You want fries with that burger?

Ok, so a big storm fried my computer last week.
It's covered by my homeowners insurance.
I took it to the repair place and he has to decide whether or not it can be fixed or needs to be replaced.
I haven't heard back from him yet.
I was going crazy without a computer so I went out and bought a new one.
I will be screwed if he can repair it.
Let's hope that he can't.
Let's hope that he drops it on the floor during a drunken rage.
Let's hope he's a drunk, or a chronic masturbater, yeah, let's say that he can repair it, but while he is looking through my folders he finds my porn, and being a chronic masturbater he erupts all over it, yeah, let's hope that, because even though I can afford a new computer I'd much rather have my insurance cover it, and it probably won't cover the complete cost anyway, because I have a hundred dollar deductible, and they will reimburse me for the price it would take to replace my old computer today, and computer prices have come down, but maybe I can blackmail the chronic masturbating repair guy into saying it will cost more to replace than it will actually cost to replace,and maybe he will comply because nobody in a small town wants to be known as a chronic masturbater, and that's what happened to Goober in Mayberry, and when was the last time you saw Goober???

Did I mention that my new computer has 10,000 gigs of storage, but actually it only has 500 gigs, but you would have probably thought I was bragging if I said that, so I went with the ludicrous to sort of temper your whatever.