Benzedrine and answering machines

You know you've got something special when on your first phone call you talk about.
1. Randy Quaid.
2. Tards.
3. Lesbian submissives.
4. Compost heaps.
5. Barking homeless guys.
6. Gilliomville.
7. The cunt known as Meg Ryan.
8. Playing in traffic.
9. Your mother's crappy pictures.
10. How really fucking awesome it is to hear the sound of her voice when she is actually speaking with it.