If this had been an actual emergency

I got a haircut today.
It was pretty uneventful.
After the haircut I went to Kmart.
They had a 50% off the clearance price on all clothing, but they didn't call it clothing, they called it apparel, and I got a shirt for $3.50 and a pair of shorts
for $4.50.



While standing in the check-out line I noticed they had candy bars on sale for thirty cents.
I bought a Chocolate Mocha Kit Kat bar to go with my lunch.



It went very good with lunch.
There are all kinds of severe storm warning to the south of us.
There are no severe storm warnings here.
We could use the rain, seriously.
I walked for an hour this morning while listening to my Zune (mp3 player).
The first song I heard was Paperback Writer by the Beatles.
When Paperback Writer first came out in 1966 I thought it was called PaperBAG Writer.
I turned 16 in 1966.
On my 16th birthday my old man and I went to see the Detroit Tigers play the Minnesota Twins.
It was free bat day for anyone under 16.
I lied, and got a free bat.
It was a Dick MacAuliffe autograph bat.
Dick MacAuliffe played shortstop for the Tigers.
Then when the Tigers got Ray Oyler Dick MacAuliffe played second base for the Tigers.
Ray Oyler is dead.
He was an alcoholic.
So kids, let that be a lesson to you.
If you drink, don't play shortstop for the Tigers, and if you're not sure how to spell MacAuliffe just fake it, because who's gonna know?
Amen.

Phlegm at eleven.

I bought four new pair of socks on Tuesday.



You'll notice that they aren't black.
You'll notice that they aren't white.
These non black and these non white socks are a big step for me.
I will wear them with my new skinny pants that aren't really new.
They aren't really new, but they have never been worn.
I will wear them now because they fit.
They fit because I have lost thirty three lbs in three months just like the people on the radio who did it with diet pills.

It's stuffy tonight.
I have the fan on in front of the open window, and the blinds are raised, but they are raised crookedly, and no matter how hard I try I can't get them straight, but since it is almost two in the morning I don't think that it matters, because the only people who would actually notice that the blinds are crooked would be home invaders lurking outside my bedroom window, and I think they would be more concerned with home invading and probably not even notice the crooked blinds, unless the sight of the crooked blinds pushed them/him/her over the edge and the crooked blinds were the root cause of a home invasion killing spree, film at eleven.

The end

How many diet pepsi refills is too many diet pepsi refills?

MB's birthday is on Sunday.
She will be 86 years old.
She got her hair done today.
She also had her upper lip and her chin waxed.
It cost fifty dollars.
I gave the hair dresser a five dollar tip.
The hair dresser's grandson in in the army.
He is stationed in Iraq.
He said it is hot.
When MB was finished with the hair dresser we went out for pizza.
We had a large pepperoni and we both had a diet pepsi to drink.
There were free refills on the diet pepsi.
I had four refills.
MB had zero refills.
I also finished MB's diet pepsi.
I ate seven pieces of pizza.
MB ate three pieces of pizza.
The bill came to $10.36.
MB received a birthday card from my brother in law today.
He sent her a check for fifty dollars.
We paid for the pizza out of the fifty dollars.
MB still has forty dollars left.
That's because I paid the thirty six cents out of my pocket.
When we got home I took pictures.
They are posted on buzznet.
Buzznet isn't working very well right now, but you can try later.
I will update MB's birthday extravaganza as events occur.
Later

Putting the t in t-shirt since 1965.

I bought three new t-shirts today at a dollar store that I rarely go to.
But the t-shirts didn't cost a dollar, they cost a dollar forty nine each.
Which is a good price, but not for a dollar store, because ...
Anyway, I bought three t-shirts.
All three of them are white except for the parts that aren't, and the parts that aren't are the parts that are silk screened, or printed, or yeah, the parts that aren't white.

One of the three t-shirts is a promotional t-shirt for an urban music festival that took place in Chattanooga Tennessee in 2005, but you want to know what is slightly spooky? It took place on AUGUST 20TH in 2005, and if you look at the date at the end of this post, yeah, that's right, today is August 20th!!!

The second t-shirt is for the Navy, I guess they were a promotion to get people to consider joining the Navy, or to consider going to a Village People re-union concert, and damn, my right index finger hurts, and the right index finger is the only finger I use on my right hand when I type, so, as you can imagine, I am in great pain right now, and yeah, it's odd, I use all four fingers on my left hand, which is my off hand, because I am right handed, and yet ...
I only use one finger on my right hand, which I already mentioned, and perhaps I should mention that I hurt my right index finger when I jammed it repeatedly while washing windows the other day.

The third t-shirt commemorates the 10th Anniversary of the Moon Pie-RC Cola Festival that took place in Historic Bell Buckle Tennessee, that's Bell Buckle, not Belt Buckle, and since it took place in 2004 I guess it would be the 13th anniversary, and my finger is really throbbing now so I am going to close, and I tell you what, I'll just take a picture and post it, ok.

Saturday is the only day that starts with sat.

Ok, I am officially skinny.



And a lady at the store liked my shirt.
And a lady on buzznet said my pants were too long.
And I walked till my heel hurt today.
And I bought a new belt today because all my other belts were either too big, or they were falling apart.
And I don't have any suspenders.
And did I ever tell you that I haven't used a comb since I got out of the air force, mostly because my hair used to be too long, and now it is too thin ...
Thin like me ... hahahaha
And I forgot to say that I use a brush.
Yeah, a brush.
And the way that video overlaps the sidebar is, well, I'm just anal enough that the video that overlaps the sidebar is irritating, not irritating enough to make me lose sleep over it, because I only lose sleep thinking about Gary Sinise and frozen grapes, and a strange high school girl with bleeding eyes, and a fist full of quarters, and a diary full of smiley faces, and ahhhhhhh
Yeah, but not enough to change it.

Lights, cameras, traction!!!

Remember that short story that I started but never intended to finish back in May of this year?
The one about the call to the 911 operator about two men fighting outside my bedroom window, well, not my bedroom window, but the guy in the short story's bedroom window.
Well, I also posted it as a journal entry on my buzznet account, and I just found out yesterday that one of my buzznet friends wants to make a short film about it. He's new at this, but he is serious, serious enough that he has asked a friend of his who is a graduate of the film school at USC for some help in the production, ok, it's not going to end up at Sundance, and it will probably be an internet thing, but still, you know, it's not a WOW!!!!
But I am kind of excited to see how it turns out.
Here is a test video that he shot.



And this is what he said about the project.
Boz Test
A few months back, Boz wrote the intro to a short story that involved a humorous 911 call. Iit's posted in his May journal, I think.)When I read it, I was struck at the great potential for a short film. I'm still in the planning stages, but I was to do a short test in the meanwhile. Eventually, I'd like to stage a fight and include the 911 operator because the dialog between the caller and operator are pretty great. I hope Boz doesn't mind!

Tra la.

It's always something, but it could be something else

Ten newsworthy things that happened in 1969 after I enlisted in the Air Force.

1. Eisenhower died on the day I reported for basic training, so did my grandfather.

2. Charles DeGaulle died too, typical French guy, he couldn't even let Eisenhower get cold before he goes and kicks it.

3. Man walked on the moon for the first time while I was playing poker in the upper bay of my barracks in Biloxi Mississippi

4. Woodstock took place. Three days of love, peace, and rock & roll, or whatever they called it back then, and I did my part by playing pin ball and getting drunk on a bottle of Bacardi's Rum that I had to have someone buy for me because I had just turned 19 and the legal drinking age for everything except beer was 21.

5. The Tate-LoBianco murders were committed by the Manson family which was weird because the night of the Tate murders a bunch of us went to the drive-in and saw a double bill of The Planet of the Apes which starred Charlton Heston and The Valley of the Dolls which starred dun dun dun ... Sharon Tate.

6. Teddy Kennedy got away with murder or at least negligent homicide when he drove his car off the bridge at Chappaquidick (sic), saving himself, and allowing Mary Jo Kopechne (sic) to drown, but at least this spared us of a Teddy Kennedy presidency, and this is coming from a life long democrat, so don't go there with the "oh yeah, you conservatives yadda yadda yadda".

7. Hurricane Camille hit the Gulf Coast, which I was smack dab in the middle of, and it was pretty cool, seriously, and one of the guys from my squadron went missing, but it turns out he was at his uncle's house just outside of Biloxi, and I kid you not, the guys name was Bud D. Wiser, and it wasn't even a nickname, it was his given name.

8. Ehhhh, there was some peace march on Washington DC, but I was in the air force so my ass was covered, and yeah, even then I was the center of my own universe, so since the war didn't effect me I just sort of ignored it, ok, I was against it, but I ignored it.

9. The Hells Angels beat some guy to death at a Rolling Stones outdoors concert in Altamont California in stark contrast to Woodstock just a few months earlier.

10. The first draft lottery took place while I was home on leave before going over seas, and my number would have been in the 300's so there was no way I would have been drafted if I hadn't enlisted, and I always refer to this as the "so sad, too bad" period of my life.

My sweat is a just sweat

So, I was walking today, and by the way, I walked five miles today, and I sweated a lot, and my heal started to hurt at about the three mile mark, but I'm a trooper and I kept going, but now I'm off subject, and what I wanted to say was when I was walking today I had an out of body experience.
It happened while the song Candy Girl by the Four Seasons was playing on my Zune, and from now on when I talk about my Zune I am going to refer to it as my mp3 player because I am sensing a lot of Zune envy, or maybe it is just Zune hate, out there.
Anyway I had an out of body experience while walking and Candy Girl started playing on my mp3 player, see I told you I was going to start calling it my mp3 player ...
And yeah, I had an out of body experience when Candy Girl started playing, it was like I left my body, you know, I was still walking physically, but mentally I was far away, far away in the lounge of a bowling alley in Paramus New Jersey, and I was singing the falsetto parts of Candy Girl, and the lounge was packed, and people were smiling, and people were swaying back and forth in time, and I was nailing it, nailing the falsetto parts, I was all OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH-WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CANDY GIRL!!!
And the spotlight was on me, and it was a friendly spotlight, and I glistened, maybe not glistened, but I ruled the lounge of the bowling alley in Paramus New Jersey, and there was one person, a certain special person, a certain special person sitting at a ringside table in the lounge of the bowling alley in Paramus New Jersey, and that special person was Susie Minter, yes, the same Susie Minter who I had an unflailing crush on in 8th and 9th grade, the same Susie Minter who made me stutter when she even just glanced at me, the same Susie Minter ... is there even such a word as unflailing (???)but yeah, that Susie Minter, the one with blue eyes, the one with the blond hair, the one who always lef the top two buttons of her starched white blouse unbuttoned, and as far as 8th grade cleavage went she had it, and used it, and I'm getting a little sweaty just thinking about it, but I'm thinking about as a 13 or 14 year old boz would think of it, so that's ok, ok, maybe it's not ok, but it's at least no worse than a grey area ...
And anyway, THAT Susie Minter wrote something on a cocktail napkin and handed it to me when I did my dip after the second OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH-WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CANDY GIRL!!!
And just as I was about to read her note, the note that THAT Susie Minter wrote, Candy Girl ended, and then The End by the Doors came on, and POOOOOF my out of body experience was replaced by false post Vietnam flashback syndrome.
The End ... beautiful friend ... The End

Kafka my ass.

There was a cricket in my bed this morning.
I couldn't kill it, because I couldn't catch it.
I can feel it's little cricket eyes burning into me as it plots it's next course of action.

Yeah, bub

I swear to god, with a lowercase g, I'm getting downright lanky.

It's August, so it's time for a quiz/survey/intrusion on my privacy

What is your middle name?
Vance

What color is your mailbox?
Greyish silver with blue and rust peeking through.

Are you single?
Yes.

Have you ever hit a deer?
No, but I've come close a few times. My niece hit one once and it smashed through the windshield of her car while she was driving down the interstate at night.

Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home?
Little bridges.

What color is your room?
It's a light colored fake wood paneling.

Do you have a small driveway?
No, it's about average.

Do you know anyone with the same ringtone as you?
No.

What do you do first in the morning?
Take a leak.

What brand is your printer?
I don't have a printer, they are a waste of money.

Do you enjoy fighting with people?
No.

Is your hair naturally straight or curly?
Naturally thinning.

Who was your kindergarten teacher?
Mrs. Harris.

What is your ringtone?
19th Nervous Breakdown by the Rolling Stones.

Are you taller than your dad?
Yes.

What curse word do you say the most when your pissed?
Jesus Fuck.

Are you God?
Yes, if you replace the G with a B and the D with a Z.

Do you like someone?
I like a lot of people.

Do you enjoy writing in colored pens?
No, mostly black.

Does anything hurt on your body right now?
Everything hurts on my body right now.

Do you often cry during a movie?
No, but I don't often laugh either.

Last phone call you received?
From my niece returning a call I made to her.

Last text message?
My grand niece thanking me for a birthday card back in March, no wait, from my provider telling me that the rate for text messages are going up.

Do you hate your life?
No, but I hate my bald spot.

Do you get mad easily?
Nah, but I get upset easily.

What is your biggest pet peeve?
People pulling out of their driveway already talking on their cellphones.

Are you cold?
No, I'm sweating.

Do any of your friends have kids?
Yes.

Do you know anyone that is pregnant right now?
Yes.

Who should pay on the first date?
Adam.

How many years older than you are you willing to date?
Zero.

Do you have any friends?
I guess.

Do you have any mean friends?
No.

What is the ugliest color to wear in your opinion?
Red, or maybe purple, but that's just for me.

Have you ever liked someone who all your friends hate?
Yes, all my friends have always hated all my friends.

Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff, seriously?
Sure, wait, I thought that said diving not driving, no.

Have you ever contemplated suicide?
Other people's but not mine.

Do you scratch your ears?
Yes, all the time.

Who was the last person to hug you?
My cousin.

What brand are the pant/jeans you're wearing right now?
I'm not.

How tall are you?
Six foot three inches.

What is the closest green object?
The curtains.

If you were born the opposite sex, what would your parents have named you?
Bozette.

Do you want to have kids?
No, but I wouldn't mind a puppy if I didn't have to clean up after it.

What is the brightest color you're wearing?
White.

Who is the friend you have that you would never have expected to have?
Most of them ... all of them.

Who do you hate the most right now?
No one.

What kind of car do you want?
Doesn't matter as long as it starts every time.

What is your favorite video game?
I don't play video games.

Do you have any TV shows on DVD?
No, wait, someone gave me a VCR tape with two episodes of The Avengers.

Are you wearing make-up?
No, but I will if you insist.

Do you have a tattoo?
Four of them.

Have you ever broken a pinata?
Is that one of the tiny bones in your wrist?

What time is it right now?
11:35 PM EDT.


Do you know how to draw?
Not really, I used to doodle a lot when I got bored, but I stopped getting bored.

Who loves orange soda?
There have been three times in my life when I went on orange soda binges, where I would drink orange soda after orange soda, after orange soda, but the binges only lasted a few days each time.


Who did you last IM?
ChampSuperstar and God.


Do you work a lot of hours?
Hahahaha


Where were you in the last 24 hours?
Mostly around town, yeah, I didn't leave town at all today.


Who was the last person that called you?
You already asked that question in a slightly different form.


Is there anything you regret?
Sure, lot's of things. Oh, you want examples. Ok, joining the Air Force would probably be on the top of the list.

Do you know where your family name originated from?
I'm guessing it's English, or maybe Scotch Irish.

Is there an animal that creeps you out?
Bats, skunks, I guess most varmints do.

What is your favorite color ON A CAR?
I like yellow.


Do you use digital or film cameras?
Digital.

Do you own an iPod?
I own a Zune and a 2 Gig Panasonic.

Have you ever been on a charter bus?
Yes, three times, I think, and that's odd because my cable and internet provider is Charter.