Shoveling snow on the first day of spring

Since my back has really started giving me trouble, I mean real trouble, a couple of weeks ago, I have been pampering myself.
I have been extremely cautious concerning anything physical.
To tell the truth I have done nothing because, you know, I am afraid I will screw up my back even more.
It has become a very depressing situation.

It snowed last night, not much, maybe an inch, an inch of wet snow, and maybe a couple inches more at the foot of the driveway where the plows have gone by.
I don't like to shovel snow ... who does?
But do you know how emasculating it feels when you CAN'T shovel snow?

You've seen the old couples out in their cars, the wife is driving, and the man is sitting in the passenger seat looking all small, and miserable, and impotent.
That's what it feels like when you CAN'T go out and shovel your own goddamn driveway.

So fuck it.
It was only an inch or so today.
Yeah, I went out and I SHOVELED, goddamnit, and it felt good, real good.
The shovel, my shovel, was like some kind of penile extension, and the driveway was my woman, oh yeah, bend over baby, and let papa do what papa was meant to do.
And baby, I shoveled her.

Ok, I'm finished, I'm done, I'm still alive, I've shot my wad, so to speak, and instead of a cigarette I took a couple of extra strength tylenol.
What's on television?