Let's do the time warp ... baby!!!

Once, when I was in college I was dating this girl named Maureen, and one Friday we drove down to Royal Oak to the Royal Oak Theater to see a midnight screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was Maureen's idea.

I had heard about the cult following and the weird goings on during these midnight showings of TRHPS, and it really wasn't my sort of thing, but Maureen was hot and had egg plant colored hair, and I mean how could you not be hot if your hair was eggplant colored, and I hope to god it was a dye job, but since I never got to see the carpet I can't say for certain.

Anyway, it was about as I expected, and except for the part where all the Janet's from the audience got on stage in their bras and slips I was pretty bored, and that was that except for the thirty some mile ride back to campus.

It was mid October, and the sky was crystal clear, and the trees had just started losing their leaves, and there was frost on the ground.

It was early morning, and there was no traffic as we drove north on I-75 and we had just gotten within range of the campus FM radio station.

The station was playing non-stop blues, you know, Muddy Waters, Buddy Guy, Elmore James, Howling Wolf, that kind of stuff.

Maureen and I weren't talking much. I think she was a little pissed that I couldn't get into the whole Rocky Horror thing. So we mostly just sat in silence and listened to the radio.

Just as we approached our exit and I put on my turn signal the radio cut out right in the middle of Back Door Man by Willie Dixon.

I asked Maureen to find another station, and she bent over and started twisting the dial. There was nothing, not even static.

It was an old car and a cheap FM radio that I had installed myself and I just thought it's time had come to crap out on me, so I turned the radio off.

We were now on a back road about 5 miles from campus.

That's when I heard the sound for the first time.

It was a whirring sort of sound.

I asked Maureen if she could hear anything, and she said no.

I told her to listen real hard, but still nothing.

Then I rolled down the window, and WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, it was deafening.

Maureen covered her ears and screamed.

I slammed on the brakes, and the car stalled.

I looked at Maureen and gave her a shut the fuck up look, and she did, but she was scared, you could tell just by the look in her eyes, and I felt kind of bad.

I tried to restart the car, once, twice, three times, but nothing happened, the engine wasn't even turning over.

All at once the noise stopped and it was dead silent.

Suddenly, it felt like a thousand search lights were shining into the car.

I reached over and grabbed Maureen's hand.

It felt like a giant magnet was lifting the car skyward ...

The next thing I remembered was parking in the lot across from Maureen's dormitory and walking her to her room.

I was desperately tired and didn't protest when she didn't invite me into her room.

I just wanted to get back to my place and go to bed.

But first I had to take a leak. I had to take a leak real bad.

So when I got down to the lobby of Maureen's dorm I ducked in the men's john and locked the door behind me.

I unzipped my pants and reached in and pulled it out and went about doing my business, but something seemed funny, you know, out of place or something, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.

When I was finished I was curious, so I undid my belt, and unbuttoned my jeans, and pulled them down off my hips just a bit.

A little silver token with some kind of weird writing on it fell to the floor, and I swear to god I was wearing Maureen's underpants!!!

End of chapter one.