Today's pics

Ratchet

I should go out with the digicam and take some pics or something.
Actually, I should really go out and get a haircut, or call the dentist to set up my six month check-up, or call the car place and set up an appointment to find out why my car is making a rattling sound, I mean seriously, the car sounds like it has asthma, or at least a sinus flare-up.

Any requests on what I should take pictures of?
Hurry up, you've only got a few minutes before I leave.

Anyway, thank god for air conditioning and little bedrooms fans that help to circulate it.

You might be a redneck if ...

I will piss on your grave you disgusting, moronic, crippled redneck waste-of-life!!!
Justin | 09.12.05 - 2:14 pm |

Maybe I should consider getting cremated.

I'd rather be dead than to wet my bed ...

Well no, not really, 'cause I've wet my bed before and it's really not all that bad.

I am 55 years old.
While lying in bed last night it dawned on me that by the time any of you are my age there's a good chance that I'll be dead.
I mean, I was just lying there wondering what life's next surprise might be and it turns out it's death!
How's that for reality sneaking up and biting you on the ass.

I saw an actual honest to god pinhead at the Evil Empire today.



Not an actual honest to god pinhead, but a cartoon artist rendering.

Burp-ppppp

I ate too much for dinner.
I think I'll just go ahead and waste the rest of today and lay down and watch the football game.
So anyway, has anyone else made a complete fool of themselves over Big Brother 6?
I mean I had never, and I mean never, watched any reality show before the evil mind of moonie pottie got me hooked on BB6 half way through the season.

The women's softball tournament

There is a big women's softball tournament this weekend, with teams from all over the area, state, country, world, universe, competing.
The local business's love the women from the women's softball tournament because they spend lots of money on food, booze, entertainment, and femhyg products.
I guess that's all I have to say about the women's softball tournament, except to say I didn't use the word lesbian once in referring to the women's softball tournament.

I just took a shower

According to MB's birthday present bathroom digital clock it took me 23 minutes from start to finish.

Baby you can park my car

So ...



I picked up my new temporary handicap parking permit today and immediately went to the place with the biggest parking lot I could find to put it through a test run.
I saw a space right up front, only two spots away from the door, and pulled right in, and then I noticed ...
That it wasn't a handicap spot ...
I was this close --- to pulling out and looking for a different spot. I mean what's the fun of being special if you can't flaunt it?

In the news

He's a former body builder, you know, one of those guys who poses nearly naked with an oiled up body in front of thousands of cheering and screaming men.
Sounds like a classic case to me.

The post office person always sucks twice

The clerk at the post office threatened me yesterday, and when I say the clerk I mean the officious bitch.
I had a package to mail
She weighed it.
It would have cost five and a half bucks to send it first class.
It would have cost four and a half bucks to send it parcel post.
I asked her how much it would cost for media mail since it was only some used books and seriously even four and half bucks would have been too much, what with gas being seven thousand dollars a gallon.
She asked me if there was any first class correspondence.
I told her no.
Media mail came out to a buck and a half postage.
She then said ...
You know they can open your package and if ummm (((( her voice trails off ))))
I said fine, go ahead and open it right now if you want.
She said no, that won't be ummm (((( her voice trails off again )))

Oh yeah, I lied, there was some first class correspondence in the package, I enclosed
a. a letter
b. a cheese grater
c. a pair of tightie whities
d. all of the above except b and c
e. none of the above except a
f. a copy of the Magna Charta written in Pig Latin
g. the lost chord
h. the remains of Natalie Holloway or however the fuck you misspell her first name

It's a long way to Iowa City, but not nearly as long as you'd think

So here's the thing, yesterday was probably one of the best days I have had in my blogging history, which btw, in twelve days will be three years of history.
I spent way too much time online, but it was all worth it.
Can you believe it, I spent quality time, real quality time, with six of the seven other members of rw ... bs yesterday, and don't you just hate the expression quality time, but in this case it really fits.
Old friends, new friends, middle friends, and special friends from like two thirty in the afternoon until like three thirty in the morning, well, I told you it was way too much time, but still ...
And I think I've also found my calling in life. I think I should dedicate the rest of my life to fashioning existing songs into unique birthday songs for existing and unique friends and then singing them in my own existing and unique style.
Anyway, it's six thirty in the morning, I've had about an hour of sleep, there's a bug crawling around my monitor screen, and Garden State, which I didn't care so much for the first time, but which I now have a greater appreciation for, is about three quarters finished, and who knew that epilepsy could be so adorable, but I guess when you dig somebody just about anything can be adorable, and Andrew digs Sam, and I dig you, well the metaphysical you, or u, or ewe, and I think I should probably use my power of veto and go to bed.
And I think this post worked out rather well.

I think I'm going to clean the shed today.
It's filled with all sorts of junk and in total disarray.
I've got two lawn mowers, one with a broken wheel hub thingie, and a SNAPPER that I bought last year but alas am not able to use due to my spinal disk problem whatever.
I've got a ten speed bike which I bought at a garage sale for 20 bucks three or four years ago which I used to ride a lot but I haven't ridden since the year before last also because of my spinal disk problem whatever. If it were one of those sit up straight type bikes I could probably ride it but it's one of those Lance Armstrong Tour De France types where you have to lean over, drink water out of a water bottle and dope your blood type types.
I think there are about five trash cans, most of them without lids that I use to store the various shovels, rakes, and other work around the house type implements in.
There are also about seven lawn chairs which are just gathering dust and moss and rolling stones.
Blah blah, water hoses, blah blah, gas cans, blah blah, coffee can full of nails, blah blah, coffee can full of screws, blah blah, weed whacker, blah blah, leaf blower, blah blah, etc, etc, and yadda yadda sis boom bah!!!

Edit: I've changed my mind about cleaning the shed, it just seemed like too much work.

Urpppp

I ate a couple of slices of micro wave pizza just after midnight so I guess that proves that I've got some kind of death wish.

Weird dream #1950

I dreamt last night that I was in a panic because I had to take a shower and I couldn't find any shampoo which is odd because of this, and my dilemma was compounded by the fact that I wasn't wearing my glasses which made it difficult when I finally did find a bottle that looked like shampoo but always turned out to be conditioner, which is odd because I don't use conditioner, but my sister did, and I think subconsciously I blamed her for using all the shampoo, and I think all of this may be connected to the dream I had the night before about the German girl, and our impending marriage, and our plan to raise Missouri mule-dogs for fun and profit.

Faster than a speeding bullet

My latest purchase from the book sale rack at the library.



I also bought a hard cover edition of The Godfather and a paperback with the cover ripped off of a Stephen King collection that includes The Shawshank Redemption.
Ok, so I only donated 8 cents this time, but that was all the change I had, and besides just two weeks ago I donated a box full of books and about a half dozen movies on VHS, so if you believe in karma mine is still pretty good.

Thanks Melissa

MB received a birthday present from Melissa today, from the Japanese store in Las Vegas.



Stick ice, stationary, and a soap lollipop ... I'm keeping the stick ice for myself!

Friday

On a night when I have nothing.



I opened up a new bar of Dial soap.
I ran out of popcicles.
I sorted and folded clothes.
I halfway sort of watched an Italian movie.
I watched the last half hour of Big Brother 6.
I could go on like this forever, or at least until I sto

Perspective

Seven reasons why I've stopped pissing and moaning about the price of gas being over three dollars a gallon.
In no particular order ...

1. I have a place to live.
2. I have electricity.
3. I have running water.
4. I can flush my toilet anytime I want.
5. I have a refrigerator full of food.
6. I know where all of my relatives are.
7. I don't need a gun for protection.

What have I been doing today?

Well, let's see.



1. I tried to avoid eye contact with the two steps from being retarded woman at the Burger King today.
2. I sang along with the Byrds until I got hoarse.
3. I looked for the infamous baby boz picture, the one of me walking down the sidewalk with a look of glee in my eye and a load in my diaper.
4. I watched ten minutes of The Battle of the Network Reality Stars on Bravo.
5. I chatted about mouthwash and shampoo with RebelLeadyBoy and MooniePottie.
6. I went grocery shopping today and the most interesting thing I bought was a gallon bottle of white vinegar because MB said if you use it in your laundry it will make your clothes smell fresher. Is this another one of MB's laundry scams? I'm skeptical, what do you think?
7. I took out the trash, and did I ever tell you about the time when I was about 15 and I had to take out the trash at 7 in the morning, and I was too sleepy to get dressed, so I just rolled up the pant legs of my pajamas and put on a pair of cut-offs over them, and when I got outside I saw the two most beautiful girls I had ever seen in my life just as my pajama legs started unrolling down my legs.
8. I ate four apple cider donuts, which might have been a mistake, I'm not sure, I'll have to get back to you on that, but so far, so good.
9. I was made to feel like the John Ritter character in Problem Child, so what else is new.
10. I almost had a heart attack when MB snuck up from behind on me and asked me the name of the hurricane and where I was back in 1969 when that big ass hurricane that I was stuck in hit. Hurricane Camille right outside of Biloxi Mississippi on Keesler AFB, and back then all hurricanes were still named after women, and I've always wondered why they didn't name new strains of venereal diseases after women, well, no, not really, but I thought it might be a funny way to end this post, but I guess not.