You are the only reason that I write, of course I lie a lot

So, I fell asleep at 2 am and woke up at 4 am and got up and took a leak.
I couldn't fall back to sleep so I turned on the television, but the cable box wasn't working, of course I thought I had broken it, but I hadn't, it was just down, but it wasn't down for long because it came back on after I fucked with the controls for about ten minutes, and me fucking with the controls had nothing to do with it, like I said, it was just down, and then it came back on, are you following this so far?

Anyway, the cable came back on and I started surfing the premium channels looking for a movie, figuring that if I found a movie that was kind of interesting I could watch it till I fell asleep. So I surfed and surfed and surfed and surfed, I did a lot of surfing because I have that digital cable thing with about 30 or 40 premium channels, and I told you about how it was six dollars cheaper to get the digital cable package with internet access than it was basic cable with internet access, I just reiterated that because I didn't want you to think I was being all elitist by having digital cable, I mean, it was cheaper, what could I do???

Ok, this is where it gets weird.
I couldn't find anything that I cared to watch, and you'd think that with 30 to 40 premium channels that the law of averages would ... yeah you'd think that wouldn't you, but nope, there wasn't, so I said to myself, not out loud, I didn't say something to myself out loud, I thought to myself, yeah, that's what I meant to say, thinking to oneself isn't abnormal, I didn't say to myself, I thought to myself ...
So, I thought to myself, and that has a nice ring to it, doesn't it ...
So, I thought to myself I'll turn off the tv and read, and if you've been following my blog faithfully like I know you do, and btw ... just who the fuck are you ???
Yeah, if you've been following my blog faithfully you'll know I've been reading Lord Jim by Joesph Conrad, and yeah, I thought to myself, thought not said, that I'll turn off the tv and read some more of Lord Jim, and all the time I was thinking this, I had my finger on the search button on the remote, and if by freakin' magic when I took my finger off the remote it stopped on channel 600, yeah, channel 600, and it was 5 am, and a new movie was just starting, just starting at 5 am on channel 600, and I was poised to turn the tv off and read some more of Lord Jim, and the new movie was starting, and the credits started rolling, and the new movie was just starting, and I was going to turn off the tv and read some more of Lord Jim, and the new movie was just starting, and the new movie, the new movie that was just starting was ...
LORD JIM!!!
Yeah, it was Lord Jim ...
Lord Fuckin' Jim, how was that for a coincidence, I mean seriously.
But yeah, the movie is almost three hours long, and I knew there was no way I could stay up and watch a movie for three hours, but you know hbo/cinemax/showtime/tmc/starz, if a movie is on once it is on a thousand times, so not to worry I'll catch Lord Jim the next time it is on, and isn't this quite the story for six thirty in the morning!