The Unabozbozenbozer

Unabated phone boner

I ate chicken noodle soup with oyster crackers tonight.
They've opened a casino just 40 miles from where I live.
I'm bored, that's it.

Going cellular in a bozzular world

I finally signed up for a real cell phone plan. It's with AT&T. I got the $39.99 2 year package, with 450 any time minutes which rollover, and 5000 late night minutes, and I added the 200 Messages plan for an extra $5.00.

I bought the LG CU515 - Plum, yeah plum, because I wanted a phone with a little bozzazz to it.



It's got a camera which is supposed to be crappy, and a music player, and an micro sd slot for up to a 4 gig card, and a bunch of other stuff like blue tooth capabilities, whatever the fuck that is, and I can send pictures and videos, and I'm already bored with it even though I ordered it on line and haven't gotten it yet, and I'll probably try to get a cheaper lan line deal, or get rid of it altogether, because I heard on the radio that a lot of people are doing that, a lot of cutting edge people are doing it, and I'm nothing if not cutting edge, and ok, I'm all excited again, and I'd show you a picture of my phone boner, but a picture wouldn't do it justice.

I guess this is the title.

I just did a Google Image Search for "some chick" and this is the best I came up with.



It's late, and I needed a post, so fuck it.

Doctor's appointment today.
He suggested that I used a saline solution nasal spray and a humidifier to help with my sinus problem. So I will, and I didn't even have to buy either of them, but then a girl from Argentina just told me that she was once addicted to saline nasal spray, and now I'm worried that I'll become addicted, even though my doctor said I could used it all I wanted and not have to worry about overdoing it, so who am I to believe , my doctor, or a cute chick from Argentina who likes 60's music.

Top Chef needs more licorice recipes

It's eight thirty in the morning and I'm scarfing down blue raspberry licorice like there is no tomorrow, and if I die today I guess there would be no tomorrow, but anyway, I don't care if it makes me sick(er) it still tastes very good.

If I'm not here tomorrow check the morgue.

I'm really sick tonight.
I think it might be god's way of punishing me for blowing off the blood test I was supposed to get.
I am nauseous.
I am perspiring profusely.
I have chills.
My throat is sore.
AND THOSE DAMN TEENAGERS OUTSIDE WON'T SHUT UP. IT'S DARK OUTSIDE, SHOULDN'T THEY BE HOME WORKING ON THEIR MY SPACE ACCOUNTS.
Anyway ...
I started watching the new season of Top Chef tonight on Bravo, and the best part so far is the host Padma Something or other.

The host, Padma Something or other, but it might be Lakshmi.



Excuse me while I go puke.

I was supposed to get a blood test today, but I blew it off because I would have had to fast, but I didn't.

Daylight Savings Time is really screwing me up.
It's 4:41 pm, and it seems later, but it is actually earlier.

If my name were Ralph it would be funny because that's what I feel like doing.

I haven't slept in a week, or since five thirty this morning, whichever came first.

But why Asia Argento?

Asia Argento



Asia Argento Again



Asia Argento Again Again



But why Asia Argento?
It's her underpants.

Adventures in Bobble Head Land

Hulk Benet-Ramsey and Officer Jonnie's First Date.

Lt. Colonel Boz Bozbozenboz waits in ambush outside Der Fuehrer's private Water Closet ... and two bonus foto funnies.

Where have you gone Moonie Pottie a nation turns it's lonely eyes to you.

Ten things it is hard to do while listening to an mp3 player.
1. Shave, unless it's your legs or your tongue.
2. That's all I can up with.
3. But I'll keep thinking.
4. Did anyone see that article in Der Spiegel ... I took a year of German in college, and at the first university I went to I used to go into the library archives and look for pictures of naked women in back issues of Der Spiegel, and there was always at least one, so when I transferred to a second university I did the same thing, but someone had went through every issue and cut out all the naked lady pictures, I mean, they censored Der Spiegel, yes, CENSORSHIP reared it's ugly head in a supposedly liberal midwestern university, either that, or some horny college student (other than me) had cut them out and started a Der Spiegel Naked Woman Scrapbook, which would have given him something to thumb through after he had barricaded himself in the university chapel bell tower and was still waiting for his first clear shot.
5. My fingers are not hitting the correct keys tonight.
6. Tom Petty looks like a really ugly woman.
7. Like an ugly woman that I used to date, nah, I'd never admit to dating an ugly woman, even if I did, I'd never admit it, and even if she were ugly I'm sure I would have found her inner beauty, and been happy, until she dumped me.
8. Don't mind my grammatical errors, they're part of my charm.
9. Oh yeah, Der Spiegel is a German magazine that I am pretty sure Tom Petty subscribes to, and can I end a sentence with to?
10. This whole grammar thing is very upsetting, sorry.

Pokies and other blasts from the past.

Linda Fiorentino turned 48 today.



I like her toes, and her mouth, and her voice, and a lot of her other stuff too.

I like her better than Shannyn Sossamon.



But there are many good things about Shannyn Sossamon too, like her name and her pokies, and when was the last time I used the word pokies in here ...

Boz and Henry Miller take the Faygo Candy Cane Cola taste test.

It's also given me a bit of a sugar buzz, because I only drink diet soda, and this wasn't diet, and maybe I shouldn't have drinken, make that dranken the whole one liter bottle, and really, I never did taste the candy cane, and were you thinking what I was thinking when I said I used to dip my candy cane in my glass of pepsi when I was a kid, but seriously, my shoulder really hurts tonight, so instead of folding laundry I took a nap, and when I woke up from my nap I felt like I had been to hell and back and back again with Boz's Bastards, tra la, tra la, tra la.

Where is my winter?

I am pretty excited because I got 16 AA batteries for a dollar at the Dollar Store, and yeah, they do work pretty good in my mp3 player #2 which takes one AA battery, and in the new flashlight that I also just bought at the Dollar Store (no picture available). I mean, sixteen of anything for a dollar is a pretty good deal.



I also bought a 1 liter bottle of Faygo Candy Cane Cola for fifty cents, which I will probably be drinking tonight with one of my real long straws, and maybe I'll post a video just to show you how long the straw really is.

Great moments in military history as re-enacted by Lt Colonel Boz Bozbozenboz.

Nothing suitable can come of this.

I went to the $ store today and bought socks and army men.
1. You can never have enough socks.
2. When I was a kid my parents never bought me army men, never, and this might be my last chance.
3. I'm going to call my battalion of army men BOZ'S BASTARDS!!!.
4. I'm going to make a series of short videos starring BOZ'S BASTARDS.
5. The first video will be called BOZ'S BASTARDS: TO HELL AND BACK, AND THEN BACK AGAIN BECAUSE THEY LIKED IT SO MUCH!
6. Just call me Lt Colonel Boz Bozbozenboz.
7. That's it.
8. What's with the numbers?
9. Dunno.
10. I'll take Paul Lynde for the block.

2001: A Boz Odyssey

Got a haircut today. The barber was eating a a fun size Snickers bar while he was giving me my haircut. The fun size 8 packs are on sale this week at the drugstore for fifty cents each. I've bought two packs so far.

I've been trying all night to watch the movie Disturbia starring that kid that used to play the younger brother on one of those Disney Channel shows, the kid with the girl sounding name. I've gotten through about forty minutes so far, but it has taken me four attempts.

I'm losing an online Scrabulous game to Mr. DVL, and there is a t-shirt riding on the outcome, and I'm not getting anything but vowels, give me a consonant or two, dammit.

-30-

The shavin' razor's cold and it stings

Earlier tonight I had a sexual fantasy (cough, cough, cough) about an ugly girl who had a crush on me in high school, and I knew she had a crush on me because her brother told me, and really in hindsight she wasn't ugly, I was just stupid, and she sort of looked like a suicide girl without the tattoos and piercings, and forty years ahead of her time, and maybe that is why I had the sexual fantasy (cough, cough, cough) about the not really ugly girl in high school who had a crush on me, and isn't it strange how our outlook on beauty changes as we get older?

But yeah, it was good, and I didn't disappoint her, and she didn't disappoint me, and I think she believed me when I told her it was good for her complexion, and it all took place in the back seat of one of the driver's ed cars in the parking lot behind the gym, and I kept her underpants, and she kept my library card, and we exchanged phone numbers, and we sat on the curb until her ride showed up, and Daydream Believer was playing on the radio, and that sort of became our song, at least in the sexual fantasy (cough, cough, cough) I had earlier tonight.

Shhhh, I think I hear something.

I have to get a blood test.
A blood test that I have to fast for twelve hours before the test.
I hate blood tests.
I hate the rubber tube they tie around my arm.
I hate the little sting when the technician sticks the needle in.
I hate the geeky techs who look like they get off on the whole blood and needle thing.
I hate when the tech asks me to make a fist.
I hate the feeling of the blood pulsing out my body even though I can't feel it, but I still feel it, you know what I mean, don't you.
I'm getting dizzy.
I think I'm going to pass out.
(Twenty Minutes Later)
What happened?

Your tongue, you can't live without it.

Did you know there are tons of tongue videos on You Tube?



This isn't my favorite, and it's not like I have a tongue fetish, but it's not like I don't either.

Some ice cream would be nice.

I didn't make my bed till 8:45 tonight, because I am a rebel, and I celebrated by eating two hot dogs, heavy on the mustard, and then I watched a movie where Britney Murphy played a slut.



Yeah, I've had a busy day.

He's a well respected man about town doing the best things so conservatively.

It's the glasses, and the socks, and the pink skin, and the freckles, and the wispy hair, and the fact that she looks like the kind of girl who would have gone out with me in high school if I'd had the nerve to ask her out, and if I had asked her out we would have probably gone to see Bonnie and Clyde at the Mall, or maybe we would have tried to fake our way into the Jewel in Mount Clemens to see Blow-Up, and she'd tell me how she'd already been accepted to both U of M, and Wayne State, and wasn't sure where she wanted to go, but she was leaning towards Wayne State because she liked the urban environment, and I'd only sort of half way be paying attention because my underpants were riding up, and I was trying to scooch them back into place without appearing obvious, and that song by the Kinks would come on the radio, and I'd turn the sound up just a little, and she'd flash an awkward smile, and I'd try not to stare at her legs, because I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, sigh ...

And now my whole body hurts.

Sometimes even Uri Geller gets the blues.

It looks like someone has been making crop circles on my forehead.

Asses and glasses but leave out the fascists

I might be in a little bit of heaven tonight.
I was looking for a picture to go with a post I was going to make, but I found this instead, so fuck the post.

Currently playing - Plastic Jesus by the Flaming Grapes, and yeah, I know it's Lips, but I can have an inside joke or two if I want.

It may be cold, but not as cold as my cold cold heart.

I'm tired tonight, not like last night when I wasn't tired.
I'm not listening to one of my mp3 players either, but I was listening to one of them earlier, and I heard a lot of songs by Steve Earle and Jill Sobule.
And I just quit watching Donnie Darko about twenty minutes in, but I had seen it before about five years ago, and I didn't really like it then, but I thought I'd give it another chance, and I'll probably go back to it tomorrow, and I know how it's a cult classic, but here's my problem with it, he's an alienated youth, right, fine, but I was a hundred times more of an alienated youth than him, or any other alienated youth in any other alienated youth picture that has ever been made, I mean, I would have taken Donnie Darko's life in a second, and big deal, his best friend was a rabbit, at least he had a friend, and how am I supposed to identify with an alienated youth when I envy his sweet life, and Jake Whatshisname, I dunno, I never thought much about him as an actor either, but I kind of like his sister Maggie Whatshername, but not in The Secretary, but in this other movie where she plays ... oh wait, I'm thinking of Zooey Whatshername, so never mind.

Zooey Whatshername

Cinco de Mayo is just another day to me.

I'm not really Mexican, but I do enjoy Telemundo on occasion.



Currently playing Galway Girl by Steve Earle, cause her hair is black and her eyes are blue.

It's the boobs, it's all about the boobs.

It's four in the morning and I give up, I can't fall asleep.
So, I'm just going to sit here in almost nothing but my underwear and listen to my mp3 player number three, and did I mention that it's FUCKING COLD!!!
And I think I'm falling in love all over again with Liz Phair.



And you know, like I said it's after four in the morning, and I should be cranky, and contrary, and churlish, and a whole bunch of other c words, but I'm not.
I'm happy, or delirious, or brain damaged, but I'm smiling, and my toes are curled under for no apparent reason, and I feel like I am giving off this crazy, groovy, ethereal, viva Las Vegas vibe, and if you, yeah, you, need some positive energy lean over and press your hands against your computer screen, and when you lean over like that I can see that you really do have a great set of boobs, so ahhhhhhhhhh, just do it.

Hello zoloft my old friend, I've come to talk with you again.

Nice post title.
You know, women are really cool.

Do you like my hair?

Me, listening to my 4th mp3 player.
It's a refurbished Sansa C250 with 2 gigs of storage with a micro sd slot which will take up to a 2 gig micro sd card, which I have two of, which is kind of a good thing because 3 of my mp3 players have micro sd slots.
It's a voice recorder too, and it plays videos, and lots of other stuff that even I don't know about, and no, I haven't named any of my mp3 players, except for my Zune, which I only named because I had to, and I named it Boz, after me, which is only fitting because it was my first born.



The song that is playing right now is Explain It To Me by Liz Phair back when she swore in all her songs, and before she got all pop, and I didn't think I'd like the poppy Liz Phair, but I do, and what does that say about me.

I bought Harley Davidson brand Beef Jerky today, but I'm not going to eat it, ever, figure that one out if you can.

Nyquil, even the store brand kind, is not something to trifle with.

Don't pay any attention to the last post I made. I can't give away one of my mp3 players, it would be like giving away a child, and even though I have never had any children ...
GODDAMMIT, MB IS SNEEZING HER HEAD OFF DOWN IN HER BEDROOM AND I CAN'T CONCENTRATE. SHE CAN BE SO IMMATURE AT TIMES!!!
and even though I have never had any children, I can imagine it would be very difficult to give one away, unless they were odd, and when I say odd, I mean like whatever the PC term is for what they used to call Chris Burke Syndrome.
This post isn't going very well, because my computer is downloading something and it is making my keyboard act all wonkey, but at least MB has stopped sneezing, yeah, it stopped, make a liar out of me.
But yeah, I feel very tense right now, so I guess I'll go to bed and reflect upon the fact that I have never had any children to possibly give away, and other stuff like that, which might include listening to the mp3 player that I no longer plan to give away.

I have music in my blood and blood in my ...

Ok, no big deal but I bought another mp3 player today.
It's my fifth one, but like I said, it's not a big deal.
It's only a one gig player, and it was half price, and there's a reason why I bought it, you see, I'm going to give my little 2 gig Panasonic mp3 player that I bought for twenty five bucks to my sister to give to her grand daughter for her birthday, and the reason I am doing this is because my sister gave her grand daughter her old digital camera, and then my nephew gave my sister's grandson his old digital camera, so I figured I would give her next grandson my old digital camera, then my sister said, that she would save it for his birthday, and then I figured I should give her third grandson something so he wouldn't feel left out, so I gave him one of my old cd players for my sister to give to him for his birthday, and then since two of her grandsons are getting birthday gifts from me it wouldn't be right if I didn't give her grand daughter something for her birthday, so I bought my fifth mp3 player today, but I couldn't give her that because it's new, and that wouldn't look right since I gave my sister's other two grand kids used presents, so I will keep the new one for myself, and give the old mp3 player to my sister's grand daughter, so ... that just leaves her other grandson, but he already has an iPod that he found by the motel swimming pool they were staying at, but his birthday isn't until September, so I'm not going to worry about it.
Oh, and the grand child who got the CD player loved it, and I'm sure that the mp3 kid and the camera kid will loves their's too, but their birthday's aren't until April, and by then I'll probably have bought another two or three mp3 players, and at least one more digital camera.

By the way, I'm still sick, but not as sick as I was, I think all the Hershey Kisses I have been eating must have helped, that and the diet soda, and the store brand DayQuil, and the store brand NyQuil, and the mustard, we mustn't forget the mustard.

Being of sound mind

Even though I am very sick ...
How sick am I?
My feet are cold.
My nose is stuffed up.
I ache.
My head hurts.
I have chills.
I still smell faintly like mustard ...
No, I don't smell faintly like mustard but in my delirium I thought that sounded funny
But yeah, even though I am very sick I vow ...
No ...
I VOW
That I will post every day from now until the end of March, unless of course I die, or something better comes up.

Ok, here's a picture of me when I was 19 and home on leave before going overseas to the island of Crete, many people on buzznet think I look very cute in this pic, but that's not why I posted it, I posted it because ...
I was trying to grow a mustache and it wasn't working, the cuteness is just there, what can I say.

One across: Palindromic band

I've got heartburn.
My sinus(s) are killing me.
I want to eat the candy bar that I want to save for later.
I don't think I'll take a shower tonight.
I think I might shave.
I paid a $750.00 bill today.
Do you realize how emotionally hard it is to make out a check in the amount of $750.00, I mean your mind may say yes, but your hand says no, or maybe it's the other way around.
The sinus meds are making me think not so straight.
The heartburn medication isn't working.
I think I've talked myself out of eating the candy bar that I am saving for later.

Give me a pack of Newports, soft pack

So, here it is.
It's after six in the morning and I've been up all night, and I'm half asleep and I'm wide awake, and I smell faintly like mustard.
I don't know what to do, should I go to bed, should I watch tv, should I contemplate mayhem, or should I just go see what's in the fridge.
And my neck hurts, and they killed Omar, they fucking killed Omar, the fucking fuckers fucking killed Omar, or is it Omer, doesn't matter, cause they fucking killed him.



RIP Omar, R I fucking P.

I didn't do a pinky swear when I promised to post today.

Is it pinky or pinkie?
I know, I'll take a picture of myself on my web cam and post it.
Everyone likes pictures of me.



I think I'll watch the movie Chinatown even though there aren't any Chinese in it, I mean, who disrespectful is that, and change that who to how.

I'll make a post tomorrow, honest.

Did I spell tomorrow correctly?

Radical new hair cut

No, I didn't get it colored, but it does look like I did, maybe now that it's shorter it just looks lighter, or maybe the stylist drugged me, had her way with me, and then colored it without me knowing it.



I think it's somewhere between a Julius Caesar and a David Letterman, and did I mention that the stylist was really hot, and maybe I just fantasized that she drugged me, but I am positive that she did grind her inner thigh into my elbow one time, and yeah, I really like it so far, let's just see how it looks tomorrow.

And speaking about Julius Caesar, I've been catching up with the first season of Rome on HBO, and the episode I watched last night introduced Cleopatra, and Cleopatra is played by Lyndsey Marshal, and Lyndsey Marshal's Cleopatra is pure sex, and she could grind her inner thigh into my elbow any time.

Yesterday was Jennifer Jason Leigh's birthday and all she got her was a lousy shirt

The abnormally beautiful Jennifer Jason Leigh





She turned 46 yesterday.
She's finally legal for Osama Bin Laden, and that guy from the group who sang All The Young Dudes, and me.

NATALEE HOLLOWAY (with an O not an A) SEX TAPE HITS THE INTERNET

I bought a ticket for the 100 million plus Mega Millions jackpot for tonight, and if I win the jackpot I will buy a new car for everyone who leaves a comment on this post, of course the comments must be made before the drawing tonight, or at least before I check the winning numbers, which might be days, or even weeks, because I have a history of buying lottery tickets and sticking them on my bulletin board and then forgetting about them.

Also, it was very nice for my son, Cow Boris, to point out my spelling error in the
NATALEE HOLLAWAY SEX TAPE HITS THE INTERNET
post.
It should have read
NATALEE HOLLOWAY SEX TAPE HITS THE INTERNET
But still, I have gotten a number of hits from people who spell as badly as me, and don't have a Cow Boris in their life to point out their mistakes.

I think I am going to turn this into a celebrity gossip blog

I mean really, I know all about the dancing baby, and Eve Plumb, and that red headed girl that was in the movie about the zombies who went bowling on Friday nights, and that Spanish guy Javier Badem, or something like Badem, wait, I'll check ...
Ok, it's Bardem, and he's a really good actor, so maybe I won't turn this into a celebrity gossip blog, maybe I'll turn it into a SHRINE TO JAVIER BARDEM, and I can post about his latest movies, and his personal life, and what it was like growing up as Javier Bardem, and just all kinds of STUFF JAVIER BARDEM!!!

Here we go!!!

BOZ'S SHRINE TO JAVIER BARDEM

Javier Bardem, the Spanish Fonzie.



Javier Bardem as Fez's father in a very special episode of That 70's Show.



Javier Bardem sporting wood on the beach.



Magazine story on Javier Bardem that roughly translated reads: Javier Bardem is dating Penelope Cruz, I guess this proves he isn't gay after all, unless he has the same kind of arrangement that Tom Cruise had with Penelope Cruz, and didn't you think that whole last name Cruise/Cruz thing was kind of creepy. I said it was a rough translation.

Below is a really great title for a post that will send me mega hits from guys that are even pervier than me

The post title that will bring hundreds of hits for a day or two and then I will once again sink back into oblivion:

NATALEE HOLLAWAY SEX TAPE HITS THE INTERNET.

Ten questions for John Cusack

1. What do you like to talk about at parties?
How I took Daphne Zuniga's virginity during the filming of The Sure Thing.

2. Did you?
Did I what?

3. Did you take Daphne Zuniga's virginity during the filming of The Sure Thing?
I a-h-h-h-h-h, I'm not sure, it was such a long time ago, but I'm sure I took Wil Wheaton's virginity during the filming of Stand By Me.

4. Do you always type the word ahhhhhhh, as a-h-h-h-h-h.
Only when I a-h-h-h-h-h, yes.

5. Tell me a little bit about Ione Skye.
That's not a question, I know these things because I played an English teacher on an episode of The Twilight Zone that never aired. All questions should end with a question mark. (?)

6. Ok, what can you tell me about Ione Skye?
Well, her and Daphne Zuniga are both lesbians, at least that's the reason they both gave me when I asked them to have sex with me, and there's a rumor that they made a sex tape together and it is circulating around all the places where lesbians hang out and watch sex tapes, and I'm pretty sure that it's true, because I started the rumor, and do you think it's ok that I watch the L Word, not that I do, and if I did it would only be because I heard another rumor, another rumor that I started, that Daphne Zuniga and Ione Skye were going to do a sex scene with the cute lesbian, the cute lesbian that didn't have a mustache.

7. Anything else you'd like to mention?
I took a bath with my sister Joan this one time when I was six, and we were both naked, and did you know that guys and girls are different, you know, down there, and Joan and I made a promise never to tell anyone about what we did in the tub while we were naked.

8. You sang show tunes, didn't you?
The bitch told you, didn't she!!!

9. What question is this?
It's number 9, and I know it's number 9 because I am a number 9, you know, down there.

10. That's not what Daphne, Ione, and Joan said.
THAT'S NOT A QUESTION, THAT'S NOT A QUESTION, THAT'S NOT A QUESTION, AND THE BITCHES LIE, ALL BITCHES LIE, GO ASK WIL WHEATON, HE'LL TELL YOU I'M A NUMBER 9 DOWN THERE!!!

An open letter to my son ... Cow Boris

Son, I know you hate me because of your name, but it was your mother's idea, and yes, I should have stood up to her that one time, but you have to remember that she was ex-roller derby, and she was hard to disagree with once she got her jam on.
Trust me son, if I would've had my way, if your mother and I would have given you the name I had picked out, you'd be able to walk down any street in this fine country of ours with your head held high (as high as possible given it's SLIGHTLY larger than average size) as people would stop and point and say ...
Look, there goes Cow Bullwinkle, his father is really cool and bitchin'.

I could have sworn there were 32 days in January this year.

It's friday morning, real early friday morning, real early for me anyway, and I'm sort of half awake, waiting for for the garage door repairman, the same garage door repairman that was here two days ago to repair the same garage door that he is going to re-repair today,and I'm not making much sense, mostly because I have a stomach ache from eating too much candy while watching a Scottish movie about women in wedding dresses who murder their husbands, or intended husbands, and the bad part is I turned the movie off half way through, but I kept eating the candy, eating, and eating, and eating, and eating, and if I keep typing "and eating" I think I might hurl, and not just a little bit, and not just in my hands.

And finally ...
I just woke up from a dream where we were at war with Korea, not North, or South, just Korea, and I was fighting in the war, and I was number two in line from my position, and when I opened fire my rifle turned out to be a squirt gun, a super soaker squirt gun, and even though it didn't do much good it really pissed the Koreans off, and I spent the rest of the dream trying to find out why my rifle had turned into a squirt gun, that and eating candy while watching a movie about Korean brides murdering their husbands, or intended husbands, with squirt guns.

And one more thing ...
Did I mention that it is snowing like a MoFo?

My life isn't falling apart, but my house is.

Why do all the chicks dig John Cusack?
I mean he's never even been in an ice skating movie.

Sing sing sing then give it a rest and sing some more

It's three in the morning.
It's 10 degrees out.
I'm listening to the fourth of my four mp3 players.
The mp3 player is playing a song from some whiny chick that I'll probably delete one of these days.

We have company this week.
It's my sister and her husband.
They aren't staying here.
They are staying at the Days Inn.
They have a microwave and fridge in their room, and there is a continental breakfast and complimentary newspapers in the morning.

I have to be nice to my brother in law this visit.
He replaced a circuit breaker and installed a new light fixture in the kitchen.
No, this isn't the brother in law who is an electrician who whenever he calls asks if the house needs any repairs, because I am right brained not left brained, and I tell him yes, and he says he'll come up and take care of them, but he's said he'll be coming up to take care of them for six years, and he hasn't made it up here yet.
No it isn't the brother in law who is an electrician, it's the other brother in law, the one who gets on every ones nerves, so I guess I'll have to put up with him getting on my nerves, but I did give some gum, so maybe not.

July you're a woman

I think I've lost my way.
And I bought another hat today, but I didn't buy another mp3 player, and did I tell you that I had to return the refurbished mp3 I bought, the first refurbished one I bought, because I bought another one, another refurbished one, I dunno, sometime last week, early in the morning, when my mind was weak and impressionable, and I think that might be the problem, that and HAM!!!
It's three thirty, I'm going to bed, and I'll be sleeping under three covers tonight, because it's another cold one, and I think I'd better go out to the shed and see if MB is warm enough, and that she has enough drinking water.
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I keed, I keed.
So, yeah, goodnight, and if you hear something under your bed tonight it's probably me.

It's zero degrees right now and I just ate ice cream

I wasted today, totally wasted it.

I slept almost as long as I said I was going to sleep in the post where I said I was going to sleep till 2 in the afternoon.

I didn't make my bed.

I wasted a lot of time playing online generic Scrabbble (Scrabulous) against a robot, but I won most of the games, but my victories were tempered by the fact that I used HINTS, which makes me feel such shame, but the robot is all HINTS, so I guess I don't feel as much shame as I usually feel when I feel shame, I guess.

I watched Hostel 2 tonight, and it was really bad, but I did notice that Bijou Phillips was in it, and for those of you who didn't know Bijou is the youngest of the three Phillips' half sisters fathered by former Mamas and the Papas leader John Phillips, or is it Philips, but who cares, anyway the three Phillips' half sisters are, and should Phillips be possessive in this case, I'll pretend that it is and continue to refer to them as the three Phillip's half sisters, and the three Phillips' half sisters are ...
1. Mackenzie Phillips from John Phillips first marriage, you know, the one who wasn't Valerie Bertinelli on One Day at a Time.
2. Chyna Phillips from John Phillips marriage to former Mamas and the Papas female singer that didn't choke to death on a HAM SANDWICH, Michelle Phillips, not to be confused with China Kantner who is the daughter of former Jefferson Airplane members Paul Kantner and Grace Slick, and was in one very funny movie about dopers back in the 70's, that was made in the 80's or maybe 90's,(AIRHEADS!!!) and yeah, Chyna Phillips was in Wilson Phillips, the group that had the two ugly daughters of Beachboy founder Brian Wilson, the guy who had a sandbox in his living room, and didn't get out of bed for 12 years back in the 70's, and yeah, the 70's were the only decade that actually and truly had twelve years instead of ten years, and you can look it up if you don't believe me.
And finally ...
3. Bijou Phillips from John Phillips third marriage to actress Genievive Waite, and I'm not sure of the spelling of Genievive, so ... ok, I'm so anal that I looked it up and it's Genevieve, and I wasn't very far off, and here is something interesting ... John Phillips and Genevieve Waite were such hardcore drug users at the time that Michelle Phillips, yeah, the second wife, and mother of Chyna, tried to get custody of Bijou Phillips, but I don't know is she got custody, but who cares, and every third character I type is a mistake so fuck it.
So yeah, Hostel 2 sucked.
End of post.

100% Dylan Approved

I'm really tired, but it is really bright out, so I think I'll close the curtains and sleep fitfully till two in the afternoon ... just kidding, hahahahaha, what kind of lazy ass would sleep till two in the afternoon (averting my eyes and looking around shiftfully, and is shiftfully another one of those words that I just sort of made up to describe what I am doing when I can't think of a real word to describe what I am doing.)
Goodnight Ozzie.
Goodnight Harriet.
Goodnight David.
Goodnight Ricky.
And goodnight John Ritter wherever ye may be. (yeah, ye)

I had pizza tonight

It's Friday night and I am taking a break from watching the movie Zodiac.
I was 18 or 19 when the Zodiac killings started, but I really don't remember much about them because I had just enlisted in the air force, and I hardly ever watched television, read the newspapers, or listened to the radio, and really, when you are in the service you are in a very insulated environment where if something doesn't effect you directly it doesn't effect you at all.

I hit my head on the range hood the other day, and I still feel kind of groggy.
That might explain why I bought my fourth mp3 player yesterday, and seriously ... WHY DO KEEP BUYING MP3 PLAYERS, and that's not a rhetorical question.

I guess that's it. I'm going to go back to the movie now, and how come whenever Jake Gyllnehalwhatshisname comes on screen I get a gay vibe ... oh, yeah, Brokeback Mountain, and yeah but, I like his sister Maggie better, and you know I watched Clerks 2 the other night, it only took me about four tries to finally finish it, and then I watched Big Nothing with the guy from Friends, and the guy from Shaun of the Dead, and a few other people that I didn't know, and it wasn't bad, well, it was better than Clerks 2, and I saw another movie, a Japanese movie, that was in the whole Saw, Hostel, let's kill teenagers genre, but this was better than either Saw or Hostel because they killed a shitload more teenagers and the killings were government sponsored, and now my eyes are starting to water, so I'm done with Boz's Moviez Reviewz.

What I do at five in the morning when I can't sleep

I answer spam email ...

FOR YOUR COMPENSATION
DEAR FRIEND,
I DIDN’T FORGOT YOUR PAST EFFORT BY TRYING TO HELP ME, NOW I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT I HAVE SUCCEEDED IN GETTING THOSE FUNDS TRANSFERRED UNDER THE COOPERATION OF A NEW PARTNER FROM CHILE. CONTACT MY SECRETARY IN COTONOU DE FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF BENIN BECAUSE I HAVE LEFT THE WHOLE INSTRUCTION TO HER ON YOUR BEHALF AND INSTRUCT HER WHERE TO SEND THE $800.000.00 WITH OUT ANY FURTHER DELAY FOR YOUR COMPENSATION.
HER NAME IS MISS M. Eze
EMAIL:john_best56@yahoo.fr
PHONE: 229-9369010.
NB: NOTE: BELLOW IS THE REQUIRED INFORMATIONS YOU WILL SEND TO MY SECRETARY.
(1) YOUR FULL NAMES
(2) YOUR HOUSE ADDRESS
(3) YOUR DIRECT CELPHONE NUMBER AND HOUSE PHONE WITH FAX IF ANY.
IN THIS MOMENT, I'M VERY BUSY HERE IN CHILE BECAUSE OF THE INVESTMENT PROJECTS, WHICH THE NEW PARTNER AND I ARE HAVING AT HAND.
REGARDS
MR. best williams

MY REPLY

My friend Mr Best.
I indeed did think you forgot about my past effort in helping you, and
indeed I think $800.005.62 should just about cover it, and yes I added
an extra $5.62 for interest.
OOPS, I GUESS I SHOULD TYPE IN UPPER CASE TOO.
HERE IS THE INFORMATION YOU REQUESTED FROM ME FOR TO SEND TO YOUR SECRETARY.
MY FULL NAMES: BEN DOVER
MY HOUSE ADDRESS: 666 GRAND ENNUI AVENUE, BUZZNET OHIOWA
MY DIRECT CELPHONE NUMBER AND HOUSE PHONE WITH FAX IF ANY: 867-5309
ASK FOR JENNY
HERE IS HOPING I HERE FROM YOU SOON.
PS COULD YOU SEND CASH? TENS AND TWENTIES IF POSSIBLE
PPS WHAT'S YOUR SECRETARY'S NAME? I AM GOING TO PRETEND HER NAME IS
MYRNA. IS SHE HOT? DO YOU THINK SHE WOULD GO ON A DATE WITH ME? MYRNA
IS A PRETTY NAME, ISN'T IT? I BET SHE IS A TYPICAL MYRNA TOO, YOU
KNOW, KIND OF FLIGHTY AND KOOKY, BUT YOU CAN COUNT ON HER WHEN THE
CHIPS ARE DOWN. GOD, MYRNA SOUNDS HAWT!!!
YOURS TRULY
BEN DOVER

It's me boz, and it's good to be back.

I'm back, and my hands smell like bleach, and it's almost three in the morning, and if you promise not to laugh I'll tell you a few secrets about myself.
I don't know how to swim, or drive a stick shift, or blow my nose, or use a blow torch.

Eep eep eep and other things that crack me up

Five Things That I Think Are Funny by KILLERZZZOMG48730
1. Poop eating dogs, I mean c'mon, it's poop, and they're eating it!!!
2. That funny little eep eep eep noise that boz makes when he's asleep.
3. Fat people trying to tie their shoelaces.
4. ALF bloopers.


That show still cracks me up.

5. The look on boz's face when he realizes that he has put on his underpants inside out and backwards.

Filling in for boz will be ...

Hello, I am the imaginary cat that boz refers to as Mr. Feeny, but Mr. Feeny is my slave name, and I would prefer to be known as KILLERZZZOMG48730.
Anyway, boz tweaked his back and he won't be posting for awhile, and he pleaded with me to fill in for him.
If you have any questions, or requests just leave me a comment or drop me an email at KILLERZZZOMG48730@gmail.com, and I will get back to you.
Yours truly
KILLERZZZOMG48730

He's Mr. Feeny, Feeny, Feeny, my lovable, but imaginary cat.

Mr. Feeny hasn't been the same since he got back from court ordered obedience training.

Bottled water ... oh BOTTLED water, that's different.

I've already sneezed 23 times today and it's only 7:30 in the morning, this could be a record breaking day.

Mr. Feeny kicking the snot out of Danny Tanner, a dog that I unsuccessfully foster dog sat for back before Mr. Feeny was diagnosed as having a personality disorder.



Many imaginary people have asked me how I found pictures of Mr. Feeny my imaginary cat.
It was easy, I just did an imaginary Google image search for Hitler cat.

Do real men have cats even if they are just imaginary ones?

Mr. Feeny is asleep next to my keyboard so I'll have to make this post quick.



He's adorable, isn't he.

Conversations only I can hear.

Boz, you haven't posted for awhile, how come?

My cat's been sick.

You don't have a cat ...

My IMAGINARY cat.

What's your imaginary cat's name?

Mr. Feeny.

What are you eating?

A shortbread cookie with caramel frosting.

What is the last thing that MB said to you?

Is this guy a woman?

Was he?

No, well, he had a beard, I mean he had a beard, but not the Friends of Dorothy kind of beard, he had a beard ... beard, and he's the host of one of the movie shows on TCM, not the obviously gay one, the subliminally gay one, not that there is anything wrong with being either one.

Gotta run, Mr. Feeny just puked in the imaginary koi pond.