Sunday, July 31, 2005

Say hello before you fall asleep

This just sucks.

I fell asleep at three thirty and I woke up at four thirty, and now I'm wide awake and half asleep and wondering what I should do now.

It's Sunday, I could go to church, in my pajamas, if I could find a church, and if I could find my pajamas.

The key to life is knowing when to ...
The key to life is knowing when ...
The key to life is knowing ...
The key to life is knowing whether you should change the channel or just turn down the sound.

I have no love for Robert McNamara since he fucked me in the ass

Ok, so I started reading another book today, another Stephen King book. This one is called Hearts In Atlantis, and according to the liner notes, linear notes, it is a novel in four parts tracing the effects of the war in Vietnam on a bunch of guys from 1960 to the present, or at least the present up to the present of when the book was written.
I think I am seriously going to love this book. I mean as long as there isn't any blood letting going on.

Man, my generation just cannot get past the war in Vietnam. It haunts us. It haunts us more than the Kennedy assassination, it haunts us more than the King assassination, it haunts us more than the other Kennedy assassination, it haunts us more than Nixon resigning in disgrace.
You didn't even have to serve in Vietnam, you don't even have to be a guy. You just have to have been born somewhere between the mid 40's and the mid 50's.
I mean, you had to plan you life around the war in Vietnam.
It was the albatross around our necks. It was the boulder on the edge of the cliff. It was the creature under the bed. It was there, it was always there ...
Fuck it.
I'm going to turn my brain off and go watch Napoleon Dynamite.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Hey, you with the crew cut

Listening to random sixties music.
1. Johnny Get Angry - Joannie Sommers. I want a brave man, I want a cave man, complete with kazoo solo
2. Sport (The Odd Boy) - Bonzo Dog Band. Bonzo, Bonz, Boz, strangers things have happened. It's an odd boy who doesn't like sport.
3. Blues With A Feeling - Paul Butterfield Blues Band. If I had fingers like Mike Bloomfield I would play guitar in my sleep.
4. Time Has Come Today - The Chambers Brothers. The wretched excess of psychedelica, but not quite. I have no home, I have no home.
5. I Had To Tell You - The 13th Floor Elevators. I love the electric jug and the boz-like harmonica, and I should really start practicing now that I have my blues harmonica book.
6. The Belle of Avenue A - The Fugs. A little bit of hippie nookie.
7. Deep Purple - Nino Tempo and April Stevens. Nino is a guy, honest to god. When the deep purple falls over sleepy garden walls ...
8. Canned Ham - Norman Greenbaum. When you gonna buy me a canned ham Greenbaum? Soon baby, soon.
9. Mule Skinner Blues - The Fendermen. If you don't like the job throw the buck-buck-bucket down.
10. Movin' Day - The Holy Modal Rounders. Pack up your clothes and skidoo, Lou.

Friday, July 29, 2005

A little bit of crap, and a whole bunch of crapola

So, maybe I should go to bed now.

I finished the book, yeah that book, the book with the blood letting, and you don't know just how queasy blood letting makes me, but I just sort of skimmed that part, and I finished it, and it was good, and I liked it, and oh yeah, the book was Gerald's Game by Stephen King, and like I said it was good, but disturbing, and I once read where Stephen King said that he couldn't write women's dialogue for shit, and you know what, he can't write women's dialogue for shit, but that's ok ... toots!

Oh yeah, my phone isn't working ... again!!!
This will be the fourth time in the last month that they've had to send someone out to fix it, and I use the word fix in a generic sort of surreal way, and this time they will send two guys out, an outside guy, and an inside guy, and the outside guy has been here twice, and the second time he came out he said it was an inside problem and I'd have to call and get an inside guy to take care of it, and when the inside guy came out and I told him what the outside guy said, the inside guy said that is what the outside guy always says if he doesn't know how to fix it, then so the inside guy fixed it, in a generic sort of surreal way, and said that if I had any more problems I would have to call in and ask for a Vendor Meeting, which is where both an inside and an outside guy come out, but the inside guy assured me that would never be necessary, but he said it in a generic sort of surreal way.
So, there will be a Vendor Meet at my house on Monday morning at 9am where both the outside guy and the inside guy will fix my telephone in a generic sort of surreal way, and I am positive that it will be fixed at least until the next time I need to use the phone.
That just means that anyone of you who were expecting me to sex you up over the phone this weekend will just have to wait. I'm sorry but it just can't be helped.

Grand Dufus Update

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The Dufus writes:
Friday, July 15, 2005
Got the job at Bellsouth, I start on the 25th.
I'll be answering 411 calls.

But after further review the Dufus writes:
Thursday, July 28, 2005
For those of you that didn't hear, BellSouth called me back before I was supposed to start and said they reversed their decision to hire me, based on the fact that I have 2 pending charges. How gay is that? I guess I'll go work at Trane or something.

Oh man, that's so gay it's ghey!
Tick, tick, tick ...

Thursday, July 28, 2005

On this date in history

Today is my sister's birthday.
It is also the birthday of a girl that I went on one date with.
It is also the birthday of a girl that I went to an art exhibition with, but that wasn't a date, too bad though because she was cool.

My socks aren't the only things with holes in them

Tonight I played that stupid pinball game that comes with Windows.
Tonight I read some more of Gerald's Game, but stopped before the blood letting started.
Tonight I listened to two albums by the 13th Floor Elevators.
Tonight I read reviews for the novel Memoirs of a Geisha that I bought from the books for sale shelf at the library.
Tonight I ate the last cookie in the house.
Tonight, ok, tonight, I surfed a little porn, big deal.
Tonight I watched the start of the ball game, but turned it off in the first inning.
Tonight I looked in vain for white shoe laces.
Tonight I changed the sheets on my bed, no wait, I did that last night.
Tonight I worried about the noise the car has started making, but it doesn't make it all the time, it makes it when I am going kind of slow, and on bumpy roads, but not when I am idling, or going fast, so maybe it is just something sliding around in the glove compartment, or the trunk, or maybe I am just dragging a dead body caught on the under carriage.
Ah yeah.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Yeah, I can understand your nightmares, no joke.

I remember the total eclipse in the summer of 1963.
I was thirteen, and it was the weekend, and it was hot, and no one was around, and it was still, and hazy, and I was riding my bike around in circles in front of our house, bored, waiting for the eclipse, and trying to decide which side of the Four Seasons newest single I liked best, Candy Girl or Marlena, shit, I liked them both, and yeah, the summer of 1963, I was a teenager on a bike, with bad skin, wearing calypso pants, and a t-shirt, and tennis shoes, and a crew cut, and tall, and skinny, and riding around in circles in front of my house, waiting for a fucking eclipse, and two weeks before I hadn't even known what a fucking eclipse was, and yeah, I'm riding my bike in circles, singing Candy Girl and Marlena to myself, and I was bored, and waiting for the boring fucking eclipse, that would probably only happen once in my fucking life time, so I'd better fucking make sure that I took full fucking advantage of this once in a fucking lifetime opportunity, and experience the fucking once in a fucking lifetime fucking eclipse.
But anyway, it turned out to be no big thing, seriously.
So it looks like I wasted a whole afternoon.
I guess.
I think I'll try to get my dad to drive me to EJ Korvettes so I can get that new single by the Four Seasons, yeah, that would be cool.
Yeah, fat chance of that.
It sucks being thirteen.
But man, I still love those songs, even after forty years, even at four in the morning.
Candy Girl

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Dude, where's my brain

So, I've started reading another novel tonight.
It's by Stephen King and it's called Gerald's Game.
I've read three chapters so far, and it's about a married couple named Gerald and his wife, ok, so I've forgotten what the wife's name is.
Anyway, so far ...
Ummmmmmm, it's told in the first person, and the wife that I can't remember the name of is the person that is first.
Are you with me so far?
Ok, Gerald is a lawyer who gets an afternoon off in early autumn, so he calls his wife and suggests that they go up to their cottage in Maine and play his game, Gerald's Game.
Anddddddddd, Gerald's Game is handcuffing his wife, that I can't remember the name of, to the headboard of their bed and having his way with her.
Ok, the wife sort of lost interest in the game after the first time they played it back in the spring of the year, but she continued to go along with it because she is a good and dutiful wife, that is she was a good and dutiful wife until today when a voice inside her tells her that this total bullshit and if she doesn't want to play the game she doesn't have to play the game.
So when she tells Gerald to cut the crap and take the handcuffs off Gerald thinks it is all part of the game, or does he???
The voice in the wife's, that I STILL can't remember the name of, head tells her that Gerald knows that she doesn't want to play the game anymore, but is pretending he doesn't so he can REALLY have his way with her, you know like r-a-p-e her. So the wife, that I can't remember the name of, kicks Gerald in the nuts, he has a heart attack, falls of the bed, and cracks his head, and dies.
Ok, it's autumn, their cottage is secluded, nobody knows they are at the cottage, and she is handcuffed to the fucking headboard of the bed, and ... it's a fucking Stephen King novel, and even three chapters in, you just have to know where it's headed, don't you?
Well, don't you?
Discuss among yourselves, and don't be surprised if we have a POP quiz tomorrow.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Support our troops

Get it ... support our troops!!!

Make a wish

There is no "i" in team

I surely, don't call me surely, wasted this day.
I finished the book on the murder of Bob Crane.
I read a lot of crap on a website called
I leaned back in my chair and almost fell on my head, which wouldn't have been good a thing.
I worked a little bit on the Poonannie of Jonnie V. II.
I showered, but didn't shave.
I drank diet orange soda.
I watched a program on the History International Channel about Zepplins and the Third Reich.
I think I fed the birds that mock me.
I took a battery out of a smoke detector because it wouldn't quit beeping.
I uninstalled Norton's Anti Virus and downloaded the Security Suite provided by my internet provider. Norton??? Yeah, Ralphie ba-by!
I called my internet provider when the firewall installed by their security suite prevented me from getting online.
I sang along with the please wait muzak when my internet provider put me on hold.
I started a new blog.
I paid the cable bill, the gas bill, and the telephone bill.
I rinsed out my glass and got some more diet orange soda.
I put Windows Media play on random play.
I listened to Waterloo by Stonewall Jackson.
I wondered when I had to meet my Waterloo, because everybody does, eventually.
I did my impression of Ricky Ricardo ... Babalooooooooooooooo.
I burped.
I ran spellcheck.
I think that's all.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

I give up

Remember that song by the Carpenters, Rainy Days and Sundays Always Bring Me Down?
Well, it's a rainy day AND a sunday!
I guess I'll just have to go back to bed and pray, or something.
Damn, I just checked, it's rainy days and MONDAYS always bring me down.
So, nevermind.
Do you think it would be too late to tell her to eat a sammich?

Houston, we have a pogrom

Just something I found while searching for the truth the other day.

When I was growing up only geeky college wannabes drove VWs.
I lived in Detroit, and it was muscle cars, and every cool guys dream was a GTO, and gas was only 18.9 cents a gallon, and you could cruise all night on a dollars worth of gas, well, maybe not all night, but at least until curfew, if you had a curfew, which I didn't, but I never stayed out all night, well, ok, I did a few times, but it's not like anyone noticed, ok, they might have noticed, but they didn't say anything about it, and if they said anything about it I probably wasn't listening.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Post interrupted

One is the loneliest number.
It takes two to cha cha cha.
Three can do what two can only imagine.
Four ...

I really want to visit the Moving Wall again, at night, when it's dark, while the ghosts of ...

I've been listening to Woody Guthrie tonight, and it's funny, as big an influence as he has been on all ...

Mother Boz is still a bit snippy about the last couple of days, she felt guilty about it the day after the blow-up, but today she has been reliving ...

I am reading a book about the murder of Bob Crane, you know Hogan from Hogan's Heroes. Man, the guy was into some really strange sex, but you know if he were alive today ...

I think I am going to break down and visit a massage therapist, because the way I have been ...

Any ...

Catch you on the ...

Friday, July 22, 2005

Tom Yolkiewicz

Posted by: boz48730 on Buzznet
The Moving Wall, Oscoda Michigan
Tom Yolkiewicz, the only guy I knew that was killed in Vietnam.
We went to school together until he dropped out when he turned sixteen. I didn't know him all that well, but he was a good natured guy who had a tough childhood. He was smoking unfiltered Camel's before he was thirteen years old.

Click for full size image.


We made our point today by not being home when they got here, then we met at the beach, and all was forgiven.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Hell hath no fury

It is probably a good idea that our company is going back to Florida on Friday, and no, it's not the kids, the kids have been great, the kids have been fantastic, the kids have been a lot of fun, the kids have been kids.
It's the two older kids, my sister and brother in law who have been the problem.

Let me give you a little history.
They have been married for a little over 40 years, and in all that time, well, in all that time, time has meant nothing to them. To put it simply, they never show up when they say they will, never.

Ok, here's the current deal. They got to the campground on Monday, set up, and then came to visit Mother Boz and myself at about one thirty, that's cool, good time, not too early, not too late.
They stayed till about six thirty and then asked me what time we wanted them to come over on Tuesday. I said the same time as today would be good, and if you're going to be a little late just give me a call, no big deal.
They show up Tuesday at two thirty, an hour later than was planned, and no call, ok, it's still cool, it's their vacation, they went for a ride, they got lost, we had nothing planned, no biggie.
When they left at about seven that night, they asked when they should come over on Wednesday. I told them about one or two o'clock, the same as yesterday and today, fine, groovy, agreed, we'll see you tomorrow, and we'll go out for pizza or something.
One o'clock ... nothing.
One thirty, I tell MB to start getting ready so we won't have to wait on her when we are ready to leave.
Two o'clock ... nothing.
Two thirty, MB is finished getting ready, hey she's old, it takes her awhile to get her groove on.
Two forty-five ... nothing, I am starting to get pissed.
Three o'clock ... nothing, MB is starting to get pissed.
I should probably state here that my state of being pissed and MB's state of being pissed are completely different.
I get pissed easily, I get over it, I get pissed again, I get over it, I get pissed again, I get over it.
MB on the other hand, gets pissed slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, until the pressure builds up and like a volcano you know all hell is going to break loose ... and all it will take is one little thing to set it off.
Three thirty ... nothing, and MB has erupted ... AT ME!!!
She is going off all over the place.
They always do this blah blah blah
They only think of themselves blah blah blah
They were always late picking me up at the airport blah blah blah

And on, and on, and on.

Me, as usual, I feel like I am stuck in the middle, the go-between, the peacemaker, the soother of ruffled feathers, it makes me feel crappy, and I hate it.
So I said fuck it, I'm just going to lay back and enjoy the fireworks.

Man, it was worth it. MB took chunks out of both their hides. I mean, they looked like a couple of little kids that were getting chewed out for coming home late from school. They both looked like they might start crying at any moment, and you know, I don't think they actually thought they did anything wrong.
They were all
But, but, but, but ...

MB was so pissed that she changed her mind about going out, but I think that was just a ploy on her part to heap a little more guilt on the two of them.

So yeah, she did go, but she wouldn't ride in the car with them. She came with me and two of the kids. Thank god I had two of the kids in the car with us, or MB would have continued her rant all the way up to the pizza parlor, and she sort of tried to continue it, but I started joking around with the kids, and MB settled down, and by the time we got to the pizza parlor her rage had passed to the extent that she could carry on a conversation with my sister and brother in law, but ... you know the anger was there, and just one stupid comment by my brother in law or sister and it would have erupted all over again.

So we made it through the day, and they are leaving on Friday, and I think MB has some sort of evil get even plan in store for today, I just hope it doesn't involve enemas or high colonics for everyone.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Kids these days have no respect

UB, Trey, and Tia

They adore me ... everyone adores me!!!

Fortay, UB, Trey, and DayDay kneeling.

I have a way with kids

What we did today.
1. They ate cookies and popcicles.
2. They made videos.
3. The three oldest called me Uncle Ken.
4. The youngest did the Monkey Butt Dance and called me Uncle Jimmy.
5. I let them con me out of a lot of stuff that I had laying around that I had no use for, radios, digital clocks, sticker books, digital cameras ... I told you that you can't have the damn camera, now put it back!!!.
6. They had a farting contest.
7. We went to town and I told them I would buy them each a t-shirt, because I want to be remembered as Cool Uncle Jimmy. The youngest would take a shirt off the rack and hold it in front of him and ask "Is this a good look for me?".
8. I promised the second youngest my car when I died.
9. I gave them cinnamon gum and pink lemonade.
10. I fell asleep, and when I woke up they were gone.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

When did I become the parent?

Mother Boz fell again tonight.
I swear to god, as many times as she has fallen I am amazed that she hasn't broken a hip, a leg, an arm, a collarbone, and various other bones, alone or in combination any number of times, because she could have and should have. (Nice awkward sentence, Boz.)
She was coming out of the bathroom, in the dark, she reached for the door, the door wasn't there, and she went tumbling half way across the house knocking things over as she fell. She ended up between a coffee table and an easy chair, a little shaken up, but completely unhurt.
I, on the other hand am a nervous wreck, and if I drank I would be three quarters drunk by now, but I don't, so I'm not.
And great, I'll be getting the third degree from my sister tomorrow.
And then I'll have to repeat everything for my brother in law.
And at what point in time did I quit being the kid and become the parent?

Damn kids, get off my lawn

My grand niece and grand nephews.
And yeah, they are as adorable as they look, and did you ever think I would use the word adorable in a post when referring to someone other than myself?

Monday, July 18, 2005

Sunday, Broody, Sunday

Watched Garden State at 5:15 AM.
Watched Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle at 5:00 PM.
Watched The High and the Mighty at 8 PM.
Considering watching the Australian classic Fortress at 2:15 AM.

Listened to a shit load of the Paul Butterfield Blues Band.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Me, outside

Yeah, I'm really outside, but I am safely within my agoraphobia comfort zone, and this is isn't a bad pic considering it was shot with my 19 dollar Vivitar that I got at the Evil Empire.

D-day minus one

One comment for the last seven posts, I think that's a new record.

My cousin's visit went well.
They only stayed about an hour, which was long enough.
Her and her husband are the dreaded ... Born Again Christians, but they didn't try to convert me, or talk too much about the glory of god, so I was cool with it.
It was nice to see my Uncle Guy again, he turned 90 this year. He's my dad's brother-in-law. All my dad's brothers and sisters have passed away, and Mother Boz and my Uncle Guy are the only two spouses left alive.

I found out from my cousin that my sister is bringing a couple of her grandkids up with them. Which is kind of cool, I guess. I mean I've never seen them before, and it doesn't matter that they are bi-racial, but it does matter that I don't like their mother, my niece, very much, but I think it will be kind of cool to buy them ice cream, and candy, and pop, and let them take pictures with my inexpensive digital camera, and take them to the Dollar Store and tell them they can each get ten items, and then they'll tell wonderful stories about how great their Groovy Uncle Boz is until their mother gets so stressed she gets hives, or forgets to pick up her welfare check, or eats a bug, or something. At least that's my plan for now.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Cousins and stuff

Me, all duded up waiting for my Uncle Guy, and my cousin Nancy, and her husband to show up. Nancy is cool and is just a few weeks younger than I am. When we were growing up and they would come to visit she would always have chocolate covered raisins, which I hated but ate anyway because they had at least some chocolate. Also, when Nancy was sixteen she was the driver in an automobile accident in which her best friend was killed and Nancy was very seriously injured. She went on to become the Snow Queen in the Winter semester of her freshman, and only year of college. Oh yeah, then she became anorexic, got married three times, and divorced twice ... so far, and became the opposite of anorexic.

The Savage Breast

I've been obsessed with downloading music for the past week or so.
Some serious off the wall stuff too, and all of it from the mid sixties.
Anyway, here is a sample of some of the stuff I have been digging up.
1. Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels - Just A Little Bit
2. Nancy Sinatra - The Last Of The Secret Agents
3. The Holy Modal Rounders - Mr. Spaceman
4. The Bonzo Dog Band - Noises For The Leg

Enjoy, or not ... or not ... or not

Friday, July 15, 2005

So, this is ennui

It's five in the morning, and I'm sitting here deleting post after meaningless post.
I'm sweating kind of a floppy, be boppy, peel your clothes off and throw them in the corner kind of sweat.
I don't want to be some kind of cosmic vegetable.
I don't want to be paralyzed with drool running down my chin.
I don't want to be a caricature of ...
I don't want to be a rock star, or a garbage collector, or a chicken sexer, or the man who came to dinner and never left, or the guy with a yellow ribbon stuck to the trunk of his american made car, or wear sensible shoes, or sing the blues, or delete another post, or grovel, or preen, or fall to my knees and testify, or row my boat ashore, or run spellcheck, or sleep till noon, or ...

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Testing 1, 2, 3 ... Testing

I'm still alive.
Mother Boz is doing fine. They have her on antibiotics for the rash and swelling on her leg.
Does anyone know what a green zanny bomb is?
Do you think I should change my name to Dr. Harrison Tong?
Pronounced Tawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwng, accent on the awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwng.
So, my niece who was up here yesterday asked me what a blog was. I acted like I didn't know what she was talking about, which is usually the case anyway, so I think I pulled it off pretty good.
I just washed my hair with Suave Orange Smoothie shampoo and damn do I smell pretty.
I'm bored.
I'm tired.
I'm out of here.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Extra, Extra, Extra

Mother Boz goes to the Emergency Room.

this is an audio post - click to play

Chicks in Hats

You've got to love chicks in hats. This chick in hat reminds me a little bit of the chick in hat Maria Schneider from the chick in hat movie The Last Tango in Paris. See, the reason I stopped posting chick in hat semi naked pics is because I tend to ramble on about chicks and hats, and hats and chicks, and chicks in hats ...
blah, blah, blah

Grand Dufus Update

When we last heard from the Grand Dufus on June 6th he said:
Things are looking up, my car is running, all my bills are paid, most of my legal problems have been settled, and I still have money left over. Looking into getting a new job now that I have my car, it will blow my old job away. Everything in my life that was a source of annoyment has been eliminated. Even my anxiety and back problems are gone. I am happy with my life. It has been a while since I could truthfully say that.

However, on his next update on July 8th he said:
Well, I guess you can throw that last post right out the fucking window. I have no home, no job, no money, thank god I have a car/makeshift home. I would like to thank the following people for allowing me to stay with them for varying periods of time, in order of appearance: Eric, Jon, Jackie, Brian, and Jacob. Throw my parents in there about thrice also. And to think, I actually believed shit was going good for a while.

So, it looks like he has been living in his car, but when Hurricane Dennis was headed for the Florida panhandle his parents said he could move back in until the hurricane passed.
That led to this post on July 12th:
Back at home since yesterday, I guess I kinda grew on my parents when I was staying for the hurricane.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Moonie Wannabe

I don't post this kind of picture anymore, but I just wanted you to know that back in the 70's I had that same pattern of floor tile.

Pardon my punctuation. I'm in a comma coma.

In the parking lot of the drugstore today there were a pair of woman's sandals perched on the curb, one right next to the other, abandoned, but in perfect harmony, like they were ready, and waiting, for someone to step into them, and walk away.

I think one of my birds may be dying. She quietly sits on the perch in the corner of the cage, head tucked into her body, feathers ruffled, shunning the other two birds whenever they approach, only looking up, slightly dazed, when I snap my fingers in an effort to gain her attention.

I have the fan on low. It's on the desk behind me. It isn't oscillating, and I barely feel the breeze, but the sound itself is comforting enough to make me believe that sleep will soon be possible.

Good night.

Monday, July 11, 2005

1000 words

The first rule of blogging:
When you've got nothing, post pics.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Sunday never really measures up

This is another of those nights.
Every sound magnified.
The girl in the hat, in the picture, on my desk, staring right through me.
The lamp on my night stand is ten times brighter than it has ever been.
I have no pulse.
I have no spine.
I have no bananas.
There is nothing under my bed except shoes.
Where did all these hats come from?
My desk squeaks.
I close my eyes and I see news alerts, and weather alerts, and a dead baby goat.
It's the dead baby goat, the dead baby goat, the dead baby goat that bothers me the most.
That and the shoes under my bed.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Saturday, the first day of the weekend and other tales of woe

Things I need to do today
1. Scrub down the bird cage.
2. Call Nancy Sinatra Jr. and make sure it is still on for tomorrow night.
3. Ponder.
4. Disregard the voices in my head.
5. Make sure the email I received from You Too Can Win A Pulitzer is legit.
6. Remove the non living from my address book.
7. Let Oprah out of the crawlspace for her weekly exercise.
8. TIVO the Facts of Life marathon.
9. Rue the fact that I am not Frido Kahlo and Shemp Howard's love child.
10. Start my petition to get Menudo into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Friday, July 08, 2005

The Little, losing teeth

Dvl and Mannaz's daughter.

What's the going rate for losing teeth these days?
I think when I was a kid it was about a quarter a tooth, that is unless my dad had a few beers in him after getting off from working the afternoon shift. If that was the case it was whatever change he had in his pocket sort of tossed in the general vicinity of my pillow. I do remember when I lost my last baby tooth I lobbyed hard and long for a dollar, which was like ... a shitload of money by today's standards, and I got it, and I think I spent it on baseball cards and double colas.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

rue britannia

but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no ...

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

The Death and Subsequent Rebirth of Tommy Ramone

It's five thirty in the morning.
My eyes are burning, but I am wide awake.
I have to write.
Something, anything.
My muse, at my shoulder, taunting me.
Write, write, right.
The tortured visages of Waugh, West, and Faulkner danse macabre through my head.
Before everything implodes.
I write these few words.
Nothing is everything.
I Shrug.
I Sigh.
I Scratch my balls
I go back to bed.

Let's drop the big one

Ok, I'm really getting into the crappy novel I am reading.
It's one of those nuclear holocaust end of the world things, and the guy who wrote it, I guess he would be called the author, has no clue, literally no clue.
My favorite line is:
"I enjoy a woman I don't have to talk down to."
Let me repeat that.
"I enjoy a woman I don't have to talk down to."
Yeah, but it is exciting and stuff, but the writer guy, ok the author, is such a nob.
See, it takes place on an airplane and another great line is from the head stew, yeah he calls them stews, and another great line from the head stew, and yeah of course the head stew has a bone on for the captain, and yeah, the story is told from the point of view of the captain, so of course the head stew would be beautiful, and smart, well, smart for a woman, I mean smart for a gal, and anyway the head stew says:
"My girls all did a great job ... even the asians."
Even the asians!!!!
Did I mention this guy is a real nob, and he must have been about 90 years old when he wrote the book, because he was an RAF pilot in WWII, and this book was written about 1980, and yeah, even the asians did a good job, and I'm not even going to tell you his views on blacks, well ok, he did refer to their:
big white toothy grins.
Seriously, he said that, and I checked reviews of this book on amazon dot com and everyone gives it five stars,
Five stars!!!
So maybe I'm just crazy.
No, no, everybody else is crazy,
And I'm the last sane man on this godforsaken planet that we once called Earth
Well, anyway, I guess I'd better go check on the asians.

List this

Stupid things you do when you are for 13 or 14.
1. Jump off the roof of your garage 7 or 8 times a day.
2. Sucker punch your buddy in the nuts before he can do it to you.
3. Explode stuff.
4. Ask for a subscription to MAD magazine for your birthday.
5. Stand in the middle of the road daring automobiles to hit you.
6. Make love to your pillow that you lovingly call Brenda.
7. Buy some really weird article of clothing, that you realize is weird, and you know you'll only wear it once, because everyone, yeah everyone, will make fun of you, but dammit, you just have to have it because it looks so cool in the store.
8. Play acey-deucy in your buddies basement and lose all the change you've been saving up to buy a car, or a boat, or a guitar from sears with.
9. Contemplate your boner.
10. Lie about everything, everything.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Garbage for one

I wanna be Jefferson Airplane.
All drugged up and touching the sky.
Kick me the Wa-Wa peddle Jorma, I'm ready for my solo.

Yes or no

Sitting on my ass.
Uhhhh, yeah, that's it.
Sitting ...
On my ass.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Darts of the Lawn

I seriously stopped going to 4th of July cook-outs when they banned Lawn Darts.
Lawn Darts were the perfect pre-fireworks 4th of July activity.
And you know what, the drunker you were, the more fun it was to play Lawn Darts.
I mean so what, if some "kid" got conked in the head, and suffered a little brain damage, the little punk was probably asking for it.
And, when did the 4th of July become a "kids" holiday anyway?
Hey, I almost blew my thumb off with a firecracker when I was 8 years old, they didn't ban firecrackers, did they?
Ok, big deal, firecrackers were already banned, but that's beside the point.
Lawn Darts, and beer, and fireworks, where do kids figure into that equation?
Man, I miss me some Lawn Darts, real bad.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

The mystery of the phone

The on again, off again phone is working again, just like that, all by itself, no repairman, no prayers to Xenu, no divine intervention from the spirit of Jon Benet, just like that, working.
Should I be thankful, amazed, or afraid, very, very, afraid?

There is no me in midnight

I'm going to stay up all night.
Listening to random music.
With the tv playing silently in the background.
In my grey boxer shorts,
And the t-shirt with the mustard stain that didn't quite come out in the wash.
Drinking diet coke until I run out,
And reading some lame ass post apocalyptic novel that the lady from the used book store shamed me into buying.

No I'm not.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Enter your phone number, including your area code, after the beep

The phone that was fixed this morning is no longer working this evening.
It looks like I will be without a phone until at least Tuesday, which really isn't so bad because that means that no one can call, be it telemarketers or relatives, and annoy me. There is a down side though. If some un-named relative keeps calling and all they get is a busy signal they might be tempted to drive up here to make sure that everything is alright, and the only thing worse than being annoyed by a relative on the phone is being annoyed by a relative on the couch.

Saturday for the rest of your life

My phone was fixed this morning.
Lucky me for I don't sleep because he showed up at 8 in the morning.
Today is Amy's birthday!!!
A lot of updates on my three pseudo blogs.
Jesus Christ on a Hot Plate
Bhagarna the Foreign Man, featuring Wing Loo the adorable Chinese lad
T-Dub Fo'Scrizzle
The guy next door is using a power washer on his roof.
There are tourists everywhere.
My back hurts.
I got a bill from the neuro-surgeon.
My sister left on her vacation today, but who the fuck knows when she will get here because when I emailed her and asked when she will get here she conveniently ignored the question.
I think I'll go for drive in the country today.
Anyway, I think I'll lay off chili for awhile.

Friday, July 01, 2005


So, I'm stuck here all day waiting for the phone company to fix the phone lines or whatever the fuck is broken, and why do I have a strange suspicion that they won't show up. I emailed them last night about the problem, and I didn't receive a return confirmation, so I emailed them again this morning, telling them that I didn't receive a confirmation, and I haven't received a confirmation from that email.
I'd call them, but ... MY PHONE DOESN'T WORK.
And the guy next door is mowing his lawn with his noisy fucking lawn mower.
And tourists are taking over.
And I have a funny taste in my mouth.
And there is one hair in my beard that seems to have a mind of it's own.
So anyway, AT&T go ahead and bite me.