Saturday, December 29, 2007

Ten Thing Saturday

1. I think one of my new crowns is picking up a radio station out of Erie Pennsylvania.
2. I think I was going to make a post about ten things "I think" but I can't.
3. Have the bottom of your feet ever really hurt so bad that it was hard to walk?
4. I have so much stuff I am starting to buy triplicates of things that I don't even need duplicates of. (3 digital cameras, 3 mp3 players, 3 posture bars)
5. I just finished shoveling the driveway, sidewalk, and porch, and I am feeling some sort of adrenaline, or maybe it's an endomorphic rush, and I'm pretty sure that endomorphic is one of those words I just sort of make up when I can't think of an actual word to describe what I am trying to express.
6. I just took a good look around my bedroom and it is about 10 degrees just this side of squalor, and about six degrees just this side of Kevin Bacon, who is not Eric Stolz, not even on his best day.
7. Kiss Me, by Sixpence None the Richer just came on my mp3 player, now if I could only find my father's map, and my mother's gun, and that book of stamps that I misplaced last April, I'd be all set.
8. I just spent five minutes halfheartedly trying to get a sticky cough drop wrapper off the fourth finger on my right hand.
9. If Burger King only sold ham I could live there, as long as they let me use the men's room whenever I wanted, and they had cable access, and if I didn't have to help, even if they were short on staff, and it would only be for a half hour, and even if they paid me.
10. If Bruce Willis never made another movie wouldn't the world be a better place? Discuss, and show your work.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

This isn't a post, but had it been one, it would have went something like this ...

I can't get friendly with my keyboard.
My monitor is mocking me.
My mouse, the mouse I raised from a baby, has turned against me.
Is this really happening?
Are my fingers really typing?
Is spell check the Seymour Glass of of of of of of?
Do books burn?
Is fantasy like reality only opposite?
Is reality the same as fact?
Are facts a dime a dozen?
Will this be the year?
My ears are ringing.
My feet are humming.
My dick is shifting into second gear.
And my beard and mustache are still my beard and mustache.
And if see one more picture of a cat wielding a machine gun, I'll shake my fist at the heavens, and then I'll die, I'll just die.

Friday, December 21, 2007

A boz quiz

1. Who do you think deserves to be in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame that will never get there? Lonnie Donegan, the King of Skiffle for his influence on the artists of the British Invasion, such as The Beatles, Jimmy Page, Van Morrison, et al.

2. If you could have a torrid affair with any character on television who would it be? (The character, not the person who plays the character) Hmmm, either Nancy Botwin from Weeds on Showtime, or Maggie Jacobs from Extras on HBO.

3. In what year did your favorite Christmas occur? 1967, I was seventeen, a senior in high school, there was a lot of snow, and the only present I remember getting was the record album Blonde on Blonde by Bob Dylan, and I had the attic bedroom, which was huge, with a lot of secret nooks and crannies, and I distinctly remember the album Strange Days by the Doors, but I'm sure I didn't get it for Christmas, and I think I got it the same day we got our tree, the tree that fell out of the trunk of our car as we were driving home from the tree lot, and yeah, it's strange but that was a great Christmas.

4. If you had been born a member of the opposite sex and had the chance to pick your own first name what name would you pick. Darcie, Phoebe, or Molly.

5. Are you satisfied with your middle name? Yes, it's Vance and it's a perfect bridge from my first name to my last name.

6. What is your favorite second tier holiday? I've always liked Flag Day because it's two days after my birthday, and how cool would it be to be born on a second tier holiday?

7. What positive trait do you possess that makes you feel embarrassed when someone points it out to you? Oh, that I am a good son, I mean, I might be, but still, it's kind of wimpy, and it sounds pretty noble, and believe me, in no way am I noble, I'm just doing what needs to be done.

8. What song do you want them to play at your funeral? Passionate Kisses by Lucinda Williams, wait, wait, wait, wait ... I Kissed a Girl by Jill Sobule.

9. Who is your opposite sex crush? Tony Shalhoub from the tv series Monk.

10. What possession of yours can you see from where you are sitting that you think someone else would consider odd? My Hulk Benet Ramsey Action Figure, it's not a doll ... it's an action figure. It's a bobble head Hulk ink pen with the Hulk head replaced with a Barbie doll head.

Consider yourself tagged, but only if you really want to be.

Thursday, December 20, 2007


Ok, so here's the deal. I've been having a lot of trouble with my hair latley. It's like it has a life of it's own, and how is it possible in a span of nine words to use the word it or it's three times ...
But yeah, my hair has a become a problem, ok, so I bought some spikey hair gel kind of goop today, and it's called LA Looks Absolute Styling, and it promises mega hold, and it professes to be a radical control styling gel, and I tried it earlier tonight, and this is what it looks like.

And it looks pretty good, and I do feel radical, and mega, and absolute, but not necessarily in that order, and what do you think, am I spike material?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The wrath of MB

Ok, so I think I've finished all my xmas shopping, and it's all been for stuff for MB, except for the stuff I bought for myself, because if I don't buy any presents for myself I won't get any presents for under the tree, and yeah, of course I'll know what I got, but MB won't know what I got, so, as long as one of us is surprised I guess that's all you can ask for, and I was going to run down the list of what I got for MB, but my sinus is acting up, so, I've been taking Nyquil and nose drops, and some kind of pill, and unless I go get the bags that I have all of MB's stuff in ...
And that was about the 126th sneezed that I've unleashed on the ozone since about 7 PM Monday night ...
So, unless I go get the gabs (bags spelled inside out) there is no way that I can tell you what I got her ... because the meds have made me brainless when it comes to memory, but I do remember that I bought her four pairs of sweat pants, which she loves, and a scarf, and some kind of body spray, and some beef jerky, no, the beef jerkey is for me, and forget the second e in jerkey, because it doesn't exist.
And I was going to tell you about my cousin's son who has two kids born a month and a half apart, one by his wife, and one by his wife's best friend, who he was living with when my cousin's son's wife and my cousin's son split up for about six months, and the kid by the best friend is the older of the two kids, and don't ask me to explain it, because of the meds ...
And yeah, they're all good friends, and yeah, it sounds trailer parkesque, and it might be, but I don't know, but I do know that MB isn't pleased with it, because she told me not to send THAT BOY a xmas card.

And I'm seriously thinking about going to bed, and I probably would if I could only remember where my bed is.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

I've never been to Belgium but it feels like I have.

Ok, things are getting weird.
Thursday seemed like Friday.
Friday seemed like Friday.
And today seems like Friday.
I think it might be because I broke my toe and I'm hallucinating, or in shock, or brain dead.

Anyway, my sister and her husband are flying up for a visit at the end of January. I just hope they don't get here on a FRIDAY!!!

I'm going back to bed now.

Did I mention that I just had a doughnut and a bottle of water?

Thursday, December 13, 2007

A Xmas Without Boz

A Lifetime Xmas movie special.

Featuring Tracy Gold as the young anorexic ex-con widow in her quest for the true meaning of Xmas.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Ten things you probably already knew except for the ones that I made up just for this.

1. Has anyone ever tried to run you over in a car? Yes, twice.

2. Have you ever been tied up? HUH ... oh, yes, once, I was in a bank that was getting robbed and they tied everyone up and stuck guns in our faces and threatened to kill us, but they didn't, and then I got interviewed by the FBI, but I don't think they ever caught the guys.

3. What are you listening to right now ... NOW? ZZTop's Greatest Hits, Sharp Dressed Man.

4. Have you ever had a switchblade knife pressed against your throat? Yes, but it was by my best friend, and he was high so I didn't hold it against him, but I was a little concerned that he might hiccup or something and accidentally slice me from ear to ear.

5. Have you ever been in jail? No, but I keep having dreams that I'm an ex-con.

6. Has anything out of the ordinary ever happened on your birthday? Yes, I stepped on a rusty nail and had to get a tetanus shot on my sixth birthday, my grandmother died on my seventh birthday, a former football player murdered his ex-wife and another guy on my 47th birthday, and I had to put my father in a nursing home on my 50th birthday.

7. Have you ever been in a house fire, a hurricane, or a plane crash? Yes, yes, almost.

8. Have you ever been hit in the head with a croquet ball? Yes, I guess I was about six or seven years old and some friends were playing croquet in the back yard, and I was fascinated by the path of the ball, so I leaned over an put my head on the ground and watched as the ball rolled up and BAM hit me right in the forehead.

9. Have you ever broken a bone? No, but I had sex with a girl with a broken leg.

10. What's the weather like outside? Snow and drizzle, there's a weather advisory out, but it's a pretty lame one that calls for light snow and drizzle, and I remember when they only had weather advisories if they were expecting a blizzard or the Apocalypse, go figure, and I blame the MTV and music videos.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Sunday night with my eyes half closed.

It's a little after seven on Sunday night.
I'm watching the hockey game there is about ten minutes left.
I'm wearing a pair of black jeans and a white t-shirt.
I just did an inner burp.
We still lead the hockey game 3-2.
I just took a web cam pic of one of the hand carved Santa's that I have.
Here it is.

I guess it's more a Father Christmas than a Santa, because, WTF kind of Santa wears a long green robe.

We still lead the hockey game.
I want to watch Dexter at nine tonight.
We won the hockey game.
Did I say I'm tired?
And that I want to watch Dexter.
And that I want some peppermint ice cream.
And some Pomegranate 7-Up.
And some Ruby Red Squirt.
And some popcorn.
And do you have any cake?
Or maybe a nice marzipan?
Or some bullets.
Or a kite, the kind that you don't have to run with to make it fly.
I guess that's it, unless you want to ask what I want for xmas, and maybe I'd like a garden gnome, but you'll never know unless you ask.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

I fell in a mud puddle, ok ... OK!!!

And then it snowed

I found a sample bottle of Johnson's baby shampoo that I think I got when I was in the hospital last year.

I'm starting to see why the neighbor from two houses down used to call me "Whitey" when I was little.

Currently listening to:
Daddy's Gone by Toots and the Maytels

Monday, December 03, 2007


There was a dog across the street sniffing through an empty fast food take-out bag. When I rolled down the back seat window to get a better look at him the dog got spooked and ran away down the side of the road in the opposite direction from where our car was pointed.

Sunday, December 02, 2007


Rob liked to tell the story about how we met when we were chained together while a group of us campus radicals occupied the ROTC building our first year of college. It's a good story, but there wasn't an ounce of truth to it. Bob and I actually met while watching The Price Is Right in the lounge of the freshman dorm when both of us were cutting class. I was cutting Biology, while Bob was cutting some kind of rinky-dink Badminton class that he needed to fulfill his Phys Ed requirement.
Teri was Bob's wife, and quite simply, the most beautiful woman in the world.

The start of another unfinishable short story.

I waited in the car as Bob and Teri ran into the store.
My leg had been throbbing since the incident at the beach earlier in the day, and we all thought it best that I let them pick up the few things we needed for later tonight, while I relaxed in the back seat waiting for the two percocet, that Teri had fished out of her purse for me forty five minutes ago, to take effect.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Storm fever

The storm has started.
It's snowing pretty heavy.
My keyboard is lagging.
I wonder what causes that.
Never mind.
We've had about 2 or 3 inches so far.
It's hard to tell how much because it's dark.
Maybe I should stick my head, and camera, outside and take a picture.
I think I will when I'm done with this.
I've made three emergency supply runs in the last three days.
You know ...
Diet soda (coke)
Toilet paper
More diet soda (ruby red squirt)
Ice cream
Crackers, saltine, oyster, snack, and cheddar
More diet soda (vernor's ginger ale)
Cool Whip
Cherry flavored mylanta
Hot dogs and buns
Soft pretzels
Microwave popcorn
No ham
No ham
Lunch meat
You said no ham!
It wasn't ham
Well the ...
Ok, it was bologna
That's worse than ham
I like it
But ...
But nothing ...
But ...
Shut the fuck up
I guess that's it except for
Yeah, batteries
And ...

I'm going to go listen to my Zune now, which with the new software is a pain in the arse region.

I'm going to go take a picture of the snow, and that'll do it.