Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can

I was going to make a post just now, but it's late, and I'm tired, and I just finished the first chapter of Hotel New Hampshire, and maybe I just finished the first chapter of THE Hotel New Hampshire, I'm not certain, and that's why I've decided not to make a post tonight, because I am not certain, but if I were certain I would probably make a post about my drive over to West Branch today, and how I went by myself, and how it was a really nice drive, and how as a way of getting to go by myself without hurting a certain person with the initials M and B feelings I had to promise to buy her a present, and this weighed heavy on my mind, but it shouldn't have as you shall see if you keep reading the post I decided not to make, but am making anyway.

So, when I got to West Branch I stopped at the Walgreen's drugstore first, and I really like the Walgreen's drugstore because they always have good sales and great clearance items, and today I bought 4 bottles of two liter Pepsi for three dollars with a coupon, which would be a sale and not a clearance, and I also bought a "As Seen On TV" men's personal groomer which could be used to trim unwanted nose hair or back hair, or for more mundane tasks such as trimming your beard or mustache, and the best part was it was marked down from $9.99 to $2.00, and that would be a clearance item as opposed to a sale item, oh, and I almost bought a battery operated Spiderman toothbrush by either Crest or Colgate, and I would have bought it for myself, because it was marked down to $2.00 from, I don't know, 7 or 8 dollars, and I would have felt no embarrassment at using it, and I even had it in my shopping cart, but after making a couple of runs through the store I put it back in the clearance bin because it too was a clearance item and not a sale item, and I don't regret not buying it, but it would have been a nice conversation starter if anyone were to ever barge into my bathroom while I was brushing my teeth, which was unlikely, but possible.

Then I went to the Dollar General to buy some Dollar General brand Depends for MB, and I briefly considered making this the gift that I had promised to buy MB, but ...
I didn't, because, seriously, who would want to get disposable underwear as a present, well???

Then I went to the Family Dollar and walked around, and I almost bought some shaving gel that had been marked down from $1.50 to seventy five cents, but wait, I had almost bought the shaving gel at the Dollar General, which is like the Family Dollar, but isn't, and there was nothing I even considered buying from the Family Dollar, so I left still presentless for MB, and nothing for myself either, oh wait, the personal groomer was for me, and see, that's why I decided against making this post that I am now making because I'm disremembering stuff the way it actually happened.

My next stop was the Evil Empire, and not only am I disrembering, I am also getting bored, so I will cut this short ... er, and just say I got MB two jars of Udderly Smooth, the stuff they use on cow's udders when they start to crack, but I think this is a little bit different, but anyway, MB uses it like cold cream to cleanse her face, and she might use it on her udders too, but let's not go there.

By now I was hungry and I stopped at the BK for a burger and fries and a king size diet Coke, and I got the burger free because I called the number on the back of the receipt and took a survey, but it wasn't free ... free, it was free with the purchase of any size fries and any size drink, and I got the king size drink so I would have something to drink on the 40 mile drive back home, and it was actually a free re-fill of the king size drink I drank on the way home.

Oh, yeah, after I left BK the sign at the fruit market said they had grapes on sale, and I was going to stop and get some grapes, and I did stop to get some grapes, but the grapes didn't look all that good, so I got a head of cauliflower, and a bunch of broccoli, which were both on sale, the cauliflower was $1.99 a head, and the broccoli was 89 cents a bunch, and that's it, no wait, I disremembered again, I also got MB some tomatoes from the clearance counter, and this was a really good deal, there were four BIG tomatoes for 99 cents, and they weren't damaged or anything, they were just kind of ripe, but hey, a little ripeness never hurt anyone.

Then I drove home without incident, and when I got home MB was overjoyed with her two gifts, the two gifts being, in case you disremembered, the Udderly Smooth and the tomatoes, and now I am going to bed before I think of anything else that might, or might not have happened on my trip to West Branch today, or technically, my trip to West Branch yesterday.