Thursday, December 29, 2005

If Angela Chase led my so-called life she wouldn't have the balls to complain about hers

I didn't turn on the tree lights today so that means that the holiday season is officially over, seriously, and officially.

I think Gerard Depardieu is stalking me. He was definitely trying to make eye contact with me in My Father The Hero.

I keep walking by the 50% off xmas candy displays at all the stores, but I haven't bought anything yet, but I don't know what is going to happen when the discount hits 75%.

Don't even ask me about New Year's Eve. Some of the worst nights in my life have been New Year's Eve.
Ok, so you asked, here's three of the worst, in chronological order.
New Year's Eve 1960 - I was spending the week at my grandparents house. My grandparents who didn't have a television, a radio, a record player, or a telephone, and what the fuck, it was 1960 and everyone had a television, a radio, a record player, and a telephone, I mean even the pre-Beverly Hills Clampetts had a television, a radio, a record player, and a telephone, but no, not my grandparents.
So anyway, because they didn't have a television, a radio, a record player or a telephone you naturally went to bed early. Oh, and did I mention they lived in one of the worst public housing projects in Detroit? Well, they did. So anyway, precisely at midnight on new year's eve, and remember, I am only nine years old at the time, so, precisely at midnight there was all sorts of gun fire outside my bedroom window, gunfire followed by drunken revelry, gunfire followed by drunken revelry and really loud music, gunfire followed by drunken revelry, and really loud music, and my grandfather wandering the hallways in his nightshirt yelling ...
Play the Chipmunk Song, play the Chipmunk Song, play the Chipmunk Song, I wanna here Alvin, I wanna here Alvin, I wanna here Alllllllllllllll-vin. I wanna here the Chipmunk Song!!!

I'm sorry, but that memory is so traumatic that you'll have to wait to hear the rest of my ...
New Year's Eves tales of woe.
Alllllllllllllllllll-vin ...
Alllllllllllllllllll-vin ...
Alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll-vin ...

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

The ghosts of xmas past

Ronnie's father was a television repairman when we were all kids back on Quinkert in the 50's and 60's.
There were no doctors, or lawyers, or captains of industry living in our neighborhood, so yeah, a television repairman was pretty hot stuff.
We all thought that Ronnie pretty much had it made.
Seriously, back then televisions weren't cheap and disposable like they are today and if something went wrong with your one and only tv set you naturally called in the repairman.
Yeah, Ronnie pretty much had it made, or so we thought.
Ronnie's father made a pretty good living.
Not only did he have his day job at a tv repair shop but he also had quite a little not reported for tax purposes, under the counter, moonlighting gig from fixing televisions around the neighborhood.
The trouble was that Ronnie's mother spent it faster than Ronnie's father made it.
I should probably say here that Ronnie was a real prick, he really was, and I think he probably got his prickiness genes from his mother.
On the other hand, Ronnie's father was a real nice guy.
He was a quiet and unassuming man who had been a Sgt in the Marines and had fought in the Pacific during World War Two. All our dads were World War Two vets, and they had all seen action, but Ronnie's dad was the only Sgt, and the only Marine, and the only one who had fought in the Pacific, and yeah, even our dads' thought that he was pretty impressive shit.
Anyway, what does this have to do with the ghosts of xmas past?
Like I said, Ronnie's mother spent it faster than Ronnie's dad could make it and I guess she really went all out at xmas time.
So every year, a few days after xmas Ronnie's dad would get good and drunk and pull Ronnie aside, and gave him the keys to the house, a couple hundred dollars in cash, and he'd tell Ronnie to take good care of his mother and his brother and sisters, because the stress had just gotten too much for Ronnie's father to handle and, Ronnie's father had decided that it would be best for everyone if he just left and went back to Tennessee, and he'd be sending money weekly once he got settled in, and he'd hop in his television repair van and take off.
By the time he'd gotten to Toledo he had either sobered up or come to his senses and he'd drive back home.
Ronnie told me this when we are about fourteen years old, and yeah, Ronnie grew to hate xmas, and really, could you blame him.
Ronnie was still a prick, but who wouldn't be.
How fucked up is that?

Monday, December 26, 2005

I thought he was already dead.

Ok, we all know that week between xmas and new years is a very strange week, yes indeed.
One of the many phenomenon of said week is the deluge of old celebrities who go to meet their maker.
C'mon, I have no statistics to back me up, but it seems they all wait till the after xmas sales start before they decide to kick off.
Seriously, check it out.
Frank Sinatra
Bob Hope
Jimmy Stewart
George Burns
Johnny Carson
They all died the week after xmas.
Honest, you can check it out if you don't believe me.
Who is it going to be this year?
Bob Barker?
Dick Clark?
C. Montgomery Burns?
Queen Elizabeth?
One of those old gay English Shakespearian dudes?
Who, who, who???

Friday, December 23, 2005

Ho ho ho

Merry Christmas

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Hey Boz, what's been happening?

I'm in a fashion quandary.
My fat pants are a little too big, but my regular pants are still a little too tight.
I think I'll take a page out of Homer Simpson's book and just go with a Muu-Muu.

In other news ...
I cleaned out the fridge yesterday.
I threw out the five cans of tuna that had been in there well over two years.
I threw out two nearly empty jars of Icy Hot.
I threw out a half bottle of generic Pepto-Bismol.
I threw out some cheese from one of the god awful gift baskets I received last year for xmas.
I threw out five jars of orange stuff that I think might have been spiced carrot shreddings, either that or the ghost of xmas past, or maybe it was the egg plant that ate Cincinnati.
And ...
I threw out a jar of apricots that had only two half apricots left in the jar, and they looked so lonely, and one was sort of all shriveled up and it looked a little like Abraham Lincoln the night he went to the Ford Theater to see Our American Cousin.

In other news ...
I was standing in line at Customer Service at the Evil Empire to get a refund and some guy was being all abusive to the clerks because he had to wait ohhhhh I don't know five minutes, and the woman in front of me told him to lighten up that the clerks were doing the best they could, and he told the lady to ...
Get a face lift
and then he told her to ...
Get a job so she could afford a face lift
And then the store manager came in and the two of them argued back and forth for awhile
And then the store manager said ...
We don't need your business
And then the guy said to the store manager ...
Why don't you get married so you won't look so gay.
And then I said ...
Ok, I didn't say anything, but ten minutes later I thought of some really cool stuff I could have said to him.
The jerk.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

When she walks just like a samba ...

Excuse me if I'm feeling a bit smug this evening.
I just found this comment on one of the photos on my buzznet account.
I mean seriously, she's from Brazil, and she's very attractive, and she's a professional photographer, and she's from ... Brazil, and I wonder if when she passes each one she passes go ahhhhhhhhhhhh, and she's from ... Brazil.

Monday, December 19, 2005

One Golden Ring

I'm listening to Harry Belafonte sing Day-o aka The Banana Boat Song.
My sister, my oldest sister, for years and years and years wanted the Harry Belafonte Live at Carnegie Hall Record album for Xmas. I don't know if she ever got it.
I do remember that the year she got a record player for Xmas she got some Elvis Presley 45s, that was the Xmas that I cracked the lid of the record player that my sister got for Xmas when I sat on it. Hey, I was only like five years old, ok, maybe six years old, and it's not like I broke open a ball point pen and got ink all over the arm rest of the new couch. I mean, I didn't do that until I was at least seven.
Anyway, I found the ring that my parents gave me for Xmas about 15 years ago.
Want to see it???

It's a star sapphire, and yeah, it's stuck on my chubby little finger.
Cool how it refracts the light though, isn't it, and I suppose that is why it is called a star sapphire.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Gift Card for MB

Gift Card for MB
Originally uploaded by boz48730.

When you care enough to give the Evil Empire.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Who needs snow tires?

Who needs snow tires?
Originally uploaded by boz48730.

Those damn kids!!!

You wouldn't believe just how cold that snow was.

I'm telling you, I was positively hypothermatic by the time I got it toweled off.
Look how white the snow made my beard and mustache look.

For all her fans

Looking like a Geriatric Gidget.

A video extravaganza

Me bringing the trash cans in after the snow.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Wednesday night, maybe

There's a snow storm heading in after midnight and I have a dentist appointment at noon, and all I want to do is stay home and play Hey You Damn Kids Get Off My Lawn with MB's new walker.

Wednesday, I think

Took MB to her Doctor appointment today.
She got a script for her rapid heartbeat (dilacor) and a walker to help her ... walk.
The Doctor told her she had to use it or lose it, meaning she had to walk to build up her leg muscles or she would end up in a wheel chair.
She got so wound up in the examination room that she wouldn't stop talking.
It was yak yak yak yak, and when bozzie was five he ....
And yak yak yak, and when bozzie's nephew asked him if he was ever going to get married bozzie said ...
And yak yak yak, and bozzie is such a good housekeeper ...
And yak yak yak, and bozzie is such a good cook ...
And yak yak yak, and bozzie is such a good nurse ...
And yak yak yak, bozzie wet the bed until he was twelve years old ....


I wish I had a walker.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

For ten bonus points ...

Who is this man, and why is he doing the "otay" sign?

Monday, December 12, 2005

Monday afternoon

Ok, I am having a bit of an anxiety crisis at the present time. Nothing really serious, tightness in my throat and what feels like a fist pressing against the back of my stomach. This is nothing to what it used to be like years and years ago, when at times I was a total basket case, but it worries me.
If you have any stress relieving tricks, bring them on, or even words of support will do, or money, you can always send money.

MB is doing great. She has a drs appointment on Wednesday.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Saturday night

I've been on an emotional roller coaster the last two nights, but I think it's getting better.
As of now MB is doing very well, sick, but better.
If there are any complications between now and Monday I will take her to the emergency room.
If there are no complications I will take her to the doctor's on Monday.
I think she is getting fed up with me hovering over her like a mother hen, what can I say, I hover when I'm worried.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Friday night

My mother is sick tonight.
She is no longer Mother Boz, mostly because I am no longer Boz.
She is just my mother and I am just Ken, and Ken isn't handling it very well.
I don't think it is too serious, at least tonight, but what of the coming days, weeks, months, and years.
I am not the altrusitic good son that some of you think I am. I am just a son, better than some, worse than others.
I feel helpless and anxious, and I don't like it.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

What style of panties are you?

My new quizilla quiz.

We don't need no stinkin' title

So, I'm supposed to be writing one of those Quizilla quizzes called Which Style of Panties Are You.
Instead I'm sitting here getting all wistful while listening to Donovan "Father of Ione Skye" Leitch, and I guess wistful is as good as any emotion at a little after midnight when the temperature is hovering around. let me check ...
Holy shit, when the temperature is hovering around zero-oh-oh-oh-oh.

Must be the season of the witch

So yeah, the Quizilla quiz.
I'm thinking ...
boy cut
Would you believe that according to my confidential panty expert that thongs are soooooooooo 90's and boy cut is the way to go.

On the firefly platform on Sunny Goodge Street
A violent hash smoker shook a chocolate machine
Involved in an eating scene

Yeah, Donovan Leitch.
He was someone I would have loved to have seem in concert back in the 60's
Because he was sooooooooo 60's, seriously 60's.

Goo Goo Barabajagal

So anyway ...
Which style of Panties are you
1. You want a midnight snack, what do you get?
a. A piece of pie, because the piece you had for dessert was so good.
b. Some carrot sticks, or maybe a salad, no dressing.
c. A diet soda and a sandwich.
d. All of the above, and a couple slices of pizza, and make that diet soda a Jolt Cola, and some of that leftover chicken would be good too. It doesn't really matter because I'm going to finish it off with a trip to the bathroom and a finger down the throat.

It's a start, I guess.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

It's Cole with an "e"

Ehhh, time to make a post I guess.
Keetsie is RIPing out at the curb in a garbage can, inside a trash bag, wrapped in paper towels, sniff ... sniff ... sniff ...
MB has taken Keetsie's place in the trilogy trinity of mockingdom. I mean, man, it's frightening how little respect I get around here, in my own house even.
It is very cold out today.
Dogs and fries for dinner.
I should really feed the other two birds, but they give me the evil eye whenever I walk by their cage, it's like they hold me responsible, when actually Gaby and Chello didn't even like Keetsie. I swear, I'm not making this up to assuage my guilty conscience.
Anyway, I guess that's all for now.

Monday, December 05, 2005



I went down, down, down, as the flames went up higher

Things Johnny Cash and I have in common
1. We were both intercept operators in the air force.
2. He was a country music icon, I'm an internet icon.
3. He married June Carter, I voted for Jimmy Carter.
4. We both shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
5. Joaquim Phoenix plays Johnny Cash in Walk The Line. I was pulled over on a traffic violation and had to walk a straight line in Phoenix.
6. My gmail account is boz48730, Johnny Cash had boz48731.
7. We both felt that Dolly Parton's boobs were way to big.
8. We both have trouble with number 8.
9. He was an original member of the Highwaymen. I was an original member of the RW ... BS.
10. We both prefer plastic over paper.

Monday is the next day of the rest of the week

I don't know. Things are kind of wanky lately.
Usually late at night is my time. The time when I get things done, but lately, ehhh, I've just felt bored, depressed and a little apprehensive about ... about everything I guess. It could be the season, it could be mortality creeping up, it could be that my nephew's daughter, the grand dufus's sister, my grand niece, is sixteen years old, an honor student, that has just started a part time job at Pet Smart, and when her dad picked her up from work yesterday he picked her up in the 2000 Mustang they just bought for her which she only has to pay insurance on.
Yeah, I think I'm just jealous.
Or tired.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Book, Music, and Movie Exchange

I just had another brilliant idea.
All bloggers love to read, listen to music, and watch movies, am I right?
But the costs are outrageous.
So what do you think about starting a message board where we could list books, cds or cassettes, and movies that we would like to trade for other books, cds or cassettes, and movies?
I'd list what I had for trade, you'd list what you had for trade, everybody would list what they had to trade. This could lead to the downfall of EBay!!!
Man, boz, this is a great idea!!!
Media mail costs about a buck, what have you go to lose?
Let me know what you think, and if I get any interest whatsoever I'll send a group email to all my friends, and you could send a group email to all your friends, and then we can see what develops.

Hey, at least I got a halfway interesting post out of it.

The first rule of the grand ennui is ...

Ok, so I got the first message on my new telephone/answering machine yesterday.
It was from LuAnne from the library.
The book I asked her to put a hold on is in.
It's by that Chuck guy that all you young people get a bone over.
You know, the guy who wrote Fight Club.
It's Choke, and is it just me but does the book cover look like the cover of Gray's Anatomy?
It is just me, isn't it? I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Update- Shmupdate

MB is doing better, but she is still a little hesitant about walking on her own.
My new bed arrived today. It's only a full size but it's about 12 feet high and I need a ladder to climbing into bed. What???
Blah, blah, blah.
I had to get a new phone, well actually, I had to get a new answering machine, so I just got a combo instead. Luckily I checked one last time before I called the phone company and made a fool of myself with wild accusations about the crapacity of their maintenance department.
I have a dental check-up today, which is cool because I get to have a busty dental technician, and a busty dental technician assistant orally probe me ... bustily and orally.
My diet is working, so you can call me Slim because None just left town.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Anyone want to trade the last two days?

So anyway, I decided to re-arrange my bedroom for the first time in five years because my new larger bed will be delivered Tuesday or Wednesday of this week.
I mean, I moved everything, and many things I moved many times, but we all know how that is.
I guess it took four or five hours with all the rest breaks in between and due to my unfortunate spinal condition I ached liked a MoFo when I had finished.
I figured a nice hot shower would take care of some of those aches and pains so I jumped right in.
By the way, generic Head and Shoulders is a really nice shampoo. It makes your hair all soft and silky, and it smells good too.
While I was in the shower I heard a loud CLUNK, but I didn't pay much attention to it because the guy who lives next door is always making loud CLUNKS.
When I finished the shower I came out of the bathroom and there was Mother Boz in the kitchen on one knee holding on to the bar. I swear, I thought she had found religion at first, but no, she had slid, slid not fallen, and she was the loud CLUNK I heard while I was in the shower.
She asked me to help her up, which of course I did after much cursing under my breath because I get so frustrated when she falls.
I asked her if she was alright and she said yeah yeah yeah, and that was that.
Now here is where it gets interesting.
At about 12:30 am while I was reading the online Detroit News we have a power outage.
Ok, now I am sitting here in the dark in a newly re-arranged bedroom and I don't know where anything is, so I start stumbling around, knocking over, and tripping over anything that is in my path.
I remembered I had put a flashlight on the night stand so I groped around till I finally found it.
I did the whole candle thing and just sort of sat there waiting till I heard MB wake-up so I could warn her about no electricity.
I hear her stirring in her room so I go and warn her. We have a semi-intelligible conversation and she trudges off to the bathroom and I go back to my bedroom.
Five minutes later I hear another loud CLUNK and I run into the bathroom and there is MB sort of laying looking like a turtle that has been turned over on it's back.
I help her up, ask her if she is alright, and after she assures me that she is we go our separate ways.
The power comes back on after about two hours and I get up to set all the digital clocks and then I go back to bed.
I finally fall asleep, you know, it's really difficult to fall asleep when your bed is in a new position ...
At about 6:15 I wake up and I hear a tap tap tapping. I don't know what the fuck it is. I thought it might be someone at the door, but at six in the morning ... WTF.
The tapping keeps tapping and as my head clears I figure out it must be MB, so yeah, I hurry down to her room and there she is laying in the floor next to her bed tapping against the dresser with a pair of scissors.
She had tried to get up out of bed, but I guess she sort of slipped.
I helped her up again, asked if she was ok.
This time she sort of wasn't ok.
Her hip was giving her problems.
Yeah, old lady, hip, you think the worse, but it wasn't the worse, but it's bad enough.
She's bruised her hip and she isn't able to get up by herself and she is afraid to walk unless I help her, which I gladly do with a smile on my face ... every ... single ... time !!!
But anyway, it looks like I get to play evil hospital orderly like in One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest for the next couple of days ...
And did I tell you how much my back hurts???

Thanks for listening if you actually did.
This was very cathartic.

Sunday, November 27, 2005


Her mother was a loan officer at a branch of a local bank, who read self help books, and fantasized about being abducted by aliens.
Her father, who she hadn't see since her parent's divorce was rumored to be ...
Well, let's just say we'll be finding out more about her father as our story progresses.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Changed her name and then he was a she

A rare pic of Nico from when she was a member of the Velvet Underground.

Look at the adam's apple bulging under her turtleneck.
Look at that mustache.
Look at those hips.
Look at that erection and it's futile attempt to escape the confines of her oh so tight, oh so snug fitting jeans.
Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?

Nico, you're a MAN, admit it.

I bet she is reading the personals of some weird perverted sex newspaper looking for men who look like women looking for other men who look like women ... object amour.
Or maybe she is just checking out the after Thanksgiving sales at Sears.

Anyway, how was your Thanksgiving.
I heard that Nico's sucked, because she's a MAN ...
And being dead couldn't have helped much either.

I'll Be Your Mirror - The Velvet Underground & Nico

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Who needs TV when you've got T Rex

Random Play With a Twist
The first ten songs random songs that I didn't recognize until I checked.

1. ZZ Top Goes to Egypt - Camper Van Beethoven
2. Dig For Fire - The Pixies
3. Master and Slave - Cherry Poppin' Daddies
4. Let's Get Fucked Up - The Cramps
5. All The Young Dudes - Jill Sobule
6. Oh Miss Ohio - Gillian Welch
7. It Must Be Summer - Fountains of Wayne
8. Catholic Boy - Jim Carroll Band
9. Chris and Johnny - 4 AM Blues
10. Show Me Your Pussy - Lords of Acid

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

And now on with the news

This just in ...
Unable to cope with life, after his 15 minutes in the spotlight had passed, the artist once known as the dancing baby took his own life earlier today.

According to a spokesman, the dancing baby, real name Tyler Fresno, had been despondent since he had learned that his parents had squandered the vast fortune that he had earned in the mid 90's, it seemed that the laws governing child actors did not apply to the internet. That and a recent coke bust, and the realization that he would always be known as the dancing baby just proved to be too much for the now teenage Tyler to handle.


She had moved to Santa Rosa with her mother from Ohio just after her parents divorced when she was five years old.
In elementary school she had been a shy and moody child, shunned by the other girls, her looks as yet unappreciated by the boys.
In third grade the first time she refused to answer the teacher she was made to stay after school.
The second time she refused to answer she was sent to the office.
After the third time she spent the afternoon on a cot in the school nurse's office.
Finally, after the fourth time she refused to answer the teacher her mother was called and an appointment was arranged with a child psychologist.
This was a trend that would continue all her life.


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

If I am not me who am I?

Ya know, I think my favorite non-Boz persona is Francis Pottie.
He's a genuinely decent guy, and he's Canadian.
But ...
T-Dub is my inner child.
And ...
Bhagarna the Foreign Man he is me as idiot savant.
I guess that would make Dr Hunter Douglas ... Male Psychiatrist the man I wish I was.
Ehhhhhhh, Wing Loo, the Adorable Little Chinese Lad, he's definitely my spiritual side.
Anyway ...

Monday, November 21, 2005

What would the Duke say?

Gretchen Mol as Bettie Page

In the soon to be released or already released bio-pic on Bettie Page.

Saturday, November 19, 2005


As I slumped to the floor I began to remember a lot of things.
Silence ...
Flashes of light ...
John Cougar Mellencamp ...
Shaving in the bathroom mirror ...
Pin pricks ...
Men with crewcuts and grey suits ...
A long dark hallway ...
Where did one start and the other end?


Friday, November 18, 2005

I think I need to get out more

What do you think, does it look like the pillows are humping?
Or do I just need to get out more?


I'm charging the battery now. Hopefully that will get it going because I have a nine am appointment to get it looked at tomorrow.

Does anynone know how long it takes to charge a car battery from a battery charger?

Buck Naked Friday Part Two

We need an icon, we gotta have an icon.

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I couldn't believe what I saw.
I ran my hand across my forehead.
There were stitches.
I couldn't tell how many, there had to be eight, nine, at least ten of them.
I ran into the bathroom to get a closer look.
Yes, there were ten stitches across my forehead.
They looked fresh.
The skin around the stitches hadn't started to turn that sickening yellowish greenish blue color yet.
All of a sudden I felt woosy.
I turned to the toilet bowl.
I glanced into the waste basket next to the bowl.
It was filled with blood soaked tissue paper.
I tried to steady myself and called out for her.
She came quickly to the bathroom.
On wobbly legs I asked her what the fuck had happened.
She looked surprised, shook her head and said she couldn't believe I didn't remember.
As I slumped to the floor I began to remember.

[Link - That Night]

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Hark and Ferd and a story that goes nowhere

When I was stationed on Crete back in 70-71 I had two friends named Hark and Ferd.
Hark was married.
Ferd was single.
Most of the single guys had a crush on Hark's wife probably because of her long legs and her short skirts.
Hark's wife also had a whiny disposition which in small doses a lot of the guys I guess found endearing.
I guess you could have called her cute, maybe even pretty, except to me she always seemed to be sucking on a lemon.
Yeah, she wasn't my favorite person.
Hark was middle america and as middle class as you can get. His parents were both high school teachers in central Ohio, and Hark was a high school basketball and baseball star who got a baseball scholarship to Ohio University.
Ferd was irish urban working class from Boston with a half dozen brothers and sisters, and he was also a high school sports star, but no college.
Hark's wife?
She was from an upper middle class suburb of Cleveland who met Hark while they were students at OU.
Hark and Ferd were really tight.
If you want my honest opinion, I thought Ferd had more than a simple crush on Hark's wife. I thought he was in love with her, unrequited, but still in love.

Sidenote: There was quite a bit of single guy and married guy's wife stuff going on at the time. Not just unrequited, but a lot of the requited variety going on too.

It was the spring of 1971 and Hark's wife's sister flew over for a visit.
Can you see where this is going?

Yeah, Ferd fell in love with Hark's wife's sister and they eventually got married.

Ok, call my cynical, but I knew from the start that this marriage wasn't going to work. Come on, Hark's wife's sister was just a substitute for Hark's wife, it was obvious.
Not only that, I couldn't see Hark's wife's sister's upper middle class waspish upbringing meshing with Ferd's working class irish roots.
This marriage was doomed from the start.

Flash forward thirty years.
Through the miracle of the internet a bunch of us from the Crete 70-71 era were able to hook up. It was kind of cool, you know, retelling old war stories and catching up on what life had dealt a bunch of twenty year olds who were now fifty year olds.
Eventually, the online network sort of faded away and we drifted apart.
Hey, that's what happens.

Oh yeah, Hark and Ferd, and Hark's wife, and Hark's wife's sister ...

Ferd and Hark's wife's sister are living in Phoenix. He cleans pools and she works in an office, they play golf everyday, and have no kids.

Hark and Hark's wife had a couple of kids and were divorced.
Hark remarried.
Hark and his current wife are both high school teachers in eastern Ohio.
Hark's ex-wife, remarried and divorced a couple more times and is now a social worker and living alone in Buffalo. I bet she's still sucking on that lemon, and I bet she's a cat lady too!

That's it, there's no moral or anything, except that then, as now, my instincts suck.

Buck Naked Friday

There is a new phenomenon sweeping the blog world called Half Nekkid Thursday which is actually a pretty good idea except that I am not much of a joiner unless I have some means of control of the situation.
With that in mind I am starting a new feature called Buck Naked Friday, but instead of posting the pics on your blog you email them directly to me.
Multiple entries are not only accepted but encouraged.

Ok, I know the chances are slim and none, and slim just left town, that I will get any responses, but just thinking about it is giving me a bit of a chubby.


I wasn't sure what was going on.
I absentmindedly started scratching a freckle on the back of my wrist.
She sighed and told me to quit picking at or it would start bleeding just like it did last time.
I was going to tell her that I wasn't picking at it, I was scratching it, but figured what's the use, and said nothing.
She shook her head disapprovingly and returned to her book.
I saw an ant carrying a crumb almost half it's size slowly heading towards the bathroom.
I watched it for awhile trying to imagine how much I could carry if I had the strength of an ant.
I got up intending to step on the ant when I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

[That Night-Link]

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


I woke up in a cold sweat, thrashing about under the covers.
She looked up from her book and asked if I'd had a bad dream.
I closed my eyes real tight for a few seconds, opened them, and stared at her real hard.
I took a deep breath, kicked the covers off and sat on the edge of the bed and told her that yeah, I guess I must have.

[That Night-Link]

It's good being Boz

Even with only an hour and a half sleep.

The wind blows free and so does he

Man, I doubt if I'll sleep at all tonight.
We've got a wind advisory and it must be gusting up to sixty miles an hour.
I've got enough problems trying to fall asleep, how am I supposed to .... ummmm, heh, nevermind.
Anyway, I've lost power three times tonight already, just for a split second, but still long enough to send every digital clock in the house into a 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 frenzy.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, huh, what, no, I wasn't asleep.
Ok, I'm not scared of the wind, oh no, it's nothing like that.
It's just that it, you know, it's just so noisy and stuff.
I'm soooooooooo tired.
Oh yeah, I heard gun fire about an hour and a half ago.
This reminds me of the time that Scout and Tom took the shortcut back from school the night of the open house, remember how windy it was that night.
His name was Tom, wasn't it.
No, it wasn't Tom, I just checked, it was Jem.
Where did I get Tom???
It is sooooooooooo fucking windy.
Tree branches scrapping against the house and windows.
Ceiling tiles rising and falling.
Floor boards creaking.
Lights dimming.
Back to the gunshot, or rifle shot.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was a rifle shot, because fire arm deer hunting season started yesterday, and it was probably some drunk hunter accidentally discharging his rifle. I mean, but still!!!
So anyway, yeah.
I think I'll turn on the tv and watch the farm reports, I've sort of lost track of the soybean futures the past couple ... DECADES.
But ha ...
I said ha ...
I can sleep all day today if I so desire.
So Mr. Wind go bite somebody else on the ass.

Even Don Quixote gets the blues

I don't get a lot of hateful feedback, but I get enough.
It's always from guys in their 30's who resent the fact that I am 55 years old but don't act like it.
Well, fuck 'em.
It's more than that though.
It's guys in their 30's who resent the fact that most of the handful of visitors I get are women in their 30's.
Hey, when I started writing this thing over three years ago I didn't write with a certain demographic in mind. I didn't try to cultivate a certain type of visitor. I just wrote ... whatever, hoping that someone might stumble in and liked what I had to say well enough to leave a comment every once in awhile.
For the most part it's worked.
Sure, there are times that I wish that I was one of those immensely popular blogs with tons of comments everyday, but ehhhhh.
I think I've found myself a comfortable little niche in my little corner of the internet.
I think I am pretty well known in the area of personal blogs.
I think my writing is fairly entertaining.

I guess what I am trying to say that if you don't like me, if you don't like what I write, if you don't like the way I lead my life .... who the fuck cares.

Oh yeah, if you attack people that I care about I will retaliate.
[See Previous Post]

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Bring it on

Deleted comment

Hey Super-Bozu! How does it feel to be such a slimeball that you can actually capitalize on someone else's weakness in order to get cheap phone sex? How does it feel to know that the mother whose house you live in has moments of great disappointment when she considers the fact that her son grew up to be a pathetic loser who never did anything with his life? How does it feel to know that fantasy girl doesn't ever want to meet you in real life because, amongst other things, old age plus bad diet plus hormonal deficiency equals a really unpleasant smell? Please enlighten me!
justin | 11.15.05 - 9:19 pm | #

This is the guy who said that.

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How worried should I be? He might as well have LATENT tattooed on his forehead.

Fuck you Moody Blues

It's 2:15 in the afternoon and I am sitting here in a t-shirt and jeans, no shoes, no socks, no service, and I can't even get motivated enough to ...
Comb my hair
Lick my wounds
Look out the window
Pick up my socks
Take a couple of Tylenol
Make up my mind
Do the Hustle
Go back to bed
Kiss an angel good morning (thank you Charlie Pride)
Change my mind
Learn a foreign language
Turn on a light
Turn off a light
Turn on
Tune in
Drop Out (thank you Timothy Leary)
Drop Dead (Thank you Alfred E Neuman)
Check my attitude at the door
Scratch my balls, well, I can do that
Hope for the best
Expect the wurst, hahaha
Inherit the wind
Reap the wind
Pass the wind, ooops, sorry
Worship false idols
etc ...
etc ...
etc ...

I lied, I'm not wearing jeans, but most of the rest is true.

Monday, November 14, 2005

E Tawas Time

So, I get a call from the guy that rakes leaves for me at EIGHT THIRTY IN THE FUCKING MORNING saying that since the weather for the next few days is going to bad that he would like to rake the leaves this afternoon. Sure, fine, go ahead, whatever ...
It's now 3:11 in the afternoon and he hasn't shown up yet. Being that it is at least a four hour job and it will be pitch dark in three hours I think he's a no show.

Actual leaves from my actual front yard.
Actually, it was taken last year.

Update: The leaf guy just showed up with his girl friend/wife and another guy at 3:45, so maybe they will get it done before dark.

Reading is fun and mental

A year ago at this time I had no books in my library, actually I didn't even have a library, mostly because I had quit reading about 15 years ago.
I just counted and now I have twenty five books in my library, that's if you can call the top of two dressers between the speakers of my CD player a library.
Yeah, twenty five books. I haven't read all of them, but I will, well, except for that Judy Blume book which I'll probably give to my niece if she comes up for Thanksgiving like she said she would.
There's quite a few Stephen King novels. He's pretty easy to pick up and kind of hard to put down.
Then I've got a couple by Joseph Heller, both Catch-22 and it's sequel that I can't remember the title of of, that Belle sent to me, and yeah, Catch-22 is probably my favorite read of all time.
Then there is a poetry anthology that Melissa sent to me that just screams BEAT GENERATION with William Carlos Williams, and Ferlinghetti, and Ginsberg, and the rest of the best minds of their generation ...
Then there are the Salinger's and the Lynda Barry's, that really started me reading again, that Amy sent to me, and I don't know who had a more profound effect on me Seymour or Marlys.
I can't forget all the bargains I've gotten for myself at the library book sale rack. There's The Godfather by Puzo, The Boys of Summer by Kahn, and I, Robot by Asimov, and Alice in Wonderland by Carroll, and some novel by Kafka that isn't Metamorphosis.
Of course there's the crappy crime novels that I love to read. There's one about the murder of Bob Crane, you know Colonel Hogan from Hogan's Heroes, and then there's the one about death of George Superman Reeves which could have been suicide or could have been murder and could have been a lot better written ...
Ok, yeah, I still haven't read the Henry Millers. I'm such a poseur, but seriously, I'll get to him eventually.
So yeah, reading is a good thing and I wonder why I ever stopped in the first place.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

I trust no one, not even myself.

Parents murdered, girl kidnapped.
Am I overly cynical or does something seem fishy here?
Here's my take on it.
The kidnapper and the girl were boyfriend and girlfriend, the parents disapproved, the teenagers killed them, and then took off.

Seriously he says

I seriously think that the writer of one of the blogs I read is going insane. We'll just leave it at that, but if you think it may be you, maybe you should seek some help, seriously.

Anyway, I got a flu shot on Friday and it has knocked me on my ass. It feels like a dump trunk has run over the left side of my body, and I've been sneezing all day, ten at a time.
Ahhhhhh ...

And I'm feeling feverish too, too, too.

And I'm fat.
Hello, I'm boz and I weigh 252 pounds.
Ok, I'm six foot three so I'm not fat to the point where I have to tool around the Evil Empire in a motorized cart, but I'm fat ... fat ... fat ...
I am seriously going on a diet starting two days ago, and I'm going to try and take off 30 pounds by my birthday which is like seven months away.

I guess that's it.
I'm going to have a candy bar and go to bed.

Friday, November 11, 2005

I'm not dead yet

So, what have I been doing while I haven't been posting?

I've been reading the Shawshank Redemption part of S. King's Different Seasons.

And ...
I've been downloading and burning CDs, including that one by Lucinda Williams that I can't remember the name of, you know what it is though, it's her last studio release, the one that she says fuck a few times on.
I've also downloaded and burnt Wayward Angels by Kasey Chambers, and I've downloaded but haven't burnt Furnace Room Lullabys by Neko Case.
I've also sent a get well CD to a friend of a whole lot of Nancy Sinatra stuff.
Hmmm, a lot of music going down, huh!
That's because music is in my stream, as Lucinda William's would say.
Whoa ...
A lot of music by WOMEN going down, excellent.

Oh yeah, I bought the book Heroes and Villains: The True Story of the Beach Boys off of EBay tonight. The book was only fifty cents, the s&h was 3 bucks minus a penny. I have to get into that s&h racket, that's where all the money is. Murry Wilson, their father is crazier than bat shit. Yeah, it's Murry, not Murray, or Muarry, or Marie, or Fred ... Murry. Good old Mur' used to pop out his glass eye and make Brian stare into the empty eye socket as a means of inspiration and punishment. Good old Mur' also cuffed Brian on the head so many times that he was deaf in one ear. Good old Mur' also tied Brian to a tree in the front yard because, well because, he could, I guess.
There's also a rumor that GOM once made Brian take a dump on a plate in the living room in front of the rest of the family.
I mean, I really want to read this book!!!

Finally, on a sad note. I had to buy fat pants today.
Fat ...
Pants ...

Monday, November 07, 2005

Pick a number between 1 and 48730

It's official.
I am more Boz than I am Ken.
I surrender.
Long live Boz.
Long live The Grand Ennui.
Is this good or bad?
I don't know, I wonder what Boz thinks.
I've pretty much said all that there is to say.
Blah ...
Slap, kick, bite, fade left, fade right, drool.

Did I ever tell you about the time I was in the middle of a riot when I was in Japan?
And then there was that time I almost burnt down the barracks.
And I don't know how many times some drunken Japanese local yelled Atomic Bomb, Atomic Bomb, Atomic Bomb at me, and I drunkenly yelled back Baatan Death March Baby, Baatan Death March.
But anyway ...

Sunday, November 06, 2005


He stood there waiting as a million questions went through my mind.
As I was about to speak an alarm went off and the room went dark.
The door burst open and there was a white hot flash as the man with the crew cut and the grey suit collapsed on the floor.
Someone took hold of my arm and led me out the door.


Saturday, November 05, 2005


Who was I kidding.
She was going to blame me for this.
Somehow all of this was going to be my fault.
I knew what was going through her mind at this very moment.

He shouldn't have pressed me.
He should have let it run it's course.
He shouldn't have left.
It's his ritual.
It's not my fucking ritual.

The door opened and the taller and older man with the crewcut and the grey suit came into the room.
He smiled at me and asked if I had any questions.



A voice came over a speaker that was mounted over the door.
It was a man's voice.
I assumed he had a crew cut and wore a grey suit.
He told me that if I were hungry there was food in the refrigerator, and that I should help myself.
I spoke for the first time.
I asked them what they wanted with me.
There was no answer, just music.
It sounded like the fm local classic rock station.
If it were a local station that would be a good thing.


Friday, November 04, 2005


How long had I been out?
Was it a few hours.
Was it a few days.
I scratched my chin, there was stubble.
I had shaved last night, or was that the dream?
I had a gut feeling it had to be at least twenty four hours.

She had to have missed me by now.
She must have called the authorities by now.

But the men with the crewcuts and grey suits, they had to be some kind of authority, didn't they?

She must be frantic by now.
God, I hope she is.



There were two men standing before me.
They both had crewcuts, they both wore grey suits.

The younger and the smaller of the two men stepped forward grabbed my wrist and took my pulse.
He then took a small flashlight out of his pocket and checked my vision.
He wrote something in a small notebook and showed it to the other man.

Without a word they turned around and left the room.
The door clicked and locked behind them.

I appeared to be in some sort of break room or staff lounge.

The left sleeve of my shirt was cut off above the elbow.
My forearm stung.
I peeled back a bandage to reveal two little pin pricks.

These were not poachers.



I was in the bathroom shaving.
I loved the bathroom mirror it always made me look better than I actually looked.
She was already in bed and she called to me to hurry up.
I told her I'd be there in a second and I started to rinse the lather off my face.
I looked back in the mirror while reaching for a towel.
And there was that shape again reflected in the mirror coming towards me.

A hard slap to the face brought me back to reality.
I shook my head trying to get rid of the cobwebs and then I opened my eyes.



The shape came closer.
It was definitely two, maybe three people.
They were carrying rifles.
They had to be poachers
This didn't look good.
I knew I was in serious trouble.
It was too late to jump in my car and take off.
A fleeting image of Ned Beatty squealing like a pig passed through my mind.
I had to do something.
I had to say something.
Think, think, think.
I had to convince them that I wasn't some kind of a cop.
I had to convince them I was a good old boy just like them.
I started to speak, and then I felt a blunt object strike the back of my head.
My knees began to buckle, and then I blacked out.



It had started this morning at breakfast.
She looked troubled and I asked if anything was wrong.
As soon as I spoke I knew what her answer would be.
There would be no answer.
Just a blank stare that looked right through me, not even acknowledging my existence.



I couldn't make out what it was, it was too far off in the distance.
All I could see was a shape rustling towards me.
It could have been a man, it could have been an animal, it could have been anything.

Why did I stop?
So what if there had been poachers.
What was I going to do, make a citizens arrest?

I could hear whatever it was now coming towards me.
I was getting nervous.

Why hadn't I gotten my flashlight out of the glove compartment?
Why hadn't I got a tire iron out of the trunk?
Why hadn't I kept that gun that my brother had given me for Christmas ten years ago?
Why did I let her silences get the best of me?


Standing there in the cool November air I decided it was time to go home.
It was part of the ritual.
I'd get mad.
I'd drive.
I'd go home.
All would be forgiven.
I took a last drag on my cigarette, and flicked it in the air.
Then by the orange light of the burning ember I saw something.


I had left in a hurry that night.
Her silence was driving me crazy and I knew I had to get out before I said, or did, something I would regret.
So I drove.
I always drove.

Thursday, November 03, 2005


It was late, and I had been driving non-stop most of the night.
I saw flashes up ahead.
There was a lot of wild game in this area and I am sure they were muzzle flashes.
It had to be poachers.
I slowed down and pulled over to the side of the road.
I turned off my engine and sat and listened.
The only sound was John Cougar Mellencamp singing a little ditty about Jack and Diane.
I opened my door.
Ding ding ding ding
Looked around and got out.
It was still.
Maybe they weren't flashes after all.
Maybe it was just my imagination.
Maybe I should just get back in my car and take off.
Maybe I will after my head clears and I finish the cigarette that I promised myself I wouldn't have.

Lose this blog

Before noon on thursday I would like to ...
1. Get an email.
2. Discover a cure for anything.
3. Get a phone call from someone who isn't trying to sell me something.
4. Kick See somebody's ass.
5. See the movie Stewardess School.
6. Lose twenty five pounds.
7. Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
8. Increase the size of my #117 by 11.7 per cent.
9. I don't know but it has something to do with boobs.
10. Cry manly tears.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Steal this blog

I just read my grand niece's blog.
She's 16 years old and she went out trick or treating on Monday, but she said she only stayed out for two and a half hours!
The last time I went out trick or treating I was twelve years old and I barely made it down the street and back, twenty minutes tops.
Trick or treating isn't for teenagers unless you're a tard, and she isn't a tard, she may be a cutter, and a bulimic, and have a lesbian for a best friend, but still ... she isn't a tard.
Ok, she is on the high school golf team, but still ...
Ok, the Grand Dufus is her brother, but still ...
Ok, Mother Boz is her great grandmother, and don't get me started on MB, but still ...
Ok, her dog Lucky may be retarded, but still ...
I mean all that should be balanced out by the fact that I am her grand uncle.
Don't you think???
Am I right?
Well, am I?

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Random play music stuff

1. Hard Lovin' Loser - Richard and Mimi Farina
Richard Farina and Bob Dylan had an intense rivalry in the early to mid 60's. Farina was jealous of Dylan's musical success and Dylan was jealous of Farina's novel Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up To Me. The rivalry became so intense that after Dylan was injured in a motorcycle accident Farina went him one better and was killed in a motorcycle accident. Mimi Farina is the younger much prettier, but less talented sister of Joan Baez.
2. Hey Paula - Paul and Paula
Early 60's I love you-uuuu song. Paul and Paula were supposedly brother and sister which makes the song a lot kinkier than you would first think.
3. Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)- Harry Belafonte
The song that supposedly sounded the death knell of rock and roll and ushered in the new musical craze ... Calypso!!!
4. Susan - The Buckinghams
A Chicago based group that had four of five hits in the mid-60's. When I was stationed on Crete I was friends with a guy from Chicago who had been in a band that had opened for the Buckinghams all over the tri state area.
5. Time - The Chambers Brothers
A very long-ggggggggggggggg song that was perfect for what was then called Underground Music circa 1967-69. I'm pretty sure the lead singer had an orgasm around the 10 minute mark, at least it sounded like he did. Circa, hahaha.
6. Skip A Rope - Henson Cargill
Country hit that became a cross over pop hit in 1968 about how our words can poison the minds of our children ... WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!!
7. Pink Cadillac - Bruce Springsteen
Pank Cadillac, Pank Cadillac, Pank Cadillac.
8. Wasn't Born To Follow - The Byrds
Twangy guitar and harmony band that covered Dylan songs. They were led by Jim McGuinn who changed his name to Roger McGuinn on the advice of his guru. Why Roger, why not Krishnu, or Rami, or Egbert???
9. Dear Lady Twist - Gary US Bonds
Between the time that Elvis was drafted and the Beatles hit American popular music was very bleak. The blackness was all but wrung out of it and the scence was dominated by the likes of Frankie Avalon, Bobby Rydell, and Fabian. Gary US Bonds was an exception. He was a real Cajun rocker of god only knows what racial mix.
10. Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)- Looking Glass
She really was a fine girl, nuff said, because it's time for the hockey game.

Monday, October 31, 2005

My window on the world

Why Halloween is great.
The twelve year old boy that lives next door and the twelve year old girl that lives across the street sorta kinda found out that they like each other.
Why Halloween sucks.
They sorta kinda found out that they like each other under the streetlight right outside my bedroom window an HOUR AGO.
Have you ever noticed just how annoying a twelve year old boy's bragadoccio and a twelve year old girl's giggle gets after an HOUR???

Even at twenty they knew, they knew, they knew

Boz isn't the first nickname I've had.
I was called Whitey when I was a kid because my hair was so blonde, and I was called Nat after Nat King Cole.
But the nickname that really stuck was given to me by a guy who sat next to me at work when I was stationed on Crete.
He said I reminded him of Lather from the Jefferson Airplane song of the same name.
Right click and open in new window to hear Lather by the Jefferson Airplane.

Jefferson Airplane

Lather was thirty years old today,
They took away all of his toys.
His mother sent newspaper clippings to him,
About his old friends who'd stopped being boys.
There was Howard E. Green, just turned thirty-three,
His leather chair waits at the bank.
And Seargent Dow Jones, twenty-seven years old,
Commanding his very own tank.
But Lather still finds it a nice thing to do,
To lie about nude in the sand,
Drawing pictures of mountains that look like bumps,
And thrashing the air with his hands.

But wait, oh Lather's productive you know,
He produces the finest of sound,
Putting drumsticks on either side of his nose,
Snorting the best licks in town,
But that's all over...

Lather was thirty years old today,
And Lather came foam from his tongue.
He looked at me eyes wide and plainly said,
Is it true that I'm no longer young?
And the children call him famous,
what the old men call insane,
And sometimes he's so nameless,
That he hardly knows which game to play...
Which words to say...
And I should have told him, "No, you're not old."
And I should have let him go on...smiling...babywide.

Just one of those things

I feel like screaming.
It's nothing serious I just feel like screaming.
Throw in some ringing of hands, a couple of forehead slaps, and maybe a little gnashing of teeth and ...
Yeah, that'll do it.
Thanks for caring.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

I feel for you, no seriously

How I spent my summer vacation first day back on eastern standard time.
1. Sleeping as long as possible, you see, that's the key to avoiding the jet lag associated with the time change, sleep, sleep, sleep.
2. Wearing my pair of mis-matched socks, it's not like I'm leaving the house or anything.
3. Taking the really smelly trash out.
4. Shaking my head at just how bad the Detroit Lions are.
5. Checking my lymph node to see if the swelling has gone down, it has.
6. Talking to my brother-in-law on the phone, no not the one who sounds like Dan Rather, the other one down in Flint, and assuring him that the house is alright. He really worries about the house being alright.
7. Paying bills, well, I'll do that later on tonight, but at least I am thinking about it.
8. Ignoring the voices in my head that say Kill ... Kill ... Kill.
9. Listening to the voices in my head that say Eat ... Eat ... Eat.
10. Reconsidering listening to the voices in my head that say Kill ... Kill ... Kill because my next door neighbor is using his 400 horsepower leaf blower right outside my window.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Of course ...

If my lymph node swells up any more I can go as Rosey Grier and Ray Milland as
The Thing With Two Heads.

My jack-o-lantern

Day one

Trick or Treat

So, first I thought I'd dress up as Buddy Holly.

But then I remembered that Gary Busey played Buddy Holly, so I thought I'd dress up as Gary Busey.

Then I remembered that Gary Busey was just a younger version of Nick Nolte so I thought I'd dress up like Nick Nolte.

And then I remembered ... It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again, and I decided on the obvious ... Jame Gumb aka Buffalo Bill.

Yes, it will, Precious, won't it? It will get the hose!

Friday, October 28, 2005

The lymph node that ate Cincinnati

So, I bit the inside of my mouth big time last night, and it HURT, but eventually it stopped hurting so I forgot about it.
When I got up this morning everything was fine like strawberry wine so I went about my daily routine which usually consists of trying not to go back to bed.
Then at about 1:15 this afternoon I went in to shave and when I was washing my face the whole right side of my face hurt and my throat for my ear down to my chin was swollen.
I asked my new BFF Dan-o what I should do and he told me I should go to the doctor.
So, yeah, like anyway, when the doctor checked me out he said that my lymph node was infected and it was probably because of the bite, so he gave me a prescription for an antibiotic and said if it wasn't better in a week to ten days to give him a call and we'd go from there.
But yeah, it's probably from the bite, or maybe from my sinus, but it is my lymph node, and it is infected, and I've already taken the first dose of my antibiotic, and my adrenaline rush is slowly receding, and I think the antibiotic is making me drowsy, and yeah, I can already notice the swelling going down a little bit, and it was probably a good idea that I went over there today, and while I was there I asked about a flu shot and .............

Dan-o and Boz's Excellent Adventure

So, me and Dan-o, my new BFF, got on ICQ and talked practically all night.
Oh yeah, remind me to change my user name on ICQ to Boz, Dan-o was right, Mr.Stud sounds teh ghey.
Anyway, my new BFF Dan-o started telling me about the Tour De France, which is a big bike race in France, and how it is just like NASCAR except when the bikes crash they don't catch on fire, and I asked him if the Tour De France was as popular as football and then he said, get this, I'm not shitting you, then he said that in France they call soccer football, and they call football bowling, seriously, I was starting to think what a rad country France must be until Dan-o told me that the French think Jerry Lewis is a genius, I mean it's obvious that they've never seen his telethon or the movie about the sad faced clown in the concentration camp that leads all the children to the gas chambers.
Then Dan-o told me that we should check out the Tour De France next year and I thought he meant ride our bikes over to France, but it turns out there is a river or a lake or something between the States and France, so that wouldn't be feasible ... feasible that's Dan-o's word not mine!
I don't know, it might be a lot of fun, and Dan-o told me that the University of France's soccer team ... I mean football team has some really bitchin' hot cheerleaders.

Sans training wheels

So, I had a new visitor today.
His name is Dan and he rides a bike.
What if we become friends.
He can call me Boz.
And I can call him Dan, or Danny, no wait, I'll call him Dan-o.
Hey Dan-o, it's me Boz!
I wonder what kind of bike he rides.
You know, I've got a bike too. It's a Huffy I think, and it has a whole lot of different speeds, but I haven't ridden it for a long time, you know because of the degenerating disks in my back.
The tires are probably flat by now anyway.
I wonder what Dan-o is doing right now?
He's probably working on his bike, or maybe he's mapping out his next bike trip, or maybe he's drinking a protein shake, cause if you're a serious biker, like I know Dan-o is, you need a lot of protein in your diet.
I wish I had more friends like Dan-o, you know, non-judgemental, there when you need him, always ready with twenty if you need one, not like some of you, nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean, know what I mean, say no more, say no more ...
So Dan-o, drop by anytime, the doors not locked, I don't have any beer or anything like that, but I do have a bottle of Sprite, one of those big two liter bottles, and isn't that the official drink of the American Federation of Bike Riders?
Just make yourself at home Dan-o.
And the rest of you, well, you can just bite me and my new friend Dan-o.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Thursday means

Idle thoughts while waiting for a phone call.

My stomach keeps making a noise that sounds like a baby frog croaking.

The critters got to the garbage cans last night and ripped the bags open. I hate that. There are just some things that I throw away that I don't even want the garbage men to know about.

On a brighter note the garbage dude did pick up the warped shelves that I put out, which to me is going above and beyond the call of duty.

I've been singing Love In Vain by the Rolling Stones all day.

Still waiting for the call.

No, I'm not ...


La di dah, la di fucking dah

Ten cool female names that start with L
1. Lulu, as in Little Lulu
2. Lana, as in Lana Lang, Superboy's girl friend
3. Lola, as in L - O - L - A, Lola
4. Leni, as in Triumph of the Will
5. Lydia, as in Donald and Lydia
6. Loretta, as in Loretta Haggers, Mary Hartman's best friend and next door neighbor

Loretta Haggers

7. Lysistrata, as in that Greek play that they wouldn't let us see in high school at the Wayne State Reportary Theater because of it's adult theme
8. Lotte, as in Look out for Miss Lotte Lenya
9. Lena, as in my greatly misunderstood grandmother
10. Lupe, as in Little Latin Lupe Lu

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Multiple choices and orgasms

What do former Charlie's Angel Jaclyn Smith and Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton have in common?
1. They both had sex with Bill Clinton ... once.
2. They both had sex with Farrah Fawcett ... twice.
3. They both had sex with each other ... thrice.
4. They both were born on October 26, 1947.
I like hair.

So anyway, I'm watching this really boring baseball game, well, sort of watching this really boring baseball game between games of solitare on yahoo, and just when did baseball become so boring?

I mean, I'd rather watch hockey
Or basketball
Or football paint dry
Or insects mate
Or Jessica Simpson's acne infomercial ... like, oh my gawrsh.

It must have been about 1969 ... I said 69!!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The Ides of November

I bought milk yesterday.
The expiration date is in November.
I hate when a month sneaks up on me like that.

Tell me what it was like before they had CDs.

I talked to Amy last night.
She just started working for a temp agency.
Her first gig is a forty five minute to an hour commute one way.
It should last about a month or so.
She has problems changing stations on the radio and avoiding head on collisions.
Her car has a casette player.
She only has one casette.
You can only take so much of the Beastie Boys before you get tired of fighting for your right to par ..... ty.
I, being the gallant knight that I am, offered to make her some casettes.
A regular Sir Bozalot, that's me.
It took me two hours last night to figure out that the casette player on my CD/Casette combo didn't work.
It took me two more hours this morning to figure out that it REALLY didn't work.
I went to Plan B.
You always need a Plan B.
I went to the St Vincent De Paul Thrift store.
Amid the Edie Gorme and the Branson Christmas Specials I-IV I was able to find eight passable casettes.
There is a special this week.
All paper back books and casette tapes are ten cents each.
I bought all eight tapes.
They are:
Johnny Hates Jazz
The Fabulous Thunderbirds
The Escape Club
Julian Lennon
John Mellencamp
Sindead O'Conner
Billy Joel

Hopefully she's an 80's kind of chick ...
Maybe I should have gotten her some leg warmers and a pair of acid washed jeans to complete the set.
Anyway, that's not the whole story, but that's the whole story for now.

Monday, October 24, 2005

I reeked of film noir

It's seven thirty and I just woke up from a dream where I was a supporting character in a Richard Widmark movie. Widmark was a bar owner who wore snap brim fedoras, and suits with padded shoulders and wide lapels.
The bar was just a front, he was into the rackets, all of them.
We were both vets and Widmark took a liking to me.
We were both wise guys, glib, quick with a smile and a comeback.
He thought I had potential, and so did I.
He thought I had what it takes, and so did I.
He thought I should work for him, and so did I.
A smile and a handshake were all it took and the next thing you knew I was running numbers and making pick-ups, a holstered roscoe under my jacket, a cigarette dangling from my lip.
I reeked of film noir.
And of course, then I woke up.

Audrey Hepburn had great bone structure

It's raining and I can't sleep.

And I think I am on a sugar high from the piece of cake I had at three.
And I watched a movie that lasted till four.
And now it's nearly five.
And I'm typing in the dark.
And Sunday turned out to be not such a bad day.
And please don't send me five dollars, but if you do, make it cash.
And I think I've come to terms with that fact that Porky is dead.
And ...
Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear a big round of applause for Manfred Mann and His Earth Band!

Look out for that tree!

Two things that have been pointed out to me.

1. That I post half naked pics when I want attention.
2. That if I asked people to send me money, specifically five dollars each, they would.

A day in the life

While I was calmy reassuring a friend that I didn't think it was possible for her pancreas to explode my phone started ringing.
After the third ring I got up and started to answer it just as Mother Boz gave me a worried call from the kitchen.
I headed towards the kitchen just as my answering machine kicked on.
When I got to the hallway I could hear my brother in law saying something about a hurricane and his house being destroyed.
Mother Boz was leaning against the bar in obvious pain.
For some god only knows reason she had been rearranging the shelves under the bar in the kitchen and her knees had locked up and she couldn't move.
I started to help MB to her bedroom.
She was like a puppet with broken strings.
She had no control over her legs.
I had to drag/carry her to her bed.
I sat her on the edge of her bed but she looked like she might slip off, so I picked her legs up and lifted them onto the bed.
She yelled at me that it hurt.
After making sure that she had just cramped up, and that it was nothing serious I went back to my room and told my friend with the pancreas that wasn't really about to explode what had happened.
She laughed, with me, not at me, at least that is what she said.
I listened to the phone message my brother in law had left.
In his best Dan Rather voice he said they had evacauated their home on the Gulf Coast and were now at their son's house in the Panhandle.
He said he called to let MB know they were alright and not to worry.
I'm pretty sure MB wasn't worried due to the fact she knew nothing about the hurricane.
He then said god willing, yeah he actually said god willing, their home would still be there when they got home.
He invokes the name of god alot, like he's got a hotline to heaven or something.
I Google Hurricane Wilma.
It's a fucking Cat 2 hurricane.
A Cat 2 couldn't blow down the house of straw that the really lazy pig built.
My friend's pancreas exploded.
Enough with the drama.
How was your day.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Give hurt, give everbody hurt

Her smile scares me just a little bit too much.

I had one of those naps tonight where you wake up all discombobulated and you think you're in Disneyland, or in the doctor's office waiting for your allergy shot, or some nightmarish Orwellian future world, or on the road with Charles Kurault AND Jack Kerouac ...
Anyway I feel like death right now and not even four extra strength cherry cough drops helped.
And Porky is still dead, and Oprah is still the queen of talk, and FUCK!!!

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Flick 182

I am losing my mind.

But I still have my health, and a box of Little Debbies that I hid in the back of the freezer.


Porky's dead. Is there really any reason to go on?

He was the last of the gang to go.
The group that I watched growing up on tv in the 50's.
Alfalfa's gone.
Spanky's gone.
Darla's gone.
Buckwheat's gone.
And now Porky's gone.
Gone, all gone.
It guess it's time for the International Silver String Submarine Band to play taps one last time.

Friday, October 21, 2005

More cheese please

I feel like I've fallen off a bicycle, been run over by a truck, dragged into the woods by feral beasts, and forced to watch The Wheel of Fortune non-stop with my eyes pried open like Alex De Large's in A Clockwork Orange, while If I Could Turn Back Time by Cher played on a continuous loop in the background.
Yeah, that's exactly how I feel ...

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Fall Color Tour 2005

Click the pic to see the rest of the album.

Listen to the trees

I'm going out to take pictures of the fall colors.
It is kind of cloudy though.
My old man and I always used to argue about whether cloudy weather or sunny weather made the colors look better. I said cloudy just to piss him off. He said sunny just to piss me off. It worked for both of us.

If I had a band I'd call it the Boz and the Monkey Trial Boys

It's six thirty in the morning and I am listening to Little Bunny Foo Foo by Moldy Peaches.
What do you make of that?

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Seriously ...

Sometimes I even crack my ownself up.
A Dr. Hunter Douglas repost.

Thinking all about you

So what have I done tonight?

I took a shower that was just a shower until the last few seconds when it became a SHOWER, you know, where the spray hits the back of your neck, and the temperature is just right, and your knees start to buckle, so you brace yourself against the wall, and close your eyes, and arch your back, and ...

I fell asleep while watching a Todd Browning movie on TCM, no not Freaks, I think it was Devil Doll with Lionel Barrymore, who would have been Drew's great-uncle, I think. It was about mad scientists, and shrinking people, and mind control, all for the good of mankind and the world, and ... REVENGE!!!

I listened to the Byrds, and the birds, and the Byrds, and the birds, and the Byrds, and the birds, and ...

And I zonked, and I chatted, and I made a date for tomorrow afternoon, and I listened to the Byrds, and the birds, and the Byrds ...

And that brings us to the present, and I'm still listening to the Byrds ...

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Days of future past

Today is my good friend Mannaz's 36th birthday and that made me try to remember what was going on in my life on my 36th birtday.
1. I was teaching.
2. I was a baseball fan.
3. I was clean shaven.
4. I smoked.
5. I weighed less than 200 lbs.
6. I swore I would never get a computer.
7. My favorite televison show was St. Elsewhere.
8. I coudn't get enough New Coke!!!

9. I was the offensive line coach for the Green Bay Packers.
10. I had just broken up with Yoko. It was John did this, John did that. I tell you she was driving me crazy.

You don't have to be Italian to appreciate italics

Have you ever smoked a pipe?
Yes, I've tried it, but I looked silly smoking a pipe.
Have you ever smoked a cigar?
Yes, I've smoked cigars but I looked even sillier smoking a cigar than I did smoking a pipe.
You smoked cigarettes, right?
Yeah, I smoked for about twenty years. I was a heavy smoker. By the time I quit I was smoking two and a half packs a day.
What brand(s) did you smoke?
I started out smoking Winstons, then I changed to Marlboro, then I smoked Kools for awhile, and then Newports, and then back to Marlboro, then back to Kools, and finally back to Marlboros.
Smoking is a phallic thing isn't it?
Yeah, now that I don't smoke anymore I'm convinced it is.
Could you blow smoke rings?
Yeah, the regular kind, and I could also do little tiny smoke rings coming out of each side of my mouth.
Sounds stupid.
Yeah, pretty much so. I also did that French inhaling thing, which I guess is pretty stupid too.
Any other stupid smoking stories?
Not stories, but I used to singe my beard quite a bit when my cigarette would stick to my lip and then hang. That was never fun. Oh, and I once chain smoked a whole pack of cigarettes lighting each cigarette with the butt of the last one, but I guess most of us have done that.
Oh yeah, I do it all the time.
What did you hate most about smoking?
When someone would ask to bum a smoke, then bum a light and then say "I guess all I've got is the habit".
Did you just call me a Prick?

Monday, October 17, 2005

It turns out we give our fathers way too much credit

Some not so smart things my father did during his lifetime

1. He voted for Nixon five times.
2. He bought a pink car.
3. He bought a pink car with HUGE tail fins.

5. He bought swamp land in Florida.
6. He got drunk the night before the hottest day of the year when he had to lay cement for a patio in the backyard.
7. He believed the guy who insinuated that he could get him a stolen brand new 27 inch color television for twenty five dollars. The guy was a drug addict, the television was non existant and my dad was out twenty five dollars when twenty five dollars actually meant something, well, it didn't mean a lot ... LOT, I mean it was only twenty five dollars, but that was a week worth of groceries, a tank of gas, and a carton of Camels.
8. Ok, he didn't vote for Nixon five times, he didn't even vote for Nixon one time, at least he never admitted to it, but he very well could have back in 1972 against McGovern, I mean somebody had to vote for Nixon, he took every fucking state except Massachusetts, and I know I didn't vote for him.
9. He talked my mother, who did all the xmas shopping, into buying me an electric shoe shine thingamijig for xmas the year I graduated from high school.

10. I mentioned the pink car didn't I? Well, he also bought a 1956 Nash Rambler which was salmon colored, yeah, pink, but after a couple of years he had it painted black and white, but still it was a Nash Fucking Rambler!!!

Currently listening to ...

Groovy Baby
The latest Beast of Boz compilation CD

1. Scott Mackenzie
San Francisco

2. The Rolling Stones

3. Love
Alone Again Or

4. The Beatles
Strawberry Fields Forever

5. Buffalo Springfield

6. The Byrds
So You Wanna Be A Rock And Roll Star

7. Cream

8. Donovan
Hurdy Gurdy Man

9. The Hollies
On A Carousel

10. The Jefferson Airplane
How Do You Feel?

11. The Jimi Hendrix Experience
The Wind Cries Mary

12. The Kinks
Dedicated Follower of Fashion

13. The Moody Blues
Ride My See-Saw

14.Procul Harum
A Whiter Shade of Pale

15. The Quicksilver Messenger Service
Fresh Air

16. The Byrds
Renaissance Fair

17. Buffalo Springfield
Rock and Roll Woman

18. The Yardbirds
Shape of Things

19. The Doors
Crystal Ship

20. The Who
I Can See For Miles

21. The Jefferson Airplane

22. The Mamas and the Papas
Twelve Thirty

23. Julie Driscoll and the Brian Auger Trinity
This Wheels on Fire

24. Donovan
Wear Your Love Like Heaven

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Libido me this

When I was getting my haircut on Friday a very pretty woman with red hair walked by the front of the shop. With nothing being said, the barber rotated the chair in such a way that our eyes were able to follow her until she was out of sight.

It was a beautiful moment.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

The Caffeine Collection

Songs that will get you through an all-nighter and a half.

Nick Lowe
Switchboard Susan

Neil Young
Keep On Rockin' In the Free World

High School

John Prine and Iris DeMent
In Spite of Ourselves

Herman's Hermits
Henry the Eighth

Fountains of Wayne
I Want an Alien for Christmas

Buddy Holly
Bo Diddley

Bonzo Dog Band

Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels
Little Latin Lupe Lu

The Fendermen
Muleskinner Blues

Cannibal and the Headhunters
Land of 1000 Dances

Claudine Clark
Party Lights

Jan and Dean
Honolulu Lulu

Bob Dylan
Highway 61 Revisited

Norman Greenbaum
Canned Ham

Gary US Bonds
School Is Out

Johnny Otis
Willie and the Hand Jive

Commander Cody
Rockabilly Funeral

Joe Tex
Skinny Legs and All

Johnny Rivers
Secret Agent Man

Tom Jones
What's New Pussycat

The Trashmen
Surfin' Bird

Enest Tubb
Walking the Floor Over You

Jan and Dean
New Girl in School

Robert Mitchum
Thunder Road

The Godfathers
Birth, School, Work, Death

Friday, October 14, 2005

A quiz

This is a quiz I wrote for the rw ... bs a couple of days ago. It got a pretty good response so I thought I'd post it here.

1. Would you rather be in a serious relationship with a Mime or lose a toe?
2. If you had to be stranded on a deserted island with another blogger who would you choose and why?
3. Which ear do you predominantly use when you talk on the telephone?
4. What is your favorite style of underpants to wear?
5. What is your favorite non religious holiday in a month that doesn't end with the letter r?
6. Fox is coming out with an all reality show channel, what kind of single topic television channel would you like to see?
7. Which character from a movie would you like to be?
8. What is your favorite teen flick?
9. If you could go back in time and alter one event what you do?
10. Have you ever had a paranormal experience, if yes, describe it.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Giving the evil eye

Another shot from my disembodied head series.

Caddy, give me that club I bought in Toronto

So, it's two in the morning and I have a double shot of Canada House sitting in front of me.

It smells a little bit like rubbing alcohol ... that's a good thing isn't it?

It tastes rather smooth, warm going down.

Back when I used to drink more often. Back when I was in the air force. Back when I was stationed in Japan I read somewhere that if you laid an empty whiskey bottle on it's side you could coax an extra shot out of it. It didn't work, but it sounded almost logical enough that it could.

I remember writing a poem once when I was really drunk. The only thing I can remember is part of a line that refered to sleeping with Mimsy Mouse.

I feel like I am part of a drinking experiment from one of those films they used to show in Drivers Education class.
You will notice after just one ounce of alcohol boz's reflexes are already noticeably impaired.

I once went blind at a xmas party from mixing booze with champagne. It was only a temporary affliction.

I don't think this is making me sleepier.

Maybe I'll read that Judy Blume novel after all.

And take up tap dancing.

It feels like a holiday.

I once had to chug a whole bottle of sake as part of an initiation of sorts when I first arrived in Japan. I ended up passed out in the hallway just outside the benjo. I think benjo means toilet, anyway, that's what I was passed out just outside of.

This is nice, just sitting back and talking with ya'll.

It's two twenty two and I just finished my drink.

Anybody want to play some cards?

Fine, I'm going out for a smoke!!!

Don't wait up.

Nobody understands me ...

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

WC Fields was right.

Never buy the cheapest brand ...

When the next to the cheapest brand will do.
The extra twenty cents of quality makes all the difference in the world.

I wish I had removed the Judy Blume book before I took the pic.
It's not for me honest, seriously, honest.
I found it on the library for sale rack.
I mean I just got it in case somebody wanted it.
Hey, do you want it???

Therapy for the masses

For chrissakes I'm up already, geez.

I'm going to buy a bottle today.
I'm not sure what I'm going to get.
Maybe rum, maybe bourbon, maybe some canadian whiskey.

No scotch, no vodka, no gin.

Maybe I should just get a bottle of wine, but I am wine retarded, and that whole cork thing just kicks my ass.

No beer, I never liked the taste.

You know, a drink, one drink late at night, straight up, or maybe with a little water.

Who knows, it might help me relax, it might help me fall asleep, it might help me ...

Yeah, I'm going to buy a bottle today, or maybe I'll just write about buying one, like I just did.

Thanks for listening.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

It's like this

Rules of blogging at seven in the morning.

1. Avoid politics at all costs. Everyone already knows that politicians are evil or stupid or both. Seriously, there are no red states. There are no blue states. There are only purple states.
2. If you are attractive post half naked pictures of yourself. If you are unattractive post half naked pictures of someone who is attractive. If you aren't sure what you are email me a couple of half naked pictures and I'll give you my honest opinion.
3. I think I can only think of two rules, but I'm sure there must be a whole lot more.
4. Oh, I guess if you aren't funny don't try to be, but actually that's total bullshit, I mean it's your blog you can do what you want. Just don't expect for me to read it.
5. Did I mention the rule about posting pictures?
6. If you don't get any comments make your own using fake names. My favorite fake name is I.P. Dailey, but if we're going for honesty it would be I.P. Everytwentyminutesorso.
7. Speaking of honesty, don't fall in love with it.
8. Do as many What Am I quizzes as you want. The anal retentive crowd can't stand them, and nobody likes the anal retentive crowd.
9. Grow a goatee and mustache and color it white.
10. Stop at ten