The story of the four Zunes at 1:37 am when I am half asleep

Zune #1
I bought Zune #1 in mid-March at the Evil Empire for what I thought was a fair price, fair in the sense that it was as least as cheap as I had seen it anywhere online when you factored in S&H. I loved Zune #1. I loved Zune #1 as much as anyone could love anything that can't love you back. I uploaded songs to Zune #1, and Zune #1 played them back for me. Yes, Zune #1 and me were a match made in heaven, or so I thought ...

Zune #2
In early April while at another discount chain that ended in Mart but started with K I saw that they had Zune's on sale for thirty dollars cheaper than what I had paid for my beloved Zune #1, and this irked me to no end, because as most of you who care know I hate to pay more than the lowest price for anything, and this doesn't mean that I am cheap or that I buy shoddy merchandise, it just means that I like to get the best I can for the lowest price that I can, and seriously, is there anything wrong with that. So, after leaving the Mart of the K I stopped at the King of the Burger for a diet Coke and an order of some serious soul searching. I mean, thirty dollars is thirty dollars, and and and, I wanted that extra thirty dollars more than I wanted red blood coursing through my veins, and while walking up to get a refill on my diet Coke it hit me. Go back to the Mart of the K and buy Zune #2 for thirty dollars less, take it home and put it in the box that Zune #1 came in, and then take it back to the Evil Empire, along with my sales receipt, and get a refund. So are you with me on this? I kept Zune #1 that I loved with all my heart, and took Zune #2, that I had purchased from the Mart of the K, and returned it to the Evil Empire for my refund, and that was the end of Zune #2, which I never got to really know, but I am sure that if I had I would have loved it almost as much as I loved Zune #1, and I would have been happy with Zune #1 for ever, and ever, and ever except that ...

Zune #3
I dropped Zune #1 while putting it into it's velour-like travel pouch, and I cried, and I cried, and I cried, but only metaphysically speaking, because I would never actually cry over a Zune be it #1, #2, #3 or #1,800,764. So, I got the receipt from the Mart of the K which was for Zune #2 and not Zune #1, because, remember I had used the receipt for Zune #1 when I took Zune #2 to the Evil Empire, and I took Zune #1 to the Mart of the K and told them that Zune #1 was malfunctioning and that I would like a replacement, of course I left out the part about why it was malfunctioning, and they said, sure, no problem, whatever, here's a new Zune, please take it, and live long and prosper, and thus Zune #3 came into my life. Zune #3 was eager to please and we soon developed a relationship that was almost as close as the relationship I had with Zune #1, almost as close, but only on a platonic level. I bought things for Zune #3. I bought it an aluminum case. I bought it a silicone case. I bought it an arm band to use with the silicone case for when I exercised. And ... I bought it a generic wall charger which ... fucked up the Zune #3 the first time I used it.
Ok, now, I no this is getting long and drawn out, but hey, quit reading whenever you like, it's not like I'm forcing you or anything, I just wish I could quit, but no, I have to keep writing, and writing, and writing, until the end, so fuck you very much, but seriously, I'm getting bored as well as tired, so let's just say that I was afraid to take Zune #3 back to the Mart of the K, so instead I contacted Zune through their 800 number and told them the truth, or at least most of the truth. I told them that Zune #3 had gotten fucked up when I tried to charge it up, and the Zune synching cable must have been the fucker upper, and that it probably bent some of the prongs of the docking thingie thing. So the Zune Customer Service Lady said no problem-o, she said that they'd send me a new cable, and that I could keep the old cable, which by the way, had nothing to do with fucking up Zune #3, because, remember it was the generic cable that fucked up #3, and where was I??? The Zune Lady told me that they would send me a pre-paid packing box for Zune #3 and I was to return Zune #3 in said pre-paid packing box and they would repair ... or replace Zune #3 at no charge, well, at no charge because it was still under warranty. Then on Thursday UPS dropped off a package from Zune, and I was so excited because even though I didn't love Zune #3 like I had loved Zune #1, I still had these feelings for Zune #3, and then I opened the box and ...

Zune #4
They hadn't repaired Zune #3, they had replaced Zune #3 with Zune #4, and that is where we stand at this very moment, and quite frankly, I am a little worried about committing wholeheartedly to Zune #4, because I have been hurt before, so let's just wait and see what transpires.

Addendum: While running spellcheck the word heartedly came back as a misspelling, but fuck it, spellcheck has been wrong before, and I am about to crash and burn, so, so nothing. Oh wait, wholeheartedly is one word, not two. Please disregard the addendum