The start of another short story I will never complete. What the Manual Says.

Hello, this is Merle, thanks for holding.

Your name is Merle?

Yes, my name is Merle.

I thought Merle was a man's name.

It is for the most part, but there are some woman named Merle, me for instance, and Merle Oberon the actress who was considered one of the most beautiful women in the world.

But wasn't she a lesbian?

No, she was much too pretty to be a lesbian.

And what about you?

What do you mean what about me?

Are you too pretty to be a lesbian.

Yes, despite my somewhat manly voice I am way too pretty to be a lesbian.

I have nothing against lesbians by the way.

Neither do I.

What did your manual say about slapping and kicking as it pertains to fighting.

It didn't say anything.

Where does that leave us?

I guess it's up to me.

Up to you for what?

To decide if slapping and kicking are fighting.

And is it?

For arguments sake let's assume that slapping and kicking are fighting.

I can certainly assume that.

Fine, let's assume that slapping and kicking are fighting. What do you want me to do?

I was hoping you could send someone out to break up what we are both assuming to be a fight between the two men in the street outside my bedroom window.

Who would I send out?

The police???

Can I do that?

You're the 911 operator, you tell me.

Let me check my manual. Please hold.