And that's a long time.
And I watched Slumdog Millionaire tonight.
And it was pretty good.
And the sound track was even better.
And I really think that I am developing a appreciation of all things Indian.
And I like how they sing and dance at the drop of a hat.
And that movie Bend It Like Beckham was pretty good too.
And I saw Pineapple Express the other night too.
But it had nothing to do with India, so that really didn't help my appreciation of all things Indian very much, if at all.
And I saw The Wrestler with Mickey Rourke the other night too.
And it was good in spots but it seemed to drag on forever, and there was nothing Indian in it either.
And I think a bug just ran up my arm.
Or maybe I'm turning into a bug.
Or maybe I'm turning into Franz Kafka.
Or maybe I'm just tired.
Hey, It sure is strange living alone again after not living alone for years and years and years.
I mean, I hear a noise and I say to myself that I'd better go see what she wants ... and then it hits me, and I don't know if I am relieved or sad when it hits me.
So, I guess I'll go to bed now, or maybe watch another movie.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Sometimes even I admit I shouldn't be allowed in the supermarket unchaperoned.

I have never had BBQ Pork Skins in my life, I'm not sure if I have had any flavor or Pork Skins in my life, and I'm not even sure that "flavor" is the correct term to describe what Pork Skins have.
Buffalo flavored Pringles, who knew that such a thing existed?
Pretzels, yeah, boring old fat free pretzels, yaw-n-n-n-n-n.
I swear to god that orange juice flavored jelly belly's might be the very cure to my virility problems!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, eggnog flavored whatever you call those things in the middle part there.
You put the coconut in the jelly belly and eat it all up, and call me in the morning.
The Giant Hershey Bar that ate Cincinnati.
The end.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Sometime's nothing is a real good plan unless it entails dying along the way.

Q. So, what have you been doing for the past year or so?
A. Hmmmm, you know, some stuff that had to be done, that wasn't too pleasant, but still had to be done.
Q. Are you back?
A. Are you back??? What kind of a question is that?
Q. Wait, I'm asking the questions.
A. That wasn't a question.
Q. Am I lost?
A. Yes.
Q. Didn't you just get back from a month in Florida?
A. Yes, my sister was afraid for me to be alone over the xmas holidays.
Q. Should she have been?
A. Now, no, six months ago yes, but it was nice anyway.
Q. What was the highlight of your visit?
A. T-shirts ... cheap t-shirts, I bought lots and lots of cheap t-shirts, and they are all Florida themed cheap t-shirts, except for one of them which is a Hawaiian themed cheap t-shirt, go figure.
Q. What else floated your boated?
A. I ate dinner at a place called Bubba's, they give you a bowl of peanuts when they seat you, and then you are expected to eat the peanuts and throw the shells on the floor. I did that, and then I ate prime rib and three quarters of some kind of bock beer on draft, and then we dumped the rest of the peanuts in my sister's purse and took them home to give to my sister and her husband's two parrots.
Q. Speaking about birds. How much did it cost to board your parakeet at the pet store?
A. I don't want to talk about it.
Q. Why not?
A. Because it cost twenty bucks a week for four weeks ... damn you, I said I didn't want to talk about it.
Q Fuck you.
A. That's not a question either.
Q. Fuck you?
A. That's better.