Friday, February 29, 2008

And now my whole body hurts.

Sometimes even Uri Geller gets the blues.

It looks like someone has been making crop circles on my forehead.

I can't get over how good my new hair cut looks, but that sounds vain, so I'll post another picture real fast to hide it. - Photo Hosted at Buzznet

Asses and glasses but leave out the fascists

I might be in a little bit of heaven tonight.
I was looking for a picture to go with a post I was going to make, but I found this instead, so fuck the post.

Currently playing - Plastic Jesus by the Flaming Grapes, and yeah, I know it's Lips, but I can have an inside joke or two if I want.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

It may be cold, but not as cold as my cold cold heart.

I'm tired tonight, not like last night when I wasn't tired.
I'm not listening to one of my mp3 players either, but I was listening to one of them earlier, and I heard a lot of songs by Steve Earle and Jill Sobule.
And I just quit watching Donnie Darko about twenty minutes in, but I had seen it before about five years ago, and I didn't really like it then, but I thought I'd give it another chance, and I'll probably go back to it tomorrow, and I know how it's a cult classic, but here's my problem with it, he's an alienated youth, right, fine, but I was a hundred times more of an alienated youth than him, or any other alienated youth in any other alienated youth picture that has ever been made, I mean, I would have taken Donnie Darko's life in a second, and big deal, his best friend was a rabbit, at least he had a friend, and how am I supposed to identify with an alienated youth when I envy his sweet life, and Jake Whatshisname, I dunno, I never thought much about him as an actor either, but I kind of like his sister Maggie Whatshername, but not in The Secretary, but in this other movie where she plays ... oh wait, I'm thinking of Zooey Whatshername, so never mind.

Zooey Whatshername

Cinco de Mayo is just another day to me.

I'm not really Mexican, but I do enjoy Telemundo on occasion.

Currently playing Galway Girl by Steve Earle, cause her hair is black and her eyes are blue.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

It's the boobs, it's all about the boobs.

It's four in the morning and I give up, I can't fall asleep.
So, I'm just going to sit here in almost nothing but my underwear and listen to my mp3 player number three, and did I mention that it's FUCKING COLD!!!
And I think I'm falling in love all over again with Liz Phair.

And you know, like I said it's after four in the morning, and I should be cranky, and contrary, and churlish, and a whole bunch of other c words, but I'm not.
I'm happy, or delirious, or brain damaged, but I'm smiling, and my toes are curled under for no apparent reason, and I feel like I am giving off this crazy, groovy, ethereal, viva Las Vegas vibe, and if you, yeah, you, need some positive energy lean over and press your hands against your computer screen, and when you lean over like that I can see that you really do have a great set of boobs, so ahhhhhhhhhh, just do it.

Hello zoloft my old friend, I've come to talk with you again.

Nice post title.
You know, women are really cool.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Do you like my hair?

Me, listening to my 4th mp3 player.
It's a refurbished Sansa C250 with 2 gigs of storage with a micro sd slot which will take up to a 2 gig micro sd card, which I have two of, which is kind of a good thing because 3 of my mp3 players have micro sd slots.
It's a voice recorder too, and it plays videos, and lots of other stuff that even I don't know about, and no, I haven't named any of my mp3 players, except for my Zune, which I only named because I had to, and I named it Boz, after me, which is only fitting because it was my first born.

The song that is playing right now is Explain It To Me by Liz Phair back when she swore in all her songs, and before she got all pop, and I didn't think I'd like the poppy Liz Phair, but I do, and what does that say about me.

I bought Harley Davidson brand Beef Jerky today, but I'm not going to eat it, ever, figure that one out if you can.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Nyquil, even the store brand kind, is not something to trifle with.

Don't pay any attention to the last post I made. I can't give away one of my mp3 players, it would be like giving away a child, and even though I have never had any children ...
and even though I have never had any children, I can imagine it would be very difficult to give one away, unless they were odd, and when I say odd, I mean like whatever the PC term is for what they used to call Chris Burke Syndrome.
This post isn't going very well, because my computer is downloading something and it is making my keyboard act all wonkey, but at least MB has stopped sneezing, yeah, it stopped, make a liar out of me.
But yeah, I feel very tense right now, so I guess I'll go to bed and reflect upon the fact that I have never had any children to possibly give away, and other stuff like that, which might include listening to the mp3 player that I no longer plan to give away.

I have music in my blood and blood in my ...

Ok, no big deal but I bought another mp3 player today.
It's my fifth one, but like I said, it's not a big deal.
It's only a one gig player, and it was half price, and there's a reason why I bought it, you see, I'm going to give my little 2 gig Panasonic mp3 player that I bought for twenty five bucks to my sister to give to her grand daughter for her birthday, and the reason I am doing this is because my sister gave her grand daughter her old digital camera, and then my nephew gave my sister's grandson his old digital camera, so I figured I would give her next grandson my old digital camera, then my sister said, that she would save it for his birthday, and then I figured I should give her third grandson something so he wouldn't feel left out, so I gave him one of my old cd players for my sister to give to him for his birthday, and then since two of her grandsons are getting birthday gifts from me it wouldn't be right if I didn't give her grand daughter something for her birthday, so I bought my fifth mp3 player today, but I couldn't give her that because it's new, and that wouldn't look right since I gave my sister's other two grand kids used presents, so I will keep the new one for myself, and give the old mp3 player to my sister's grand daughter, so ... that just leaves her other grandson, but he already has an iPod that he found by the motel swimming pool they were staying at, but his birthday isn't until September, so I'm not going to worry about it.
Oh, and the grand child who got the CD player loved it, and I'm sure that the mp3 kid and the camera kid will loves their's too, but their birthday's aren't until April, and by then I'll probably have bought another two or three mp3 players, and at least one more digital camera.

By the way, I'm still sick, but not as sick as I was, I think all the Hershey Kisses I have been eating must have helped, that and the diet soda, and the store brand DayQuil, and the store brand NyQuil, and the mustard, we mustn't forget the mustard.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Being of sound mind

Even though I am very sick ...
How sick am I?
My feet are cold.
My nose is stuffed up.
I ache.
My head hurts.
I have chills.
I still smell faintly like mustard ...
No, I don't smell faintly like mustard but in my delirium I thought that sounded funny
But yeah, even though I am very sick I vow ...
No ...
That I will post every day from now until the end of March, unless of course I die, or something better comes up.

Ok, here's a picture of me when I was 19 and home on leave before going overseas to the island of Crete, many people on buzznet think I look very cute in this pic, but that's not why I posted it, I posted it because ...
I was trying to grow a mustache and it wasn't working, the cuteness is just there, what can I say.

Attempted mustache. - Photo Hosted at Buzznet

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

One across: Palindromic band

I've got heartburn.
My sinus(s) are killing me.
I want to eat the candy bar that I want to save for later.
I don't think I'll take a shower tonight.
I think I might shave.
I paid a $750.00 bill today.
Do you realize how emotionally hard it is to make out a check in the amount of $750.00, I mean your mind may say yes, but your hand says no, or maybe it's the other way around.
The sinus meds are making me think not so straight.
The heartburn medication isn't working.
I think I've talked myself out of eating the candy bar that I am saving for later.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Give me a pack of Newports, soft pack

So, here it is.
It's after six in the morning and I've been up all night, and I'm half asleep and I'm wide awake, and I smell faintly like mustard.
I don't know what to do, should I go to bed, should I watch tv, should I contemplate mayhem, or should I just go see what's in the fridge.
And my neck hurts, and they killed Omar, they fucking killed Omar, the fucking fuckers fucking killed Omar, or is it Omer, doesn't matter, cause they fucking killed him.

RIP Omar, R I fucking P.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

I didn't do a pinky swear when I promised to post today.

Is it pinky or pinkie?
I know, I'll take a picture of myself on my web cam and post it.
Everyone likes pictures of me.

I think I'll watch the movie Chinatown even though there aren't any Chinese in it, I mean, who disrespectful is that, and change that who to how.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

I'll make a post tomorrow, honest.

Did I spell tomorrow correctly?

Monday, February 11, 2008

Radical new hair cut

No, I didn't get it colored, but it does look like I did, maybe now that it's shorter it just looks lighter, or maybe the stylist drugged me, had her way with me, and then colored it without me knowing it.

I think it's somewhere between a Julius Caesar and a David Letterman, and did I mention that the stylist was really hot, and maybe I just fantasized that she drugged me, but I am positive that she did grind her inner thigh into my elbow one time, and yeah, I really like it so far, let's just see how it looks tomorrow.

And speaking about Julius Caesar, I've been catching up with the first season of Rome on HBO, and the episode I watched last night introduced Cleopatra, and Cleopatra is played by Lyndsey Marshal, and Lyndsey Marshal's Cleopatra is pure sex, and she could grind her inner thigh into my elbow any time.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Yesterday was Jennifer Jason Leigh's birthday and all she got her was a lousy shirt

The abnormally beautiful Jennifer Jason Leigh

She turned 46 yesterday.
She's finally legal for Osama Bin Laden, and that guy from the group who sang All The Young Dudes, and me.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008


I bought a ticket for the 100 million plus Mega Millions jackpot for tonight, and if I win the jackpot I will buy a new car for everyone who leaves a comment on this post, of course the comments must be made before the drawing tonight, or at least before I check the winning numbers, which might be days, or even weeks, because I have a history of buying lottery tickets and sticking them on my bulletin board and then forgetting about them.

Also, it was very nice for my son, Cow Boris, to point out my spelling error in the
It should have read
But still, I have gotten a number of hits from people who spell as badly as me, and don't have a Cow Boris in their life to point out their mistakes.

I think I am going to turn this into a celebrity gossip blog

I mean really, I know all about the dancing baby, and Eve Plumb, and that red headed girl that was in the movie about the zombies who went bowling on Friday nights, and that Spanish guy Javier Badem, or something like Badem, wait, I'll check ...
Ok, it's Bardem, and he's a really good actor, so maybe I won't turn this into a celebrity gossip blog, maybe I'll turn it into a SHRINE TO JAVIER BARDEM, and I can post about his latest movies, and his personal life, and what it was like growing up as Javier Bardem, and just all kinds of STUFF JAVIER BARDEM!!!

Here we go!!!


Javier Bardem, the Spanish Fonzie.

Javier Bardem as Fez's father in a very special episode of That 70's Show.

Javier Bardem sporting wood on the beach.

Magazine story on Javier Bardem that roughly translated reads: Javier Bardem is dating Penelope Cruz, I guess this proves he isn't gay after all, unless he has the same kind of arrangement that Tom Cruise had with Penelope Cruz, and didn't you think that whole last name Cruise/Cruz thing was kind of creepy. I said it was a rough translation.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Below is a really great title for a post that will send me mega hits from guys that are even pervier than me

The post title that will bring hundreds of hits for a day or two and then I will once again sink back into oblivion:


Sunday, February 03, 2008

Ten questions for John Cusack

1. What do you like to talk about at parties?
How I took Daphne Zuniga's virginity during the filming of The Sure Thing.

2. Did you?
Did I what?

3. Did you take Daphne Zuniga's virginity during the filming of The Sure Thing?
I a-h-h-h-h-h, I'm not sure, it was such a long time ago, but I'm sure I took Wil Wheaton's virginity during the filming of Stand By Me.

4. Do you always type the word ahhhhhhh, as a-h-h-h-h-h.
Only when I a-h-h-h-h-h, yes.

5. Tell me a little bit about Ione Skye.
That's not a question, I know these things because I played an English teacher on an episode of The Twilight Zone that never aired. All questions should end with a question mark. (?)

6. Ok, what can you tell me about Ione Skye?
Well, her and Daphne Zuniga are both lesbians, at least that's the reason they both gave me when I asked them to have sex with me, and there's a rumor that they made a sex tape together and it is circulating around all the places where lesbians hang out and watch sex tapes, and I'm pretty sure that it's true, because I started the rumor, and do you think it's ok that I watch the L Word, not that I do, and if I did it would only be because I heard another rumor, another rumor that I started, that Daphne Zuniga and Ione Skye were going to do a sex scene with the cute lesbian, the cute lesbian that didn't have a mustache.

7. Anything else you'd like to mention?
I took a bath with my sister Joan this one time when I was six, and we were both naked, and did you know that guys and girls are different, you know, down there, and Joan and I made a promise never to tell anyone about what we did in the tub while we were naked.

8. You sang show tunes, didn't you?
The bitch told you, didn't she!!!

9. What question is this?
It's number 9, and I know it's number 9 because I am a number 9, you know, down there.

10. That's not what Daphne, Ione, and Joan said.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

An open letter to my son ... Cow Boris

Son, I know you hate me because of your name, but it was your mother's idea, and yes, I should have stood up to her that one time, but you have to remember that she was ex-roller derby, and she was hard to disagree with once she got her jam on.
Trust me son, if I would've had my way, if your mother and I would have given you the name I had picked out, you'd be able to walk down any street in this fine country of ours with your head held high (as high as possible given it's SLIGHTLY larger than average size) as people would stop and point and say ...
Look, there goes Cow Bullwinkle, his father is really cool and bitchin'.

Friday, February 01, 2008

I could have sworn there were 32 days in January this year.

It's friday morning, real early friday morning, real early for me anyway, and I'm sort of half awake, waiting for for the garage door repairman, the same garage door repairman that was here two days ago to repair the same garage door that he is going to re-repair today,and I'm not making much sense, mostly because I have a stomach ache from eating too much candy while watching a Scottish movie about women in wedding dresses who murder their husbands, or intended husbands, and the bad part is I turned the movie off half way through, but I kept eating the candy, eating, and eating, and eating, and eating, and if I keep typing "and eating" I think I might hurl, and not just a little bit, and not just in my hands.

And finally ...
I just woke up from a dream where we were at war with Korea, not North, or South, just Korea, and I was fighting in the war, and I was number two in line from my position, and when I opened fire my rifle turned out to be a squirt gun, a super soaker squirt gun, and even though it didn't do much good it really pissed the Koreans off, and I spent the rest of the dream trying to find out why my rifle had turned into a squirt gun, that and eating candy while watching a movie about Korean brides murdering their husbands, or intended husbands, with squirt guns.

And one more thing ...
Did I mention that it is snowing like a MoFo?