Just to let you know what's happening.

It's four in the morning and I'm sick as a dog, or maybe I mean like a dog, and my fucking keyboard can't keep up with my train of thought, I should back track a bit, I'm pretty sure I mean sick as a dog, I mean, because even in my feverish state being sick like a dog doesn't make any sense.

So, I'm sick as a dog, and, you know, sick as a dog doesn't make much sense either, so let's just say I'm sick, or as my doctor likes to say, I've got the creeping crud, or maybe he just says the crud, but I like creeping crud better because it's alliterative, and really, just how often am I alliterative, so cut me some slack, por favor.

Ok, I've got the creeping crud, and shit, that just sounds wrong, so let's just say that I'm under the weather, nah, let's just say I don't feel ...........
What the fuck .... a goddamn alarm just went off, and I thought for sure it was a smoke alarm, and I thought for sure that the house was burning down, and I thought for sure that I wouldn't be able to finish this post, so I ran out to see what it was, I mean, it wasn't long ago that MB put a hot dog bun in the microwave and set the timer for seventeen hours, and let me tell you something, that after seventeen hours in a microwave a hot dog bun is ahhhhhhhhhh, charcoal. So I went running out to see what it was, half expecting to be overcome by smoke, and the sound was coming from the bathroom, and seriously, all this happened while I was writing this post, and the sound was coming from the bathroom, and I don't have a smoke detector in the bathroom, and yeah .... fuck it, it was the little digital clock, I guess MB, or maybe even me, and yeah, I do some pretty bat shit crazy things at times, anyway, one of us must have pushed the little clicky thing and put the alarm on, I don't know, I guess it's just not my day.

So, I'm sick, and I can't sleep because every time I lay down, or lie down, and I'm pretty sure it's lay down, but I'm hedging my bets, but every time I lay down my nose gets so stuffed up it's like I'd need a set of allen wrenches to open them up, and I'm not even sure what allen wrenches are, so that should tell you just how sick I am.

Do clams get clammy or is that just a saying?

I'm so sick that I am just going to post this picture of MB taken with my new cellphone at Hungry Howie's this afternoon where she is trying to look like she is listening to what I am saying when what she is actually doing is thinking that she should have said yes to that guy that looked an awfully lot like Glen Ford when he asked her if she would like to dance back in 1939 at that dance she went to with her girlfriend from the hospital that she worked at about two weeks before she met my father.

The attack of the four dollar hoodie.

My eyes, my eyes, what have they done to my eyes.



Beard does look nice though.

Good Friday

I bought a new toy, exchanged the hoodie, and recieved my new phone via FedEx.

The Unabozbozenbozer

Unabated phone boner

I ate chicken noodle soup with oyster crackers tonight.
They've opened a casino just 40 miles from where I live.
I'm bored, that's it.

Going cellular in a bozzular world

I finally signed up for a real cell phone plan. It's with AT&T. I got the $39.99 2 year package, with 450 any time minutes which rollover, and 5000 late night minutes, and I added the 200 Messages plan for an extra $5.00.

I bought the LG CU515 - Plum, yeah plum, because I wanted a phone with a little bozzazz to it.



It's got a camera which is supposed to be crappy, and a music player, and an micro sd slot for up to a 4 gig card, and a bunch of other stuff like blue tooth capabilities, whatever the fuck that is, and I can send pictures and videos, and I'm already bored with it even though I ordered it on line and haven't gotten it yet, and I'll probably try to get a cheaper lan line deal, or get rid of it altogether, because I heard on the radio that a lot of people are doing that, a lot of cutting edge people are doing it, and I'm nothing if not cutting edge, and ok, I'm all excited again, and I'd show you a picture of my phone boner, but a picture wouldn't do it justice.

I guess this is the title.

I just did a Google Image Search for "some chick" and this is the best I came up with.



It's late, and I needed a post, so fuck it.

Doctor's appointment today.
He suggested that I used a saline solution nasal spray and a humidifier to help with my sinus problem. So I will, and I didn't even have to buy either of them, but then a girl from Argentina just told me that she was once addicted to saline nasal spray, and now I'm worried that I'll become addicted, even though my doctor said I could used it all I wanted and not have to worry about overdoing it, so who am I to believe , my doctor, or a cute chick from Argentina who likes 60's music.

Top Chef needs more licorice recipes

It's eight thirty in the morning and I'm scarfing down blue raspberry licorice like there is no tomorrow, and if I die today I guess there would be no tomorrow, but anyway, I don't care if it makes me sick(er) it still tastes very good.

If I'm not here tomorrow check the morgue.

I'm really sick tonight.
I think it might be god's way of punishing me for blowing off the blood test I was supposed to get.
I am nauseous.
I am perspiring profusely.
I have chills.
My throat is sore.
AND THOSE DAMN TEENAGERS OUTSIDE WON'T SHUT UP. IT'S DARK OUTSIDE, SHOULDN'T THEY BE HOME WORKING ON THEIR MY SPACE ACCOUNTS.
Anyway ...
I started watching the new season of Top Chef tonight on Bravo, and the best part so far is the host Padma Something or other.

The host, Padma Something or other, but it might be Lakshmi.



Excuse me while I go puke.

I was supposed to get a blood test today, but I blew it off because I would have had to fast, but I didn't.

Daylight Savings Time is really screwing me up.
It's 4:41 pm, and it seems later, but it is actually earlier.

If my name were Ralph it would be funny because that's what I feel like doing.

I haven't slept in a week, or since five thirty this morning, whichever came first.

But why Asia Argento?

Asia Argento



Asia Argento Again



Asia Argento Again Again



But why Asia Argento?
It's her underpants.

Adventures in Bobble Head Land

Hulk Benet-Ramsey and Officer Jonnie's First Date.

Lt. Colonel Boz Bozbozenboz waits in ambush outside Der Fuehrer's private Water Closet ... and two bonus foto funnies.

Where have you gone Moonie Pottie a nation turns it's lonely eyes to you.

Ten things it is hard to do while listening to an mp3 player.
1. Shave, unless it's your legs or your tongue.
2. That's all I can up with.
3. But I'll keep thinking.
4. Did anyone see that article in Der Spiegel ... I took a year of German in college, and at the first university I went to I used to go into the library archives and look for pictures of naked women in back issues of Der Spiegel, and there was always at least one, so when I transferred to a second university I did the same thing, but someone had went through every issue and cut out all the naked lady pictures, I mean, they censored Der Spiegel, yes, CENSORSHIP reared it's ugly head in a supposedly liberal midwestern university, either that, or some horny college student (other than me) had cut them out and started a Der Spiegel Naked Woman Scrapbook, which would have given him something to thumb through after he had barricaded himself in the university chapel bell tower and was still waiting for his first clear shot.
5. My fingers are not hitting the correct keys tonight.
6. Tom Petty looks like a really ugly woman.
7. Like an ugly woman that I used to date, nah, I'd never admit to dating an ugly woman, even if I did, I'd never admit it, and even if she were ugly I'm sure I would have found her inner beauty, and been happy, until she dumped me.
8. Don't mind my grammatical errors, they're part of my charm.
9. Oh yeah, Der Spiegel is a German magazine that I am pretty sure Tom Petty subscribes to, and can I end a sentence with to?
10. This whole grammar thing is very upsetting, sorry.

Pokies and other blasts from the past.

Linda Fiorentino turned 48 today.



I like her toes, and her mouth, and her voice, and a lot of her other stuff too.

I like her better than Shannyn Sossamon.



But there are many good things about Shannyn Sossamon too, like her name and her pokies, and when was the last time I used the word pokies in here ...

Boz and Henry Miller take the Faygo Candy Cane Cola taste test.

It's also given me a bit of a sugar buzz, because I only drink diet soda, and this wasn't diet, and maybe I shouldn't have drinken, make that dranken the whole one liter bottle, and really, I never did taste the candy cane, and were you thinking what I was thinking when I said I used to dip my candy cane in my glass of pepsi when I was a kid, but seriously, my shoulder really hurts tonight, so instead of folding laundry I took a nap, and when I woke up from my nap I felt like I had been to hell and back and back again with Boz's Bastards, tra la, tra la, tra la.

Where is my winter?

I am pretty excited because I got 16 AA batteries for a dollar at the Dollar Store, and yeah, they do work pretty good in my mp3 player #2 which takes one AA battery, and in the new flashlight that I also just bought at the Dollar Store (no picture available). I mean, sixteen of anything for a dollar is a pretty good deal.



I also bought a 1 liter bottle of Faygo Candy Cane Cola for fifty cents, which I will probably be drinking tonight with one of my real long straws, and maybe I'll post a video just to show you how long the straw really is.

Great moments in military history as re-enacted by Lt Colonel Boz Bozbozenboz.

Nothing suitable can come of this.

I went to the $ store today and bought socks and army men.
1. You can never have enough socks.
2. When I was a kid my parents never bought me army men, never, and this might be my last chance.
3. I'm going to call my battalion of army men BOZ'S BASTARDS!!!.
4. I'm going to make a series of short videos starring BOZ'S BASTARDS.
5. The first video will be called BOZ'S BASTARDS: TO HELL AND BACK, AND THEN BACK AGAIN BECAUSE THEY LIKED IT SO MUCH!
6. Just call me Lt Colonel Boz Bozbozenboz.
7. That's it.
8. What's with the numbers?
9. Dunno.
10. I'll take Paul Lynde for the block.

2001: A Boz Odyssey

Got a haircut today. The barber was eating a a fun size Snickers bar while he was giving me my haircut. The fun size 8 packs are on sale this week at the drugstore for fifty cents each. I've bought two packs so far.

I've been trying all night to watch the movie Disturbia starring that kid that used to play the younger brother on one of those Disney Channel shows, the kid with the girl sounding name. I've gotten through about forty minutes so far, but it has taken me four attempts.

I'm losing an online Scrabulous game to Mr. DVL, and there is a t-shirt riding on the outcome, and I'm not getting anything but vowels, give me a consonant or two, dammit.

-30-

The shavin' razor's cold and it stings

Earlier tonight I had a sexual fantasy (cough, cough, cough) about an ugly girl who had a crush on me in high school, and I knew she had a crush on me because her brother told me, and really in hindsight she wasn't ugly, I was just stupid, and she sort of looked like a suicide girl without the tattoos and piercings, and forty years ahead of her time, and maybe that is why I had the sexual fantasy (cough, cough, cough) about the not really ugly girl in high school who had a crush on me, and isn't it strange how our outlook on beauty changes as we get older?

But yeah, it was good, and I didn't disappoint her, and she didn't disappoint me, and I think she believed me when I told her it was good for her complexion, and it all took place in the back seat of one of the driver's ed cars in the parking lot behind the gym, and I kept her underpants, and she kept my library card, and we exchanged phone numbers, and we sat on the curb until her ride showed up, and Daydream Believer was playing on the radio, and that sort of became our song, at least in the sexual fantasy (cough, cough, cough) I had earlier tonight.

Shhhh, I think I hear something.

I have to get a blood test.
A blood test that I have to fast for twelve hours before the test.
I hate blood tests.
I hate the rubber tube they tie around my arm.
I hate the little sting when the technician sticks the needle in.
I hate the geeky techs who look like they get off on the whole blood and needle thing.
I hate when the tech asks me to make a fist.
I hate the feeling of the blood pulsing out my body even though I can't feel it, but I still feel it, you know what I mean, don't you.
I'm getting dizzy.
I think I'm going to pass out.
(Twenty Minutes Later)
What happened?

Your tongue, you can't live without it.

Did you know there are tons of tongue videos on You Tube?



This isn't my favorite, and it's not like I have a tongue fetish, but it's not like I don't either.

Some ice cream would be nice.

I didn't make my bed till 8:45 tonight, because I am a rebel, and I celebrated by eating two hot dogs, heavy on the mustard, and then I watched a movie where Britney Murphy played a slut.



Yeah, I've had a busy day.

He's a well respected man about town doing the best things so conservatively.

It's the glasses, and the socks, and the pink skin, and the freckles, and the wispy hair, and the fact that she looks like the kind of girl who would have gone out with me in high school if I'd had the nerve to ask her out, and if I had asked her out we would have probably gone to see Bonnie and Clyde at the Mall, or maybe we would have tried to fake our way into the Jewel in Mount Clemens to see Blow-Up, and she'd tell me how she'd already been accepted to both U of M, and Wayne State, and wasn't sure where she wanted to go, but she was leaning towards Wayne State because she liked the urban environment, and I'd only sort of half way be paying attention because my underpants were riding up, and I was trying to scooch them back into place without appearing obvious, and that song by the Kinks would come on the radio, and I'd turn the sound up just a little, and she'd flash an awkward smile, and I'd try not to stare at her legs, because I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, sigh ...