Deborah really is a pretty name

The first movie star/tv star/actress that I had a crush on was Dorothy Provine.



I guess I was about nine or ten years old, and we only had one television, and the television was a 17 inch Muntz with two broken knobs, so we would use a pair of pliers to change the channels and turn it off and on, and it was in the living room, and it was Saturday night, and Saturday night was my old man's night off, and if he wasn't off bowling, or playing cards, or getting drunk, he would be on the couch, within easy reach of his unfiltered Camels and a cup of coffee, because he never drank beer at home in front of us kids, at least not very often, and my old man OWNED the television, which I guess was ok, because he worked afternoons and only got to watch television on Saturday and Sunday night, and my old man loved Westerns, so on Saturday and Sunday night we watched Western, after Western, after Western, we watched Maverick, we watched Have Gun Will Travel, we watched Gunsmoke, we watched Cheyenne, we watched Sugarfoot, we watched Johnny Ringo, we watched the Rebel, we watched Wagon Train, and we watched The Alaskans, which was more a Northern than a Western, but yeah, I guess it could be categorized as a Western, and it took place during the time of the Alaska gold rush, which I think was in the late 1890's, and it followed the exploits of a couple of gold miners, and a lot of the action took place in a saloon, and one of the dance hall girls, who if it took place today would be a hooker, was played by Dorothy Provine, and it was love at first sight, I mean, look at her, how could it not be, and I knew some day I was going to meet her, and despite the age difference I would win her over with my charm and wit, and I would let her use my Al Kaline autographed baseball glove, but only if she didn't stretch out the fingers, and we would fall in love, and we would get married, and it would be a small wedding with only our immediate families, and the cast and crew of The Alaskans, invited, and let's see, we would have two kids, and they would be twins, and they would be a girl and boy, and we would name them Deborah, because I always liked that name, and Kent, after the cigarette, and I guess the crush lasted until one day when Ron Baxter and Richard Slater and I were hanging around outside Don's Market and we started talking about who we thought were HOT movie stars, and I think Ron said Marilyn Monroe, and I think Richard said Jayne Mansfield, and then I said Dorothy Provine, and after Ron and Richard stopped laughing Richard said who the hell is Dorothy Provine, and I panicked, and said I don't know, I just made her up, what I really meant to say was Sandra Dee, and they both say ahhhhhhhhhhhh, good choice, and as quick as that the crush was over.