I like hair.



So anyway, I'm watching this really boring baseball game, well, sort of watching this really boring baseball game between games of solitare on yahoo, and just when did baseball become so boring?

I mean, I'd rather watch hockey
Or basketball
Or football paint dry
Or insects mate
Or Jessica Simpson's acne infomercial ... like, oh my gawrsh.

It must have been about 1969 ... I said 69!!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Ides of November

I bought milk yesterday.
The expiration date is in November.
I hate when a month sneaks up on me like that.

Tell me what it was like before they had CDs.

I talked to Amy last night.
She just started working for a temp agency.
Her first gig is a forty five minute to an hour commute one way.
It should last about a month or so.
She has problems changing stations on the radio and avoiding head on collisions.
Her car has a casette player.
She only has one casette.
You can only take so much of the Beastie Boys before you get tired of fighting for your right to par ..... ty.
I, being the gallant knight that I am, offered to make her some casettes.
A regular Sir Bozalot, that's me.
It took me two hours last night to figure out that the casette player on my CD/Casette combo didn't work.
It took me two more hours this morning to figure out that it REALLY didn't work.
I went to Plan B.
You always need a Plan B.
I went to the St Vincent De Paul Thrift store.
Amid the Edie Gorme and the Branson Christmas Specials I-IV I was able to find eight passable casettes.
There is a special this week.
All paper back books and casette tapes are ten cents each.
I bought all eight tapes.
They are:
Johnny Hates Jazz
The Fabulous Thunderbirds
The Escape Club
Julian Lennon
John Mellencamp
Sade
Sindead O'Conner
and
Billy Joel
Hopefully she's an 80's kind of chick ...
Maybe I should have gotten her some leg warmers and a pair of acid washed jeans to complete the set.
Anyway, that's not the whole story, but that's the whole story for now.

I reeked of film noir

It's seven thirty and I just woke up from a dream where I was a supporting character in a Richard Widmark movie. Widmark was a bar owner who wore snap brim fedoras, and suits with padded shoulders and wide lapels.
The bar was just a front, he was into the rackets, all of them.
We were both vets and Widmark took a liking to me.
We were both wise guys, glib, quick with a smile and a comeback.
He thought I had potential, and so did I.
He thought I had what it takes, and so did I.
He thought I should work for him, and so did I.
A smile and a handshake were all it took and the next thing you knew I was running numbers and making pick-ups, a holstered roscoe under my jacket, a cigarette dangling from my lip.
I reeked of film noir.
And of course, then I woke up.

Audrey Hepburn had great bone structure

It's raining and I can't sleep.



And I think I am on a sugar high from the piece of cake I had at three.
And I watched a movie that lasted till four.
And now it's nearly five.
And I'm typing in the dark.
And Sunday turned out to be not such a bad day.
And please don't send me five dollars, but if you do, make it cash.
And I think I've come to terms with that fact that Porky is dead.
And ...
Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear a big round of applause for Manfred Mann and His Earth Band!

Look out for that tree!

Two things that have been pointed out to me.

1. That I post half naked pics when I want attention.
2. That if I asked people to send me money, specifically five dollars each, they would.

A day in the life

While I was calmy reassuring a friend that I didn't think it was possible for her pancreas to explode my phone started ringing.
After the third ring I got up and started to answer it just as Mother Boz gave me a worried call from the kitchen.
I headed towards the kitchen just as my answering machine kicked on.
When I got to the hallway I could hear my brother in law saying something about a hurricane and his house being destroyed.
Mother Boz was leaning against the bar in obvious pain.
For some god only knows reason she had been rearranging the shelves under the bar in the kitchen and her knees had locked up and she couldn't move.
I started to help MB to her bedroom.
She was like a puppet with broken strings.
She had no control over her legs.
I had to drag/carry her to her bed.
I sat her on the edge of her bed but she looked like she might slip off, so I picked her legs up and lifted them onto the bed.
She yelled at me that it hurt.
After making sure that she had just cramped up, and that it was nothing serious I went back to my room and told my friend with the pancreas that wasn't really about to explode what had happened.
She laughed, with me, not at me, at least that is what she said.
I listened to the phone message my brother in law had left.
In his best Dan Rather voice he said they had evacauated their home on the Gulf Coast and were now at their son's house in the Panhandle.
He said he called to let MB know they were alright and not to worry.
I'm pretty sure MB wasn't worried due to the fact she knew nothing about the hurricane.
He then said god willing, yeah he actually said god willing, their home would still be there when they got home.
He invokes the name of god alot, like he's got a hotline to heaven or something.
I Google Hurricane Wilma.
WILMA-AAAAAAAAA
It's a fucking Cat 2 hurricane.
A Cat 2 couldn't blow down the house of straw that the really lazy pig built.
My friend's pancreas exploded.
Enough with the drama.
How was your day.

Give hurt, give everbody hurt

Her smile scares me just a little bit too much.



I had one of those naps tonight where you wake up all discombobulated and you think you're in Disneyland, or in the doctor's office waiting for your allergy shot, or some nightmarish Orwellian future world, or on the road with Charles Kurault AND Jack Kerouac ...
Anyway I feel like death right now and not even four extra strength cherry cough drops helped.
And Porky is still dead, and Oprah is still the queen of talk, and FUCK!!!

Flick 182

I am losing my mind.



But I still have my health, and a box of Little Debbies that I hid in the back of the freezer.

Otay!

Porky's dead. Is there really any reason to go on?



He was the last of the gang to go.
The group that I watched growing up on tv in the 50's.
Alfalfa's gone.
Spanky's gone.
Darla's gone.
Buckwheat's gone.
And now Porky's gone.
Gone, all gone.
It guess it's time for the International Silver String Submarine Band to play taps one last time.

More cheese please

I feel like I've fallen off a bicycle, been run over by a truck, dragged into the woods by feral beasts, and forced to watch The Wheel of Fortune non-stop with my eyes pried open like Alex De Large's in A Clockwork Orange, while If I Could Turn Back Time by Cher played on a continuous loop in the background.
Yeah, that's exactly how I feel ...
BUT WORSE!!!

Fall Color Tour 2005

Fall Color Tour 2005
Posted by: boz48730 on Buzznet

Click the pic to see the rest of the album.

Listen to the trees

I'm going out to take pictures of the fall colors.
It is kind of cloudy though.
My old man and I always used to argue about whether cloudy weather or sunny weather made the colors look better. I said cloudy just to piss him off. He said sunny just to piss me off. It worked for both of us.

If I had a band I'd call it the Boz and the Monkey Trial Boys

It's six thirty in the morning and I am listening to Little Bunny Foo Foo by Moldy Peaches.
What do you make of that?

Seriously ...

Sometimes I even crack my ownself up.
A Dr. Hunter Douglas repost.

Thinking all about you

So what have I done tonight?

I took a shower that was just a shower until the last few seconds when it became a SHOWER, you know, where the spray hits the back of your neck, and the temperature is just right, and your knees start to buckle, so you brace yourself against the wall, and close your eyes, and arch your back, and ...

I fell asleep while watching a Todd Browning movie on TCM, no not Freaks, I think it was Devil Doll with Lionel Barrymore, who would have been Drew's great-uncle, I think. It was about mad scientists, and shrinking people, and mind control, all for the good of mankind and the world, and ... REVENGE!!!

I listened to the Byrds, and the birds, and the Byrds, and the birds, and the Byrds, and the birds, and ...

And I zonked, and I chatted, and I made a date for tomorrow afternoon, and I listened to the Byrds, and the birds, and the Byrds ...

And that brings us to the present, and I'm still listening to the Byrds ...

Days of future past

Today is my good friend Mannaz's 36th birthday and that made me try to remember what was going on in my life on my 36th birtday.
1. I was teaching.
2. I was a baseball fan.
3. I was clean shaven.
4. I smoked.
5. I weighed less than 200 lbs.
6. I swore I would never get a computer.
7. My favorite televison show was St. Elsewhere.
8. I coudn't get enough New Coke!!!



9. I was the offensive line coach for the Green Bay Packers.
10. I had just broken up with Yoko. It was John did this, John did that. I tell you she was driving me crazy.

You don't have to be Italian to appreciate italics

Have you ever smoked a pipe?
Yes, I've tried it, but I looked silly smoking a pipe.
Have you ever smoked a cigar?
Yes, I've smoked cigars but I looked even sillier smoking a cigar than I did smoking a pipe.
You smoked cigarettes, right?
Yeah, I smoked for about twenty years. I was a heavy smoker. By the time I quit I was smoking two and a half packs a day.
What brand(s) did you smoke?
I started out smoking Winstons, then I changed to Marlboro, then I smoked Kools for awhile, and then Newports, and then back to Marlboro, then back to Kools, and finally back to Marlboros.
Smoking is a phallic thing isn't it?
Yeah, now that I don't smoke anymore I'm convinced it is.
Could you blow smoke rings?
Yeah, the regular kind, and I could also do little tiny smoke rings coming out of each side of my mouth.
Sounds stupid.
Yeah, pretty much so. I also did that French inhaling thing, which I guess is pretty stupid too.
Any other stupid smoking stories?
Not stories, but I used to singe my beard quite a bit when my cigarette would stick to my lip and then hang. That was never fun. Oh, and I once chain smoked a whole pack of cigarettes lighting each cigarette with the butt of the last one, but I guess most of us have done that.
Oh yeah, I do it all the time.
Prick.
What did you hate most about smoking?
When someone would ask to bum a smoke, then bum a light and then say "I guess all I've got is the habit".
Did you just call me a Prick?
Yes.

It turns out we give our fathers way too much credit

Some not so smart things my father did during his lifetime

1. He voted for Nixon five times.
2. He bought a pink car.
3. He bought a pink car with HUGE tail fins.



5. He bought swamp land in Florida.
6. He got drunk the night before the hottest day of the year when he had to lay cement for a patio in the backyard.
7. He believed the guy who insinuated that he could get him a stolen brand new 27 inch color television for twenty five dollars. The guy was a drug addict, the television was non existant and my dad was out twenty five dollars when twenty five dollars actually meant something, well, it didn't mean a lot ... LOT, I mean it was only twenty five dollars, but that was a week worth of groceries, a tank of gas, and a carton of Camels.
8. Ok, he didn't vote for Nixon five times, he didn't even vote for Nixon one time, at least he never admitted to it, but he very well could have back in 1972 against McGovern, I mean somebody had to vote for Nixon, he took every fucking state except Massachusetts, and I know I didn't vote for him.
9. He talked my mother, who did all the xmas shopping, into buying me an electric shoe shine thingamijig for xmas the year I graduated from high school.



10. I mentioned the pink car didn't I? Well, he also bought a 1956 Nash Rambler which was salmon colored, yeah, pink, but after a couple of years he had it painted black and white, but still it was a Nash Fucking Rambler!!!

Currently listening to ...

Groovy Baby
The latest Beast of Boz compilation CD

1. Scott Mackenzie
San Francisco

2. The Rolling Stones
Dandelion

3. Love
Alone Again Or

4. The Beatles
Strawberry Fields Forever

5. Buffalo Springfield
Bluebird

6. The Byrds
So You Wanna Be A Rock And Roll Star

7. Cream
SWLABR

8. Donovan
Hurdy Gurdy Man

9. The Hollies
On A Carousel

10. The Jefferson Airplane
How Do You Feel?

11. The Jimi Hendrix Experience
The Wind Cries Mary

12. The Kinks
Dedicated Follower of Fashion

13. The Moody Blues
Ride My See-Saw

14.Procul Harum
A Whiter Shade of Pale

15. The Quicksilver Messenger Service
Fresh Air

16. The Byrds
Renaissance Fair

17. Buffalo Springfield
Rock and Roll Woman

18. The Yardbirds
Shape of Things

19. The Doors
Crystal Ship

20. The Who
I Can See For Miles

21. The Jefferson Airplane
Today

22. The Mamas and the Papas
Twelve Thirty

23. Julie Driscoll and the Brian Auger Trinity
This Wheels on Fire

24. Donovan
Wear Your Love Like Heaven

Libido me this

When I was getting my haircut on Friday a very pretty woman with red hair walked by the front of the shop. With nothing being said, the barber rotated the chair in such a way that our eyes were able to follow her until she was out of sight.



It was a beautiful moment.

The Caffeine Collection

Songs that will get you through an all-nighter and a half.

Nick Lowe
Switchboard Susan

Neil Young
Keep On Rockin' In the Free World

MC5
High School

John Prine and Iris DeMent
In Spite of Ourselves

Herman's Hermits
Henry the Eighth

Fountains of Wayne
I Want an Alien for Christmas

Buddy Holly
Bo Diddley

Bonzo Dog Band
Tent

Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels
Little Latin Lupe Lu

The Fendermen
Muleskinner Blues

Cannibal and the Headhunters
Land of 1000 Dances

Claudine Clark
Party Lights

Jan and Dean
Honolulu Lulu

Bob Dylan
Highway 61 Revisited

Norman Greenbaum
Canned Ham

Gary US Bonds
School Is Out

Johnny Otis
Willie and the Hand Jive

Commander Cody
Rockabilly Funeral

Joe Tex
Skinny Legs and All

Johnny Rivers
Secret Agent Man

Tom Jones
What's New Pussycat

The Trashmen
Surfin' Bird

Enest Tubb
Walking the Floor Over You

Jan and Dean
New Girl in School

Robert Mitchum
Thunder Road

The Godfathers
Birth, School, Work, Death

A quiz

This is a quiz I wrote for the rw ... bs a couple of days ago. It got a pretty good response so I thought I'd post it here.

1. Would you rather be in a serious relationship with a Mime or lose a toe?
2. If you had to be stranded on a deserted island with another blogger who would you choose and why?
3. Which ear do you predominantly use when you talk on the telephone?
4. What is your favorite style of underpants to wear?
5. What is your favorite non religious holiday in a month that doesn't end with the letter r?
6. Fox is coming out with an all reality show channel, what kind of single topic television channel would you like to see?
7. Which character from a movie would you like to be?
8. What is your favorite teen flick?
9. If you could go back in time and alter one event what you do?
10. Have you ever had a paranormal experience, if yes, describe it.

Giving the evil eye

Giving the evil eye
Posted by: boz48730 on Buzznet

Another shot from my disembodied head series.

Caddy, give me that club I bought in Toronto

So, it's two in the morning and I have a double shot of Canada House sitting in front of me.

It smells a little bit like rubbing alcohol ... that's a good thing isn't it?

It tastes rather smooth, warm going down.

Back when I used to drink more often. Back when I was in the air force. Back when I was stationed in Japan I read somewhere that if you laid an empty whiskey bottle on it's side you could coax an extra shot out of it. It didn't work, but it sounded almost logical enough that it could.

I remember writing a poem once when I was really drunk. The only thing I can remember is part of a line that refered to sleeping with Mimsy Mouse.

I feel like I am part of a drinking experiment from one of those films they used to show in Drivers Education class.
You will notice after just one ounce of alcohol boz's reflexes are already noticeably impaired.

I once went blind at a xmas party from mixing booze with champagne. It was only a temporary affliction.

I don't think this is making me sleepier.

Maybe I'll read that Judy Blume novel after all.

And take up tap dancing.

It feels like a holiday.

I once had to chug a whole bottle of sake as part of an initiation of sorts when I first arrived in Japan. I ended up passed out in the hallway just outside the benjo. I think benjo means toilet, anyway, that's what I was passed out just outside of.

This is nice, just sitting back and talking with ya'll.

It's two twenty two and I just finished my drink.

Anybody want to play some cards?

Fine, I'm going out for a smoke!!!

Don't wait up.

Nobody understands me ...

WC Fields was right.

Never buy the cheapest brand ...



When the next to the cheapest brand will do.
The extra twenty cents of quality makes all the difference in the world.

I wish I had removed the Judy Blume book before I took the pic.
It's not for me honest, seriously, honest.
I found it on the library for sale rack.
I mean I just got it in case somebody wanted it.
Hey, do you want it???

Therapy for the masses

For chrissakes I'm up already, geez.

I'm going to buy a bottle today.
I'm not sure what I'm going to get.
Maybe rum, maybe bourbon, maybe some canadian whiskey.

No scotch, no vodka, no gin.

Maybe I should just get a bottle of wine, but I am wine retarded, and that whole cork thing just kicks my ass.

No beer, I never liked the taste.

You know, a drink, one drink late at night, straight up, or maybe with a little water.

Who knows, it might help me relax, it might help me fall asleep, it might help me ...

Yeah, I'm going to buy a bottle today, or maybe I'll just write about buying one, like I just did.

Thanks for listening.

It's like this

Rules of blogging at seven in the morning.

1. Avoid politics at all costs. Everyone already knows that politicians are evil or stupid or both. Seriously, there are no red states. There are no blue states. There are only purple states.
2. If you are attractive post half naked pictures of yourself. If you are unattractive post half naked pictures of someone who is attractive. If you aren't sure what you are email me a couple of half naked pictures and I'll give you my honest opinion.
3. I think I can only think of two rules, but I'm sure there must be a whole lot more.
4. Oh, I guess if you aren't funny don't try to be, but actually that's total bullshit, I mean it's your blog you can do what you want. Just don't expect for me to read it.
5. Did I mention the rule about posting pictures?
6. If you don't get any comments make your own using fake names. My favorite fake name is I.P. Dailey, but if we're going for honesty it would be I.P. Everytwentyminutesorso.
7. Speaking of honesty, don't fall in love with it.
8. Do as many What Am I quizzes as you want. The anal retentive crowd can't stand them, and nobody likes the anal retentive crowd.
9. Grow a goatee and mustache and color it white.
10. Stop at ten

Fritz Lang you are not my messiah

My old man worked in a factory all his life, and he was always trying to get me a job.
He tried to get me a job when I graduated high school, so I went into the air force.
He tried to get me a job when I got out of the air force, so I went to college.
He tried to get me a job during summer break, so I made sure I had other plans.
Now that he is gone I have dreams that I work in a factory.
This doesn't sound too much like Cat's In The Cradle does it?

Because I don't want to work in a fucking factory!!!

And slept with everyone

Leonard Cohen is great, isn't he.

I'd buy you a chevrolet

I'm going to go check my lotto tickets from September 16th to see if I won anything.
I'll be right back, or as they say on the internets ...
Brb
Holy shit, I won seven dollars, and I never win anything.
Any ideas what I should do with my winnings?
Can you still buy reasonably diesease free sex for seven dollars?

It'll be Tuesday in two more days

Weekend in review

Two teenage girls wearing too much make-up hit me up for a dollar outside the video store yesterday. I scowled and then laughed at them.

I was bored to tears by the 1963 version of Lord of the Flies. I would've offed Piggy in the first ten minutes.

I had three messages on my answering machine. I think that's a new record for me. I don't plan on answering any of them.

I pulled in to get gas but all 14 pumps were taken so I left. I will not wait in line to pay $2.78 a gallon for gas.

I think that's it, at least for now.
Hockey game is back on, later.

Saturday night and the movies

I rented four movies today from the 2 for $1 for 7 days VHS racks.
1. Whatever
2. The Sweet Hereafter
3. Lord of the Flies (1963)
4. Lord of the Flies (1990)

After I take a nap I'll either watch Whatever or Lord of the Flies (1963).

Lord, I am so tired.

I am not an artist, but I've seen one on tv

I am fucked up this morning.
I watched bad zombie movies till all hours.
It wouldn't take much to make me puke.
My tongue feels strangely metallic.
The hunters kill the ducks on the lake outside my window.
The evil clown grins his bloody toothy grin.
The feeling that nothing makes sense makes even less sense than it did before.
And this is why I write.

My what a lovely frock

Do you remember on Leave it to Beaver when Wally and the Beav always came down to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed, fully dressed, and ready to start the day?
I wonder if they brushed their teeth before they came down or waited until after breakfast.
And I wonder if the Beaver really got killed in Vietnam.
And I wonder if Eddie Haskell grew up to be porn star Johnny Wadd.
And I wonder if June ever quit living the lie and moved in with Miss Landers.
And I wonder if Ward ever cracked, changed his name to Lee Harvey Oswald and did the deed in the Texas School Book Depository.
And my god ... what about Wally!!!

What would I do with the ten thousand monkeys?

Please
Help me
I am slowly losing my mind
I write not because I want to
I write not because I need to
I write not even because I have to
I write because I am a fucking idiot
Malone, the evil rat bastard, threw down this challenge.

Will I ever sleep again?

Look what they've done to my hair Ma!

My first leave June 1969. I was just out of basic and had just turned nineteen, and isn't MB looking motherly!



Home on leave just before xmas in front of my parents first artificial tree, with the Santa Claus of DOOM hanging on the wall. I was so proud of my non-regulation home on leave sideburns, and if you squint you might be able to see my first attempt at a mustache.



Me and one of my nephews. I wonder if I got that new 8 Track I was hinting at!!! Also, check out the new shoes that I bought at an actual shoe store in East Detroit.
The ladies love a man with stylish shoes.



Family portrait. The old man, my sister wearing a skirt that is way too short, me, my other sister just before her audition for the role of the Mother on Little House on the Prairie, and MB sporting a bit of a gothic look.

And on the 29th day she rested

I'm starting to panic.
It's three thirty in the afternoon and I haven't posted yet.
It would have been so easy back when I first started this thing if I had missed a day or two, but no, I had to be anal and post everyday.
Here we are three years later and I still haven't missed a day.
It's the damn streak.
It's a curse I tell you.
OMG ...
IT'S THE CURSE* OF THE STREAK.

*Not to be confused with that certain femhyg curse that happens every month or so that some of you go on and on and on and on and on about. I mean isn't it more of a blessing than a curse if you consider the alternative?

I'm just fishing here

I'm insecure and I'm sensitive.
I crave attention and acknowledgement.
I like my ego stroked along with my beard.
I'm vain to a fault and I'm not above showing off.
I hate to be ignored, hate it, hate it hate it.
I will do anything for a laugh short of farting the national anthem.
I have the attention span of a gnat.
I go overboard.
I guess that's it.
Do you have anything to add?

Drivin' the Double Nickel

I should have been a shoe model.



I did go out today. I went for a ride through the country, with the windows rolled down and a Buddy Holly Compilation CD in the player, and of course I sang along, and along, and along, and along, I mean it's Buddy Freakin' Holly, how can you help but sing along.
But yeah, that's about all I did was drive, and sing, and look at all the pumpkins for sale at the side of the road. Well, I did stop for a Diet Pepsi, and I rolled my eyes when the cashier called me Honey, I mean, why do they always call me Honey, do I look like a Honey, do I talk like a Honey, do I walk like a Honey???
I'm more a Darlin' type, don't you think.
So anyway, that was my day, and when I got home there was a package waiting for me.
It was my brand new Doc Martens from Zappppppppppppppppos.
Talk among yourselves.

Indifference on a small scale

I should go out today.
They are talking about record breaking high temperatures.
That means the low 80's, which I guess means this is Indian Summer.
Sorry, I had to go jiggle the handle thingie on the toilet.
So yeah, it looks like I've got another day or so of shorts weather, and is it really October already?
I really should go out.
Yeah, I really should go out.
Really.
Hey, my new shoes that I ordered from Zappos should get here today.
But seriously, I should go out today.
I should break out my Henry Miller t-shirt and hit the road.
No reason for me to hang around here all day.
I finished the laundry yesterday, and I got it all folded too.
I folded it while I was watching this really bad Kurt Russell movie on FX last night.
Yeah, I'm going out in a few minutes.
I shaved last night, and it would be a shame to waste it.
So yeah, I'm going back to bed, I mean I'm going out.
Just let me find a couple mixed CDs and I am out of here.
Later ...

Not tonight, I've got a headache.

Ok, so I broke down and bought one of those hand held personal percussion massagers.
You know, for my leg, and back, and neck, and arms, and it's really pretty powerful, and it really does the job relieving the aches and pains in my leg, and back, and neck, and arms.
So, yeah, it might have another use, and I might have tried it, but then again maybe I didn't, but if I did it, and I'm not saying
that I did ...
Well, you know how it goes.

My personal percussion massager.



I call her Angela, I mean I call IT Angela, I mean if I called it anything I would call it Anglea, or HAL.

Sigh and double sigh

This may be the last time I wear shorts all year.

Feel the burn

What would it cost me to get someone to fold about 10 baskets of laundry.
They're small baskets, and everything has been sorted, and one basket is my underpants, so come on, huh.

Oh, I hate sunday's

Who doesn't hate laundry day.



BRB, have to put a load in the dryer.
Put a load, hahaha.

Saturday night is for nothing

The new pair of Doc Martens I ordered from Zappos last night.



No, I don't get a kickback from Zappos for saying Zappos, I just like saying Zappos.
Zappos ...
Zap ...
pooooooooooooooooooooooooooos.

I got mail !!!

Scan of a postcard that I received today from Amy.
I love it.



I guess I can share what she wrote.
Something something something about me and frivolity and something something something about feasting my eyes and popping my cork ...
Wait, yeah, cork.

More pictures: the 80's

The old man and I. I was two inches taller than him, but he always stood up straight and I slouched, there's gotta be some deep secret psychological reason for that.



Before I started looking like him.



Flanked by two of my cousins at a family wedding. The three of us are all the same age, born within a couple of months of each other. I guess we're about 34 in this pic.

Just a thought

I wonder how the Administation of San Francisco City College would react if they knew one of their students were using a library computer to harrass people.

Photo Request

I had a request to post a few pics of my ex-dog Benny.

Benny
1984-2000

Benny, two days after his adoption.



His first Halloween.



I taught him how to yodel



In the summer time he loved to chew himself raw, so ...

Lies I have told

We all know that I lie quite a bit in here, that's a given.

Probably the most famous lie I've told is that there is a rumor that I am the love child of John Wayne and Bettie Page. That's just a big lie, I am not their love child and there is no rumor.

I've also told loads of other lies, and that brings us to ...

Three Big Fat Lies I Have Told About Myself On The Grand Ennui

1. Hailie Selassie, the first manager of the Beatles, kicked me out of the group because he thought I had too much influence on the rest of the lads. This is not true, it never happened, I was never in the Beatles, I was however Freddie in Freddie and the Dreamers from 1963 till 1965.
2. I was to be the lead singer and bassist for the Monkees, but my arch enemy for life, that rat bastard Mickey Dolenz, told the producers I was main lining heroin in the men's room. Another lie, well the part about main lining heroin is the men's room is the truth, and that part about Mickey Dolenz is the truth, but the other part, the part about me being the leader singer and bassist in the Monkees, well, in my dreams, in my dreams.
3. This song isn't about me. Wrong!!! This song is about me, and I have the apricot scarf to prove it. Ummmm, neither the color apricot or scarves were considered gay in the early 70's.

Road Trip Part II: The Pictures

I was pretty excited when I went out today and ended up getting a
little chubby. (may not be safe for work)

And of course the highlight of the trip was the giant mice down in Pinconning.



Pinconning, the cheese capital of the whole goddamn world!!!

Finally, when I got home there was letter in my mailbox from my good friend Tom Hanks.



You probably don't remember but Tom and I co-starred in the 80's hit cross dressing sit com Bosom Buddies.



Good times, good times.

Road Trip!!!

I'm going on a road trip.
When I get back I might post a picture of my ex dog Benny who used to like to ride in cars and leave dog snot all over the windows.
Or I might tell the story about the naked picture on the gas station wall that started me on the road to being the evil pervert that I have since become.
Or I might write about some of the things I encountered on my road trip, too bad I don't have a current dog named Charlie, I think I could turn it into a book.
Or, I could take my camera and take a picture of the giant mouse down in Pinconning, which by the way, is the cheese capital of Michigan, hence the giant mouse, I guess.

The new black

Seven things you could say instead of
I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit

1. I am probably bleeding into my abdomen right now.
2. I think my sphincter just involuntarily relaxed.
3. I can feel a zit forming precariously close to a sexual organ.
4. I'm feeling slightly Oedipal at the moment.
5. I just had a daytime version of a nocturnal emission.
6. My feminine side just screamed a little.
7. The reasoning part of my brain that always says no just said fuck it, what the hell.

Bazooms

Back in the 50's and 60's all the Pin-up models had large natural breasts.



I think it was because of all the above ground nuclear testing going on out in the desert.

Even the squeal

A little poem about Ham

Ham is great
Ham is good
It comes from a pig
It's the perfect food

You can eat it thin
Or you can eat it thick
If you've got no bread
You can eat it on a stick

I like bacon
I don't care much for spam
Link sausage is pretty good
But I love ham

You can fry it in the morning
And have it cold at lunch
Bake it up in the evening
And smother it with brown mustard for an extra added punch

I won't listen to your warnings
Cause I don't give a damn
Let it be written on my tombstone
That ...
I LOVE HAM

When I dream sometimes it seems so real, and then there's this

I just had this dream where I was a young man and a folk singer
And it was night and I was walking down the back roads of this sleepy southern town called Fenton Louisiana.

Now as far as I know there is no Fenton Louisiana, but it has a nice ring to it, don't you think.

Like I said, I was walking down the back roads, and I was writing a song in my head, and bemoaning the fact that I didn't have pencil or paper handy to write it down properly.

Oh, the white folk hate the black folk
But the black folk just don't care
Cause there's violence, and poverty, and injustice everywhere

You see, I was a young man, and a folk singer, and that's the kind of songs we wrote back then.

Anyways, while I'm writing this tune in my head I get a message from a mutual friend who says that Bob Dylan is depressed and he could use my help.
And I said ...

Bob Dylan, what would I know that could possibly help him?
Besides, I don't even think that he knows who I am.

But I was assured that Dylan had asked for me, and my help would be greatly appreciated because, and as we all know, Dylan was a beacon for our generation and his light must never be dulled.

So I commenced to walking
Commenced to walking, that's a phrase you often hear folk singers use, it just means that they've started their quest.

So I commenced to walking down these dark lonely back roads not rightly knowing where I was going until I saw a light off in the distance.

When I reached the light, there was man all alone sitting in a toll booth, and when he looked up I asked him kind of sheepishly if he knew where I could find Bob Dylan.

He just grinned and pointed down the road to another light off in the distance and said that Dylan was drinkin' down at Ramblin' Jack Elliot's house.

So I walked on down the road, not rightly knowing what was the road and what wasn't, until I came to the house with a light in the window.

I knocked, and then I walked in, cause that just seemed like the thing to do,
And when I got inside there was Bob Dylan and Ramblin' Jack Elliot sitting at the bar, drinking beer and chain smoking unfiltered cigarettes.

I stopped for a second and then I said ...

Hey Bob, hey Jack, what's going on?

And Bob turned to me and through a shroud of smoke said ...

Nothing much, can I getcha a beer?

And I replied ...

Aw heck, I don't drink, and maybe that's why my songs always suck, but I would like a diet coke, if it's all the same to you.

Then I looked at Bob, and I looked at Jack, and I started to say something ...

[[[POOF]]]

And then I woke up.

The inner redneck vis a vis the common man

So there I was
Singing Springsteen
and Freddy Boom Boom Cannon
and Fraternity of Man songs
Off key, and in glorious black and white ... errrrrrrrr.
And smiling
And laughing
And sweating out loud
And feeling good
And conversing
And caring
And sniffling
And sneezing
And hosing down my monitor every twenty minutes or so
With the usual suspects
As we oozed down the highway in a gigantic pink twat.
Ah-ooooooooooooooh
Ah-ooooooooooooooh

So, yeah

I think ...
I think I'm about to sneeze.

I'm reading Henry Miller now.
I don't know if I am reading him because it is a challenge, or because it's something I want to do. I've read about 100 pages, and I find my mind slipping off the page every few paragraphs and thinking to myself ...
Hey, I'm reading fucking Henry Miller!

I think ...
I think I am about to sneeze again.
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again.

I think my whole body has morphed into some sort of other worldly life form
Like Chet
From Weird Science
After Lisa
The computer generated
Perfect woman
Turns him into a massive heap of snot and phlegm.
Which is rather Kafka-esque, don't you think.

Man, do I miss Gary and Wyatt.

Girls in hats with creamy skin

So, right at this very time I feel pretty good.
I got about an hour of sleep, but I didn't cough, or sneeze, or expectorate, or any of those other coldly things, and what the hell, I'll just sleep all day to make up for it, and everyone knows that when you're sick it's easier to sleep during the day than it is at night. I think it's one of those death comes at night maxims that makes it hard to sleep at night when you're sick, because despite what Blue Oyster Cult says you damn well better fear the reaper ... tra la la.

Yeah, I feel really nice. You know, I've got a little Nyquil with a Formula 44 chaser buzz going on here, and the ringing in my ears is more like a song, yeah, something from Forever Changes by Love, yeah, that's it ...

And if you'll see Andmoreagain
Then you will know Andmoreagain
For you can see you in her eyes
Then you feel your heart beating
Thrum-pum-pum-pum

Enough of this 60's psychedelica ...
Nooooo, you can never get enough 60's psychedelica ... never

Uhhh, where was I.
Oh yeah, goodnight.

Audio Nyquil Hallucinations

Shhhh, listen

Stop and smell the creosote

Man, am I bored.
Man, am I sick.
Man, am I tired of laying around all day.
Man, am I taking a lot of medications.

I crave salt, and ice cream, and a freshly made bed, and unclogged sinuseseseseseses, and the cool side of the pillow, and some raspberry jello with cool whip on top, and an end to the madness, and peace on earth, and a radio station that plays what I want to hear when I want to hear it, and fewer Ben Stiller movies, make that no Ben Stiller movies ...

And I've just lost the will to post, and wasn't Will Post the Attorney General under Calvin Coolidge?

Bring it on!!!

I'm ready.

Sick

Ok, I'm really dead on sick as a dog.
I'm sweating and I've got the chills and my head is stuffed up and my throat is raw, and a bunch of other stuff.
I just thought I'd tell you in case you were wondering.
I just finished watching House of 1000 Corpses and then I took some Tylenol Sinus, and now I'm watching Wrong Turn and I'm about to take some Nyquil.
Nothing goes with being sick as a dog as really bad slasher movies in the wee hours of the morning
I'll see you when I see you.
My fate is in your hands.
My ass in a sling.
Remember the good times, and always wear a condom.
Oh no, some teenagers are about to fuck, they'll be dead in five minutes.

When 40 turns to 60

I've been sleeping way too long and way too late lately.
So, I had a plan today.
I was going to get up fairly early, and I am too embarrassed to tell you what fairly early is for me so let's just leave it at fairly early.
Anyway, I got up fairly early with plans to drive down state, you know, a road trip, no plans really, enjoy the drive, hit a few stores, grab a bite to eat, but when I caught the weather report it said a sixty per cent chance of afternoon thunder storms, the further (farther) south you go the greater the chance.
So, I cancelled my plan and thought I'd just lay down for a few minutes and then run to the post office and the drug store when I got up.
An hour and a half later I woke up deeply ashamed and spiraling towards depression because of my lack of willpower.
But ... a voice inside me said
Boz, you can do it, get up, get ready, get out, and do things!
And I listened to that voice.
And I got up, and ready, and out, and I did things!
I went to the post office and mailed a package.
I went to Rite Aid and took advantage of their Anniversay Sale.
I bought 4 bottles of 2 liter pepsi for less than three bucks w/coupon.
I bought two tubes of Colgate 6.4 ounce Minty Cool, Minty Fresh, Minty Whitening w/Baking Soda and .... AND Peroxide for $2.99.
I bought a 128 bottle of, I dunno, some brand of laundry detergent for $1.88.
And ...
I bought two Hershey King Size candy bars for a dollar.
And then I came home.
My needs sated.
My urges quelled.
My ass sore.
So here I am, a half eaten Hershey bar on my desk and a sense of accomplishment welling up from deep inside me.

As always the voice from inside me was played by Frank Sinatra.

On turning three

Three years, a rebirth, a fork in the road, or just another point in time?
Three years of TGE and me, every day pounding something out.
Every day for three years pounding something out.
If a thousand monkeys typed on a thousand typewriters for a thousand years would they be satisfied if this was all they came up with?
If one Boz typed for three years at four differenet urls and this is was all he came up with would he be satisfied.
I suppose so, because this is what I've come up with.

Parallel Universes

Henry Miller and the Legion of Super Heroes.
Lord of the Flies and Archie Andrews.
Metropolis and Metropolis.

I've never been one of those guys who needed to remember and understand every word that I've ever read. I've always figured if I needed to remember it, if I needed to understand it, I would.
Because really, how much writing is just the writer verbally jacking off trying to fill up the page with wordy semen.
Seriously, I can't really be serious.

But anyway, I've started reading Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller, not to be confused with Arthur Miller, or Frank Miller, or Mitch Miller, but I can see the resemblance ...
Henry uses a lot of words. He like attacks you with words. He like rapes you with words. He like just keeps writing until you like catch his rhythm or like fall asleep as the book like hits the floor.
He also likes cunt, the word itself, and the pursuit thereof, and biting into clitorises and spitting out two franc pieces ...

Age, sex, location

So, I went to an adult chat room last night and ran into this woman named Janey who was into meat sex and lived in Switzerland.
It was really quite odd.
It seemed like I had known her for years.

If I sletp

I don't know what I am doing up at this hour of the mornuing,
It's kate, it's ealy, it's past the bewithcing hour but too early fopr breakfast,.
breakfast in the morning is nothing short of gl;oryu
But I made a pledtge, on the ledg ior my humanity thgat I would try this new fangekld thing , not drugs but you know the autotomatic writing tyope fio thiong where yuoui just start tyouing and follows where if leadss you to, too, 2 ...
So if I werer to ckloe my eyes and tyoe wuithg fioyr fubters abd ib e ibe gabd abd ibe fubger ib tge itger gbad wiykd tgat effect my sisnednsbiliteis>?

And for ten bonus piounts can, or will I be able to decipher this when the sumn breaks over the morning hahthahahahacga.
KLt qwas a noble expderiment that petered oujt somehwere between noble and experimentgood night.

You call that a haddock?

It's Friday morning, and this is not a post.



Do catholics still eat fish on Friday?
Has Stephen King written anything since his bicycle accident?
What will be the first thing I buy if I win the 250 million dollar lotto tonight?
Is Oregon jealous of Washington?
Will Chelsea Clinton be the first president who's (whose?) parents were both president?
Should I go back to bed?

Yeah.

Visionary

Melissa and I have started a weekly photo challenge blog.
Take a look, and if you're interested in joining let one of us know.

A duck walks into a bar

It's three thirty in the morning.
No time to sleep.
Too much time to think.
It's kind of neat watching my fingers type out words that a second ago weren't even in my brain.
There's a movie on right now about the early years of Che Guevara, the man who launched a thousand t-shirts and a couple of revolutions, but it has subtitles which I like, but not at three thirty in the morning, and isn't it funny how the idealists like Che and Trotsky, and I'm just pulling it out of my ass when I say that Trotsky was an idealist but stay with me because it helps to make my point ...
Isn't it funny how the idealists like Che and Trotsky die violent early deaths while Stalin and Castro seem to live forever, and yeah, I know Stalin is dead, but if you lived in the USSR at the time trust me it seemed like he lived forever.

I guess that's it, but damn, I'm really getting into watching my fingers type out words click, click, click, and maybe one of these days I should try automatic writing or maybe automatic thinking, or automatic pancakes, or this.

They named the high school after me

It's late.
I'm tired.
I don't want to go to bed.
I'm afraid I might miss something.
I'm afraid I might miss everything.
I'm afraid I might miss america.
Maybe I'm just afraid.

I watched the movie Blackboard Jungle starring Glenn Ford tonight.
Glenn Ford was a great actor. He always seemed to play a basically good man trying to fight off his inner demons.
Sort of like ... ME!!!!!
Just kidding, seriously.
I remember as a kid that my sister D used to say that junior high school was just like the movie Blackboard Jungle ... and I believed her.
I mean I was afraid to walk by the junior high school because I thought Vic Morrow was going to jump out and stick a shiv between my ribs.
What kind of horrible sister would tell her impressionable, and adorable, little brother such terrible lies?

The Horrible and the Adorable, circa 1957.

It looks like rain

I just had a great idea for a short story or a Lifetime Movie of the Week.

It's the middle of the day in a crowded department store. A guy walks into the restroom and when he comes out the store is deserted.

Speaking of bad television ...
How many of you remember the very very very bad American rip-off of John Cleese's Fawlty Towers starring John Larroquette, you know John Larroquette, the obnoxious lawyer from Night Court.

Today's pics

Ratchet

I should go out with the digicam and take some pics or something.
Actually, I should really go out and get a haircut, or call the dentist to set up my six month check-up, or call the car place and set up an appointment to find out why my car is making a rattling sound, I mean seriously, the car sounds like it has asthma, or at least a sinus flare-up.

Any requests on what I should take pictures of?
Hurry up, you've only got a few minutes before I leave.

Anyway, thank god for air conditioning and little bedrooms fans that help to circulate it.

You might be a redneck if ...

I will piss on your grave you disgusting, moronic, crippled redneck waste-of-life!!!
Justin | 09.12.05 - 2:14 pm |

Maybe I should consider getting cremated.

I'd rather be dead than to wet my bed ...

Well no, not really, 'cause I've wet my bed before and it's really not all that bad.

I am 55 years old.
While lying in bed last night it dawned on me that by the time any of you are my age there's a good chance that I'll be dead.
I mean, I was just lying there wondering what life's next surprise might be and it turns out it's death!
How's that for reality sneaking up and biting you on the ass.

I saw an actual honest to god pinhead at the Evil Empire today.



Not an actual honest to god pinhead, but a cartoon artist rendering.

Burp-ppppp

I ate too much for dinner.
I think I'll just go ahead and waste the rest of today and lay down and watch the football game.
So anyway, has anyone else made a complete fool of themselves over Big Brother 6?
I mean I had never, and I mean never, watched any reality show before the evil mind of moonie pottie got me hooked on BB6 half way through the season.

The women's softball tournament

There is a big women's softball tournament this weekend, with teams from all over the area, state, country, world, universe, competing.
The local business's love the women from the women's softball tournament because they spend lots of money on food, booze, entertainment, and femhyg products.
I guess that's all I have to say about the women's softball tournament, except to say I didn't use the word lesbian once in referring to the women's softball tournament.

I just took a shower

According to MB's birthday present bathroom digital clock it took me 23 minutes from start to finish.

Baby you can park my car

So ...



I picked up my new temporary handicap parking permit today and immediately went to the place with the biggest parking lot I could find to put it through a test run.
I saw a space right up front, only two spots away from the door, and pulled right in, and then I noticed ...
That it wasn't a handicap spot ...
I was this close --- to pulling out and looking for a different spot. I mean what's the fun of being special if you can't flaunt it?

In the news

He's a former body builder, you know, one of those guys who poses nearly naked with an oiled up body in front of thousands of cheering and screaming men.
Sounds like a classic case to me.

The post office person always sucks twice

The clerk at the post office threatened me yesterday, and when I say the clerk I mean the officious bitch.
I had a package to mail
She weighed it.
It would have cost five and a half bucks to send it first class.
It would have cost four and a half bucks to send it parcel post.
I asked her how much it would cost for media mail since it was only some used books and seriously even four and half bucks would have been too much, what with gas being seven thousand dollars a gallon.
She asked me if there was any first class correspondence.
I told her no.
Media mail came out to a buck and a half postage.
She then said ...
You know they can open your package and if ummm (((( her voice trails off ))))
I said fine, go ahead and open it right now if you want.
She said no, that won't be ummm (((( her voice trails off again )))

Oh yeah, I lied, there was some first class correspondence in the package, I enclosed
a. a letter
b. a cheese grater
c. a pair of tightie whities
d. all of the above except b and c
e. none of the above except a
f. a copy of the Magna Charta written in Pig Latin
g. the lost chord
h. the remains of Natalie Holloway or however the fuck you misspell her first name

It's a long way to Iowa City, but not nearly as long as you'd think

So here's the thing, yesterday was probably one of the best days I have had in my blogging history, which btw, in twelve days will be three years of history.
I spent way too much time online, but it was all worth it.
Can you believe it, I spent quality time, real quality time, with six of the seven other members of rw ... bs yesterday, and don't you just hate the expression quality time, but in this case it really fits.
Old friends, new friends, middle friends, and special friends from like two thirty in the afternoon until like three thirty in the morning, well, I told you it was way too much time, but still ...
And I think I've also found my calling in life. I think I should dedicate the rest of my life to fashioning existing songs into unique birthday songs for existing and unique friends and then singing them in my own existing and unique style.
Anyway, it's six thirty in the morning, I've had about an hour of sleep, there's a bug crawling around my monitor screen, and Garden State, which I didn't care so much for the first time, but which I now have a greater appreciation for, is about three quarters finished, and who knew that epilepsy could be so adorable, but I guess when you dig somebody just about anything can be adorable, and Andrew digs Sam, and I dig you, well the metaphysical you, or u, or ewe, and I think I should probably use my power of veto and go to bed.
And I think this post worked out rather well.

I think I'm going to clean the shed today.
It's filled with all sorts of junk and in total disarray.
I've got two lawn mowers, one with a broken wheel hub thingie, and a SNAPPER that I bought last year but alas am not able to use due to my spinal disk problem whatever.
I've got a ten speed bike which I bought at a garage sale for 20 bucks three or four years ago which I used to ride a lot but I haven't ridden since the year before last also because of my spinal disk problem whatever. If it were one of those sit up straight type bikes I could probably ride it but it's one of those Lance Armstrong Tour De France types where you have to lean over, drink water out of a water bottle and dope your blood type types.
I think there are about five trash cans, most of them without lids that I use to store the various shovels, rakes, and other work around the house type implements in.
There are also about seven lawn chairs which are just gathering dust and moss and rolling stones.
Blah blah, water hoses, blah blah, gas cans, blah blah, coffee can full of nails, blah blah, coffee can full of screws, blah blah, weed whacker, blah blah, leaf blower, blah blah, etc, etc, and yadda yadda sis boom bah!!!

Edit: I've changed my mind about cleaning the shed, it just seemed like too much work.

Urpppp

I ate a couple of slices of micro wave pizza just after midnight so I guess that proves that I've got some kind of death wish.

Weird dream #1950

I dreamt last night that I was in a panic because I had to take a shower and I couldn't find any shampoo which is odd because of this, and my dilemma was compounded by the fact that I wasn't wearing my glasses which made it difficult when I finally did find a bottle that looked like shampoo but always turned out to be conditioner, which is odd because I don't use conditioner, but my sister did, and I think subconsciously I blamed her for using all the shampoo, and I think all of this may be connected to the dream I had the night before about the German girl, and our impending marriage, and our plan to raise Missouri mule-dogs for fun and profit.

Faster than a speeding bullet

My latest purchase from the book sale rack at the library.



I also bought a hard cover edition of The Godfather and a paperback with the cover ripped off of a Stephen King collection that includes The Shawshank Redemption.
Ok, so I only donated 8 cents this time, but that was all the change I had, and besides just two weeks ago I donated a box full of books and about a half dozen movies on VHS, so if you believe in karma mine is still pretty good.

Thanks Melissa

MB received a birthday present from Melissa today, from the Japanese store in Las Vegas.



Stick ice, stationary, and a soap lollipop ... I'm keeping the stick ice for myself!

Friday

On a night when I have nothing.



I opened up a new bar of Dial soap.
I ran out of popcicles.
I sorted and folded clothes.
I halfway sort of watched an Italian movie.
I watched the last half hour of Big Brother 6.
I could go on like this forever, or at least until I sto

Perspective

Seven reasons why I've stopped pissing and moaning about the price of gas being over three dollars a gallon.
In no particular order ...

1. I have a place to live.
2. I have electricity.
3. I have running water.
4. I can flush my toilet anytime I want.
5. I have a refrigerator full of food.
6. I know where all of my relatives are.
7. I don't need a gun for protection.

What have I been doing today?

Well, let's see.



1. I tried to avoid eye contact with the two steps from being retarded woman at the Burger King today.
2. I sang along with the Byrds until I got hoarse.
3. I looked for the infamous baby boz picture, the one of me walking down the sidewalk with a look of glee in my eye and a load in my diaper.
4. I watched ten minutes of The Battle of the Network Reality Stars on Bravo.
5. I chatted about mouthwash and shampoo with RebelLeadyBoy and MooniePottie.
6. I went grocery shopping today and the most interesting thing I bought was a gallon bottle of white vinegar because MB said if you use it in your laundry it will make your clothes smell fresher. Is this another one of MB's laundry scams? I'm skeptical, what do you think?
7. I took out the trash, and did I ever tell you about the time when I was about 15 and I had to take out the trash at 7 in the morning, and I was too sleepy to get dressed, so I just rolled up the pant legs of my pajamas and put on a pair of cut-offs over them, and when I got outside I saw the two most beautiful girls I had ever seen in my life just as my pajama legs started unrolling down my legs.
8. I ate four apple cider donuts, which might have been a mistake, I'm not sure, I'll have to get back to you on that, but so far, so good.
9. I was made to feel like the John Ritter character in Problem Child, so what else is new.
10. I almost had a heart attack when MB snuck up from behind on me and asked me the name of the hurricane and where I was back in 1969 when that big ass hurricane that I was stuck in hit. Hurricane Camille right outside of Biloxi Mississippi on Keesler AFB, and back then all hurricanes were still named after women, and I've always wondered why they didn't name new strains of venereal diseases after women, well, no, not really, but I thought it might be a funny way to end this post, but I guess not.