3:18

It is way too late for me to be awake ... strike that.
It is way too late for anyone to be awake ... fuck that.
It is a far far way far better thing that I have ever done before.
Bullshit.
Sorry, I got distracted.
I think you owe me an apology, or ten dollars.
I hear noises.
I am going to investigate.
In bed.
Under the covers.
With four pillows over my head.
With my hands over my ears.
Singing lalalalalalala, if I can't hear you, you can't be there, lalalalalalalalala.
Balls.

Don't rock the boz, let the boz rock you.

I found this widget via Death to Simpleton, and I've always wanted to use the word via in a post, so I guess I have.

Remix

My eyes feel like they are about to fall out of their sockets.

What I just said.

Canned Chili, a typical email from me, except in the email I spelled chili with two l's.

You should try Campbell's canned chili. It is really good, and you don't even need a can opener. I got the "firehouse" chili, and it was really "HOT" but with chili "HOT" is good. I had a little bit of leftover tomato soup and I added that to the chili, which is a good tip if you want the chilli to streeeeeeeeeeeeeeetch for two people.
I bought another new digital camera today, what am I crazy or something, and this is a good one, not one of those you see in the drugstore for $19.99.
I went to the St Vincent DePaul thrift store today, and bought two shirts, what has gotten into me, I can't stop spending money ... I also bought one of those plastic tubes you put over your shower rod to make it more decorative, it was burgundy, and only cost a dime, oh yeah, I bought a new shower curtain from the evil empire yesterday on clearance for four bucks, it is also burgundy with a bamboo theme.
Bambooooooooooooooooooooo
Bambooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
bambo
This should be a blog post and not an email.
Since I didn't use your name, per our legal agreement, I can blog post this and no one will be the wiser ... hmpppph!
And why don't you want me to use your name anyway?
It's because of your relationship with Phil Spector, isn't it.

Where are the pizza goddesses of my dreams, and do they have my cell phone number?

Things I have to do today even if it is only 5:42 am.
1. Go to the gym.
2. Pick up a prescription and use the two dollar off birthday coupon on something I totally don't need before it expires, or maybe before I expire.
3. Get a pizza because it's SQUARE TUESDAY, or maybe not, because really, I am so over pizza unless it is served by nubile and naked pizza goddesses.
4. Take a shower, which I do quite regularly, unless I am too tired, or too clean already.
5. Change the shoelaces in my sneakers to shorter laces because the current longer laces tend to make me trip, stumble, and fall when I step on them while walking, and/or chewing gum.
6. Buy something, anything, I'm seriously spend jonesing, but I don't need anything, not even underwear ... I NEED TO SPEND TO VALIDATE MY EXISTENCE!!!
7. Ok, this isn't something I have to do, but I would like to point out that my brother in law, my niece, and my nephew all went out on strike yesterday because they work for GM which is the grand daddy of all evil empires, but the pay and the benefits are good, and they have a great employee discount which even extends to brothers in laws, which I am one of, and I often take advantage of when I purchase new vehicles, and how convoluted is this sentence getting, but it's ok, because I get to share on the employee discount for that too.
8. Take a nap, right now, or at least after I finish 8, 9, and 10, which hopefully will be soon Betty, real soon.
9. Find out who Betty is.
10. Hydrate until I leak, or take a leak, or take many leaks, or many many leaks, and where are the pizza goddesses of my dreams when I really need them.

Hush, hush, keep it down now, voices carry.

I took the generic Nyquil at about six thirty, and I went to bed, but I didn't go to sleep, so after about five minutes, I got up, and got dressed, and decided to go to the gym anyway. I guess the generic Nyquil had the opposite effect on me tonight, instead of making me drowsy it wound me up, so yeah, I went to the gym, and on the way to the gym, which is only a mile from where I live, a police car pulled in behind me, and you know, I was like impaired, because of the GN, which is like 20% alcohol, and 80% unknown mind altering substance, and I was impaired, and the police were following me, and the speed limit was 25 mph, but to be on the safe side I set the cruise control to 14.5, which is almost exactly half of 25 if your mind is impaired and not thinking correctly, but the police car ignored me, and I pulled into the parking lot of the gym, and there was only one car in the parking lot, and that had to be from the guy on duty in the gym, and it was, but there was also a couple of bikes in the bike rack, and they were from a couple of kids playing basketball on the first floor, and I made a mental note to hawk a couple of loogies on them when I was walking on the track on the second floor, but I forgot about it almost as soon as I thought of it, and I did two sets of 100 ab crunches, and I walked about three miles on the track in between the two sets of ab crunches, and I listened to my mp3 player while I walked, and I can't remember any of the songs that played, and seriously, I really can't remember any of them, but I sang along with most of them, but that was probably the GN singing because I never sing along with the music while I am walking, and that's a lie, because I always sing along, and sometimes even sway along with the music while I am walking, and when I finished walking, I got back in my car in the parking lot, and the guy on duty was sweeping leaves out of the gutters, and I thought that was odd, and I hoped he didn't ask me to help him, and he didn't, but he did say to "have a good'un" and I assured him that I would, then I drove home with the windows down, and no cops followed me, and I saw some wild turkeys getting ready to roost, and then I got home, and drank some water, then took a shower, but I didn't shave, I'll do that in the morning, or the afternoon, or might just wait till Tuesday, and isn't till Tuesday the name of a band from the 80's?
But yeah, I'm done for the night, and I am still slightly impaired from the NG, and NG is my abbreviation for generic Nyquil, but you probably realized that, or didn't care, and fuck you if you didn't care, and I think I going to have a glass of diet coke, and pose semi-naked in front of the mirror in my bedroom.

Waking up to a blogroll in the morning.

I think I am going to add some more blog links after my generic Nyquil induced coma is finished with, sometime around three in the morning.
Please wait with bated breath to see who the lucky ones will be, and mourn the death of the ones that I add.

Compare to Nyquil

Ok, I'm pretty sure that it's my sinus again, and seriously, I should have caught on to it by now, I mean, it happens this time every year, with the pollen, and whatever, and stuff.
So, I'm going to pass on the gym today, and I'm really going to miss the sit-up machine, and just take some generic Nyquil and go to bed, and probably sleep till I feel like I have died.
Lif is weird sometimes, isn't it, and so is life.

Magnets suck.

It's lock jaw. I'm sure that it's lock jaw.
When does the madness start?

Is this end of Rico?

Ok, now I'm getting worried.
It feels like someone just took a knife, a knife just a bit smaller than a cleaver, and a knife that is really sharp, and dissected my brain 60% slash 40%, and I'm slowly losing my motor skills, and thank god for spell check, and now ...
and what the fuck does 60% slash 40% mean???
And I'm seeing a kaleidoscope of colors, no I'm not, it's my life, it's racing right smack dab in front of my eyes, and I just had a vision of Fred Sanford, and he was telling to settle down, and take deep breaths, and not to worry, and not to trust Rollo.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Of spelled backwards is fo, and is it spelled or spelt?

My stomach is making all sorts of gurgling noises and this can't be a good thing,
I mean, it's a beautiful day, and I'd like to go out, but the gurgles are telling me not to chance it.
I mean, I already did go out once today, and I had to make an emergency turn around even before I got out to the garage.
Fuck it, I'm going to take a nap.

Just another Flixn ...

Where I discuss the meaning of life, and feet, and my college years, and donkey basketball, and the color green, and urban slang, and my affair with Pearl S. Buck, and redrum, and women's soccer, and Pilate's, and vanilla pudding.



The end

I hate Friday when it seems like Monday.

I'm pissed, well, about as pissed as I get, which honestly isn't very pissed at all, so maybe upset would be a better way to describe what I am feeling right now.
I got a haircut today, and a beard trim, I always get my beard trimmed when I get my haircut, so anyway, I got a haircut and a beard trim, and like usual ...
NO, not as usual, nothing was as usual today when I got my haircut and beard trimmed today. The barber, the rat bastard, fucked up my beard royally. I mean seriously, I look like Billy Bob Thorton a week after Angelina threw his ass to the curb. It sucks, it really sucks, and I even tipped the bastard too!!!
I mean, he usually does a really good job, so I didn't even check the mirror before I walked out, but when I was combing my hair in the car, because you always have to comb your hair in the car after a haircut or you'll look like 1950's Man, and nobody ever wanted to look like 1950's Man, not even in the 1950's, so, I was combing my hair, actually, I was brushing my hair, but I don't want to go into that right now, so I was brushing my hair, and GODDAMN my beard looked terrible, it was uneven, and scraggly, and too long in some places, and too short in other places, and non-existant in still other places.
So I guess what I'll have to do is try to even it up myself, and like that really has a chance of working out, or I can shave it off and start all over again, which yeah, I think I'll do because it will only take a week or so for my beard to become bozilicious once again.

I'm not a middle aged Asian lady, but sometimes ...

I love stuff.



And my heel hurts from too much walking on the indoor track at the Community Center today, and the 110 ab crunches probably didn't help, and the thirty cardio reps, well, that could have been ten too many, but other than that I feel great, except my breath smells like tuna fish, but that's probably because I just ate some tuna fish, but other than that I feel great, but still a little hungry, and yeah, I'm probably going to get a haircut tomorrow, after my workout at the Community Center, and I might even wear my new customized Boz t-shirt, which I got for free except for the four and a half dollar shipping and handling, which is a small price to pay for t-shirt immortality, baby!!!

Twats and Bazooms

Twats is rapidly catching up to bazooms as my top keyword search, and this intrigued me, so I did a Google image search for "twats and bazooms" and here are some of the more interesting results.
Hit it Riddle!!!






Eh, they can't all be Pulitzer worthy.

If you can parallel park the world is your oyster.

The year I learned to drive ...
There was a riot in Detroit



And I dreamt about girls that looked like this when they were asleep when I was asleep.

And the city tore up the street that I lived on.

And I stole a STOP sign.

And I almost flunked out of high school.

And I smoked cigarettes.

And I cursed the man.

Fuck you man!!!

If you've lost count this is where we left off.

I'm really tired, and I should really go to bed, and I really should find another word to use in the place of really, because I mean REALLY!
Anyway, the generic Nyquil has really (doh) done a number on me.
I was trying to watch a movie, an Argentinian movie, on HBO, but it was a comedy, sort of, and sort of comedies are kind of hard to keep up with when you're generic Nyquilified, and there are subtitles, but don't get me wrong, I prefer subtitles to dubbing, just not when my powers of concentration are impaired do to the hour and the generic Nyquil, and I was just distracted by Nancy Sinatra Jr singing These Boots Were Made For Walking, and I don't know why I brought that up, it's just that I've been staring blankly at the monitor for about ten minutes and I figured I should type something, and the Nancy Sinatra Jr thing just popped into my mind, because truthfully I just made that part up about being distracted by the Nancy Sinatra Jr song These Boots Are Made For Walking, I actually heard that song this afternoon while in the car on a CD that I burnt for myself of nothing but Nancy Sinatra Jr songs of which These Boots Were Made For Walking was one of, and I could tell you all kinds of stories about the English band that used to play at the enlisted men's club when I was stationed on Crete, the English band with the leggy female back-up singer who actually never sang, but I'll tell you what she did do, what she did do was whenever the English band played These Boots Were Made For Walking, the leggy back-up singer who never actually sang, and the rumor going around is that she was a prostitute, but so what, and anyway whenever the English band played TBAMFW the leggy back-up singer would take center stage, and while wearing a shimmery silver mini dress and knee high boots, she would start doing a series of high leg kicks during the instrumental break in the middle of the song, which would drive most of the young, drunk, and horny enlisted men crazy, and then there was that one time when Duck Farwig, who was very drunk, but when was he not very drunk, but yeah, the very drunk Duck Farwig moved his chair right up to the edge of the stage where he claimed that he got a perfect view of the leggy back-up singers bush, and yeah back then women had bushes because Lady Bics and Brazilian wax jobs hadn't been invented yet, but Duck Farwig might have been full of shit, and beer, and hormones, and damn, prostitute or not, the leggy back-up singer was smoking hot, with her mini-dress, and her boots, and blonde hair, and did I mention her blonde hair earlier, doesn't matter, and I guess that's it, so I think I'm going to take another shot of generic Nyquil and pretend I'm a drunk and horny 19 year old enlisted man, and I wonder whatever happened to Duck Farwig and the leggy back-up singer who never actually sang.

I dreamt that I adopted Simpleton, and it was the death of us all.

Um, ok, remember when I told you I was sick as a dog, or like a dog, or because of a dog, the other day, the other day being either yesterday or today?
Well, I wasn't really sick, sick in the way I thought I was sick, it was just my sinus acting up again, and I don't know why it always takes me a few days to realize that the sick that I feel is caused by my sinus, which I sometimes proudly refer to as the worst sinus my doctor has ever seen, if one can actually see a sinus (sinii?)
So, when it finally hit me, like a shiv in the spinal cord, that it was my sinus, and not the plague ... 2007 style, (damn I can't find the "l" on my keyboard, I keep typing "k" by mistake, and maybe the "l" key is next to the "any" key of tech support lore, but I'm tangentisizing, aren't I?)
So, when it finally hit me that it was my sinus, and after the requisite forehead slap (DOH!!!) of recognition, I took a shot of generic Nyquil and slept the sleep of the dead for about two hours, and then I woke the wake of the alive, took a shower, had a half a chicken sandwich and a diet soda, and here I am, grogged but not broken, shaken but not stirred, l-less but not hekpkess, lost in a sea of Nyquility ... generic style.
The end but not the finish, so I guess I am done without making a point, again.

Ok, is Ziggy the dad or is Bob the dad?

So, I was listening to my new favorite sweetest song I have ever heard in my life, Daddy's Gone by Toots and the Maytals, and did I mention that it was about a quarter after five this evening when I was listening to mnfssihehiml, and sudddenly (suddenly, like a flash in the night ...) I started to fall asleep, and you know those dreams you have when you're not quite asleep but still not quite awake, the kind that seem really real to the real cubed, well, I was having one of those while Toots and the Guys were singing, and I had planned on telling you all about it, but after uploading Daddy's Gone, and then going to the bathroom, and getting a can of diet Cherry Pepsi, and not being able to find the straws, the straws that are always on the bar in the kitchen, I mean, because who can drinkout of a can without a straw, well, I can't anyways-s-s-s-s, and then I found the straws, and they were on the bar in the kitchen where they always are, and I don't know, my mind was probably a million miles away, and that's probably why I couldn't find the straws at first, but did eventually, and because of all that I forgot what my not quite asleep but yet not quite awake dream was, and if you really want to hear Daddy's Gone by Toots and the Maytals, you can try here ...
Or here ...
Or here ...
Or even here ...
And if any of you have ever had one of those not quite asleep but not quite awake dreams that you can REMEMBER, let me know.

Toots & the Maytals

Hey, let's all go down to the video blog store and make a video blog post