Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Halt ... Go

Simpleton asks:
What's a safety boy?

Answer: Back before they used to hire middle aged ladies with drinking problems as crossing guards to safely escort school children across the street there were safety boys.
Safety boys were 4-6 grade guys who were positioned at all cross streets on the way to and from school. A safety boy would not stop traffic to let students cross. A safety boy would hold the students until it was safe for them to cross. The cries of "HALT" and "GO" were the only words a safety boy needed to know. A safety boy could also report students who crossed on halt or for any number of school time violations.
Ok, I once got reported by a safety boy for sliding down the icy drive way at school while riding on the back of another kid, my defense was that by jumping on the kids back I was trying to stop him from falling.
A safety boy got to wear a white safety belt, which he had to learn to fold and wear on his belt, which is a lot harder to do than it sounds.
There were also safety girls, but they had the cushy job of manning the doors, I guess so no one could get in, like that's a real big crime or something. Safety girls did not wear belts they wore armbands which didn't need folding.

I was a safety boy when I was in forth grade, and I hated it. I mean the big kids never listened to me, and one time even a car with a couple men stopped across the street from me, opened the door and asked me if I wanted some candy. I told them no and they just drove off. Maybe I should have taken their license plate number down and reported it to the office, but if I would have done that, everyone would have gotten all freaky, and I would have probably had to talk to a cop, and a shrink, and my parents would have given me weird looks when they didn't think I was watching, and all the kids would have pointed at me and whispered about me being the kid, that you know, was offered candy from strangers, and of course the facts would have gotten twisted into that I actually did take candy from strangers, and that I was damaged goods, and I would be shunned by all the normal undamaged kids ...

So yeah, I didn't last very long as a safety boy.
But ...
In fifth and sixth grade I was one of the two guys who delivered milk to all the classrooms, which I really didn't like too much either even though we got paid, if you call free hot lunch and all the milk you could drink being paid, but since I went home for lunch and I didn't like milk you might say I was a SLAVE!!!

Wow, I was going to tell you about how all I ever wanted to be was a member of the student council, which I never was, and act all important and stuff, but this screed is way to long as it is.

So, Simpleton, I hope that answers your question.

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