Talk like Samuel L. Jackson Weekend, Part II

Samuel L. Jackson reads the Gettysburg Address.

Samuel L. Jackson's version

Four score and seven years ago a bunch of pasty skinned white ass mother fuckers got together to see how they could keep my black mother fuckin' ass down.

Now what we got here is a bunch of crazy ass white mother fuckers busting caps in each others ass. A bunch of white mother fucking gang bangers if you will, trying to prove to each other that their mother fuckin' white ass dick is bigger than his mother fuckin' white ass dick, and my mother fuckin' black ass dick just ain't gonna buy it. Puh-lease mother fucker.

It don't matter what those crazy white ass mother fuckers are trying do, it ain't up to their mother fuckin' white asses or my mother fuckin' black ass to preach no mother fuckin' words about what went down in this mother of all mother fuckin' drive by shootings. We'll just have to leave that to the mother fuckin' brother upstairs. Dig.

Abraham Lincoln's version

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.