Oh man.
I woke up this morning about six o'clock and turned on the History Channel and there was a program on about Davy Crockett, Davy Fuckin' Crockett. When I was about 5 years old Davy F Crockett was the biggest thing in the world, thanks to TV and Uncle Walt Disney.
F Crockett was bigger than Elvis, he was bigger than the Beatles, he was bigger than god ... Davy Fuckin' Crockett was god!!!
I had Davy Crockett underpants, which I would show to anyone interested at the drop of a hat.
I had a Davy Crockett coonskin cap, not the bogus one with the short tail, but the genuine one with the long tail.
I had the little orange and yellow Davy Crockett phonograph records that you could buy at the supermarket for about a quarter each.
I had a Davy Crockett rifle ... Old Betsy, yeah, Old Betsy, yeah, he named his fuckin' gun, wanna make something of it???
I had a complete set of Davy Crockett peanut butter glasses, and yeah, I still have one of them, and maybe if you're lucky I'll take a picture of it and post it in here.
I had a Davy Crockett pocket knife that I got for my fifth birthday, a real goddamn pocket knife that my parents took away when I tried to eviscerate my sister after she failed to show Davy the proper respect.
Yeah, Davy Fuckin' Crockett was a "guy thing" but even the girls tried to horn in on it. My little down the street girlfriend, who really wasn't my girlfriend, but my mother and her mother thought we looked adorable together, so I guess she was my girlfriend, even my down the street girlfriend had a white coonskin cap which supposedly Davy Fuckin' Crockett's wife Molly Fuckin' Crockett wore, but it never would have worked out between us, and when I say us I don't mean Molly Crockett and me I mean my little down the street girlfriend and me, because I was five and she was four, and the age difference was just too great, and she started hanging around with the guys in a rock band, and then she got mono in college, and how can you spend your life with a girl who gets mono in college, and I bet she doesn't still have her coonskin cap anyway.
Yeah, and where's Davy Crockett now that we need him, huh?
The hunter hero.
The common man.
The dreamer.
The adventurer.
Yeah, right.
I bet he didn't even like peanut butter.
Alright, who stole my Davy Crockett glass?
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1 comment:
hey i had mono in college and look how i turned out!
er, nevermind.
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