The post office person always sucks twice

The clerk at the post office threatened me yesterday, and when I say the clerk I mean the officious bitch.
I had a package to mail
She weighed it.
It would have cost five and a half bucks to send it first class.
It would have cost four and a half bucks to send it parcel post.
I asked her how much it would cost for media mail since it was only some used books and seriously even four and half bucks would have been too much, what with gas being seven thousand dollars a gallon.
She asked me if there was any first class correspondence.
I told her no.
Media mail came out to a buck and a half postage.
She then said ...
You know they can open your package and if ummm (((( her voice trails off ))))
I said fine, go ahead and open it right now if you want.
She said no, that won't be ummm (((( her voice trails off again )))

Oh yeah, I lied, there was some first class correspondence in the package, I enclosed
a. a letter
b. a cheese grater
c. a pair of tightie whities
d. all of the above except b and c
e. none of the above except a
f. a copy of the Magna Charta written in Pig Latin
g. the lost chord
h. the remains of Natalie Holloway or however the fuck you misspell her first name