Saturday, January 24, 2009

Please dear God, don't let Will Smith produce, direct, and star in a movie about President Obama.

I mean, he can do Bush if he wants, but NOOOOOOOOOOOObama.
Thank you.

Friday, January 23, 2009

No sleep

Feel dead.
Must go back.
To bed.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

I hardly did anything that I wanted to do today.

I didn't shave.
I didn't take out the garbage, but I can take that out in the morning, I mean, there's no big rush about it, because they never pick up until late in the afternoon, except maybe for tomorrow.
Ok, they don't deliver mail on Sunday. Monday was a postal holiday, I didn't get any mail on Tuesday, and I didn't get any mail on Wednesday, and it's time like these when I question whether I actually exist or not.
I watched way too much television tonight, and ate way too many Reese's Pieces, and ???
Ohhhh, I used my new four slice toaster tonight, and I was kind of worried about how well it would work, because I bought the cheapest one I could find, but when I took it out of the box I realized that it was the same cheap brand as my two slice toaster, and that's always worked pretty good, so that eased my fears, yeah, like I was really afraid.
My fingers are telling me to quit making so many typing mistakes and go to bed.
So, I will.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Do toasters come with built in mp3 players?

When I wake up I am going to purchase a four slice toaster.
I used to have a four slice toaster but MB in the depths of her dementia buried it in the back yard.
I do, however, have a two slice toaster, so maybe I should just buy another two slice toaster and duct tape them together.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Did you know that anemia is not a country in central europe?

I ate peanut butter at 3:00 this morning.
It wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done.
Then again, it wasn't the dumbest thing I've ever done either.
Oh yeah, I remember something else I want to see/do in LA.
I want to see the Hollywood sign, but I think I mentioned that already.
Ohhhh, and I want to sing a duet with dvl of the song In California originally recorded by Neko Case.
And I guess that's it for now.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

And the Hollywood sign, the Hollywood sign, how could I forget the Hollywood sign.

We got another shitload of snow yesterday.
It's finally stopped.
I know this because the city snow plow(s) have already been by.
I really don't need this today.
My whole body already hurts.
And I'm still half asleep too.
Ah, but I do have a new snow shovel.
And I almost forgot that when I listen to an mp3 player while shoveling it makes the time go by faster.
On the other hand, the heartburn that I had last night is starting to come back.
I've also got a whole lot of empty bottles that I need to take back to the store.
Stupid deposit law.
Ha, but at least we don't have to recycle.
We just throw our stuff into a landfill and let nature takes it's course, or not.
My back is killing me.
I'm going back to bed.
Where I'll probably dream about shovelling snow until I have to get up and actually shovel snow.
That is, if I even fall asleep.
Sometimes it sucks being Boz.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

If Woody Harrelson were a tree, what kind of tree would he be?

Did I just wake up at seven thirty in the morning and have a bowl of ice cream?

Easy listening hits of 1968-69 aren't that easy to listen to.

My flight to and from SoCal is booked.
Yeah, for me, and yeah, for Dvl and Tim for gently reminding every few months that I was still welcome.
I'm leaving February 21st and will be returning March 3rd.
I'm actually pretty easily entertained.
Some of the things I'd like to see or do, but I'm not married to any of them.
1. The Pacific Ocean would be nice to see, but I'd settle for the Los Angeles River.
2. The Sunset Strip and all the cool stuff on the Strip, I mean I don't even have to go into these places, you know, I'd just like to see them from the outside, like the Whiskey A Go Go, and the Troubadour, and you know, I'm not even sure that these places are on the Strip, but if they aren't, I'm sure there are places just as cool, and yeah, I'll be saying cool a lot, because they say that a lot out in SoCal.
3. Um, I can't think of anywhere else right now, oh but, my relatives from Michigan are worried that Dvl and Tim are going to kidnap and sell me into white slavery (I wish) and my relatives from Florida have "concerns" about Tim, and this was before I even told them that the dvl's live in West Hollywood.
4. Oh, I know what would be nice. It would be nice to have some kind of meet and greet so I could actually meet some of the people from SoCal that I have gotten to know over the internets. You know, at a bar or something, and they could damn me with faint praise.
5. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, I would really like to be met at the airport by Dvl holding a sign with BOZ written on it, like all the high rollers get.
6. Ok, seriously, I can't think of anything right now, oh wait, I'd like to go to Duke's, which is a diner near the dvl's condo where they eat breakfast once in awhile because it is close and convenient, and do close and convenient mean the same thing?
7. Is there a Martin Milner museum out there? That would certainly be worth a visit. One Adam Twelve, One Adam Twelve ... damn, I loved that show.
8. I was actually in Los Angeles once. Well, I was in the Los Angeles airport once. It was back in May of 1972, and it was the day I was discharged from the Air Force, and I took a flight out of San Francisco, and I was bumped up to first class, and I got two free drinks, and me not being much of a drinker, the two free drinks that I drank in like a half hour, were enough to put me on a pretty good roll once I got to LAX, and I had a three or four hour layover, and for the life of me, I don't remember a single thing I did while I was there, there being the Los Angeles airport or as us frequent flyers like to call it ... LAX.
9. I'm really tired now, and I just had the shit scared out of me because one of the giant icicles on the back of the house just broke off, very loudly broke off, I might add.
10. So yeah, I'm going to SoCal, and just how cool is that!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Dvl, phone home, or at least answer your emails.

Ok, I have a problem here.
You see, I'm going to fly out to California in the next month or so and visit the hauntingly beautiful dvl and her family, and we are going to drink margaritas and eat peanuts and watch the sun come up over the Pacific Ocean, wait, that would mean getting up really early, so let's change that to watch the sun go down over the Pacific Ocean, while drinking peanuts and eating Margaritas ...
Anyway, my problem is, and it's really not a major problem, and maybe it even isn't, shouldn't that be isn't even, yeah, and maybe it isn't even a problem, so I'll let you decide.
Ok, maybe that's a bit strong, maybe dvl has been busy.
Yeah, that's it, she's been busy defrosting a pot roast, or something, to acknowledge any of the thousands of emails I either did or didn't send her today.
Ok, I only sent her one email today, asking her when would be the best time for my visit ....
She's ignoring me for a reason!
(Here is where my rampant paranoia kicks in)
She never wanted me to visit in the first place.
It's just a cruel joke that her and the rest of Southern California are playing on me.
Yeah, I bet all of SoCal is out there eating peanuts and drinking Margaritas and laughing at me while the sun sets over the Pacific Ocean.
That is so cruel.
I think I'm going to duct tape myself into the fetal position and go to bed and cry, and I should probably wait until I get into bed to do the duct taping.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Whatever you do, don't pull my finger.

I feel sick tonight.
Maybe it's the cold weather, it's already like -2 degrees.
Maybe it's the half can of Buffalo Wings Flavored Pringle's that I ate earlier tonight.
Maybe it's the way the moon and the stars are aligned.
Maybe it's because I bought an 8th mp3 player.
Maybe it's because I walk around the house all day in my underwear, not for any socio-sexual-political statement, but just because I can, and, no, I am fully dressed right now.
Ok, I think I've figured it out.
Ok, I think it's because I went out earlier today in this bitter cold weather wearing nothing under my coat but a t-shirt, a t-shirt that wasn't tucked in, a t-shirt that because it wasn't tucked the cold bitter arctic winds were able to swirl up my t-shirt and attack my unguarded, and highly sensitive skin.
Ok, maybe it was just the Pringle's, or is that Pringles sans apostrophe?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Is it time, or am I just imagining it?

He was running his hand through his thinning hair when he first noticed the small bump on his head, but he didn't pay much attention at the time, he was too interested in the hockey game on television.
(Ok, this is a short story, and it's not autobiographical, it's just about a guy with thinning hair, and it's just a coincidence that I have thinning hair, and I don't have a small bump on my head either, at least not that I've noticed, and, yes, the hockey game is on television, but I'm paying more attention to this than I am to the hockey game.
So, like I said this is a short story, but it's not about me.)

He sneezed.
(I sneezed too!)
And then he started typing frantically on his computer keyboard.
(Ok, now, this is getting spooky, cause, yeah, I'm frantically typing on my computer keyboard too, but ha, my keyboard is illuminated.)
He finished his thought, and sat back and admired his new illuminated keyboard.
(Yeah, but mine is red.)
His red illuminated keyboard.
(Isn't this fun. I mean, I could do this all night ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

I bought shirts for $3.50 each

Ok, they looked better in the store.
And I also ate about a quarter of a bag of BBQ Pork Skins just now, and really, they are terrible, I mean, they were terrible after the first bite, but I kept thinking they would get better, I mean, they had to get better, didn't they, they couldn't get any worse, could they, but actually they stayed the same, so it was moot that I continued eating.

And no, I didn't find a luggage tag for under a dollar. I FOUND TWO LUGGAGE TAGS FOR UNDER A DOLLAR, and they are great and awesome luggage tags that won't embarrass me when I land in California, of course the shirts might embarrass me ...
Hey, I smell ice cream.

After further review ...

I've got an appointment to see a massage therapist on Monday.
I've wanted to get one for years, but something always came up.
But I actually made the call this morning and the massage therapist's name is very alliterative. I think it's Debbie Doright or Debbie Somethinglike that. It should be fun, and I'm glad it's a girl and not a guy therapist, and not because of that, well, yeah, because of that, but because, I mean, who wouldn't prefer to have a woman's hands all over their body ... yeah, I thought so.
Ok, I'm going to go get something to eat, and maybe try to find a luggage tag for my impending trip to California, but I will not, I repeat, I will not pay over a dollar for a luggage tag, ok, maybe I would if it were a Bettie Page luggage tag, but that's it.

So, I guess I'm back ... redux

Ok, I've already posted on that other place.
The place where everybody likes me ...
But you know, this is still the place.
Ok, maybe it isn't the place.
But it's a place.
And it's been a place for over six years.
And that's a long time.
And I watched Slumdog Millionaire tonight.
And it was pretty good.
And the sound track was even better.
And I really think that I am developing a appreciation of all things Indian.
And I like how they sing and dance at the drop of a hat.
And that movie Bend It Like Beckham was pretty good too.
And I saw Pineapple Express the other night too.
But it had nothing to do with India, so that really didn't help my appreciation of all things Indian very much, if at all.
And I saw The Wrestler with Mickey Rourke the other night too.
And it was good in spots but it seemed to drag on forever, and there was nothing Indian in it either.
And I think a bug just ran up my arm.
Or maybe I'm turning into a bug.
Or maybe I'm turning into Franz Kafka.
Or maybe I'm just tired.
Hey, It sure is strange living alone again after not living alone for years and years and years.
I mean, I hear a noise and I say to myself that I'd better go see what she wants ... and then it hits me, and I don't know if I am relieved or sad when it hits me.
So, I guess I'll go to bed now, or maybe watch another movie.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Sometimes even I admit I shouldn't be allowed in the supermarket unchaperoned.

I have never had BBQ Pork Skins in my life, I'm not sure if I have had any flavor or Pork Skins in my life, and I'm not even sure that "flavor" is the correct term to describe what Pork Skins have.
Buffalo flavored Pringles, who knew that such a thing existed?
Pretzels, yeah, boring old fat free pretzels, yaw-n-n-n-n-n.
I swear to god that orange juice flavored jelly belly's might be the very cure to my virility problems!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, eggnog flavored whatever you call those things in the middle part there.
You put the coconut in the jelly belly and eat it all up, and call me in the morning.
The Giant Hershey Bar that ate Cincinnati.
The end.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Sometime's nothing is a real good plan unless it entails dying along the way.

Q. So, what have you been doing for the past year or so?
A. Hmmmm, you know, some stuff that had to be done, that wasn't too pleasant, but still had to be done.
Q. Are you back?
A. Are you back??? What kind of a question is that?
Q. Wait, I'm asking the questions.
A. That wasn't a question.
Q. Am I lost?
A. Yes.
Q. Didn't you just get back from a month in Florida?
A. Yes, my sister was afraid for me to be alone over the xmas holidays.
Q. Should she have been?
A. Now, no, six months ago yes, but it was nice anyway.
Q. What was the highlight of your visit?
A. T-shirts ... cheap t-shirts, I bought lots and lots of cheap t-shirts, and they are all Florida themed cheap t-shirts, except for one of them which is a Hawaiian themed cheap t-shirt, go figure.
Q. What else floated your boated?
A. I ate dinner at a place called Bubba's, they give you a bowl of peanuts when they seat you, and then you are expected to eat the peanuts and throw the shells on the floor. I did that, and then I ate prime rib and three quarters of some kind of bock beer on draft, and then we dumped the rest of the peanuts in my sister's purse and took them home to give to my sister and her husband's two parrots.
Q. Speaking about birds. How much did it cost to board your parakeet at the pet store?
A. I don't want to talk about it.
Q. Why not?
A. Because it cost twenty bucks a week for four weeks ... damn you, I said I didn't want to talk about it.
Q Fuck you.
A. That's not a question either.
Q. Fuck you?
A. That's better.