Ten questions for John Cusack

1. What do you like to talk about at parties?
How I took Daphne Zuniga's virginity during the filming of The Sure Thing.

2. Did you?
Did I what?

3. Did you take Daphne Zuniga's virginity during the filming of The Sure Thing?
I a-h-h-h-h-h, I'm not sure, it was such a long time ago, but I'm sure I took Wil Wheaton's virginity during the filming of Stand By Me.

4. Do you always type the word ahhhhhhh, as a-h-h-h-h-h.
Only when I a-h-h-h-h-h, yes.

5. Tell me a little bit about Ione Skye.
That's not a question, I know these things because I played an English teacher on an episode of The Twilight Zone that never aired. All questions should end with a question mark. (?)

6. Ok, what can you tell me about Ione Skye?
Well, her and Daphne Zuniga are both lesbians, at least that's the reason they both gave me when I asked them to have sex with me, and there's a rumor that they made a sex tape together and it is circulating around all the places where lesbians hang out and watch sex tapes, and I'm pretty sure that it's true, because I started the rumor, and do you think it's ok that I watch the L Word, not that I do, and if I did it would only be because I heard another rumor, another rumor that I started, that Daphne Zuniga and Ione Skye were going to do a sex scene with the cute lesbian, the cute lesbian that didn't have a mustache.

7. Anything else you'd like to mention?
I took a bath with my sister Joan this one time when I was six, and we were both naked, and did you know that guys and girls are different, you know, down there, and Joan and I made a promise never to tell anyone about what we did in the tub while we were naked.

8. You sang show tunes, didn't you?
The bitch told you, didn't she!!!

9. What question is this?
It's number 9, and I know it's number 9 because I am a number 9, you know, down there.

10. That's not what Daphne, Ione, and Joan said.
THAT'S NOT A QUESTION, THAT'S NOT A QUESTION, THAT'S NOT A QUESTION, AND THE BITCHES LIE, ALL BITCHES LIE, GO ASK WIL WHEATON, HE'LL TELL YOU I'M A NUMBER 9 DOWN THERE!!!