In other words

That's it.
This weather sucks.
Forty mile an hour winds.
Temperatures in the 20's.
Snow and blowing snow predicted.
I'm moving to South America.
One of the parts where it is always warm.
One of the parts where everyone speaks English.
I'm moving to South America.
I'm going to start a Creedence Clearwater Revival tribute band.
We'll play Born on the Bayou six times a night.
I'm moving to South America.
One of the parts where all the women look Spanish and wear peasant blouses that show a lot of cleavage, and it's not that I have anything against the more Latin American look, it's just that I'm sort of obsessed with the Spanish look at the moment.
I'm moving to South America.
One of the parts where the beer tastes like Diet Coke, and I'm going to stay drunk all the time.
I'm moving to South America.
One of the parts that has a lot of sidewalk cafes where I'll sit with the bill of my cap pulled down over my eyes and the locals will all refer to me as the Crazy Gringo, but they'll do it with a smile on their face, because I'm the type of guy that always brings a smile to your face.
I'm moving to South America.
But I'll be sure to take a gun with me.
A real big gun, just in case because of bandits and revolutionaries.
I'm moving to South America.
I'll tell everyone that I knew Elvis, the young Elvis, the Elvis that was banging Ann-Margaret in Viva Las Vegas, and Brando, the young Brando, the Brando from Viva Zapata.
I'm moving to South America.
In a Buenos Aires minute!