Monday, July 31, 2006

Don't rain on my parade and tell me it's piss

Yeah, it's late, and my neck just made that cracking sound again, and it's hot and stuffy, but I could sleep with the bedroom door open and let the a/c blow in, but ehhhh, why bother, I've got two fans in here circulating the air around, and you know what is funny anyway ... even though it's hot I still sleep under two covers and a sheet, which is not as bad as a few years back when I was anemic and I slept with an electric blanket all year long, ok, the anemia was just a symptom of my hypo-thyroidism, but it was still anemia, and does everyone sleep under a sheet, I mean I don't think I could ever sleep without a sheet between the covers and me.

Last night was weird.
At two in the morning I put a couple of CDs on and sang along with both of them, out loud, all the way through, every song, some guys named Fred Neil and Leonard Cohen, and do any of you listen to music and pretend that you are the singer, and you are up on stage performing, and you're a big rock star, or pop star, or country star, or blues singer, or jazz (scuddley boot de boot) singer and the crowd is going wild, well, I don't, but I used to, yeah, I used to pretend that I was Tom Jones, and I'd start to sing What's New Pussycat, or Sex Bomb, and women would start throwing their panties up on stage, I mean, taking them off right there in the audience and flinging them at my feet, and if I'm going to be honest about it, but why should I start being honest now ... but if I were to start being honest, no one has ever thrown their panties at me unless they had just taken them out of the dryer and expected me to fold them, but since I'm not being honest just forget that last part, because after going back and re-reading what I just wrote it doesn't make any sense or add anything to the blah blah blah blah and the blahness of the thought I am trying to convey.

So, where was I?
Oh, yeah, that whole part about Tom Jones was a lie, I really pretended I was Jimmy Osmond, no, I mean, Bob Dyaln, no, I mean, Dr. Hunter Douglas ... Male Rock Star.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Forwarded emails

My sister sent me this email today.
I know, I hate those heart warming group email type things too, and I almost didn't read this one, because I thought it might be about another cancer patient that needed your prayers, or the soldier who lost both his arms in battle and needed a nose operated computer, or how homosexuals are taking over the world because the New York Times hates George Bush, or how the liberals want to pass a law that makes religion illegal, you know that kind of group email.

But I read it, and since I hurt quite a bit today, and because I'm a little buzzed by one too many pain pills, I've decided to post it.

Think before you speak...

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.


I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.

I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."


My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.


While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a
voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped
what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when
the door closed behind me,
were screams of laughter.


Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked: "So BILL where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak

Ok, it's stupid, but I'm stupid, and you're stupid, well, you're not stupid, but there are a lot of people who are stupid, and I think I need another stupid pain pill, and is it hot in here to you, and do you think it means anything when earlier today I turned my head and I felt a big cracking sound right where the disk was removed, and I think I'm going to go lay down and get ready to listen to the ballgame, and do you think it's too soon to take another pain pill considering I took when I started writing this post about twenty minutes ago?

And I don't for a second think that any of those six TESTIMONIES actually happened, but still, I think I should take another pain pill, what about you?

Friday, July 28, 2006

Bimbo's Initiation

This is the kind of cartoon they used to show on the early morning cartoon shows when I was a pre-schooler.

You've gotta love Max and Dave Fleischer.

Link courtesy of If Charlie Parker Was a Gunslinger.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Soupy Sales

Soupy Sales got his start in Detroit.
He was a local television icon from about 1950 through 1960.
His first show was a half hour lunch time show called Lunch With Soupy.
In the late 50's he changed to an hour morning show called, I dunno, Breakfast With Soupy, or maybe it was just the Soupy Sales Show.
The main characters were:
White Fang, The meanest dog in all of Deeee-troit.
Black Tooth, The sweetest dog in all of Deeee-troit, looking back he was probably gay.
Willie the Worm, who lived in an apple, and was the sickest worm in all of Deeee-troit.
Pookie, the smart ass lion who gave Soupy all sorts of grief.
Hippie, a hippo who was Pookie's stooge.
The guy who knocked at the door, the one who hit Soupy with most of the shaving cream pies.

Oh, man I loved me some Soupy Sales.
The shaving cream pies, the buzzer that said Do Not Touch that when you touched you got squirted with seltzer, and the Words of Wisdom. (Be true to your teeth and they will never be false to you.)

He also had a late night show sort of like the Tonight Show and all the hot jazz acts like Dave Brubeck would stop by whenever they were playing in Detroit.

His last show in Detroit was Thanksgiving Day 1960, and I was ten years old, and I was getting ready to go see the Hudson's Thanksgiving Day Parade, and I was crying ...

Ok, I've got other stuff to do now, and really, Soupy wasn't all that anyway.


Yeah, I know this post is disjointed, and it sucks, and it isn't up to my high standards, and it sucks, and who the fuck cares about Soupy Sales anyway, and did you know that Soupy Sales two sons were musicians, and they were part of both Todd Rundgren's and David Bowie's back-up bands, no, not at the same time, that would have been bigamy, or incest, or somewhere between bigamy and incest, and one of Soupy's sons was named Hunt and the other was named Wesson Oil, haaa, I made that up, I mean Soupy isn't Frank Zappa, but yeah, one of his son's is named Hunt, ohhh, I just looked it up, his other son's name is Tony, and just how boring is that, I mean there was such potential, he could have named them Hunt and Peck, or Mike and Hunt, or something ...

Seriously,I got distracted by a girl without a spleen while I was writing this post, and how can you ignore a spleenless girl in her hour of need?

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Tylenol Three and Me

Listening to Highway 61 Revisited by ???

Got a haircut today and the barber was very very interested in the incision on my throat ... vampire-ish interested if you want my opinion.

Expecting another storm tonight. I do not want another power outage. I mean I DO NOT want another power outage with a fervor that borders on the fervorish.

Deep dish pizza on special at Hungry Howie's on Tuesday. Sounds like a plan.

I've never eaten potted meat, deviled meat, or pickled meat, but I did eat spam once ... once ... once ... once. Okay, twice.

I had my picture taken on a pony when I was 4.
I had my picture taken with Soupy Sales at the grand opening of a supermarket when I was 5.
I had my picture taken with a real live indian chief when I was 6.

I'm still listening to Highway 61 Revisited by ???

The incision on my neck itches and I don't know who to blame.

I went in the kitchen to get a drink and ended up making a couple of sandwiches.

And now I am going to watch tv.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

The cat in the hat with a baseball bat ... splat!!!

I'm just curious.
What am I doing up at five in the morning reading recaps of Big Brother All Stars?
I mean I could be watching the Girls Gone Wild commercials ... or sleeping, well, not sleeping, but that thing you do in bed with your eyes closed, nooooo, I don't mean that, you'd have to grimace to do that.
Anyway, I think I'll contemplate my surgical scars.
I'm seriously cultivating the Frankenstein's monster look, seriously, and is it stein or stien?

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Let's see

My sister gave MB a slow cooker/crock pot as an early birthday present before she left. I am going to use it to make a chicken dinner with carrots and potatoes tomorrow.

I just finished watching a very bad movie called Casablanca Express from a two for a dollar dvd. It was a WWII movie starring Sean Connery's son and Anthony Quinn's son that was made in Italy and all the German soldiers were played by Italians, and all the American soldiers were played by Italians, and all the Italian soldiers were in Rome avoiding combat, drinking Cinzano, acting all upset because the pretty women were sleeping with the Germans, and working themselves into a self righteous indignation to the point where they could rationalize shaving the heads of anyone, yes anyone, who ... ahhh whatever.

Hey, I actually don't hurt too bad today. I realized that I didn't when I was out and I had just filled the car up with gas and I was walking to the cashier's booth and nothing hurt, nothing hurt, nothing hurt. Well, ok, I hurt a little now, but I think I actually might live, and I'm kind of feeling a bit melancholy because pretty soon I won't have any pain to complain about.

Double hey, I downloaded a whole bunch of those Beautiful Agony video clips the other day, and you know what, they're pretty sexy, seriously pretty sexy.

So I guess I'll go watch the second of the two for a dollar dvd movies and pretend I am Tom Servo.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Friday is today

Another three hour plus power outage today.
That's two this week ... TWO!!!
My neck hurts from sleeping on my side.
My hip hurts from sleeping on my back.
My throat hurts when I swallow.
My pity hurts when I wallow.
I'm watching baseball now, and we're losing, but not by much.
I could use some ice cream.
I could use a shower.
I could use a nice anti-perspirant.
When the power came back on I was half asleep and I a almost had a heart attack when everything came on at once ... I just said came!!!
Yeah, my neck pretty much hurts to distraction.
The end.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Today I became a fellow traveler.

Ok, so I'm going to write a post now.
I'm kind of rusty though.
No, wait, that sucks ...

Did I ever tell you about the time my sister got us lost at the beach, the zoo, the crab nebula? I was three and she was nine, and she cried, and I acted all adorable, and the lost and found people had to placate her, and I got both our ice creams, and when our parents found us my mother blamed our father, and my father said he only turned his back for a second, and they argued all the way home in our 1949 pea green Ford, while my other sister, who was twelve, acted all snooty and pre-teen and just ignored everyone.

Friday, July 14, 2006

A Boz Family Photo

A Boz Family Photo
Originally uploaded by boz48730.

this is an audio post - click to play

Angel of the morning

I miss my Mennonite cutie.
I wonder if she has a My Space account?

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Surgery -After Care

Surgery -After Care
Originally uploaded by boz48730.

Surgical stockings that have to be worn for two weeks, and my hospital footies with traction strips on the bottom, vroooom, vroooooom, vrooooooooooooom.

Surgery - the hip

Surgery - the hip
Originally uploaded by boz48730.

this is an audio post - click to play

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

anterior cervical spinal fusion surgery - 1st pic

anterior cervical spinal fusion surgery
Originally uploaded by boz48730.

I'm Home

Everything went great, many stories to tell and pictures to post.
I might do an audio post tonight, but now ... I'm going to bed.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

The REAL last post before surgery

Leaving tomorrow night.
Surgery Monday morning.
I'll be home either Tuesday or Wednesday.
Wish me luck.
See you in a couple of days.
Why am I sweating profusely?

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Last post before surgery???

I don't know, it might be. Pain has invaded every nook and cranny of my body. Yesterday it was my right shoulder and my left heel. Today it is my left upper and lower jaw. I think the only parts of me that don't hurt are my eyebrows. I was going to stay home all day tomorrow and just rest in bed, well, except for running into town to refill a prescription and paying the water bill, but my sister has invited us over to their motor home for a chicken dinner. I mean what can I do? They've been so nice about this whole thing, but ... it hurt today to even eat chili, and you don't actually eat chili, you just sort of swallow it, am I right.
So I guess I'll just wait and see how I feel tomorrow, because if I feel as crappy as I feel right now, there is no way ... and actually, I would really like to see their motor home, they just got it last year, and I've never seen it, I'm not trying to be a bad guy here, but ... I'M THE ONE WHO IS HAVING SURGERY, and I hurt, and it should be all about me, shouldn't it?

Monday, July 03, 2006

Surgery Update

I got some good news and some ehhhh news when the hospital in Saginaw called me this morning.

They told me that I could get my pre-op tests done at the hospital in Tawas, which eliminates a 170 mile round trip to Saginaw and back, let's hear a big YAY for that.

I also found out that I might only have to spend one night in the hospital after the surgery, I'm not sure about ... yeah, let's hear a big YAY for that too.

Finally, I found out that I have to report to the hospital down in Saginaw at five thirty am next Monday morning for a scheduled seven thirty surgery, which means we'll either have to leave Sunday afternoon and get a hotel room down in Saginaw, or leave here at about three am to make sure we made it by five thirty, which if I had my choice is what I would like to do, of course since I won't be driving that's a no brainer for me, because do I really want to spend the night in a hotel room with my brother-in-law, but I guess you could say does my brother-in-law really want to spend the night in a hotel room with me ... touch-e!

Be the first one on your block to have your boy shipped home in a box

So, earlier tonight I downloaded the first album recorded by Country Joe and the Fish. This was one of the albums I used to listen to in my walk in closet that I had converted into my hippie pad back when I was in high school which was complete with beaded curtains, psychedelic posters, black light, and cushions all over the floor, this was one of the albums I used to listen to while smoking Lucky Strikes and pretending I was smoking grass ...

And that reminds me of the time that Wesley from across the street read somewhere that you could get high from smoking tea leaves. So one afternoon after school Wesley from across the street and I decided we would smoke tea leaves in my walk in closet/hippie pad. Wesley from across the street had a cigarette rolling machine ... a what???
And he rolled us a cigarette filled with tea leaves.
We lit it up, and and and and and ...
It was god awful and the smell was enough to kill cockroaches.
Oh, I forgot to mention that my old man was home at the time.

Old man: What the hell is that smell?
Me: Ummmmm, it's incense.
Old man: My god, it smells awful.
Me: Yeah, I know, I'll never buy any of that stuff again!

And that also reminds me of the time that Wesley from across the street got his hands on a stag movie and we decided to watch it up in my walk in closet/hippie pad after school on the rickety old 8 millimeter projector that my parents had gotten for me used for my birthday a couple years before along with a used 8mm movie camera which I always thought was a terrible birthday present, because it wasn't actually for me, it was actually for them, ok, it was actually for me, but it was for me to take movies whenever they wanted movies taken, you know what I mean.

Parents: Hey, bozzie, come down here and take some movies of your niece and nephew, they look so cute.
Me: Awwwwwwwwwwwww, I can't, I'm doing homework ...

Actually, I was probably looking through the curtains and trying to catch a glimpse of Marilyn with the big boobs, and I mean big boobs, changing clothes in her bedroom which I had a perfect view of from my bed room, yeah.

So anyway, Wesley from across the street and I decided to watch the stag film, and I guess I should mention that most stag films were from the late 40s or early 50s and the women had pendulous breasts, and hairy, I mean really hairy bushes, and yeah, I think we called them bushes back then, and the women had stretch marks and caked make-up, and they were generally very un-attractive but compared to the men ...
The men in stag films were always short and very swarthy, with greased backed hair, and pencil thin mustaches, and floppy schlongs, and ...
They always kept their socks on, their black socks on, their black socks with bad elastic that caused them to roll down around their ankles ...

So, I threaded the film and turned on the rickety old projector, and you wouldn't believe just how much noise one of those projectors made.

Oh yeah, I should probably mention that my old man was home.

Old man: What's that noise?
Me: Oh, me and Wesley from across the street are watching a home movie.
Old Man: Can, I come up and watch?
Me: Ahhhhhhh, errrrrrrrrrrrr, ummmmmmmmmmmm, NO, it's a home movie of Wesley from across the street when he was a baby and he's kind of embarrassed!

So, yeah, Country Joe and the Fish, great album.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Can you see the pained expression in my face?

Sunglasses after dark

I was at Walmart the other day and the guy in front of me was buying a machete, a fucking machete ... at Walmart, who knew the Amazon Basin cut through NE Michigan!

I had a dream last night that a carload of nuns pulled into my driveway and tried to talk me into adopting a couple of parrots.

As the dream continued, I was laying in bed covered in bird seed and what I thought was a parrot, but what turned out to be a giant parakeet, was perched on my chest and eating the bird seed.

Someone is shooting off fireworks a couple of streets over.

My niece is driving up tomorrow, she is bringing her cat Cookie.

My sister and her husband left Florida today. They will be driving their motor home and towing their car, they are also bringing their rottweiler Thor.

Doesn't bother me. I'm just going to slip it into cruise control and go with the flow until my surgery.

Baby ...

Actually, I am in quite a bit of pain.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

From the inside looking out

I had to pick up a copy of my last MRI from the hospital in Tawas to take to the hospital down in Saginaw. It was on a CD-ROM, so I popped it in the computer and took a look.