Wednesday, November 01, 2006
What I did today
1. I bought a used exercise bike at St. Vincent De Paul's for five bucks.
2. I cut my finger while trying to fit my exercise bike in the trunk of my car.
3. I washed the stuff that I hope was dirt off my exercise bike.
4. I rode my exercise bike.
5. I kept hitting my knees on the handlebars of my exercise bike.
6. I turned the handlebars on my exercise bike around and put them on backwards.
7. I quit hitting my knees on the handlebars of my exercise bike.
8. I rode my exercise bike some more.
9. I decorated my exercise bike with Bettie Page stickers.
10. I wrote this post about my exercise bike.
2. I cut my finger while trying to fit my exercise bike in the trunk of my car.
3. I washed the stuff that I hope was dirt off my exercise bike.
4. I rode my exercise bike.
5. I kept hitting my knees on the handlebars of my exercise bike.
6. I turned the handlebars on my exercise bike around and put them on backwards.
7. I quit hitting my knees on the handlebars of my exercise bike.
8. I rode my exercise bike some more.
9. I decorated my exercise bike with Bettie Page stickers.
10. I wrote this post about my exercise bike.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
My scariest halloween
Originally posted on the RW ... BS in October 2004.
The story is completely true ... dun dun dun.
My scariest halloween was when I was 12 years old and the last time I went out trick or treating.
Wesley and I started out together but after going down Quinkert and Park we decided to split up, he wanted to go down Ruthdale and Kelly, while I wanted to go down Common Road and Eastland.
Ruthdale and Kelly were part of our subdivision and there were a lot of houses, but that also meant a lot of kids and the chance that the houses had already run out of candy.
Common Road and Eastland were streets that bordered our subdivision where there were fewer, but nicer houses increasing your chances of getting better candy. The down side was there was a lot of traffic and the streets were both dark and scary at night.
I went down Common Road first and it was good. I ran into a lot of friends and made a pretty good haul, and then I cut over to Eastland.
It was getting pretty late, I guess it must have been about eight thirty and a lot of the houses on Eastland had already turned their porchlights off, but there were still a few lights on and damned if I was going to waste my last trick or treating night.
Oh yeah, I guess I should have told you what I dressed up as.
Umm, well you see, I had a mother and two sisters and ...
Yeah, I dressed up like a girl.
Dress, hat, make-up, the whole nine yards.
I feel such shame relating this now some forty years later.
You've seen pictures of me at that age, I looked a little fey on the best of days.
It got to be a drag, no pun intended, when I had to take off my hat and show off my brushcut to prove that I was really a guy.
So, I'm walking down Eastland, and there is this house back off the street maybe a couple of hundred feet. The house was dark, but they did have a red porch light on so I went up and gave it a shot.
I yelled out "trick or treat" and the door creaked open slightly and this guy dressed like the devil stuck his head out.
It freaked me a little bit. He was wearing some kind of red leotard outfit complete with horns and tail and an evil little devil mustache, and don't forget that the house was dark!
In a real low spooky voice he said that I really didn't deserve any candy because I didn't dress up, then I said "hey, I'm a guy" and took off my hat.
He got an evil gleam in his eye and sort of looked around and said "ok, ok, ok, the candy is in the kitchen, come on inside and wait while I get if for you."
Duhhhhhhh, I may have fallen off the pumpkin truck but I hadn't fallen off it the night before.
I made some excuse like I had to get home and get my sister's clothes back to her or something.
He sounded disappointed and tried to coax me in ...
I said I really had to get going.
He told me it would only take a minute and then he opened the door and grabbed my arm.
Man, was I scared, I didn't know whether to faint or kick him in the balls.
I broke loose started running away and with a voice choked with false bravado I called him a dumb stupid queer.
I didn't stop running till I was just a couple houses from home.
But I didn't tell my parents, I didn't tell anybody.
In fact this is the first time that I have told anybody about ...
dun dun dun
My Brush With Halloween Hell!!!
The story is completely true ... dun dun dun.
My scariest halloween was when I was 12 years old and the last time I went out trick or treating.
Wesley and I started out together but after going down Quinkert and Park we decided to split up, he wanted to go down Ruthdale and Kelly, while I wanted to go down Common Road and Eastland.
Ruthdale and Kelly were part of our subdivision and there were a lot of houses, but that also meant a lot of kids and the chance that the houses had already run out of candy.
Common Road and Eastland were streets that bordered our subdivision where there were fewer, but nicer houses increasing your chances of getting better candy. The down side was there was a lot of traffic and the streets were both dark and scary at night.
I went down Common Road first and it was good. I ran into a lot of friends and made a pretty good haul, and then I cut over to Eastland.
It was getting pretty late, I guess it must have been about eight thirty and a lot of the houses on Eastland had already turned their porchlights off, but there were still a few lights on and damned if I was going to waste my last trick or treating night.
Oh yeah, I guess I should have told you what I dressed up as.
Umm, well you see, I had a mother and two sisters and ...
Yeah, I dressed up like a girl.
Dress, hat, make-up, the whole nine yards.
I feel such shame relating this now some forty years later.
You've seen pictures of me at that age, I looked a little fey on the best of days.
It got to be a drag, no pun intended, when I had to take off my hat and show off my brushcut to prove that I was really a guy.
So, I'm walking down Eastland, and there is this house back off the street maybe a couple of hundred feet. The house was dark, but they did have a red porch light on so I went up and gave it a shot.
I yelled out "trick or treat" and the door creaked open slightly and this guy dressed like the devil stuck his head out.
It freaked me a little bit. He was wearing some kind of red leotard outfit complete with horns and tail and an evil little devil mustache, and don't forget that the house was dark!
In a real low spooky voice he said that I really didn't deserve any candy because I didn't dress up, then I said "hey, I'm a guy" and took off my hat.
He got an evil gleam in his eye and sort of looked around and said "ok, ok, ok, the candy is in the kitchen, come on inside and wait while I get if for you."
Duhhhhhhh, I may have fallen off the pumpkin truck but I hadn't fallen off it the night before.
I made some excuse like I had to get home and get my sister's clothes back to her or something.
He sounded disappointed and tried to coax me in ...
I said I really had to get going.
He told me it would only take a minute and then he opened the door and grabbed my arm.
Man, was I scared, I didn't know whether to faint or kick him in the balls.
I broke loose started running away and with a voice choked with false bravado I called him a dumb stupid queer.
I didn't stop running till I was just a couple houses from home.
But I didn't tell my parents, I didn't tell anybody.
In fact this is the first time that I have told anybody about ...
dun dun dun
My Brush With Halloween Hell!!!
Monday, October 30, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
My pumpkin has melanoma
So anyway, I discovered last night that my pumpkin has melanoma and it it getting worse by the day. I am afraid it will have to go under the knife tomorrow if there is to be any hope of saving it. Knife ... tomorrow ... get it???
Man, I love good pumpkin humor.
In other news.
The first day of my new BOZDIET™ went well. I didn't eat until 3:30 pm, and I suffered no ill effects besides the usual paranoia and self-loathing, but I attributed that more to the end of DST than I did to the new BOZDIET™. Also, while at the drug store I was able to resist the siren song of the Cadbury Milk Chocolate Bar that so enticingly beckoned me.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
My pumpkin has a brain tumor!
So, I went out and bought a pumpkin today from a self serve pumpkin farm. Self serve pumpkin farm ... you know what that means don't you? It means you pay $1.00 for a pumpkin with a $4.00 price tag.
And do I feel guilty for practically, but not quite, stealing a pumpkin? No, I mean, they were practically begging to get ripped off, it said self serve and they had a can for the money, and speaking about honesty, if they were so honest how come they had the can bolted down, so what was I supposed to do. You know, I haven't been the same since the five years I spent in the Psychiatric ward of a VA Hospital back in the 70's after staring down Charlie from the wrong end of a bayonet trying to insure your freedom, and yes, the freedom of all the pumpkin farmers in all the great states of this great country of ours.
Sieg Heil!!!
I mean ...
God Bless America!!!
Besides, my pumpkin has a brain tumor, and how am I supposed to deal with that, and I swear to god, when I was carrying the pumpkin into the house it said to me ...
Mom, hold me, my head hurts.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Driving through the country on an autumn afternoon
I went out looking for a pumpkin farm to buy a pumpkin today, but all the pumpkin farmers must have gotten together and organized, like OPEC did in the 70's, and they really raised the prices ... fascist bastards.
So instead I went to Kmart because I saw they had 2 Liter 7-Up on sale for 77 cents a bottle, and I thought I'd get a couple bottles of Diet Cherry 7-Up, but either they were out of it, or they don't make it anymore because they didn't have any ... any ... any.
But ...
While looking through the bargain racks I found these two baseball caps, and they were marked down from $11.99 to $1.00 each. So I bought them instead, and I'm glad I did, because you can't wear a pumpkin or a bottle of 7-Up.
I wonder if the Manson family wore Beatles baseball hats?
War
Death to Pigs
Healter Skelter
I wonder if the Beatles wore Jimi Hendrix baseball hats?
'Scuse me while I kiss this guy.
So instead I went to Kmart because I saw they had 2 Liter 7-Up on sale for 77 cents a bottle, and I thought I'd get a couple bottles of Diet Cherry 7-Up, but either they were out of it, or they don't make it anymore because they didn't have any ... any ... any.
But ...
While looking through the bargain racks I found these two baseball caps, and they were marked down from $11.99 to $1.00 each. So I bought them instead, and I'm glad I did, because you can't wear a pumpkin or a bottle of 7-Up.
I wonder if the Manson family wore Beatles baseball hats?
War
Death to Pigs
Healter Skelter
I wonder if the Beatles wore Jimi Hendrix baseball hats?
'Scuse me while I kiss this guy.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Early Wednesday morning at the movies.
I'm bored.
I should start my novel.
They got out of the car ...
The two men got out of the car ...
The bank robbers jumped out of the moving car, their guns blazing ...
Screw it.
I'm still bored.
I should watch a movie.
Nashville is on TCM in about twenty minutes.
Geraldine Chaplin is in Nashville.
Her father is Charlie Chaplin.
Her grandfather is Eugene O'Neill.
She was very good in Doctor Zhivago.
I saw Doctor Zhivago at the United Artists Theater in downtown Detroit in the spring of 1966 on a class outing.
Back then all the big movies opened downtown.
I think that's the only movie I ever went to see downtown.
I usually saw movies at places called The Ramona, or The Jewel, or The Macomb, or the East Wood, or The Roseville.
I saw most of my movies at the Roseville.
It was our neighborhood theater.
I saw The Incredible Shrinking Man at the Roseville Theater with my old man after him and my mother had a big arguement about who knows what.
I saw The Creature From The Black Lagoon at the Roseville with my sister at a Saturday matinee, and afterwards we stopped for french fries and cherry Cokes at the Delight restaurant.
I saw Pinocchio with my mother at the Roseville one Friday night after stopping off at the doctor's office to get a polio shot ...
Oh man, Nashville is about to start, so I'd better stop, and go take a leak, because there aren't any commercials on TCM, but hey, they do show tits, and there are tits in Nashville, and thank god they aren't Geraldine Chaplin's tits ...
Time to go.
Later.
I should start my novel.
They got out of the car ...
The two men got out of the car ...
The bank robbers jumped out of the moving car, their guns blazing ...
Screw it.
I'm still bored.
I should watch a movie.
Nashville is on TCM in about twenty minutes.
Geraldine Chaplin is in Nashville.
Her father is Charlie Chaplin.
Her grandfather is Eugene O'Neill.
She was very good in Doctor Zhivago.
I saw Doctor Zhivago at the United Artists Theater in downtown Detroit in the spring of 1966 on a class outing.
Back then all the big movies opened downtown.
I think that's the only movie I ever went to see downtown.
I usually saw movies at places called The Ramona, or The Jewel, or The Macomb, or the East Wood, or The Roseville.
I saw most of my movies at the Roseville.
It was our neighborhood theater.
I saw The Incredible Shrinking Man at the Roseville Theater with my old man after him and my mother had a big arguement about who knows what.
I saw The Creature From The Black Lagoon at the Roseville with my sister at a Saturday matinee, and afterwards we stopped for french fries and cherry Cokes at the Delight restaurant.
I saw Pinocchio with my mother at the Roseville one Friday night after stopping off at the doctor's office to get a polio shot ...
Oh man, Nashville is about to start, so I'd better stop, and go take a leak, because there aren't any commercials on TCM, but hey, they do show tits, and there are tits in Nashville, and thank god they aren't Geraldine Chaplin's tits ...
Time to go.
Later.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
If I lived in Turkey I'd still think about you
Ten reasons why I am awake at 2:40 in the morning
1. Who can sleep when global warming is right around the corner?
2. They're showing tits on Turner Classic Movies.
3. I'm trying to figure out just who Goliath represented in Davey and Goliath, was he God, was he Jesus, was he Mack the Knife???
4. I'm watching my beard grow in the reflection of my monitor.
5. I'm trying to channel the guy who played Anthony on Designing Women.
6. I'm monitoring the Sirens of Titan for any unusual activity.
7. I'm trying to get the aluminum foil out of my teeth.
8. Um, eight is always a tough one.
9. I'm trying to break up a fight between Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and the guy they didn't make a movie about.
10. There are retarded teenage boys outside my bedroom window, and they've got crayons.
1. Who can sleep when global warming is right around the corner?
2. They're showing tits on Turner Classic Movies.
3. I'm trying to figure out just who Goliath represented in Davey and Goliath, was he God, was he Jesus, was he Mack the Knife???
4. I'm watching my beard grow in the reflection of my monitor.
5. I'm trying to channel the guy who played Anthony on Designing Women.
6. I'm monitoring the Sirens of Titan for any unusual activity.
7. I'm trying to get the aluminum foil out of my teeth.
8. Um, eight is always a tough one.
9. I'm trying to break up a fight between Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and the guy they didn't make a movie about.
10. There are retarded teenage boys outside my bedroom window, and they've got crayons.
A rabbi and a harridan walk into a bar
I have been kind of distraught lately.
A van load of teenage retarded boys passed me on the highway yesterday.
I don't mean they were retarded in the hip cool way you young people use the word retarded, I mean they were retarded as in crayons up the nose and zipping their shirt in their fly retarded.
Ok, a retard wasn't driving the van, and by the way, it was a long van, I mean, there must have been eight retarded teenagers all strapped in and ready to go to a Chris Burke concert, but no, a retard wasn't driving the van, it was a retard's mom who was driving the van, and on the scale of pro-active moms, retard moms rank just above soccer moms in their devotion to their spawn, and if this post isn't making much sense it's because I am distraught, but I already said that, didn't I.
Oh, yeah, this made me distraught because I thought I was going fast when they passed me.
I'm sorry, this isn't working out like I planned.
Honestly, my brain has turned to mush.
A van load of teenage retarded boys passed me on the highway yesterday.
I don't mean they were retarded in the hip cool way you young people use the word retarded, I mean they were retarded as in crayons up the nose and zipping their shirt in their fly retarded.
Ok, a retard wasn't driving the van, and by the way, it was a long van, I mean, there must have been eight retarded teenagers all strapped in and ready to go to a Chris Burke concert, but no, a retard wasn't driving the van, it was a retard's mom who was driving the van, and on the scale of pro-active moms, retard moms rank just above soccer moms in their devotion to their spawn, and if this post isn't making much sense it's because I am distraught, but I already said that, didn't I.
Oh, yeah, this made me distraught because I thought I was going fast when they passed me.
I'm sorry, this isn't working out like I planned.
Honestly, my brain has turned to mush.
Monday, October 23, 2006
The weekend
Gabcast! The Grand Ennui #3
And how was your weekend?
I've already forgotten what I talked about in this gabcast ... GABCAST!!!
So, if I forgot to mention it, my full beard is coming along fine, I've hardly even noticed it, no scratching or nothing, and I think I'll like it, and I haven't had a full beard in 22 years, so yeah, I guess that's it for now.
And how was your weekend?
I've already forgotten what I talked about in this gabcast ... GABCAST!!!
So, if I forgot to mention it, my full beard is coming along fine, I've hardly even noticed it, no scratching or nothing, and I think I'll like it, and I haven't had a full beard in 22 years, so yeah, I guess that's it for now.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Just think about it first, that's all I ask, ok?
It's three thirty in the morning, and it's raining, and I just finished watching Biloxi Blues and I can't sleep.
I'm thinking about growing a full beard, but I am afraid it will be entirely white, or grey, or fuchsia, but, no, I really am thinking about growing a full beard, but if I did, or do, I'd have to shave the beard I have now off, because it would be all out of phase, and that wouldn't be nice, so just forget I said anything about it.
Speaking of Biloxi, and the Blues, I spent six months in Biloxi, and five of the months I had the blues, but I did drink a lot of beer, and have sex with hookers, and I saw a lot of movies too, and I was only 18, but I had my 19th birthday, which I don't remember, when I was down in Biloxi, and had the five month Biloxi blues.
I went to tech school when I was in Biloxi, and for the life of me I don't know how I passed, but I did, well, I passed mostly because they had a hurricane the day I was supposed to have my final exam, and they figured it must be a sign of some sort, so they passed me.
I smoked a lot of cigarettes too, I think I smoked Winstons, but I think I changed over to Marlboro, while I was in Biloxi with the Biloxi five month blues.
I'm not sure what kind of beer I bought, I just drank it because it was expected of me, I guess, because I never liked the taste of beer, but I was too young to buy booze, because you had to be 21 going on 21 and a half to buy booze even in Biloxi where with or without the Biloxi five month blues.
So yeah, I was in Biloxi with the Biloxi five month blues when man first walked on the moon, and they gave us the day off so we could watch it on television, and I did watch it on television, sort of, I sort of watched it on television while I was involved in a hot poker game, which I ended up being the big winner of, so take that and your one small step, and stick it in your ditty bag, and yeah, while I was in Biloxi with the Biloxi five month blues, I actually had a ditty bag, we all had ditty bags, so go figure, ummmmm, I'm tired now, so I'm going to bed, and if you ever meet a hooker named Gloria, tell her "hi" from boz.
I'm thinking about growing a full beard, but I am afraid it will be entirely white, or grey, or fuchsia, but, no, I really am thinking about growing a full beard, but if I did, or do, I'd have to shave the beard I have now off, because it would be all out of phase, and that wouldn't be nice, so just forget I said anything about it.
Speaking of Biloxi, and the Blues, I spent six months in Biloxi, and five of the months I had the blues, but I did drink a lot of beer, and have sex with hookers, and I saw a lot of movies too, and I was only 18, but I had my 19th birthday, which I don't remember, when I was down in Biloxi, and had the five month Biloxi blues.
I went to tech school when I was in Biloxi, and for the life of me I don't know how I passed, but I did, well, I passed mostly because they had a hurricane the day I was supposed to have my final exam, and they figured it must be a sign of some sort, so they passed me.
I smoked a lot of cigarettes too, I think I smoked Winstons, but I think I changed over to Marlboro, while I was in Biloxi with the Biloxi five month blues.
I'm not sure what kind of beer I bought, I just drank it because it was expected of me, I guess, because I never liked the taste of beer, but I was too young to buy booze, because you had to be 21 going on 21 and a half to buy booze even in Biloxi where with or without the Biloxi five month blues.
So yeah, I was in Biloxi with the Biloxi five month blues when man first walked on the moon, and they gave us the day off so we could watch it on television, and I did watch it on television, sort of, I sort of watched it on television while I was involved in a hot poker game, which I ended up being the big winner of, so take that and your one small step, and stick it in your ditty bag, and yeah, while I was in Biloxi with the Biloxi five month blues, I actually had a ditty bag, we all had ditty bags, so go figure, ummmmm, I'm tired now, so I'm going to bed, and if you ever meet a hooker named Gloria, tell her "hi" from boz.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Sunday, October 15, 2006
I am Bob Saget
I'm pretty sure that I'm Bob Saget.
Full House Bob Saget: DJ, Michelle, and the one I can't remember the name of, I am very disappointed in you, you know you aren't supposed to touch Uncle Jessie's hair care products.
America's Funniest Home Videos Bob Saget: (in funny voice voice over) Doh, I got hit in the balls with a plastic baseball bat, and man does it hurt!!!
For Hope Bob Saget: You're my sister Hope, but I hate you and I wish you were dead ... Oh my god, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm Bob Saget.
I mean, who else could I be ... David Caruso???
Full House Bob Saget: DJ, Michelle, and the one I can't remember the name of, I am very disappointed in you, you know you aren't supposed to touch Uncle Jessie's hair care products.
America's Funniest Home Videos Bob Saget: (in funny voice voice over) Doh, I got hit in the balls with a plastic baseball bat, and man does it hurt!!!
For Hope Bob Saget: You're my sister Hope, but I hate you and I wish you were dead ... Oh my god, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm Bob Saget.
I mean, who else could I be ... David Caruso???
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Now
I slept till two thirty.
I'm feeling better.
Except that I still ache.
And my head hurts.
I just took a shower.
The first one since Wednesday night.
My glasses are all steamed up.
No, I didn't wear them in the shower.
It's just that these glasses are always getting steamed up for no reason.
I'm going to watch the baseball game at four thirty.
But not the one at eight thirty.
Ok, I might check in and see what the score is on the game at eight thirty.
And, of course, if the four thirty game gets out of hand I'll probably turn it off.
I took a pain pill before my shower.
I still haven't brushed my teeth.
But I will before now and then.
I am thinking about getting dressed.
Because I should go check the mail.
But I'm sweaty from my shower.
Am I the only one who gets sweaty after a shower?
I need to make my bed too.
It's pretty easy though.
I throw the pillows on the floor.
I rip the bed covers off.
I straighten and tuck in the sheets.
I throw one bed cover in a heap at the side of the bed.
I put the other bed cover on the bed.
I throw the pillows against the headboard.
That gives it a casual look.
And the bed is made.
The bird is making a lot of noise.
I think I'd better feed her.
I just pulled the bandaid off from my flu shot.
I'm feeling better.
Except that I still ache.
And my head hurts.
I just took a shower.
The first one since Wednesday night.
My glasses are all steamed up.
No, I didn't wear them in the shower.
It's just that these glasses are always getting steamed up for no reason.
I'm going to watch the baseball game at four thirty.
But not the one at eight thirty.
Ok, I might check in and see what the score is on the game at eight thirty.
And, of course, if the four thirty game gets out of hand I'll probably turn it off.
I took a pain pill before my shower.
I still haven't brushed my teeth.
But I will before now and then.
I am thinking about getting dressed.
Because I should go check the mail.
But I'm sweaty from my shower.
Am I the only one who gets sweaty after a shower?
I need to make my bed too.
It's pretty easy though.
I throw the pillows on the floor.
I rip the bed covers off.
I straighten and tuck in the sheets.
I throw one bed cover in a heap at the side of the bed.
I put the other bed cover on the bed.
I throw the pillows against the headboard.
That gives it a casual look.
And the bed is made.
The bird is making a lot of noise.
I think I'd better feed her.
I just pulled the bandaid off from my flu shot.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
What is the matter with Eve Plumb
Top search requests for The Grand Ennui
1. deep purple goat head stew ... I'm pretty sure that was the Stones.
2. LITTLE ANNIE FANNIE FUCKING PICTURES ... let me check my Playboy stash under the bed.
3. lymph node swells when i smoke .... then don't DO THAT!!!
4. goldie hawn chin implant - I'll have to ask Pisser she's the expert on Hollywood glitterati.
5. gidget banana pussy ... see #16.
6. Alfalfa's "hate" poem to darla ... Oh Darla, you slut, let me see your butt.
7. +barber +shave -pig -himself -"four heads" ... worth two in the bush.
8. puffies blogspot ... I'm starting one tomorrow.
9. sex with farrah ... hasn't everybody?
10. crazy cousins ... that would Michael and Marcia.
11. bug breasted grand mothers ... during the 1950's the army tested all sorts of nuclear devices then one day at a senior citizens home just outside of Last Chance New Mexico ... IT HAPPENED!!!
12. boz sauce ... don't even go there.
13. Cheryl Tiegs stockings ... honest officer I bought them on Ebay.
14. grand movie clack - clacktu barada nikto???
15. how to handle mean drunk syndrome ... whassa mattah, ya don' like me me when ah drink???
16. little man in the boat ... see #5
17. BOZ eyeglasses ... coming soon to finer optometry offices everywhere.
1. deep purple goat head stew ... I'm pretty sure that was the Stones.
2. LITTLE ANNIE FANNIE FUCKING PICTURES ... let me check my Playboy stash under the bed.
3. lymph node swells when i smoke .... then don't DO THAT!!!
4. goldie hawn chin implant - I'll have to ask Pisser she's the expert on Hollywood glitterati.
5. gidget banana pussy ... see #16.
6. Alfalfa's "hate" poem to darla ... Oh Darla, you slut, let me see your butt.
7. +barber +shave -pig -himself -"four heads" ... worth two in the bush.
8. puffies blogspot ... I'm starting one tomorrow.
9. sex with farrah ... hasn't everybody?
10. crazy cousins ... that would Michael and Marcia.
11. bug breasted grand mothers ... during the 1950's the army tested all sorts of nuclear devices then one day at a senior citizens home just outside of Last Chance New Mexico ... IT HAPPENED!!!
12. boz sauce ... don't even go there.
13. Cheryl Tiegs stockings ... honest officer I bought them on Ebay.
14. grand movie clack - clacktu barada nikto???
15. how to handle mean drunk syndrome ... whassa mattah, ya don' like me me when ah drink???
16. little man in the boat ... see #5
17. BOZ eyeglasses ... coming soon to finer optometry offices everywhere.
Therefore I am
I think ...
1. I'll start a Russian language blog.
2. That the North Koreans have really funny names.
3. In a former life I was an Amway distributor.
4. I should contact everyone that I went to college with and see if they remember me.
5. I think I should go to Japan and drink whiskey purchased out of a vending machine.
6. I would have made a good late night disk jockey on some kind of jazz station, even though I hate jazz more than Johnny does.
7. I think I'll pull the telephone out of the wall the next time I get a recorded political vote for (fill in the blank) message.
8. I think it is time to make spaghetti for dinner again.
9. With crusty crust french bread.
10. The next time Star Jones knocks on my door I'll let her in, isn't Star a lovely name?
1. I'll start a Russian language blog.
2. That the North Koreans have really funny names.
3. In a former life I was an Amway distributor.
4. I should contact everyone that I went to college with and see if they remember me.
5. I think I should go to Japan and drink whiskey purchased out of a vending machine.
6. I would have made a good late night disk jockey on some kind of jazz station, even though I hate jazz more than Johnny does.
7. I think I'll pull the telephone out of the wall the next time I get a recorded political vote for (fill in the blank) message.
8. I think it is time to make spaghetti for dinner again.
9. With crusty crust french bread.
10. The next time Star Jones knocks on my door I'll let her in, isn't Star a lovely name?
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Monday, October 09, 2006
My Left Foot
Ten things from today.
1. Four soccer moms passed me in their SUVs within a quarter mile stretch of highway.
2. I somehow hurt my right middle finger and now it is all swollen up.
3. I made a stick to your ribs dinner for MB.
Stick to your ribs dinner (cornbread not pictured)
4. I had to buy a new computer mouse.
5. I used the men's room at the Evil Empire, they have urinals that flush automatically.
6. I checked the mail twice today, but there wasn't any either time, is this a holiday?
7. I went grocery shopping and spent almost twenty dollars ... make that thirty dollars.
8. I added Mannaz to my links, he is #1 and #2 on Google for Panther Gum Seven.
9. My left foot is really hurting, so I think I'll title this post My Left Foot, you know, like the movie.
10. I think I'll take a pain pill, geez, does my swollen finger ever look weird.
1. Four soccer moms passed me in their SUVs within a quarter mile stretch of highway.
2. I somehow hurt my right middle finger and now it is all swollen up.
3. I made a stick to your ribs dinner for MB.
Stick to your ribs dinner (cornbread not pictured)
4. I had to buy a new computer mouse.
5. I used the men's room at the Evil Empire, they have urinals that flush automatically.
6. I checked the mail twice today, but there wasn't any either time, is this a holiday?
7. I went grocery shopping and spent almost twenty dollars ... make that thirty dollars.
8. I added Mannaz to my links, he is #1 and #2 on Google for Panther Gum Seven.
9. My left foot is really hurting, so I think I'll title this post My Left Foot, you know, like the movie.
10. I think I'll take a pain pill, geez, does my swollen finger ever look weird.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Perversion 1965
... once a person is perverted it is practically impossible for that person to adjust to normal attitudes in regards to sex.
Friday, October 06, 2006
But for the grace of God go I
So, does anyone want to stay up all night?
We could just talk or something.
Maybe we could listen to some music.
I've got a shitload of songs on my hard drive.
Let's see what I've got ...
I'm trying to find that one Brian Eno CD I have, hold on a second, it's got to be here somewhere.
Yeah, this is it Taking Tiger Mountain.
Sounds pretty good doesn't it.
Yeah, he used to be in Roxy Music, but he quit after the second album, I think.
What do you think of Gabcast?
I like it.
And the gabbly chat, that's pretty nice too.
I swear to god, when I woke up this morning I just felt like rolling over and dying. I really hurt that bad. I don't know what it was. It might be the weather, it might be anything, but damn, I could barely walk.
Hold on, Brian Eno just isn't cutting it tonight, yeah, I could tell you didn't like it either.
Let's see if I can find something else, ok.
Rabbit Fur Coat by Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins???
Well, it's up to you.
Ok, fine, yeah, ok, Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins.
Oooooh, I really like Rise Up With Fists.
What's good for a raspy throat?
No, don't ask, you don't want to know what caused it.
Screw it, I feel like I'm talking to myself.
I'm going to bed.
We could just talk or something.
Maybe we could listen to some music.
I've got a shitload of songs on my hard drive.
Let's see what I've got ...
I'm trying to find that one Brian Eno CD I have, hold on a second, it's got to be here somewhere.
Yeah, this is it Taking Tiger Mountain.
Sounds pretty good doesn't it.
Yeah, he used to be in Roxy Music, but he quit after the second album, I think.
What do you think of Gabcast?
I like it.
And the gabbly chat, that's pretty nice too.
I swear to god, when I woke up this morning I just felt like rolling over and dying. I really hurt that bad. I don't know what it was. It might be the weather, it might be anything, but damn, I could barely walk.
Hold on, Brian Eno just isn't cutting it tonight, yeah, I could tell you didn't like it either.
Let's see if I can find something else, ok.
Rabbit Fur Coat by Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins???
Well, it's up to you.
Ok, fine, yeah, ok, Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins.
Oooooh, I really like Rise Up With Fists.
What's good for a raspy throat?
No, don't ask, you don't want to know what caused it.
Screw it, I feel like I'm talking to myself.
I'm going to bed.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Dead Man Walking
Happy 60th Birthday to Susan Sarandon.
There is just something about Susan Sarandon's eyes that have always freaked me out. She has eyes just like my aunt, my old man's sister, and there was something about my aunt that freaked me out too.
MB likes to tell the story that back in WWII when my old man was in the army that my aunt was dating a guy that was a drummer in a band, and my aunt liked to go to the bar where his band was playing, but she didn't like to go alone, so my aunt would ask MB to go along with her.
When my old man came home on leave and he found out about MB and my aunt going to this bar he blew his stack ...
As MB tells the story, it was a gay bar, or as she called it a queer bar, only she didn't pronounce it queer she pronounced it more like choir, and how my old man knew it was a choir bar, well, that part I don't know, and I think I'd better stop now because I'm starting to feel a little creepy writing a post about my parents with Susan Sarandon's boobs staring me in the face.
There is just something about Susan Sarandon's eyes that have always freaked me out. She has eyes just like my aunt, my old man's sister, and there was something about my aunt that freaked me out too.
MB likes to tell the story that back in WWII when my old man was in the army that my aunt was dating a guy that was a drummer in a band, and my aunt liked to go to the bar where his band was playing, but she didn't like to go alone, so my aunt would ask MB to go along with her.
When my old man came home on leave and he found out about MB and my aunt going to this bar he blew his stack ...
As MB tells the story, it was a gay bar, or as she called it a queer bar, only she didn't pronounce it queer she pronounced it more like choir, and how my old man knew it was a choir bar, well, that part I don't know, and I think I'd better stop now because I'm starting to feel a little creepy writing a post about my parents with Susan Sarandon's boobs staring me in the face.
I am really stoked, but only if people still say that
I have been asked by Mr DVL, husband of DVL, to help out their daughter EML in a school project. EML has to send a paper cut out of a character named FLAT STANLEY to friends around the world, and these friends have to take a photograph of FLAT STANLEY in surroundings that represent the area in which they live, and then mail it back. For instance I could take a picture of FLAT STANLEY by the Lake Huron shoreline, or in front of the Tawas City Burger King, and I'm wondering just where I stand in "the friends around the world" rankings, I'm hoping I'm at least in the somewhere in the Top 50, and I hope that someone didn't back out at the last moment, and I'm just an emergency selection, you know like when you have a dinner party and the guy you set up with your weird cousin gets sick, and then you have to find someone else on short notice, and I bet that guy wasn't sick after all, I bet he just found out how weird your weird cousin really is, I mean, I just don't want to be the replacement guy for the weird cousin, unless of course the weird cousin has a nice rack and a lot of money.
I am taking this very serious, because if EML gets an A on this project it may inspire her to buckle down in school, and yeah, I'm sure she buckles down now, so imagine how good she could do if she really buckled down, I mean she could become her high school valedictorian, and ace her SATs, and turn down a soccer scholarship to Stanford for an academic scholarship to Harvard, and then she could write a really important book, then marry a rock star, then become the third female president of the United States, after Hillary Rodham Clinton, and that Chinese girl that used to be on the View.
So you can see why it is imperative that I do the best job possible here!
I am taking this very serious, because if EML gets an A on this project it may inspire her to buckle down in school, and yeah, I'm sure she buckles down now, so imagine how good she could do if she really buckled down, I mean she could become her high school valedictorian, and ace her SATs, and turn down a soccer scholarship to Stanford for an academic scholarship to Harvard, and then she could write a really important book, then marry a rock star, then become the third female president of the United States, after Hillary Rodham Clinton, and that Chinese girl that used to be on the View.
So you can see why it is imperative that I do the best job possible here!
Monday, October 02, 2006
So, a man walks up to me on the street and says
I don't know what the world is coming to.
I fell asleep at 2:20 this morning, which isn't a bad time for me, and then I woke up at 4:30, and I didn't roll over and fall right back to sleep like you're supposed to do when you wake up at 4:30 in the morning, oh no, I WOKE UP woke up at 4:30 in the morning.
I was like one of those hopped up dopeheads from Reefer Madness. I was wide awake, I was wide fucking awake, and I just laid/layed there, there, there, there.
Then I made a big mistake, yeah, I turned on the tv, oh, I guess at about 5:00 and just started surfing around, you know how that is, don't you ... DON'T YOU!!!
I dunno, TCM had the remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and maybe it's just me, but I prefer the original, sooooooooo, I surfed on over to TBS and one of my all time favorite movies was on.
Yeah, you guessed it Captain Ron was on. Oh, man, I love that movie. Kurt Russell gives an Oscar worthy performance, and Martin Short ... well let me just say this about Martin Short, this is his best work since the first time Ed Grimley DippityDoed his way on to SCTV oh so many years ago.
And Mary Kay Place ... Mary Kay Place ... I've had a soft spot for her since she played Loretta Haggers on Mary Hartman Mary Hartman in the mid 70s, and man do I miss the mid 70s, but I don't know, and errrrrgh my mind just went blank.
Yeah, blank, blank, blank, blank .............
I think this is where they play the National Anthem.
I fell asleep at 2:20 this morning, which isn't a bad time for me, and then I woke up at 4:30, and I didn't roll over and fall right back to sleep like you're supposed to do when you wake up at 4:30 in the morning, oh no, I WOKE UP woke up at 4:30 in the morning.
I was like one of those hopped up dopeheads from Reefer Madness. I was wide awake, I was wide fucking awake, and I just laid/layed there, there, there, there.
Then I made a big mistake, yeah, I turned on the tv, oh, I guess at about 5:00 and just started surfing around, you know how that is, don't you ... DON'T YOU!!!
I dunno, TCM had the remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and maybe it's just me, but I prefer the original, sooooooooo, I surfed on over to TBS and one of my all time favorite movies was on.
Yeah, you guessed it Captain Ron was on. Oh, man, I love that movie. Kurt Russell gives an Oscar worthy performance, and Martin Short ... well let me just say this about Martin Short, this is his best work since the first time Ed Grimley DippityDoed his way on to SCTV oh so many years ago.
And Mary Kay Place ... Mary Kay Place ... I've had a soft spot for her since she played Loretta Haggers on Mary Hartman Mary Hartman in the mid 70s, and man do I miss the mid 70s, but I don't know, and errrrrgh my mind just went blank.
Yeah, blank, blank, blank, blank .............
I think this is where they play the National Anthem.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
The last temptation of rice
Sunday morning.
Bored.
Really bored.
I slept most of the day.
But got up long enough to cook, then eat spaghetti.
I also had either 4 or 6 Little Debbie Snack Cakes.
And really that's about all I've done today.
Oh, I did watch parts of the movie The Third Man, the parts I didn't watch the last time I watched it.
Wow, really that it's.
Man, I really slept a lot today.
I forgot, I took a shower too, and then I ate some left over spaghetti, which was left over from earlier today.
Yeah, that's really it.
I didn't even shave.
Or take a pain pill.
I wonder if there is something good on TV now.
Nope, not much.
I just sneezed about ten times and now I've got a crick in my neck.
People are dying all over the place.
My stomach is growling.
But it's too late to eat.
Yeah, that's it.
Bored.
Really bored.
I slept most of the day.
But got up long enough to cook, then eat spaghetti.
I also had either 4 or 6 Little Debbie Snack Cakes.
And really that's about all I've done today.
Oh, I did watch parts of the movie The Third Man, the parts I didn't watch the last time I watched it.
Wow, really that it's.
Man, I really slept a lot today.
I forgot, I took a shower too, and then I ate some left over spaghetti, which was left over from earlier today.
Yeah, that's really it.
I didn't even shave.
Or take a pain pill.
I wonder if there is something good on TV now.
Nope, not much.
I just sneezed about ten times and now I've got a crick in my neck.
People are dying all over the place.
My stomach is growling.
But it's too late to eat.
Yeah, that's it.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Me in a sweatshirt
Smiling to hide the pain.
I didn't even know I had a sweatshirt until this afternoon while in a pain pill induced stupor I stumbled upon it while hiding in the closet.
I didn't even know I had a sweatshirt until this afternoon while in a pain pill induced stupor I stumbled upon it while hiding in the closet.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Chef Boz
Cream of Broccoli Soup
1. Don't buy a can Cream of Broccoli Soup, it's way to expensive, it's somewhere close to two bucks a can for Campbells.
2. Go to the Dollar General, or the Family Dollar, or the SavALot, or any discount type store where they sell soup for two cans for a dollar.
3. The won't have cream of broccoli soup but they will have cream of mushroom, celery, and chicken.
4. Buy two cans of cream of whatever soup, I prefer celery and chicken.
5. I never look at the soup labels, but I think you can mix the two cans of soup with either water or milk, use milk, or use water and some powdered non-dairy creamer, the creamer will work just fine, I use it when I make instant mashed potatoes, yeah, I'm quite a cook, I know.
6. Ok, maybe I should mention that you should open the cans, and empty them into a saucepan, and make sure the saucepan is big enough, and turn the stove on, not the oven, the stove, there's a difference, believe me.
7. Hey boz, I thought this was cream of broccoli soup, where's the broccoli? Yeah, I figured you'd bring that up sooner or later. Ok, you buy a bag of frozen broccoli, which costs about a buck for a one pound bag, and dump about a third to a half of the bag of broccoli into your saucepan full of cream of whatever soup, and this is why it's important that you use a big enough saucepan like I mentioned in step #6, because if the saucepan isn't big enough the soup will splash all over.
8. Stir the soup, making sure to mush up all the big lumps of concentrated cream of whatever while you stir.
9. Bring to a boil.
10. Turn off the stove and cover the saucepan and let it sit for awhile until it thickens up a bit.
11. Serve in a bowl or a big mug with the cracker of your choice, I prefer oyster crackers because you don't have to break them up, but you know what else is good, well, according to MB it's good, Ritz Crackers, yeah, try some Ritz Crackers with your soup.
12. I guess that's it, well, you'll probably want something to drink, but I'll leave that up to you.
13. Bon Appetit!!!
Two alternate recipes ...
1. Cream of broccoli with cheese - Add a couple of slices of Kraft Singles, or any other petroleum based cheese food product, while cooking, and hey, if you're feeling really daring cut off a hunk of real cheese and throw it in, who knows, you may actually like it.
2. Cream of broccoli plus - Instead of adding frozen broccoli substitute Broccoli Normandy, which also costs about a buck a bag and along with the broccoli you'll get cauliflower and carrots.
Dammit, this is the second time I've done a cream of broccoli soup post!!!
1. Don't buy a can Cream of Broccoli Soup, it's way to expensive, it's somewhere close to two bucks a can for Campbells.
2. Go to the Dollar General, or the Family Dollar, or the SavALot, or any discount type store where they sell soup for two cans for a dollar.
3. The won't have cream of broccoli soup but they will have cream of mushroom, celery, and chicken.
4. Buy two cans of cream of whatever soup, I prefer celery and chicken.
5. I never look at the soup labels, but I think you can mix the two cans of soup with either water or milk, use milk, or use water and some powdered non-dairy creamer, the creamer will work just fine, I use it when I make instant mashed potatoes, yeah, I'm quite a cook, I know.
6. Ok, maybe I should mention that you should open the cans, and empty them into a saucepan, and make sure the saucepan is big enough, and turn the stove on, not the oven, the stove, there's a difference, believe me.
7. Hey boz, I thought this was cream of broccoli soup, where's the broccoli? Yeah, I figured you'd bring that up sooner or later. Ok, you buy a bag of frozen broccoli, which costs about a buck for a one pound bag, and dump about a third to a half of the bag of broccoli into your saucepan full of cream of whatever soup, and this is why it's important that you use a big enough saucepan like I mentioned in step #6, because if the saucepan isn't big enough the soup will splash all over.
8. Stir the soup, making sure to mush up all the big lumps of concentrated cream of whatever while you stir.
9. Bring to a boil.
10. Turn off the stove and cover the saucepan and let it sit for awhile until it thickens up a bit.
11. Serve in a bowl or a big mug with the cracker of your choice, I prefer oyster crackers because you don't have to break them up, but you know what else is good, well, according to MB it's good, Ritz Crackers, yeah, try some Ritz Crackers with your soup.
12. I guess that's it, well, you'll probably want something to drink, but I'll leave that up to you.
13. Bon Appetit!!!
Two alternate recipes ...
1. Cream of broccoli with cheese - Add a couple of slices of Kraft Singles, or any other petroleum based cheese food product, while cooking, and hey, if you're feeling really daring cut off a hunk of real cheese and throw it in, who knows, you may actually like it.
2. Cream of broccoli plus - Instead of adding frozen broccoli substitute Broccoli Normandy, which also costs about a buck a bag and along with the broccoli you'll get cauliflower and carrots.
Dammit, this is the second time I've done a cream of broccoli soup post!!!
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Satisfaction guaranteed
Ok, I went to the Dollar Store yesterday and found a box of Mike and Ike Cherry Cola flavored candy in the bargain basket for fifty cents, I mean Mike and Ike Cherry Cola ... WOW!!!
But of course they were hard as a rock since they were in the bargain basket, of course I ate them anyway.
Then today I called the 1-800 customer service number on the back of the box and told the customer service lady about the hard as a rock Mike and Ike Cherry Cola candy that I had bought yesterday, but I left out the part about finding them in the bargain bin at the Dollar Store.
She said she wasn't surprised that they were hard as a rock because they don't make the Cherry Cola flavored candy anymore.
Then she threw a curve ball at me.
She asked me where I bought them.
I panicked for a second, then I lied, and told them I bought them at a convenience store/gas station in Oscoda, thinking that was vague enough to throw her off the trail.
She wanted to know if that was the only box, or were there more than one, because ...
WE MUST GET THAT CANDY OFF THE SHELVES!!!
Hehehehe, ahhhhhhhhhh, I'm not sure, yeah, I don't know, maybe.
She then asked me the name of the store .
THE NAME OF THE STORE ... Ummm, I don't know the name of the store, it's you know, just a locally owned place, but I do know the name of the gas station, I was sweating now.
Ok, what's the name of the gas station.
Ummmm, think boz think, ahhhh it's the Speedway, yeah, the Speedway, that's a pretty generic gas station name, right.
Where's it located?
Damn you woman, stop with the third degree, Uhhh, it's in Oscoda Michigan.
Where is it located at in Oscoda?
Now, I'm starting to get dizzy, it's, it's, it's on the main highway, I don't know the address or anything.
Ok, I'm expecting the rubber hoses now, but that was it, she was finished, she thanked me for my concern, and she asked me for my name and address, and told me that they would be sending me a fresh variety package of their other brands of candy ...
BUT NOT THE MIKE AND IKE CHERRY COLA FLAVORED BECAUSE WE DON'T MAKE THEM ANYMORE
And that I should be receiving them in a week or two.
Unless, of course, we find out you were lying to us ...
Ok, she didn't say that part about lying, but if she had I probably would have passed out, or something.
But of course they were hard as a rock since they were in the bargain basket, of course I ate them anyway.
Then today I called the 1-800 customer service number on the back of the box and told the customer service lady about the hard as a rock Mike and Ike Cherry Cola candy that I had bought yesterday, but I left out the part about finding them in the bargain bin at the Dollar Store.
She said she wasn't surprised that they were hard as a rock because they don't make the Cherry Cola flavored candy anymore.
Then she threw a curve ball at me.
She asked me where I bought them.
I panicked for a second, then I lied, and told them I bought them at a convenience store/gas station in Oscoda, thinking that was vague enough to throw her off the trail.
She wanted to know if that was the only box, or were there more than one, because ...
WE MUST GET THAT CANDY OFF THE SHELVES!!!
Hehehehe, ahhhhhhhhhh, I'm not sure, yeah, I don't know, maybe.
She then asked me the name of the store .
THE NAME OF THE STORE ... Ummm, I don't know the name of the store, it's you know, just a locally owned place, but I do know the name of the gas station, I was sweating now.
Ok, what's the name of the gas station.
Ummmm, think boz think, ahhhh it's the Speedway, yeah, the Speedway, that's a pretty generic gas station name, right.
Where's it located?
Damn you woman, stop with the third degree, Uhhh, it's in Oscoda Michigan.
Where is it located at in Oscoda?
Now, I'm starting to get dizzy, it's, it's, it's on the main highway, I don't know the address or anything.
Ok, I'm expecting the rubber hoses now, but that was it, she was finished, she thanked me for my concern, and she asked me for my name and address, and told me that they would be sending me a fresh variety package of their other brands of candy ...
BUT NOT THE MIKE AND IKE CHERRY COLA FLAVORED BECAUSE WE DON'T MAKE THEM ANYMORE
And that I should be receiving them in a week or two.
Unless, of course, we find out you were lying to us ...
Ok, she didn't say that part about lying, but if she had I probably would have passed out, or something.
Tuesday night is Janus night on TCM
Ok, I'm going to try to watch Cocteau's 1950 film Orphée on TCM in a few minutes. Wish me luck
MarÃa Casares's Princess of death strikes a pose in Orphée.
Does the person I think MarÃa Casare looks like thinks she looks like MarÃa Casare?
I mean I think it's spooky how much I think the person who looks like MarÃa Casare looks like MarÃa Casare.
MarÃa Casares's Princess of death strikes a pose in Orphée.
Does the person I think MarÃa Casare looks like thinks she looks like MarÃa Casare?
I mean I think it's spooky how much I think the person who looks like MarÃa Casare looks like MarÃa Casare.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
The little man in the boat
Have you ever noticed that if you squint just right how much a mouse resembles a woman's vagina? Then again maybe it's just me.
Also, do you find it odd that I felt the need to refer to it as a woman's vagina and not just a vagina?
Also, do you find it odd that I felt the need to refer to it as a woman's vagina and not just a vagina?
Stop ... don't stop
I am depressed because ...
1. I saw my reflection in a store window and I looked a little too much like Colonel Sanders.
2. After two and a half years I tried to install my Scrabble CD-ROM that worked on Windows 98 but doesn't work on Windows XP and since I am now running Windows XP it doesn't work on my computer and it only took me two and a half years to figure it out, and to add insult to injury the empty Scrabble CD-ROM fell behind my computer desk where it will be left to bond with the dust bunnies and candy bar wrappers until I have a really good reason to clean behind my computer desk.
3. Osama Bin Laden will never pay back the fifty bucks I loaned him that one time we took a bus together to Atlantic City for a weekend of babes and baccarat.
4. I want to do things that seriously aren't a good idea to want to do.
5. Every time I change a light bulb another light bulb burns out later that same day.
6. I've been sitting here for ten minutes and I still haven't come up with a number #6.
7. I shouldn't be depressed because it took me ten minutes to come up with a #6 because that should mean that I'm not as depressed as I think I am, right!
8. My novel with the first line "They sat and stared at each other across the kitchen table" is the only line that I have.
9. I've forgotten what it is like to have someone else's tongue in my mouth.
10. When I finish with #10 this post will be complete and I will have nothing else to do for the rest of the day.
1. I saw my reflection in a store window and I looked a little too much like Colonel Sanders.
2. After two and a half years I tried to install my Scrabble CD-ROM that worked on Windows 98 but doesn't work on Windows XP and since I am now running Windows XP it doesn't work on my computer and it only took me two and a half years to figure it out, and to add insult to injury the empty Scrabble CD-ROM fell behind my computer desk where it will be left to bond with the dust bunnies and candy bar wrappers until I have a really good reason to clean behind my computer desk.
3. Osama Bin Laden will never pay back the fifty bucks I loaned him that one time we took a bus together to Atlantic City for a weekend of babes and baccarat.
4. I want to do things that seriously aren't a good idea to want to do.
5. Every time I change a light bulb another light bulb burns out later that same day.
6. I've been sitting here for ten minutes and I still haven't come up with a number #6.
7. I shouldn't be depressed because it took me ten minutes to come up with a #6 because that should mean that I'm not as depressed as I think I am, right!
8. My novel with the first line "They sat and stared at each other across the kitchen table" is the only line that I have.
9. I've forgotten what it is like to have someone else's tongue in my mouth.
10. When I finish with #10 this post will be complete and I will have nothing else to do for the rest of the day.
Potato Chip Sandos
My recipe for Potato Chip Sandos originally posted on Cooking for Losers in February 2003.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Get on with it already
I'm going to make spaghetti today.
I've never made spaghetti before.
I'm not even sure how to spell spaghetti, but I guess that's what spellcheck is for.
The reason I am going to make spaghetti is because last night at a little after two am I channel surfed onto a movie on Turner Classic titled A Woman Under the Influence starring Peter Falk and Gena Rowlands, and I'm thinking that the movie must have been directed by John Cassavetes because Peter Falk was his best friend, and Gena Rowlands was his wife, and at that time of night, or morning, TCM usually shows some kind of indie off the wall cult classic, which is the kind of movie that Cassavetes was known for, if he was known for anything, anyway, the scene I surfed in on was when Falk brings a bunch of his working class buddies home and Rowlands, who plays Falk's wife, happily whips up a bunch of spaghetti to feed the starving masses, and watching the starving masses eat spaghetti made me think to myself that ...
Hey, I haven't had spaghetti for a long time, and it sure looks/sounds good
And since I don't feel like going out for a spaghetti dinner,
And because it would be a hell of alot easier for me to make it than for MB to make,
not that she couldn't make it, it would just be a hell of alot easier for me to make.
So, I decided to make it my ownself.
This morning I got up and checked to see if we had any spaghetti making materials skulking around the house, but there wasn't.
There wasn't, except for a jar of Ragu that I found way in the back of the fridge, that hadn't been opened, but I'm sure had been in the back of the fridge since before Clinton hadn't had sex with that woman ...
So, I just decided to go to the supermarket and start from scratch.
The list I wrote in my head included french bread, ground round, spaghetti sauce, spaghetti, and maybe a bottle of daygo red wine.
Ok, I got to the store and the first item I found in the bakery was french bread with crusty crust for a $1.79, which I thought was a little expensive, but it did have crusty crust so I guess you have to pay for the extras.
Then I hit the butcher counter and got a half pound of ground round which also came to a $1.79, and maybe I should play that number in the three digit daily game, but probably I won't, and yeah, I thought I'd get ground round because since I already paid $1.79 for the bread, the french bread with crusty crust, I figured I'd go all out.
My next stop was the spaghetti sauce/pasta aisle where I totally intended to get the most expensive sauce they had, which I think was the Paul Newman for like three bucks a jar, and yeah, I could have made the sauce from scratch, but why bother, I mean it's not like a have an educated palate, and if it's good enough for Joanne Woodward then it's good enough for me, but wait ... Hunt's spaghetti sauce is on sale for a buck a can, a buck a can, a buck a can, and this is where my mind kicks into Boz Loves a Bargain mode, and hey, I can't fight it, a buck a can people, a buck a can, it was a fait accompli, and yeah, I even bought two cans in case I ever want to make spaghetti again.
The pasta was right next to the sauce, and ... and ... and ... Muellers thin spaghetti in the two pound box was also on sale for a buck, it seems it was bargains for a buck week, so Muellers it was.
Now, I'm not a drinker, but you know every once in a while ... and daygo red does go good with spaghetti, so I thought I'd check out the wine section, but damn, wine, even the wine without a cork, is so freakin' expensive I decided to get a bottle of Diet Cherry 7-up instead, which looks a lot like daygo red when you drink it from a glass, or a paper bag ...
I guess that's it.
I guess I'm going to start preparing it.
I wish I had a chef's hat, and about six helpers to do all the work while I supervised like on all the cooking shows, but I don't, so ...
Here goes nothing.
I've never made spaghetti before.
I'm not even sure how to spell spaghetti, but I guess that's what spellcheck is for.
The reason I am going to make spaghetti is because last night at a little after two am I channel surfed onto a movie on Turner Classic titled A Woman Under the Influence starring Peter Falk and Gena Rowlands, and I'm thinking that the movie must have been directed by John Cassavetes because Peter Falk was his best friend, and Gena Rowlands was his wife, and at that time of night, or morning, TCM usually shows some kind of indie off the wall cult classic, which is the kind of movie that Cassavetes was known for, if he was known for anything, anyway, the scene I surfed in on was when Falk brings a bunch of his working class buddies home and Rowlands, who plays Falk's wife, happily whips up a bunch of spaghetti to feed the starving masses, and watching the starving masses eat spaghetti made me think to myself that ...
Hey, I haven't had spaghetti for a long time, and it sure looks/sounds good
And since I don't feel like going out for a spaghetti dinner,
And because it would be a hell of alot easier for me to make it than for MB to make,
not that she couldn't make it, it would just be a hell of alot easier for me to make.
So, I decided to make it my ownself.
This morning I got up and checked to see if we had any spaghetti making materials skulking around the house, but there wasn't.
There wasn't, except for a jar of Ragu that I found way in the back of the fridge, that hadn't been opened, but I'm sure had been in the back of the fridge since before Clinton hadn't had sex with that woman ...
So, I just decided to go to the supermarket and start from scratch.
The list I wrote in my head included french bread, ground round, spaghetti sauce, spaghetti, and maybe a bottle of daygo red wine.
Ok, I got to the store and the first item I found in the bakery was french bread with crusty crust for a $1.79, which I thought was a little expensive, but it did have crusty crust so I guess you have to pay for the extras.
Then I hit the butcher counter and got a half pound of ground round which also came to a $1.79, and maybe I should play that number in the three digit daily game, but probably I won't, and yeah, I thought I'd get ground round because since I already paid $1.79 for the bread, the french bread with crusty crust, I figured I'd go all out.
My next stop was the spaghetti sauce/pasta aisle where I totally intended to get the most expensive sauce they had, which I think was the Paul Newman for like three bucks a jar, and yeah, I could have made the sauce from scratch, but why bother, I mean it's not like a have an educated palate, and if it's good enough for Joanne Woodward then it's good enough for me, but wait ... Hunt's spaghetti sauce is on sale for a buck a can, a buck a can, a buck a can, and this is where my mind kicks into Boz Loves a Bargain mode, and hey, I can't fight it, a buck a can people, a buck a can, it was a fait accompli, and yeah, I even bought two cans in case I ever want to make spaghetti again.
The pasta was right next to the sauce, and ... and ... and ... Muellers thin spaghetti in the two pound box was also on sale for a buck, it seems it was bargains for a buck week, so Muellers it was.
Now, I'm not a drinker, but you know every once in a while ... and daygo red does go good with spaghetti, so I thought I'd check out the wine section, but damn, wine, even the wine without a cork, is so freakin' expensive I decided to get a bottle of Diet Cherry 7-up instead, which looks a lot like daygo red when you drink it from a glass, or a paper bag ...
I guess that's it.
I guess I'm going to start preparing it.
I wish I had a chef's hat, and about six helpers to do all the work while I supervised like on all the cooking shows, but I don't, so ...
Here goes nothing.
Seriously, all the gear kids are wearing them
I should seriously be in bed trying to fall asleep, but hey ...
I'm listening to the Dave Clark Five, I mean the Dave Clark Freakin' Five, so what can I freakin' do?
FYI: Dave Clark is the one touchinghis the organ and giving the look of love to the bass player.
I'm listening to the Dave Clark Five, I mean the Dave Clark Freakin' Five, so what can I freakin' do?
FYI: Dave Clark is the one touching
Friday, September 22, 2006
Just call me Half A Cup
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I know it's Autumn, but I'm still feeling all Summery
So, I rented a bunch of movies yesterday, six of them in all, from the Fitty Cent Aisle, and by the way Fitty said for me to give a big [insert urban slang word for hello here] ... ah, never mind.
Anyway, I rented six movies yesterday and I think I can remember the titles for five of them, three of which I've watched, one of which I tried to watch but was unwatchable, and two which I haven't watched ... yet.
Bubble - Is about a fat red headed woman who is in love with a much younger not too bright guy that works at the doll making factory with her, and the not too bright guy isn't really aware that the older fat red headed woman is jonesing for him, and then everything is thrown into a tumult when a much younger semi-attractive woman is hired at the doll factory, and I imagine you can guess where all of this is headed.
Noise - A movie about a woman who is slowly descending into madness because she can't sleep due to all the noise that her upstairs neighbor, a woman who has already descended into madness, makes at night. The upstairs neighbor is played by Ally Sheedy, who my god, used to be kind of hot in a strange twisted bizarre way, but is now only strange twisted and bizarre, and I swear to god ... she must have the biggest teeth in the world!!!
Insomnia - Takes place in Alaska and is about cops, and murder, and another murder, which may not actually be a murder, and it stars Al Pacino, Robin Williams, and Hilary Swank who for a change doesn't play a lesbian ... or does she???
8MM II - Which I thought might be a sequel to 8MM, but actually wasn't, it was actually more of a soft core porn rip-off with a bunch of silicone breasted ... and that's about as far as I got before I turned it off.
Fahrenheit 9/11 - Yeah, I hate when someone I can't stand believes in some of the same things I believe in, but I'm going to treat it like a black comedy, you know, sort of like Dr. Strangelove only with Michael Moore taking the place of Peter Sellers.
The last movie which I can't remember the title of - I think it's about poor white people, and trailer parks, and unwed mothers, and fathers in prison, but that's just a guess, and I think it stars that one young actress who always plays the poor white girl, who lives in a trailer park, and is an unwed mother, and her father is in prison, yeah, that's the one ... Jena Malone, and I think I'll watch that one now.
Anyway, I rented six movies yesterday and I think I can remember the titles for five of them, three of which I've watched, one of which I tried to watch but was unwatchable, and two which I haven't watched ... yet.
Bubble - Is about a fat red headed woman who is in love with a much younger not too bright guy that works at the doll making factory with her, and the not too bright guy isn't really aware that the older fat red headed woman is jonesing for him, and then everything is thrown into a tumult when a much younger semi-attractive woman is hired at the doll factory, and I imagine you can guess where all of this is headed.
Noise - A movie about a woman who is slowly descending into madness because she can't sleep due to all the noise that her upstairs neighbor, a woman who has already descended into madness, makes at night. The upstairs neighbor is played by Ally Sheedy, who my god, used to be kind of hot in a strange twisted bizarre way, but is now only strange twisted and bizarre, and I swear to god ... she must have the biggest teeth in the world!!!
Insomnia - Takes place in Alaska and is about cops, and murder, and another murder, which may not actually be a murder, and it stars Al Pacino, Robin Williams, and Hilary Swank who for a change doesn't play a lesbian ... or does she???
8MM II - Which I thought might be a sequel to 8MM, but actually wasn't, it was actually more of a soft core porn rip-off with a bunch of silicone breasted ... and that's about as far as I got before I turned it off.
Fahrenheit 9/11 - Yeah, I hate when someone I can't stand believes in some of the same things I believe in, but I'm going to treat it like a black comedy, you know, sort of like Dr. Strangelove only with Michael Moore taking the place of Peter Sellers.
The last movie which I can't remember the title of - I think it's about poor white people, and trailer parks, and unwed mothers, and fathers in prison, but that's just a guess, and I think it stars that one young actress who always plays the poor white girl, who lives in a trailer park, and is an unwed mother, and her father is in prison, yeah, that's the one ... Jena Malone, and I think I'll watch that one now.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
I don't know, what do YOU think?
Seriously, I don't know what I am doing up right now.
I am in seriously serious pain.
My neck hurts to where I can hardly turn my head.
My lower back hurts.
My left arm and hand hurts to where I can hardly grip anything in that hand, that hand being the left hand, which is connected to the left arm, which is connected to my shoulder, I guess, which is in turn connected to my ... NECK!!!
Oh yeah, and my left leg and foot hurt too, you know, numb and weak.
Oh, and I've got a bit of heartburn too, nothing to serious, and as I've always said, I'd rather have a heartburn than an assburn ... rimshot!!!
But yeah, yeah, but yeah.
And the surgeon said that I'm not completely healed ... HEALED!!!
But that's not unusual, and so I've got an appointment to see him again in the middle of October, but the surgeon said that if it's quit hurting by then that I can just cancel the appointment, but then again, he didn't say what he is going to do if it is still hurting by then, and honestly, I have a pretty strong feeling that it will still be hurting by then, so if it is STILL hurting then, I don't know ...
More tests???
Another MRI???
Another operation, and seriously, and there's that word seriously again, today was the first time that I realized, and I have nothing to base this on, just a gut feeling, that I might have to have another operation, which sucks.
And did I tell you that I think that I've finally gotten all the statements from my insurance company, and that the total cost for everything came to around $12,000.00.
Yeah, that's a lot of mooooooolah.
A one night stay in the hospital was over $7,500.00 alone, and the surgeon was like another $2,500.00, and then there's the anesthesiologist(sic), and various and sundry other expenses.
I mean, damn, I'm lucky I have insurance, but how in the world can someone who doesn't have insurance, or who doesn't qualify for government assistance, how in the world can they afford health care costs ... THEY CAN'T!!!
All of a sudden I don't hurt so bad.
Ok, I still hurt bad, but not so bad.
I wonder if i spelled anesthesiologist correctly?
I did after spellcheck.
I am in seriously serious pain.
My neck hurts to where I can hardly turn my head.
My lower back hurts.
My left arm and hand hurts to where I can hardly grip anything in that hand, that hand being the left hand, which is connected to the left arm, which is connected to my shoulder, I guess, which is in turn connected to my ... NECK!!!
Oh yeah, and my left leg and foot hurt too, you know, numb and weak.
Oh, and I've got a bit of heartburn too, nothing to serious, and as I've always said, I'd rather have a heartburn than an assburn ... rimshot!!!
But yeah, yeah, but yeah.
And the surgeon said that I'm not completely healed ... HEALED!!!
But that's not unusual, and so I've got an appointment to see him again in the middle of October, but the surgeon said that if it's quit hurting by then that I can just cancel the appointment, but then again, he didn't say what he is going to do if it is still hurting by then, and honestly, I have a pretty strong feeling that it will still be hurting by then, so if it is STILL hurting then, I don't know ...
More tests???
Another MRI???
Another operation, and seriously, and there's that word seriously again, today was the first time that I realized, and I have nothing to base this on, just a gut feeling, that I might have to have another operation, which sucks.
And did I tell you that I think that I've finally gotten all the statements from my insurance company, and that the total cost for everything came to around $12,000.00.
Yeah, that's a lot of mooooooolah.
A one night stay in the hospital was over $7,500.00 alone, and the surgeon was like another $2,500.00, and then there's the anesthesiologist(sic), and various and sundry other expenses.
I mean, damn, I'm lucky I have insurance, but how in the world can someone who doesn't have insurance, or who doesn't qualify for government assistance, how in the world can they afford health care costs ... THEY CAN'T!!!
All of a sudden I don't hurt so bad.
Ok, I still hurt bad, but not so bad.
I wonder if i spelled anesthesiologist correctly?
I did after spellcheck.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Monday, September 18, 2006
I'll take Matty Groves for the block
My new favorite Bettie Page picture.
And speaking about Nick Drake, since he recorded in the early 70s, you'd think that I would be familiar with him, you would, wouldn't you, I mean, I'm all about the early 70s, but no, I'm not familiar with him at all, I mean, before a year or two ago I hadn't even heard of him, and before tonight, when I downloaded his Pink Moon album I had never even HEARD him, and guess what, I hadn't missed a thing, I mean seriously if I had to throw a lifesaver to a drowning British Folkie, I'd throw it to Donovan, or Bert Jansch, or Sandy Denny, before I'd throw it to Nick Drake, I mean, even if Nick Drake was treading water, and waving his hands to get my attention, and yelling out ...
Hey, a little help here
I still wouldn't throw it to him.
And speaking about Nick Drake, since he recorded in the early 70s, you'd think that I would be familiar with him, you would, wouldn't you, I mean, I'm all about the early 70s, but no, I'm not familiar with him at all, I mean, before a year or two ago I hadn't even heard of him, and before tonight, when I downloaded his Pink Moon album I had never even HEARD him, and guess what, I hadn't missed a thing, I mean seriously if I had to throw a lifesaver to a drowning British Folkie, I'd throw it to Donovan, or Bert Jansch, or Sandy Denny, before I'd throw it to Nick Drake, I mean, even if Nick Drake was treading water, and waving his hands to get my attention, and yelling out ...
Hey, a little help here
I still wouldn't throw it to him.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Invention is the necessity of mothers
Ok, when I was stationed on the island of Crete I had a black friend named Wally. I guess we were both kind of outsiders, he was the only black guy, and I was the only boz, so we just sort of meshed.
We really had nothing in common. He spent his free time playing basketball badly, and getting high, while I spent my free time listening to the Jefferson Airplane and Bob Dylan and looking for secret ways to sneak into the library so no one would notice me.
We sat next to each other at work, and we would talk, and play scenes on each other, and then sometimes after a last night of working midnights we'd stop in at the airman's club and drink two for one beers at a quarter a round till we got good and drunk and yadda yadda yadda.
But really, we never hung around too much. It seems that whenever we got any free time Wally would just sort of disappear for a day or two at a time, like BAM off the face of the earth, but he'd always show up just when we were scheduled to go back to work.
Then one night, while we were on break, I was standing in the hallway of the dorm smoking a cigarette and shooting the breeze with the guy across the hall. Anyway, while we were talking Wally comes busting into the dorm and he was really high, and I don't mean normal high, he was paranoid, freaky look in his eye high. He stopped but didn't say anything, he just sort of stood there all weird and freaked out. I asked him what was up and he pulled out a switchblade and stuck it against my throat and started ranting about how the white man was the devil and ... you know that whole H Rap Brown, Malcom X, Angela Davis thing.
The guy across the hall got all bug eyed and was totally freaking out, and yeah, I was scared too, ok, I was petrified, but I knew Wally was just playing a scene, we were always playing scenes on each other at work, and this was not much different than any of his other scenes, the only difference was this was the first time he had ever stuck a knife against my throat, and since he was so high, I thought he might slip or something, and arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, slit my throat from ear to ear, but I was able to humor him, you know, I started playing a scene on him, I was playing the space cowboy to his black militant and yeah, he started laughing, and after a few minutes he got bored, or tired, or maybe he just came to his senses, and he put his knife away, and went to his room and went to bed.
Now I can't even pretend to know what happened to Wally that night, but I do know that the next time he disappeared for a couple of nights he disappeared for good!
Maybe I shouldn't post this.
We really had nothing in common. He spent his free time playing basketball badly, and getting high, while I spent my free time listening to the Jefferson Airplane and Bob Dylan and looking for secret ways to sneak into the library so no one would notice me.
We sat next to each other at work, and we would talk, and play scenes on each other, and then sometimes after a last night of working midnights we'd stop in at the airman's club and drink two for one beers at a quarter a round till we got good and drunk and yadda yadda yadda.
But really, we never hung around too much. It seems that whenever we got any free time Wally would just sort of disappear for a day or two at a time, like BAM off the face of the earth, but he'd always show up just when we were scheduled to go back to work.
Then one night, while we were on break, I was standing in the hallway of the dorm smoking a cigarette and shooting the breeze with the guy across the hall. Anyway, while we were talking Wally comes busting into the dorm and he was really high, and I don't mean normal high, he was paranoid, freaky look in his eye high. He stopped but didn't say anything, he just sort of stood there all weird and freaked out. I asked him what was up and he pulled out a switchblade and stuck it against my throat and started ranting about how the white man was the devil and ... you know that whole H Rap Brown, Malcom X, Angela Davis thing.
The guy across the hall got all bug eyed and was totally freaking out, and yeah, I was scared too, ok, I was petrified, but I knew Wally was just playing a scene, we were always playing scenes on each other at work, and this was not much different than any of his other scenes, the only difference was this was the first time he had ever stuck a knife against my throat, and since he was so high, I thought he might slip or something, and arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, slit my throat from ear to ear, but I was able to humor him, you know, I started playing a scene on him, I was playing the space cowboy to his black militant and yeah, he started laughing, and after a few minutes he got bored, or tired, or maybe he just came to his senses, and he put his knife away, and went to his room and went to bed.
Now I can't even pretend to know what happened to Wally that night, but I do know that the next time he disappeared for a couple of nights he disappeared for good!
Maybe I shouldn't post this.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Dr Marvin, Dr Leo Marvin!!!
Oh, man, I hurt tonight, my neck hurts, my right elbow hurts, and while I was waiting for this page to load the little finger on my right hand started to hurt, and I took a pain pill a couple of hours ago, and it hasn't helped a bit, of course maybe it has helped a bit, I mean without the pain pill maybe the finger next to the little finger on my right hand would be hurting too, and it's after three in the morning, and I should be asleep, but I started watching the movie What About Bob, which could just as easily be called What About Boz, because honest to god, it is all about me, and did I mention that I'm not wearing any underpants, I'm not naked or anything, I have quite a few clothes on, I'm just not wearing any underpants, and now I'm getting hungry, and I'm starting to worry that I might be watching too much reality tv, I mean, I watched the final episode of BB7 on Tuesday, and then I watched six reruns of Survivor Palau on OLN on Tuesday and Wednesday, and I'm seriously thinking about watching the new season of Survivor that starts tonight, I mean, how could I not watch it, there's four different ethnic groups I can make fun of, and yeah, I can't forget The Amazing Race, that starts on Sunday, which I have never watched before, but the commercials make it sound so good, and it has won an Emmy or two, which is television's highest honor, and I'm not sure but I think one of the contestants is a gay Muslim beauty contest winner with only one leg, and speaking about Muslims, and we were, weren't we, how come there isn't a team made up of Arab Americans on the new season of Survivor, oh, I think we know how come, don't we.
Also, I've got gum, sugar free cool green apple gum, and when you've got gum you've got everything.
Also, I've got gum, sugar free cool green apple gum, and when you've got gum you've got everything.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Ask not what your country can do for you
Six degrees of separation between Boz and John F. Kennedy.
Ok, maybe Seven degrees of separation, but I could probably whittle it down to Six if I tried, but why bother, because you get the point.
1. One of my best online friends is AtxSuperstar.
2. AtxSuperstar is friend's with the biggest winner in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire's history.
3. Regis Philbin was the host of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.
4. Kathy Lee Gifford was cohost of Regis and Kathy Lee.
5. Kathy Lee Gifford is married to Frank Gifford.
6. One of Frank Gifford's children is married to one of Bobby Kennedy's children.
7. Bobby Kennedy is the brother of John F. Kennedy.
For extra credit: John F. Kennedy was assassinated during the filming of Footloose which starred Kevin Bacon
Ok, maybe Seven degrees of separation, but I could probably whittle it down to Six if I tried, but why bother, because you get the point.
1. One of my best online friends is AtxSuperstar.
2. AtxSuperstar is friend's with the biggest winner in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire's history.
3. Regis Philbin was the host of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.
4. Kathy Lee Gifford was cohost of Regis and Kathy Lee.
5. Kathy Lee Gifford is married to Frank Gifford.
6. One of Frank Gifford's children is married to one of Bobby Kennedy's children.
7. Bobby Kennedy is the brother of John F. Kennedy.
For extra credit: John F. Kennedy was assassinated during the filming of Footloose which starred Kevin Bacon
A post from RW ... BS
True or False?
1. I was in a airplane that almost crashed.
2. I had tickets to see Woodstock but my parents wouldn't let me go.
3. I flunked Drivers Education twice.
4. I was in a category five hurricane.
5. My sister dated the bass player in Bob Seger's first band.
6. When I was in the Air Force I served with a guy who is now the mayor of Jackson, Mississippi.
7. I had sex in a prison.
8. I sent in an application to be on Jeopardy but never heard back from them.
9. My sister's best friend's daughter was one of Barker's Beauties on The Price is Right.
10. I was one of four finalists for Macomb County teacher of the year in 1981.
1. I was in a airplane that almost crashed.
2. I had tickets to see Woodstock but my parents wouldn't let me go.
3. I flunked Drivers Education twice.
4. I was in a category five hurricane.
5. My sister dated the bass player in Bob Seger's first band.
6. When I was in the Air Force I served with a guy who is now the mayor of Jackson, Mississippi.
7. I had sex in a prison.
8. I sent in an application to be on Jeopardy but never heard back from them.
9. My sister's best friend's daughter was one of Barker's Beauties on The Price is Right.
10. I was one of four finalists for Macomb County teacher of the year in 1981.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
It's Tuesday again for the first time this week
A very strange list from a very strange day.
1. I slept till 2 PM today.
2. The reason I finally woke up was because I had a dream that I bought a five pound tomato at the gas station for ninety seven cents.
3. It's been a rainy and dreary day all day, and it was a rainy a dreary night all night.
4. The bottom sheet has come off my bed at all four corners.
5. I've read 400 pages of the 1000 page true crime novel The Executioner's Song by Norman Mailer, and I think I'm going to quit because I already know more than I need to know about Gary Gilmore the first man executed in the United States after the death penalty was reinstated in 197something.
6. I watched The Children's Hour starring Audrey Hepburn and Shirley MacLaine last night. It was one of the eight VHS tapes that I bought from the library for 8/$1.00. It was about how the repercussions of an unfounded rumor of the unnatural love between two women could ruin lives. Yeah, unnatural love ... it was 1961 and lesbians hadn't been invented yet.
7. I always liked Shirley MacLaine. She was pretty in an an unpretty sort of way.
8. I never understood the appeal of Audrey Hepburn. I think she must have been a woman's ideal of what an ideal woman should be back in the 50s and early 60s. I mean I never heard my dad say "Hey, there's an Audrey Hepburn movie playing at the Ramona this weekend, I can't wait to see it!!!"
9. Speaking about women who have an unnatural love for each other. There was a woman's softball tournament in town this past weekend and when I was in the Burger King on Sunday there were two unnatural women having a lovers quarrel.
10. Damn, my phone keeps ringing, but it only rings two and a half times and then it stops. I'm pretty sure it's my niece trying to call me because she calls once a week, and she's got this cell phone with a speaker phone option and for some reason she is in love with that option, and I think that is why the phone rings only two and a half times and then stops.
1. I slept till 2 PM today.
2. The reason I finally woke up was because I had a dream that I bought a five pound tomato at the gas station for ninety seven cents.
3. It's been a rainy and dreary day all day, and it was a rainy a dreary night all night.
4. The bottom sheet has come off my bed at all four corners.
5. I've read 400 pages of the 1000 page true crime novel The Executioner's Song by Norman Mailer, and I think I'm going to quit because I already know more than I need to know about Gary Gilmore the first man executed in the United States after the death penalty was reinstated in 197something.
6. I watched The Children's Hour starring Audrey Hepburn and Shirley MacLaine last night. It was one of the eight VHS tapes that I bought from the library for 8/$1.00. It was about how the repercussions of an unfounded rumor of the unnatural love between two women could ruin lives. Yeah, unnatural love ... it was 1961 and lesbians hadn't been invented yet.
7. I always liked Shirley MacLaine. She was pretty in an an unpretty sort of way.
8. I never understood the appeal of Audrey Hepburn. I think she must have been a woman's ideal of what an ideal woman should be back in the 50s and early 60s. I mean I never heard my dad say "Hey, there's an Audrey Hepburn movie playing at the Ramona this weekend, I can't wait to see it!!!"
9. Speaking about women who have an unnatural love for each other. There was a woman's softball tournament in town this past weekend and when I was in the Burger King on Sunday there were two unnatural women having a lovers quarrel.
10. Damn, my phone keeps ringing, but it only rings two and a half times and then it stops. I'm pretty sure it's my niece trying to call me because she calls once a week, and she's got this cell phone with a speaker phone option and for some reason she is in love with that option, and I think that is why the phone rings only two and a half times and then stops.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Let's do the time warp ... baby!!!
Once, when I was in college I was dating this girl named Maureen, and one Friday we drove down to Royal Oak to the Royal Oak Theater to see a midnight screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was Maureen's idea.
I had heard about the cult following and the weird goings on during these midnight showings of TRHPS, and it really wasn't my sort of thing, but Maureen was hot and had egg plant colored hair, and I mean how could you not be hot if your hair was eggplant colored, and I hope to god it was a dye job, but since I never got to see the carpet I can't say for certain.
Anyway, it was about as I expected, and except for the part where all the Janet's from the audience got on stage in their bras and slips I was pretty bored, and that was that except for the thirty some mile ride back to campus.
It was mid October, and the sky was crystal clear, and the trees had just started losing their leaves, and there was frost on the ground.
It was early morning, and there was no traffic as we drove north on I-75 and we had just gotten within range of the campus FM radio station.
The station was playing non-stop blues, you know, Muddy Waters, Buddy Guy, Elmore James, Howling Wolf, that kind of stuff.
Maureen and I weren't talking much. I think she was a little pissed that I couldn't get into the whole Rocky Horror thing. So we mostly just sat in silence and listened to the radio.
Just as we approached our exit and I put on my turn signal the radio cut out right in the middle of Back Door Man by Willie Dixon.
I asked Maureen to find another station, and she bent over and started twisting the dial. There was nothing, not even static.
It was an old car and a cheap FM radio that I had installed myself and I just thought it's time had come to crap out on me, so I turned the radio off.
We were now on a back road about 5 miles from campus.
That's when I heard the sound for the first time.
It was a whirring sort of sound.
I asked Maureen if she could hear anything, and she said no.
I told her to listen real hard, but still nothing.
Then I rolled down the window, and WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, it was deafening.
Maureen covered her ears and screamed.
I slammed on the brakes, and the car stalled.
I looked at Maureen and gave her a shut the fuck up look, and she did, but she was scared, you could tell just by the look in her eyes, and I felt kind of bad.
I tried to restart the car, once, twice, three times, but nothing happened, the engine wasn't even turning over.
All at once the noise stopped and it was dead silent.
Suddenly, it felt like a thousand search lights were shining into the car.
I reached over and grabbed Maureen's hand.
It felt like a giant magnet was lifting the car skyward ...
The next thing I remembered was parking in the lot across from Maureen's dormitory and walking her to her room.
I was desperately tired and didn't protest when she didn't invite me into her room.
I just wanted to get back to my place and go to bed.
But first I had to take a leak. I had to take a leak real bad.
So when I got down to the lobby of Maureen's dorm I ducked in the men's john and locked the door behind me.
I unzipped my pants and reached in and pulled it out and went about doing my business, but something seemed funny, you know, out of place or something, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.
When I was finished I was curious, so I undid my belt, and unbuttoned my jeans, and pulled them down off my hips just a bit.
A little silver token with some kind of weird writing on it fell to the floor, and I swear to god I was wearing Maureen's underpants!!!
End of chapter one.
I had heard about the cult following and the weird goings on during these midnight showings of TRHPS, and it really wasn't my sort of thing, but Maureen was hot and had egg plant colored hair, and I mean how could you not be hot if your hair was eggplant colored, and I hope to god it was a dye job, but since I never got to see the carpet I can't say for certain.
Anyway, it was about as I expected, and except for the part where all the Janet's from the audience got on stage in their bras and slips I was pretty bored, and that was that except for the thirty some mile ride back to campus.
It was mid October, and the sky was crystal clear, and the trees had just started losing their leaves, and there was frost on the ground.
It was early morning, and there was no traffic as we drove north on I-75 and we had just gotten within range of the campus FM radio station.
The station was playing non-stop blues, you know, Muddy Waters, Buddy Guy, Elmore James, Howling Wolf, that kind of stuff.
Maureen and I weren't talking much. I think she was a little pissed that I couldn't get into the whole Rocky Horror thing. So we mostly just sat in silence and listened to the radio.
Just as we approached our exit and I put on my turn signal the radio cut out right in the middle of Back Door Man by Willie Dixon.
I asked Maureen to find another station, and she bent over and started twisting the dial. There was nothing, not even static.
It was an old car and a cheap FM radio that I had installed myself and I just thought it's time had come to crap out on me, so I turned the radio off.
We were now on a back road about 5 miles from campus.
That's when I heard the sound for the first time.
It was a whirring sort of sound.
I asked Maureen if she could hear anything, and she said no.
I told her to listen real hard, but still nothing.
Then I rolled down the window, and WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, it was deafening.
Maureen covered her ears and screamed.
I slammed on the brakes, and the car stalled.
I looked at Maureen and gave her a shut the fuck up look, and she did, but she was scared, you could tell just by the look in her eyes, and I felt kind of bad.
I tried to restart the car, once, twice, three times, but nothing happened, the engine wasn't even turning over.
All at once the noise stopped and it was dead silent.
Suddenly, it felt like a thousand search lights were shining into the car.
I reached over and grabbed Maureen's hand.
It felt like a giant magnet was lifting the car skyward ...
The next thing I remembered was parking in the lot across from Maureen's dormitory and walking her to her room.
I was desperately tired and didn't protest when she didn't invite me into her room.
I just wanted to get back to my place and go to bed.
But first I had to take a leak. I had to take a leak real bad.
So when I got down to the lobby of Maureen's dorm I ducked in the men's john and locked the door behind me.
I unzipped my pants and reached in and pulled it out and went about doing my business, but something seemed funny, you know, out of place or something, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.
When I was finished I was curious, so I undid my belt, and unbuttoned my jeans, and pulled them down off my hips just a bit.
A little silver token with some kind of weird writing on it fell to the floor, and I swear to god I was wearing Maureen's underpants!!!
End of chapter one.
Friday, September 08, 2006
I've been tagged
Eight Truths About Me
This will be hard for me because truth and blogging, at least for me, do not go hand in hand. So I'm only going to do one at a time because I'm afraid the strain might cause a nervous breakdown.
1. When I was five years old my grandfather came over for dinner one night. While he was saying grace I reached over and started to get a spoonful of green beans and my mother scolded me. After that I refused to eat vegetables of any kind for over thirty years.
This will be hard for me because truth and blogging, at least for me, do not go hand in hand. So I'm only going to do one at a time because I'm afraid the strain might cause a nervous breakdown.
1. When I was five years old my grandfather came over for dinner one night. While he was saying grace I reached over and started to get a spoonful of green beans and my mother scolded me. After that I refused to eat vegetables of any kind for over thirty years.
Nip it, nip it in the bud
I've gone back to Haloscan comments because since I've changed over to Blogger BETA some people have had trouble leaving comments on Blogger Comments, and this is just another way for me to stick it to the MAN, with the MAN being Google.
I should probably feed the bird now.
I should probably feed the bird now.
It happened to me, it can happen to you
Imagine it is three in the morning, you are 18 years old, and you're sitting in the Contitental Trailways Bus Station in Fort Myers Florida drinking a Coke, waiting for your sister to get off work from the hospital across the street.
You're sitting in a booth by yourself watching a woman in her mid thirties, with a fake English accent, who is obviously a little drunk, trying to get one of the three off duty cab drivers sitting at the counter to give her a free ride home, with vague promises of sexual favors ...
And this song comes on the juke box.
What would you do?
You're sitting in a booth by yourself watching a woman in her mid thirties, with a fake English accent, who is obviously a little drunk, trying to get one of the three off duty cab drivers sitting at the counter to give her a free ride home, with vague promises of sexual favors ...
And this song comes on the juke box.
What would you do?
Thursday, September 07, 2006
A book is just a book, but a good cigar is a smoke
So, I'm trying to put together a list of my ten favorite books of all time, yeah, I know, but I want to do it, because I like lists, but you know it's hard, and I haven't come up with a list yet, but without a doubt Catch-22 by Joesph Heller is my favorite book, wait, maybe it should be favorite novels of all time, yeah, I like that better, and Catch-22 would then be my favorite novel of all time, and for sure we have to have something by Vonnegut, and the obvious choice would be Slaughterhouse-Five, and yeah, I really liked it, but I'm leaning more to picking Cat's Cradle or The Sirens of Titan, and then there is Stephen King and The Stand would be a good choice, but I'll tell you, the last novel I read by King has really stuck with me, and because of that I think I'll go with Hearts In Atlantis, because that is one book that when I was finished reading it I wished that it could have gone on and on and on.
Ok, that's what, three, good.
Let's see, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey, yeah, that's way up there, and oh man, how could I forget Robinson Crusoe by Daniel DeFoe, that was the first big person book I ever read when I was like seven years old and the librarian wasn't going to let me take it out until she had me read a passage to her out loud, and then she clucked her tongue a couple of times and said ...
Well, I guess I made a mistake
And she let me check it out.
What else???
Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck has a good chance of making it.
Decline and Fall and A Handful of Dust by Evelyn Waugh were both really good.
Hmmmm, Huckleberry Finn by Twain???
How about Been Down So Long it Looks Like Up to Me by Richard Farina, it's one of the few books that I've read more than twice.
Oh, The Natural by Malamud, I really liked that, and Rabbit Run by Updike, yeah, both of them, and did I spell Malamud's and Updike's names correctly, yeah, I guess I did.
On the Road by Kerouac, ahhhhh, I don't know, maybe.
How many is that, I've lost track.
FINE!!!
My mind has just gone blank.
I'll get back to this some day.
Ok, that's what, three, good.
Let's see, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey, yeah, that's way up there, and oh man, how could I forget Robinson Crusoe by Daniel DeFoe, that was the first big person book I ever read when I was like seven years old and the librarian wasn't going to let me take it out until she had me read a passage to her out loud, and then she clucked her tongue a couple of times and said ...
Well, I guess I made a mistake
And she let me check it out.
What else???
Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck has a good chance of making it.
Decline and Fall and A Handful of Dust by Evelyn Waugh were both really good.
Hmmmm, Huckleberry Finn by Twain???
How about Been Down So Long it Looks Like Up to Me by Richard Farina, it's one of the few books that I've read more than twice.
Oh, The Natural by Malamud, I really liked that, and Rabbit Run by Updike, yeah, both of them, and did I spell Malamud's and Updike's names correctly, yeah, I guess I did.
On the Road by Kerouac, ahhhhh, I don't know, maybe.
How many is that, I've lost track.
FINE!!!
My mind has just gone blank.
I'll get back to this some day.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
James, is that you?
Ok, here's the thing.
I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, a follow up to my spinal surgery in Julu, or should I say July.
Anyway, my appointment was for 1:15 so I got there at 1PM and as soon as I got to the reception area they told me that the doctor was running late because he had to perform an emergency surgery that morning, and that his Saginaw office was supposed to call me, but they didn't, and the Tawas Office, the office that I was at, had called me, but they had called me after I had left, so they told me that my appointment would be at least an hour to an hour and a half late, so I said what should I do, and they said, you can sign in and come back in an hour or so, or you could just wait in the office, or you could just reschedule, well, I didn't want to reschedule because I had already been rescheduled once, and I didn't want to set around the office, so I signed in and told them I'd be back in an hour.
Now I could have came home and waited, but I didn't, I went and walked around the Evil Empire for awhile and then I went to the Burger King and had a hamburger kids meal, the toy sucked by the way, and then I went back to the doctor's office, but I still had about a twenty minute wait, so I just stayed in the car and read the book I had brought with me, The 158 Pound Marriage by John Irving, yeah, the guy who wrote Garp, and the Hotel New Hampshire, and Cider House Rules, and it's about wife swapping, and it took place in the early 70's when wife swapping was all the rage, but I digress ...
At 2PM I went back inside and checked back in and they told me it would be a few minutes, well, the few minutes turned into 45 minutes, but actually I didn't mind too much, because I had gotten interested in my book, and the time passed by fairly quickly.
So, when I saw the doctor I told him that I still had a lot of pain, then he put me through some exercises, you know, push forward, pull back, stand up, one leg up, the other leg up, and then he said that he wanted me to get some x-rays.
Ok, since the doctor's office is in the hospital all the staff had to do was write up a work order and I could walk over to the x-ray department, get the x-rays taken, and walk back to the doctor's office and get my results.
Sounds simple right? Well, yeah, but you didn't factor in the mass stupidity of the doctor's staff.
I got to the x-ray department and turned in my work order and then sat down in the EMPTY waiting room. After about ten minutes the x-ray tech came in and asked if I were James, I said no, and she then asked if there had been anyone else in the waiting room, and I said no, she then looked perplexed, but I of course knew what had happened because they had fucked it up the last time I had come in for an MRI. So I told the tech that it was my work order, but the receptionist who had filled it out, while she was carrying on non work related conversations with three other staff members, had put the name of the patient before on the work order instead of mine, so the tech called the doctor's office and got it all straightened out, and blah, blah, blah, I got my x-rays taken and went back to the doctor's office to get the results.
Well, it was all pretty anticlimactic after that. The doctor looked at the x-rays, said that I hadn't healed completely, but that was to be expected, and there weren't any complications, and he wanted to see me in six more weeks, unless I wasn't hurting and in that case I could just cancel the appointment.
So, that was it, except that the receptionist who filled out the work order tried to blame me for her mistake by saying that I was there the whole time she was filling it out and should have caught her mistake, but I was just so relieved that nothing was wrong with my neck that I just let it slide. I'm like that at times.
I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, a follow up to my spinal surgery in Julu, or should I say July.
Anyway, my appointment was for 1:15 so I got there at 1PM and as soon as I got to the reception area they told me that the doctor was running late because he had to perform an emergency surgery that morning, and that his Saginaw office was supposed to call me, but they didn't, and the Tawas Office, the office that I was at, had called me, but they had called me after I had left, so they told me that my appointment would be at least an hour to an hour and a half late, so I said what should I do, and they said, you can sign in and come back in an hour or so, or you could just wait in the office, or you could just reschedule, well, I didn't want to reschedule because I had already been rescheduled once, and I didn't want to set around the office, so I signed in and told them I'd be back in an hour.
Now I could have came home and waited, but I didn't, I went and walked around the Evil Empire for awhile and then I went to the Burger King and had a hamburger kids meal, the toy sucked by the way, and then I went back to the doctor's office, but I still had about a twenty minute wait, so I just stayed in the car and read the book I had brought with me, The 158 Pound Marriage by John Irving, yeah, the guy who wrote Garp, and the Hotel New Hampshire, and Cider House Rules, and it's about wife swapping, and it took place in the early 70's when wife swapping was all the rage, but I digress ...
At 2PM I went back inside and checked back in and they told me it would be a few minutes, well, the few minutes turned into 45 minutes, but actually I didn't mind too much, because I had gotten interested in my book, and the time passed by fairly quickly.
So, when I saw the doctor I told him that I still had a lot of pain, then he put me through some exercises, you know, push forward, pull back, stand up, one leg up, the other leg up, and then he said that he wanted me to get some x-rays.
Ok, since the doctor's office is in the hospital all the staff had to do was write up a work order and I could walk over to the x-ray department, get the x-rays taken, and walk back to the doctor's office and get my results.
Sounds simple right? Well, yeah, but you didn't factor in the mass stupidity of the doctor's staff.
I got to the x-ray department and turned in my work order and then sat down in the EMPTY waiting room. After about ten minutes the x-ray tech came in and asked if I were James, I said no, and she then asked if there had been anyone else in the waiting room, and I said no, she then looked perplexed, but I of course knew what had happened because they had fucked it up the last time I had come in for an MRI. So I told the tech that it was my work order, but the receptionist who had filled it out, while she was carrying on non work related conversations with three other staff members, had put the name of the patient before on the work order instead of mine, so the tech called the doctor's office and got it all straightened out, and blah, blah, blah, I got my x-rays taken and went back to the doctor's office to get the results.
Well, it was all pretty anticlimactic after that. The doctor looked at the x-rays, said that I hadn't healed completely, but that was to be expected, and there weren't any complications, and he wanted to see me in six more weeks, unless I wasn't hurting and in that case I could just cancel the appointment.
So, that was it, except that the receptionist who filled out the work order tried to blame me for her mistake by saying that I was there the whole time she was filling it out and should have caught her mistake, but I was just so relieved that nothing was wrong with my neck that I just let it slide. I'm like that at times.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
A dog's life
The dog lay on the porch motionless, one eye open, surveying the road in front of him.
He could feel the man before he could see him. He could feel fear, the man's fear. When the man came into view about one hundred yards down the road the dog stirred slightly, his ears perking up for just a second. The man continued walking in the direction of the house. The man, who had been looking down while he walked, looked up for the first time and noticed the dog on the porch. The man altered his course slightly towards the far side of the road. The dog was still lying motionless, but he was now wide awake and poised. The man stared at the dog and quickened his pace. An almost imperceptible growl started deep down in the dog's stomach and moved into his throat. The man thought he noticed the dog baring his teeth, he once again quickened his pace while looking around for a stick, or a stone, anything he could use as a weapon. The dog's growl became more guttural, his every muscle tightened. The dog was ready to move. The man was starting to panic.
The front door to the house opened. The dog heard his master's voice. It was his master's food voice. The dog paused for a second and considered his options. His master's food voice called him one more time and the dog got up and went into the house, he was starved.
He could feel the man before he could see him. He could feel fear, the man's fear. When the man came into view about one hundred yards down the road the dog stirred slightly, his ears perking up for just a second. The man continued walking in the direction of the house. The man, who had been looking down while he walked, looked up for the first time and noticed the dog on the porch. The man altered his course slightly towards the far side of the road. The dog was still lying motionless, but he was now wide awake and poised. The man stared at the dog and quickened his pace. An almost imperceptible growl started deep down in the dog's stomach and moved into his throat. The man thought he noticed the dog baring his teeth, he once again quickened his pace while looking around for a stick, or a stone, anything he could use as a weapon. The dog's growl became more guttural, his every muscle tightened. The dog was ready to move. The man was starting to panic.
The front door to the house opened. The dog heard his master's voice. It was his master's food voice. The dog paused for a second and considered his options. His master's food voice called him one more time and the dog got up and went into the house, he was starved.
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