Friday, November 30, 2007

Quick, boil water!

It's snowing
And I've got heartburn
And I just woke up
And I'm wearing funny looking socks
And a black v-neck t-shirt that I found stuffed down way in the back of my t-shirt drawer
And I think the snow just stopped
And I think we got about an inch
And I still haven't had the leaves raked
And we have a winter storm watch for Saturday night and Sunday morning
And we could get six to ten inches of snow, and sleet, and slush, and rain, and freezing rain, and other stuff that falls from the sky all mixed in together
And I won this yesterday for my Zune

I may already be a weiner! - Photo Hosted at Buzznet

And it's a carrying case
And it's made out of leather
And it's Italian leather, none of that cheap Romanian leather
And it's Sienna Red, but I had my choice of Phantom Black, Alpine White, Sienna Red, Peony Pink and Mocha Brown.
And Peony Pink was never an option with me
And yeah, the snow stopped
And the city snow plows are plowing away
And I can hear their back up beep beep beeps
And my left heel really hurts
And my brain just froze.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Music makes the world go round, that and gravity, or the tides, or something

Songs playing on my Zune, right now, as I type, and listen, through headsets and everything.

1. I Might Like You Better If We Slept Together - Romeo Void-d-d-d-d-d, and it's true, I might.

Me, doing the Romeo Void.

2. Pale Blue Eyes - The Velvet Underground, and I have blue eyes, but I don't think they're pale, check the pic below and tell me what you think. Ok, sometimes my eyes are blue, and sometimes they are grey, and sometimes they're almost green, and sometimes they're a combination of all of the above, but just sometimes, and they could be pale blue after all.


3. Windy - The Association, I used to have a major crush on a girl named Windy, wait, her name was Jill, and I wonder what made me think that?

4. Morning Girl - The Neon Philharmonic, some song from 1969 that I remember hearing on the way back from the airport when I was coming home on leave, and it was like six in the morning, and my dad was driving, and we picked up a hitchhiker who was in either the army or the navy and we gave him a ride all the way home.

5. Johnny Be Fair - Buffy Sainte-Marie, Buffy-Sainte Marie ... sighhhhhhhhhhhhh. I used to write poems about her when I was seventeen, but actually eighteen, but it doesn't sound so pathetic if I say seventeen, or does it?

6. Stuck Inside of Mobile With the Memphis Blues Again - Bob Dylan, that's an awfully long title, and there you go with that word BLUE again ... again!!! My dream when I was seventeen, or eighteen, or backwards to sixteen, was to have sex with all the woman that Bob Dylan turned down. This is a long song, so I'm just sitting and waiting till it ends so I can do the next song, in case you wondered or anything, a minute and a half to go. Hmmm, five of the six songs so far are from the 60's, but then again so am I, so I guess that makes sense. Ok, the song's starting to end now ... NOW!!!

7. No Regrets - The Walker Brothers, and this is a terrible version of a great song that was mostly sung by Tom Rush, no, not that Tom Rush, the other Tom Rush, yeah, THAT Tom Rush, and from now on if I type a word in all caps that means I'm adding EMPHASIS to it, either that or the caps lock is stuck.

Me, impatiently waiting for No Regrets to end

8. Words of Love - The Mamas and the Papas, and no, I didn't give her the ham sandwich ... did I say HAM SANDWICH???

Me, enjoying my HAM SANDWICH joke

9. Wear Your Love Like Heaven - Donovan, I spent too much time on the ham sandwich pic and now this song is over, so you don't have to listen to my Donovan stories.

10. 88 Lines About 44 Women - The Nails, if I had 88 lines about 44 women do you think I'd be here, of course not, I'd be in China, or France, or Spain, or some nameless VA hospital in one of the southern states that's not Florida.

Me, wishing I had 88 lines about 44 women

Friday, November 23, 2007

It really isn't.

One of my many, many, many online friends sent me this.

It's too fucking cold out.
When I got up this morning it was 10 degrees.
It's now about 25 degrees.
It was so cold I had trouble starting my car this morning, and it was in a heated garage.
It was so cold I had trouble taking the gas cap off my car to fill it up.
It was so cold that when I skinned my finger trying to get my gas cap off it didn't bleed.
It was so cold I kept dropping my credit card.
It was so cold that I've got chapped lips, and I never get chapped lips, but I did today, so I bought some carmax, is that what it's called, you know the stuff for chapped lips that comes in a tin that a lot of people get addicted to, and seriously, I don't know how you'd get addicted to it, it tastes like caramel wax, and I just checked and it's carmex not carmax, and I guess that's about all the how cold is it's that I have.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


I was going to write something, but maybe I'll just watch tv instead, or go to bed instead, or maybe just surf the internets a little bit more, and did you notice how I called it the internets like all the hipsters do when they are making fun of that guy, you know, that guy, anyway, I've lost my train of thought, and did I tell you I did a lot of straightening up around the house today, folding clothes, and hanging up clothes, and finding clothes that MB had stashed all over the house like a squirrel or a chipmunk would do, and should I mention that I found about fifty bras, I mean, they were all over the place, I even found two sports bras, and why in the world would an 86 year old woman have two sports bras, or one sports bra, and no, none of the bras were mine, strike that, I mean, why would I have a bra, so yeah, that was just a typo, oh and when I first found the two sports bras I thought they were some weird kind of underpants with stirrups or whatever, and if you have any sports bras go get one of them out and tell me that they don't look like some weird kind of underpants, but yeah, maybe I'll watch The Big Lebowski again, or some other movie about bowling, or weird underpants.

New t-shirt, and I stole one of MB's Diet Rite Colas, or is it Cola's? - Photo Hosted at Buzznet

Saturday, November 17, 2007

The symptoms that prove I am sick

I woke up this morning feeling pretty good, or as good as you can feel at six in the morning, but after I ate breakfast I started feeling all sinusy, so to be on the safe side I took a couple of benadryl and went back to bed and fell right to sleep, right to motherfucking sleep, where I stayed except for a couple get out of beds to do some stuff, until three in the afternoon, and if my math is correct that comes out to about seven hours ... SEVEN HOURS, no it can't be, let me see, seven would be one hour, eight would be two hours, nine would be three hours, ten would be four hours ... wait, it wasn't seven hours it was nine hours ... NINE FutherMucking hours.
Anyway ... wow, nine hours, that's a lot of hours.
Anyway, I finally got up and washed and got dressed.
Then I checked my over the counter medicine drawer to see what kind of over the counter medicines I had to combat this evil ... I said EVIL sinus attack, and I found all sorts of good stuff, enough so where I didn't have to make a "boz is out of his mind with sinus medication withdrawal so he has to make an emergency run for sinus medication" run.
Where was I?
Oh, the symptoms that prove I am sick
1. Light headedness.
2. Aches.
3. Pains.
4. Paranoia.
5. Stuffed up nose.
6. Runny nose.
7. Crooked nose.
8. Hallucinations.
9. Draining sinus.
10. Sore throat.
11. Paranoia.
12. Paranoia.
13. Repeating myself-itis.
14. Ringing in my ears.
15. Ringing in your ears.
16. Headache.
17. Earache.
18. Back ache.
19. Weezie withdrawal. (The relatively rare affliction caused by not getting enough re-runs of The Jefferson's).
20. Forgetfulness.
21. Coughing.
22. Blushing.
23. Bluffing.
24. Flushing.
25. Rushing into situations half-cocked.
26. Stuttering.
27. Inertia.
28. Paranoia.
29. Did I mention paranoia?
30. And finally WTF-itis.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Some of the stuff I do at 2:30 in the morning

I have a serious hard-on for my new webcam.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Never use toothpicks to pry your eyes open unless you are out of crazy glue.

I am in a trance right now.
I didn't fall asleep till nine this morning, and even after I fell asleep I kept waking up, and I feel old, and I feel grumpy, and I feel like my future isn't so bright that I've gotta wear shades, and I've gotta go to the credit union and transfer an enormous amount of money into my checking account so I can pay an enormous credit card bill, and I gotta go and buy a book that I won't read but I gotta buy it anyway so I can impress people with how literate I am, and don't worry it will be a used book and will only cost a dime or maybe two dimes if I find two books worth trying to impress people with, and I gotta go to the supermarket and order our thanksgiving dinner because next week is thanksgiving and we have to have dinner don't we, and I gotta buy pudding lots and lots of pudding because MB likes pudding lots and lots of pudding, and my grammar train of thought is all fucked up, but that's because I'm in a trance, mostly.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

I never had much sympathy for zombies until I became one.

I just woke up about a half hour ago from a nyquil induced coma, hence the zombie reference in the title.
I just thought you might want to know.

I keep telling myself that today is Thursday, but myself keeps telling me that it seems more like Monday.

People often ask me what it feels like to be the sanest blogger in the world. I, of course, am flattered, but I don't know what to tell them.

No news

So, about ten minutes ago I looked at the clock and it was 11:15 pm, and now it's 1:15 am, and I'm wondering how that happened.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

If it's Tuesday it must be Tuesday

I'm waiting for the new chair I bought to be delivered.
It's supposed to get here between noon and two.
The bird that mocks me is in the room with me because I don't want her to catch cold when I open the front door to let the furniture guys in.
She is kind of spooked.

Maybe I should turn some music on.
The bird that mocks me likes music.
That's better.
The bird that mocks me seems to like Moby Grape.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Friday, November 02, 2007

I'm fighting a losing battle over getting my ass to the gym this morning, fuck it, it's almost afternoon, what should I do?

I just woke up from a dream where there were two naked girls in their early twenties, naked except for their panties, and they were in an alley, and I could only see them from behind, and they both had nice asses, and they were talking as they were walking, and one of them said, I think it was the brunette, and the brunette said something about applying for jobs at the new bakery, or maybe she said NUDE bakery, and that would explain everything except the part about the alley, oh, and the other girl was blond.

Let's dance, or some other song by David Bowie that doesn't involve dancing, or China Girls, or dancing China Girls.

Hi, I'm awake.
Been that way since five this morning.
Had a sandwich, and a diet coke, and a snack size Mounds bar, surfed some tv, and watched five minutes of a really bad movie with Cicely Tyson and Louise Fletcher, got online, checked out some sites I'm involved in, and read an article about good directors and the really bad movies they have made, and now I am going back to bed, and I really need to go to the gym today, because I haven't been since maybe Friday or Saturday, and it makes me feel such shame, but now I am really going back to bed, ok, I've got to check one more site, and then for sure I'm going back to bed, yeah, it's the site where I pretend I'm a velcro monkey ... of doom.

It's nothing, it really is, or isn't, ok, now I'm confused.

I fell in love a little bit today.
With a girl not quite a woman.
It was her hair.
Blond with dark roots pulled back in a ponytail.
With a girl not quite a woman ...
What the fuck?
See, here's the deal.
I was sitting in the Burger King in Standish today, and there was this chick working there, I think she was a manager trainee, and she had this dyed blond hair that just jumped out at me ...
I mean her hair was really amazing. It was obviously dyed some kind of blond, it looked kind of champagne colored to me, and her roots were showing, and here's the amazing thing, it looked like her roots were dyed too, some kind of shade of zombie black, and yeah, I know it sounds hideous, but it was the most amazing color combination I have ever seen ...
And that's it.
I thought I had a post.
But I don't.
It was just her hair.
That's all it was.
Her hair.
And I can't even think of a way to bring it up that she looked just like Paris Hilton.
But it was just her hair.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

My fellow Americans

I had a dream about Lyndon Johnson last night.
He was at his ranch in Texas, laughing manically while barbecuing the brains of John F. Kennedy, and serving them to the Mafia, the FBI, the CIA, and Fidel Castro, as Jackie looked on in tears from the grassy knoll.