Satisfaction guaranteed

Ok, I went to the Dollar Store yesterday and found a box of Mike and Ike Cherry Cola flavored candy in the bargain basket for fifty cents, I mean Mike and Ike Cherry Cola ... WOW!!!
But of course they were hard as a rock since they were in the bargain basket, of course I ate them anyway.



Then today I called the 1-800 customer service number on the back of the box and told the customer service lady about the hard as a rock Mike and Ike Cherry Cola candy that I had bought yesterday, but I left out the part about finding them in the bargain bin at the Dollar Store.
She said she wasn't surprised that they were hard as a rock because they don't make the Cherry Cola flavored candy anymore.
Then she threw a curve ball at me.
She asked me where I bought them.
I panicked for a second, then I lied, and told them I bought them at a convenience store/gas station in Oscoda, thinking that was vague enough to throw her off the trail.
She wanted to know if that was the only box, or were there more than one, because ...
WE MUST GET THAT CANDY OFF THE SHELVES!!!
Hehehehe, ahhhhhhhhhh, I'm not sure, yeah, I don't know, maybe.
She then asked me the name of the store .
THE NAME OF THE STORE ... Ummm, I don't know the name of the store, it's you know, just a locally owned place, but I do know the name of the gas station, I was sweating now.
Ok, what's the name of the gas station.
Ummmm, think boz think, ahhhh it's the Speedway, yeah, the Speedway, that's a pretty generic gas station name, right.
Where's it located?
Damn you woman, stop with the third degree, Uhhh, it's in Oscoda Michigan.
Where is it located at in Oscoda?
Now, I'm starting to get dizzy, it's, it's, it's on the main highway, I don't know the address or anything.

Ok, I'm expecting the rubber hoses now, but that was it, she was finished, she thanked me for my concern, and she asked me for my name and address, and told me that they would be sending me a fresh variety package of their other brands of candy ...
BUT NOT THE MIKE AND IKE CHERRY COLA FLAVORED BECAUSE WE DON'T MAKE THEM ANYMORE
And that I should be receiving them in a week or two.
Unless, of course, we find out you were lying to us ...
Ok, she didn't say that part about lying, but if she had I probably would have passed out, or something.