Sunday, December 17, 2006
What if ??? #2
Juanita's parents, Fran and Griff, are driving up for the holidays. I still don't think Griff has forgiven me for knocking Juanita up before we were married.
Some more of that stuff
What have I done today, or yesterday, because today is now tomorrow.
1. Drank a lot of water.
2. Drank a lot of caffeine free diet coke.
3. Ate chocolate.
4. Ate tuna fish.
5. Ate more chocolate.
6. Bought thermal underwear.
7. Bought a watch for myself for xmas using the gift card that my sister gave me, and I still have almost 70 dollars left on the gift card.
8. Bought some french bread and ground round for the spaghetti I am going to fix for dinner, but it's not really spaghetti, it's macaroni shells, but it's prepared with the same ingredients as spaghetti, except it's shells instead of spaghetti, huh.
9. Took some crappy pictures of the xmas lights downtown.
10. Did the happy dance because my not so fat pants actually fit pretty good.
Crappy picture I took of the xmas lights downtown
1. Drank a lot of water.
2. Drank a lot of caffeine free diet coke.
3. Ate chocolate.
4. Ate tuna fish.
5. Ate more chocolate.
6. Bought thermal underwear.
7. Bought a watch for myself for xmas using the gift card that my sister gave me, and I still have almost 70 dollars left on the gift card.
8. Bought some french bread and ground round for the spaghetti I am going to fix for dinner, but it's not really spaghetti, it's macaroni shells, but it's prepared with the same ingredients as spaghetti, except it's shells instead of spaghetti, huh.
9. Took some crappy pictures of the xmas lights downtown.
10. Did the happy dance because my not so fat pants actually fit pretty good.
Crappy picture I took of the xmas lights downtown
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Playing first base for the Hiroshima Atoms
Ok, I know, I haven't posted in a few days, but my life has been one social whirlwind lately, you know the Hampton's with Jackie O, Studio 54 with Andy, Nico, Ultra Violet, Viva, and the rest of the gang, lunch at Burger King with Sadahiro Oh ...
And yeah, today is going to be the creme de la creme.
I'm changing in my fat pants for my not so fat pants, and yeah, I know the not so fat's will be a little tight, but seriously, the fat's were getting so loose that I could take them off without unfastening them, and I'm half way tempted to shoot a video of me taking them off that way, but ehhhhhhhhhh.
But yeah, farewell fat pants, I hardly knew ye.
And yeah, today is going to be the creme de la creme.
I'm changing in my fat pants for my not so fat pants, and yeah, I know the not so fat's will be a little tight, but seriously, the fat's were getting so loose that I could take them off without unfastening them, and I'm half way tempted to shoot a video of me taking them off that way, but ehhhhhhhhhh.
But yeah, farewell fat pants, I hardly knew ye.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
The Finished Product
MB's Xmas Present(s).
A 12x16 frame matted for an 8x10 print.
When did I become such a good son?
You can click the pic for a larger image.
They actually look better than this.
A 12x16 frame matted for an 8x10 print.
When did I become such a good son?
You can click the pic for a larger image.
They actually look better than this.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Putting the X back in Xmas since 1972
Now that I can stop worrying about MB's health I can start worrying about what to get her for xmas.
Actually, I can stop worrying about what to get her for xmas too.
Both my niece and Melissa sort of kind of said that some of the pictures I have been posting are kind of good, and Melissa said, at least as I remember it, Melissa said that she'd like to make a few prints for herself from the original shots, and my niece said that I should, you know, get some prints made and have them framed ...
Well, you don't have to hit me with a shovel more than a half a dozen times before I get a clue.
So, while out getting a haircut after coming back from the doctor's office I stopped at a bunch of stores, where I priced frames and mattes, and when I got to the Dollar General my head was pretty much spinning, and that is when I found these!!!
I mean, they were every thing that I wanted.
They're wood.
They're black.
The mattes are included.
The frames are 12x16 matted for 10x12.
And they were only six bucks each!!!
I can get the 8x10 prints made at the Evil Empire for around two bucks each and there you have it, three perfectly legit xmas presents for less than ten dollars each, and yeah, I'll be giving her other stuff too, the other stuff will be money, because that's what she wants, but still it's nice to have a package or two under the tree, if you know what I mean.
Actually, I can stop worrying about what to get her for xmas too.
Both my niece and Melissa sort of kind of said that some of the pictures I have been posting are kind of good, and Melissa said, at least as I remember it, Melissa said that she'd like to make a few prints for herself from the original shots, and my niece said that I should, you know, get some prints made and have them framed ...
Well, you don't have to hit me with a shovel more than a half a dozen times before I get a clue.
So, while out getting a haircut after coming back from the doctor's office I stopped at a bunch of stores, where I priced frames and mattes, and when I got to the Dollar General my head was pretty much spinning, and that is when I found these!!!
I mean, they were every thing that I wanted.
They're wood.
They're black.
The mattes are included.
The frames are 12x16 matted for 10x12.
And they were only six bucks each!!!
I can get the 8x10 prints made at the Evil Empire for around two bucks each and there you have it, three perfectly legit xmas presents for less than ten dollars each, and yeah, I'll be giving her other stuff too, the other stuff will be money, because that's what she wants, but still it's nice to have a package or two under the tree, if you know what I mean.
Back from the Quack
Ok, we're back from the doctor's appointment.
Everything is cool, everything is fine.
It's more or less what Melissa talked about in comments.
So he prescribed an anti-leakage medication, which is supposed to somewhat alleviate the problem.
To be on the safe side he also prescribed an anti-biotic just in case there is an infection.
He wanted her to give a urine sample, but yeah, the one time she needs to go she can't, so he is treating it like there is a bladder infection, and I see nothing wrong with that.
It's nothing serious, well, it's serious, but it is treatable, at least to a certain extent, and it reminds me of a song by Harry Nilsson, about rather being dead than wetting your bed, and since Harry is dead I guess it was a self fulfilling prophecy, and personally I'd rather wet my bed than be dead, but that's just me.
Time for a shower.
Sing it Harry!
Everything is cool, everything is fine.
It's more or less what Melissa talked about in comments.
So he prescribed an anti-leakage medication, which is supposed to somewhat alleviate the problem.
To be on the safe side he also prescribed an anti-biotic just in case there is an infection.
He wanted her to give a urine sample, but yeah, the one time she needs to go she can't, so he is treating it like there is a bladder infection, and I see nothing wrong with that.
It's nothing serious, well, it's serious, but it is treatable, at least to a certain extent, and it reminds me of a song by Harry Nilsson, about rather being dead than wetting your bed, and since Harry is dead I guess it was a self fulfilling prophecy, and personally I'd rather wet my bed than be dead, but that's just me.
Time for a shower.
Sing it Harry!
Sunday, December 10, 2006
It all Depends
I have to call the doctor's office in the morning and try to get an appointment for MB.
She is having trouble controlling her bladder, more trouble than usual.
I think this is her way of paying me back for being a bed wetter when I was a kid.
Yeah, she's always had week bladder muscles, at least that's what she told me, and she said it happened because one of my sisters was a difficult delivery, and when she started talking about female stuff I kind of tuned her out, but that's the gist of it.
I don't know if there is any medication they can prescribe for her that would help. I do know there is a surgery, but at her age ???
Anyway, other than that she is doing well. We went out for about six hours today, and stopped at a couple of stores, and had a bite to eat, and her mind is sharp, well, sharp enough where you don't have to worry about senility being a problem.
She's a little bit worried.
I'm a little bit worried.
You're a little bit worried.
I guess that's all I can say for now.
She is having trouble controlling her bladder, more trouble than usual.
I think this is her way of paying me back for being a bed wetter when I was a kid.
Yeah, she's always had week bladder muscles, at least that's what she told me, and she said it happened because one of my sisters was a difficult delivery, and when she started talking about female stuff I kind of tuned her out, but that's the gist of it.
I don't know if there is any medication they can prescribe for her that would help. I do know there is a surgery, but at her age ???
Anyway, other than that she is doing well. We went out for about six hours today, and stopped at a couple of stores, and had a bite to eat, and her mind is sharp, well, sharp enough where you don't have to worry about senility being a problem.
She's a little bit worried.
I'm a little bit worried.
You're a little bit worried.
I guess that's all I can say for now.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Ho, ho, ho, ho, and a couple more hos just to make sure
Maybe I'll put up the tree tonight.
Or maybe I'm just too cool.
Or maybe I'm just too cool.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
What if???
Boz Jr. and Simoné just dropped the grand kids, Velvet, LeVitra, and Little Boz, off so they could go do some Christmas shopping. If I can ever pry Juanita away from Oprah and the rest of her shows we're going to take the grand kids to Denny's for lunch and then to the Mall to get their pictures taken with Santa.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
You can't get blood out of a turnip but you can make me scream in agony if you try hard enough
I just got back from my EMG about a half hour ago, and it was nothing like I expected ... nothing like I expected ... nothing like I expected ... it was a hundred, make that a hundred and twenty eight times worse.
I think the technician enjoyed her work.
First she went up and down the left side of my body giving me electro shocks with what looked like a miniature cattle prod, and when she got tired of that she started sticking needles into muscles all over my body, and when she got tired of that she went back to giving me electro shocks, and randomly through the three stages whenever she hit a really lively nerve the muscle in my back that I strained when I foolishly picked up the 27 inch tv set would spasm sending me into ... not convulsions, but something like convulsions, you know, when it makes you tense up and scream in agony.
I mean it was like a torture chamber that they have on those adult bdsm sites that you stumble on by accident because you would never knowingly look for a site like that, but yeah, it was like a torture chamber, and I half expected to look up and see the technician in a black leather corset with fishnets and eight inch heels, if that is what they wear on those sites, the sites that you stumble upon by accident and would never actively search for, and I am just guessing that is what they would wear, and yeah, the technician asked if I would feel comfortable calling her Mistress, but I drew the line at that, but still I was tempted, and I guess that's it for now, and it really hurt a lot but once she loosened the posture bar and removed the ball gag I started feeling ok again.
I think the technician enjoyed her work.
First she went up and down the left side of my body giving me electro shocks with what looked like a miniature cattle prod, and when she got tired of that she started sticking needles into muscles all over my body, and when she got tired of that she went back to giving me electro shocks, and randomly through the three stages whenever she hit a really lively nerve the muscle in my back that I strained when I foolishly picked up the 27 inch tv set would spasm sending me into ... not convulsions, but something like convulsions, you know, when it makes you tense up and scream in agony.
I mean it was like a torture chamber that they have on those adult bdsm sites that you stumble on by accident because you would never knowingly look for a site like that, but yeah, it was like a torture chamber, and I half expected to look up and see the technician in a black leather corset with fishnets and eight inch heels, if that is what they wear on those sites, the sites that you stumble upon by accident and would never actively search for, and I am just guessing that is what they would wear, and yeah, the technician asked if I would feel comfortable calling her Mistress, but I drew the line at that, but still I was tempted, and I guess that's it for now, and it really hurt a lot but once she loosened the posture bar and removed the ball gag I started feeling ok again.
If I didn't hurt how would I know I existed?
I'm pretty stoked right now.
I just weighed myself, and I know you aren't supposed to weigh yourself at night, and that you're supposed to weigh yourself first thing in the morning, but I just weighed myself, and it's night, and I've lost twelve pounds since I've started my diet, which I guess I started a little over a month ago, or a lot less than two months ago, and yeah, twelve pounds is a lot, and that's probably why my pants are slipping off my hips, and hold on a minute, I'm going to go weigh myself again just to make sure.
Yes, I've still lost twelve pounds, and if I lift my toes off the scale I can almost make it thirteen pounds, but that would be cheating, and it'll probably be thirteen pounds in a week or two anyway, so what's the big hurry, it's not like I'm going anywhere, except to the hospital tomorrow for the prick test, which is not the kind of test that it sounds like, but I kind of wish it was, but no, it's where they stick needles into my foot, and leg, and wherever else they feel they should stick needles, and the needles are hooked up to electrodes or something, and then there is some kind of computer print out, and this will tell them why the fuck my extremities on my left side are always numb, and why the extremities on my right side are numb but not always, and by extremities I mean my foot, and my lower leg, and my hand, and my lower arm, and not the other extremity that you thought of when I said it was the prick test, and it's actually called an EMG, which stands for Electro MSomething GSomething, and if you give me a second I'll look at my paperwork and tell you what it stands for, and I just checked and it stands for Electromygraphy, and it's a test used to detect and diagnose disorders of muscles, nerves, and the spinal cord, and it's a sensitive and precise test that can detect pinched nerves or nerve damage due to injury, ruptured disc, or other causes, and yadda yadda yadda, it is supposed to hurt, I mean even the doctors say it is supposed to hurt, but I had an EMG about seven or eight years ago, and it didn't hurt, not even a little bit, and actually, it was quite relaxing, and ok, even a bit stimulating in a sexual non sexual sort of way, and damn my back is killing me right now, from when I picked up that tv set about ten days ago, and you'd think that would have healed by now, but whatever, so I'm going to bed now.
I just weighed myself, and I know you aren't supposed to weigh yourself at night, and that you're supposed to weigh yourself first thing in the morning, but I just weighed myself, and it's night, and I've lost twelve pounds since I've started my diet, which I guess I started a little over a month ago, or a lot less than two months ago, and yeah, twelve pounds is a lot, and that's probably why my pants are slipping off my hips, and hold on a minute, I'm going to go weigh myself again just to make sure.
Yes, I've still lost twelve pounds, and if I lift my toes off the scale I can almost make it thirteen pounds, but that would be cheating, and it'll probably be thirteen pounds in a week or two anyway, so what's the big hurry, it's not like I'm going anywhere, except to the hospital tomorrow for the prick test, which is not the kind of test that it sounds like, but I kind of wish it was, but no, it's where they stick needles into my foot, and leg, and wherever else they feel they should stick needles, and the needles are hooked up to electrodes or something, and then there is some kind of computer print out, and this will tell them why the fuck my extremities on my left side are always numb, and why the extremities on my right side are numb but not always, and by extremities I mean my foot, and my lower leg, and my hand, and my lower arm, and not the other extremity that you thought of when I said it was the prick test, and it's actually called an EMG, which stands for Electro MSomething GSomething, and if you give me a second I'll look at my paperwork and tell you what it stands for, and I just checked and it stands for Electromygraphy, and it's a test used to detect and diagnose disorders of muscles, nerves, and the spinal cord, and it's a sensitive and precise test that can detect pinched nerves or nerve damage due to injury, ruptured disc, or other causes, and yadda yadda yadda, it is supposed to hurt, I mean even the doctors say it is supposed to hurt, but I had an EMG about seven or eight years ago, and it didn't hurt, not even a little bit, and actually, it was quite relaxing, and ok, even a bit stimulating in a sexual non sexual sort of way, and damn my back is killing me right now, from when I picked up that tv set about ten days ago, and you'd think that would have healed by now, but whatever, so I'm going to bed now.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Is that an erection in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
Oh man ...
Three great pre-code films (made before 1934) on Turner Classic Movies tonight.
1. Waterloo Bridge - A WWI soldier falls in love with a woman in London not knowing that she is a dun dun dun prostitute.
2. Baby Face - Barbara Stanwyck stars as a woman from the wrong side of the tracks who sleeps her way to the top without remorse.
3. Red-Headed Woman - Jean Harlow plays a gold digger who breaks up marriages and sins her way to financial success.
What is so cool about these movies, is that after the code went into effect all these woman would have been made to pay for their digressions, but not so in the pre-code days. I mean, they are all wicked evil woman type whores in every sense of the word, and woo hoo, and did Ijust say woo hoo, I can't wait to watch them, well, I have to wait ten minutes, but that will give me time to go get a drink, and whatever else I have to do.
Immorality in the movies, I love it, and you know, it's not blatant like today, but yeah, it's there baby, you know it's there.
Three great pre-code films (made before 1934) on Turner Classic Movies tonight.
1. Waterloo Bridge - A WWI soldier falls in love with a woman in London not knowing that she is a dun dun dun prostitute.
2. Baby Face - Barbara Stanwyck stars as a woman from the wrong side of the tracks who sleeps her way to the top without remorse.
3. Red-Headed Woman - Jean Harlow plays a gold digger who breaks up marriages and sins her way to financial success.
What is so cool about these movies, is that after the code went into effect all these woman would have been made to pay for their digressions, but not so in the pre-code days. I mean, they are all wicked evil woman type whores in every sense of the word, and woo hoo, and did Ijust say woo hoo, I can't wait to watch them, well, I have to wait ten minutes, but that will give me time to go get a drink, and whatever else I have to do.
Immorality in the movies, I love it, and you know, it's not blatant like today, but yeah, it's there baby, you know it's there.
#39, #39, #39
I am at a crucial stage of my diet.
My 40 inch waist pants are falling off my hips, and my 38 inchers are still to tight.
Excuse me miss, I'm having problems with my pants, could you help me out?
My 40 inch waist pants are falling off my hips, and my 38 inchers are still to tight.
Excuse me miss, I'm having problems with my pants, could you help me out?
Hey, let's go to Howie's!!!
If you ever come to visit me this is where I would take you for dinner.
But only on Monday or Tuesday because Monday's special is a large round one topping pizza for $4.99, and the Tuesday special is a large deep dish one topping pizza for $5.99. If you want additional toppings you'll have to pay for them yourself, but at a $1.39 each it's hardly worth it.
But only on Monday or Tuesday because Monday's special is a large round one topping pizza for $4.99, and the Tuesday special is a large deep dish one topping pizza for $5.99. If you want additional toppings you'll have to pay for them yourself, but at a $1.39 each it's hardly worth it.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Friday, December 01, 2006
It's a mystery to me
I miss Pamela Sue Martin and all that she stood for.
You can never get enough grainy celebrity black and white nudes.
You can never get enough grainy celebrity black and white nudes.
Media mail, Stella, and me
So, I went to the post office today.
I had a package to mail.
It was media mail.
Stella, the clerk didn't trust me.
Chicks named Stella never trusted me.
She said they could open it up anytime they wanted and if there was anything besides books, cassettes, or Cd's in the package they could send it back.
I said fine, if you don't trust me I'll open the package now.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a knife.
Stella reacted.
She pulled a pair of numchucks out from under the counter and knocked the knife out of my hand.
We struggled.
I inadvertently ripped open her blouse.
She wasn't wearing a bra.
Her breasts were stunning.
Her nipples taunted me.
It felt like a balloon was inflating in my pants.
Our eyes locked.
We pulled ourselves up on top of the counter.
There was sex.
It wasn't sweet loving let's make a baby sex.
It was ten minutes before the apocalypse so we'd better get it right this one last time sex.
We panted.
We moaned.
We rendered each others' flesh bloody.
Stella started screaming out zip codes randomly then came like a runaway freight train.
I exploded like Little Boy over Hiroshima.
It was over that quick.
There was awkward silence.
There was always awkward silence after I sent media mail.
I hitched up my pants, blew a kiss to Stella, gave a sly wink to the guy behind me in line, and walked out, not once looking back.
The end
I had a package to mail.
It was media mail.
Stella, the clerk didn't trust me.
Chicks named Stella never trusted me.
She said they could open it up anytime they wanted and if there was anything besides books, cassettes, or Cd's in the package they could send it back.
I said fine, if you don't trust me I'll open the package now.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a knife.
Stella reacted.
She pulled a pair of numchucks out from under the counter and knocked the knife out of my hand.
We struggled.
I inadvertently ripped open her blouse.
She wasn't wearing a bra.
Her breasts were stunning.
Her nipples taunted me.
It felt like a balloon was inflating in my pants.
Our eyes locked.
We pulled ourselves up on top of the counter.
There was sex.
It wasn't sweet loving let's make a baby sex.
It was ten minutes before the apocalypse so we'd better get it right this one last time sex.
We panted.
We moaned.
We rendered each others' flesh bloody.
Stella started screaming out zip codes randomly then came like a runaway freight train.
I exploded like Little Boy over Hiroshima.
It was over that quick.
There was awkward silence.
There was always awkward silence after I sent media mail.
I hitched up my pants, blew a kiss to Stella, gave a sly wink to the guy behind me in line, and walked out, not once looking back.
The end
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)