Thursday, November 30, 2006

The storm of ought six

We are supposed to get between six inches and a foot (sort of like me) of snow tomorrow. The prospect of the first big snow of the season always get me fired up in a survivalist kind of way, I was all ...
provisions, I must have provisions.
So earlier tonight I decided to go out shopping and stock up on all the supplies necessary to last me through the impending storm and it's aftermath, candles, flashlights, batteries, bread, milk, matches, you know, survivor stuff, but I really didn't need any of those things so I ended up buying a bag of peanut butter cups and some tomatoes.

Cookie the Cat

Three pics of Cookie, my nieces cat, on Thanksgiving day looking kind of pissed.

Fifty Questions from Malone, 35-40

Here they are ... click, click, click.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Hey, it's I Feel Like Death Wednesday

I'm going to the post office now, and when I get back I'll make up a story about what happened.

Malone the Elusive answers his 50 questions from Boz

Malone answers my 50 questions, and I wonder if he'll ever post them on his blog.

1. Would you rather be a dead rock star or a dead Kennedy?

Rock is dead and most of the Kennedy’s anyway – so…just me, I guess. And alive.

2. If your best friend came up behind you, right now as you are
sitting at the computer, what would he most likely say to you?

Who the fuck is this? – and I’d say, “the Co-Dependents, bitch!”

3. Singer Tom Waits once said "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me
than a frontal lobotomy" do you agree or disagree with this statement?

I thought that was Groucho Marx…Ummm…drink!

4. If you could watch two bloggers performing a sex act with one
another, what two bloggers would you choose, and what would their sex
act be?

Crap - that sucks because I’m not to “Hep” with the scene as much as I used to be – so off the top of my head, I’ll just say dark-haired Raymi and light-haired Raymi and a puppet?

5. Who is your favorite Stooge not named Curley?


6. What is the Mann Act and have you ever violated it?

Dry-roasted sunflower kernels.

7. Is there anything under your bed that could get you in trouble?

Cats. Not the musical.

8. If some guy who worked behind the counter of a convenience store
told you that he was the second coming of Jesus Christ what would he
have to do to convince you that he really was?

He’d have to introduce me to the first.

9. If you promised to pick someone up in your car but you forgot all
about it what would you tell them happened?

The explanation would never come until I was backed in a conversational corner.

10. Do you own any Hawaiian shirts?

Used to wear them all of the time. Now I have one that I never wear. There was that one that melted onto my abdomen after I fell asleep with a lit cigarette…

11. Who is the dwarf from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs that you can
never remember the name of?

Hank The Angry.

12. How are you going to die?

Painfully and full of regret.

13. Do you have trouble taking a leak in a public rest room if someone
is using the urinal next to you?

Pooping, yes.

14. If they made a movie of your life who would play your 11th grade
English teacher?

Ryan Gosling.

15. What's the funniest joke you can remember from when you were eight
years old?

“You’ll understand when you’re older.”

16. If you could invite 5 famous murderers, past or present, to a
theme dinner party who would you invite, and what would the theme be?

Union Carbide, American Politics, Brian Michael Bendis, God and American Idol. Theme? Apocalypse Now(er).

17. Pancho or Lefty?


18. If you were walking down the street and you saw a little girl
crying in front of a burning house and she told you that her kitten
was trapped in the house would you run in and try to save the kitten?

Yes, but after saving the kitten – I would make the little girl my personal assistant.

19. If you had a world map how long would it take you to find Albania?

In a significantly shorter amount of time than it would take Albania to find me.

20. Could you eat 50 hard-boiled eggs in an hour if there was money
riding on the outcome?

I eat like a pacifistic Ghandhi.

21. What is your favorite Chick Flick?

The Notebook.

22. What was your last nightmare?

Last night.

23. If a cousin you hadn't seen for at least ten years needed a new
kidney, and you were a match, would you donate one of yours?

If she was hot, yes. Otherwise? Nien! No. Nope. Nunca.

24. When you are on a drive in the country and you pass a cow in a
field do you go mooooo?

I’ve never passed a COW. Ummm…

25. Have you ever been mistaken for a celebrity?

I get Mark Anthony, The guy from Animal Planet’s animal outtakes thing. And James Woods.

26. How many refrigerator magnets do you have on your refrigerator?


27. What do you do when you get a really bad headache?

I get drinking faster.

28. If someone orders a pizza with a topping that you don't like what do you?

I get drinking faster.

29. If I came out to visit how long before you'd kick me out?

I would never kick you out of your hotel.

30. When you go out for breakfast and the waitress asks you what kind
of toast you want what do you tell her?

Bud Light, please. Sourdough, if you have it.

31. Do you have trouble with the instructions on the pumps at
self-serve gas stations?

Just the pay by card thingy.

32. Do you have trouble with the fact that some people consider you
the baby Jesus?


33. What is the most interesting thing that has happened to you in,
on, or near a tree?

Buried a placenta and then got hungry after all that work and dug it back up.

34. If you could visit any tourist attraction in the United States,
that you had never visited before, which one would you choose?

Jenna Jameson’s house.

35. What is your most annoying habit?


36. What does your girl friend think is your most annoying habit? Go
ahead ask her, I'll wait.

Falling asleep eating candy in the bed. Huh?

37. What country has the best national anthem?


38. Do you do any impressions?

One of a caring human being.

39. What is your blues name?

Hamster Ham Bone Hamlin.

40. How many pillows are on your bed?


41. If you were a super hero what would be your weakness or Achilles Heel?


42. What are the contents of the waste paper basket that is nearest to
where you are sitting?

Sorry. None. I did just eat a grapefruit, though.

43. Who fired the shot from the grassy knoll?

RFK, JR, The BTK Killer or DJ Tanner.

44. Do you pick up hitchhikers?

No, I used to hitchhike when I was younger and stopped when I moved to OC.

45. If the 7-11 is out of your brand of cigarettes what's your second choice?

Ugh. American Spirits.

46. If the need arose, would you be able to stuff a body in the trunk
of your car?

I’ll do it for you.

47. Why is there a "y" and a second "n"?

Because that’s what The Oracle told me to do when I was at Delphi High.

48. Do you know of anyone who is jealous of you?

Little kids that like my toys, paints and uneaten Pez.

49. How long do you think you could live on the food scraps under the
cushions of your couch?

Crap. I don’t think I’ve ever looked under the cushions. Okay, I just did and my girlfriend is too clean to have anything under there. There isn’t even lint. Nothing.

50. So, seriously Malone, what's your excuse?

I was drunk.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Fifty Questions from Malone, 25-34

Gabcast! Questions 25-34 Audio Style

Fifty Questions from Malone, 22-24

22. Three really honest-to-gosh heroes of Boz’s.
I have no heroes, is that how you spell heroes, I never really noticed that second e, and when did the alphabet start sticking extra letters in on me anyway, but seriously, I gave this a lot of thought, a lot more thought than it deserved I might add, and I can't think of heroes I have now or who I have ever had.
Nope, none.
No friends or family.
No world leaders, statesmen, or historical figures.
No athletes or celebrities.
No criminal masterminds, and see, now I'm just dragging this out, so yeah, no, I don't have any heroes.

23. Enemies.
Nah, I can't be bothered.

24. List all countries traveled to.
Ok, this is a question I can get into.
I've been to Canada numerous times, numerous time, because I used to live in Detroit, which is right across the river from Canada, but I haven't been to Canada since I was discharged from the air force because I had a top secret security clearance and one of the stipulations of my discharge was that I couldn't travel into a foreign country, and I guess the reason for that is because the government thought I might be kidnapped by some foreign agents and tortured until I revealed all these state secrets that I seriously didn't know anything about, and I mean seriously, because I didn't know anything, ok, I could have gone to Canada or any other country, but I would have had to fill out all sorts of forms, and there was no way I was going to give THE MAN that satisfaction, and yeah, I guess I could have snuck into Canada and kidnapped former Toronto Maple Leaf captain Davy Keon, but why bother, and it's been over thirty years now, and I guess I could probably travel there legally, you know, without sneaking and stuff, but I no longer live in Detroit, which is still right across the river from Canada, so I guess that is that.
I've also been to Crete, which is part of Greece, and I was there for eight teen months when I was in the air force, and yeah, and it was fun, I guess, but I was a real prick back then and I didn't enjoy it as much as I should, and also while I was stationed on Crete I went on a temporary assignment for four weeks to Turkey, and if you've ever seen the movie Midnight Express, well, that's sort of the lighter side of Turkey compared to what I saw.
After I left Crete I was transferred to Japan, and I spent about a year on the southernmost island of Kyushu, pronounced KYYYY-u-shu, and that was a lot of fun too, and I wasn't as big a prick as I had been in Crete, so I enjoyed it a whole lot more.
Then when they closed down the base I was stationed in on Japan they sent me to Okinawa for about six weeks before I was discharged, and ok, Okinawa wasn't actually a country, but it was I guess what you would call a protectorate of the United States, at least it was when I first got there, and man, Okinawa was a wide open place then, I mean Thailand had nothing on Okinawa, if you get my drift, but ...
While I was on Okinawa it reverted back to Japanese control, yeah, I think it was on May 15, 1971, and it was called Reversion Day, and holy geez-o pete, talk about changes, well, I'd talk about changes, but my back is starting to hurt again, but trust me, there were plenty of changes, and that is it for my travel to foreign countries, and it is also it for this part of Malone's 50 Questions for Boz, ha, I typed Bioz by mistake, stupid fingers.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Raymi's Mom

Ok, I left a comment on Raymi's blog the other day, and yeah, I know I promised myself years and years ago that I would never read popular blogs, but Raymi's blog is a personal blog, and she updates a lot, and it's funny, and self depreciating, and I had to look up how to spell self depreciating, and who knew about the first i in self depreciating, and yeah, I said I would never read popular blogs, but I'm pretty good at rationalizing, and if I rationalize that Raymi's blog is a cult blog instead of a popular blog, well, then I can live with the seeming contradiction in my beliefs, and besides, who wouldn't prefer being cult-like over popular.

So anyway, I left a comment on one of her posts, and earlier today I was scanning the comments, and this is where I absolutely draw the line, I will not read comments on a popular blog even though I can rationalize a popular blog into cult status, I cannot rationalize the comments of said blog into cult status, but I can scan the comments, and that's what I did today, and while scanning the comments I saw my name mentioned, and not only was it mentioned, it was mentioned by Raymi's Mom, and if Raymi is a cult figure that must make Raymi's Mom some kind of Mary Magdalene of the blog world, and isn't there a song called Raymi's Mom ...
So anyway redux, Raymi's Mom left a comment about me concerning my gravatar picture on Halocscan which read:
Is that a real picture of Boz, and has he ever considered contacts?
Now, I know what you're thinking, you're thinking that could be construed as a negative comment, sort of like:
Hey Boz, put a bag over your head, or at least get contacts, or something.
But I'm a the glass is half full kind of guy and I took Raymi's Mom's comment to mean:
Wow, that Boz sure is dreamy, I wonder what he would look like with contacts?
And this is where my imagination, and the pain pill I just took for my sore back, start to kick in, and I start imagining that Raymi's Mom has this internet crush sort of thing going for me, and she spends all day doodling my name over and over in her notebook, and wondering what it would be like to be Mrs Boz, and I wonder if it would be presumptuous of me to ask her to meet me for drinks in Sarnia, or maybe Sudbury, but yeah, once again I am getting carried away, and I should probably stop, because even though I don't know what kind of extradition treaty the US has with Canada, I would hate for the RCMP, with co-operation from the FBI, to knock down my door and drag me away to some remote outpost just outside of Saskatoon where I would never be heard from again.

Question #21 from Malone

Ok, it's after three in the morning, and I am in terrible pain from wrenching my back when I picked up a 27 inch television to put in the back seat of a car, and no, I wasn't stealing the television, and no, it had nothing to do with my spinal surgery, and yes, it was extremely stupid on my part, and yeah, I would like some pity, but no, I don't deserve any because what I did was extremely stupid, but hey, it's just a torn, or strained, or pulled muscle, and it will be ok in a few days, but like I was saying it hurts a lot right now, and it hurts the most when I am lying down, but I put some salve on my back, and I took a pain pill, and since I am up I thought I would answer five more of Malone's Questions for Boz.

21. What do you have hidden in your house that you don’t want people to find?

I don't know, nothing really, I mean, I had company on Thanksgiving, and I didn't try to hide anything, I mean, I probably have some stuff that I should hide, like if the cops had a search warrant or something, but if they had a search warrant it wouldn't do any good, because they'd rip my house apart, like David Caruso always does on CSI Miami Vice, until they found what ever I had hidden that I didn't want to be found, and I think the pain pill is starting to work, ok, I've thought of something, I've got a copy of When Harry Met Sally that I would really hate for someone to find, and that is probably why I keep it in the VCR all the time, wait, I mean in the DVD player, ok, fine, I've got a VHS tape and a DVD of When Harry Met Sally, and I watch one, or the other, or both, at least once a month, ok, a week, but even if you did find them, I've got extra copies that I'm sure no one could ever find, and I think I've said enough for now.

I guess I'll stop at one, because the voices, the voices, the voices, the voices, I must obey the voices.

Watch When Harry Met Sally ...
Watch When Harry Met Sally ...
Watch When Harry Met Sally ...
Watch When Harry Met Sally ...

And as always, the voices, the voices, the voices, the voices, were furnished by Frank, Dino, and Sammy, and the other guy that I can never remember the name of.

If I ever fall asleep I think I'll probably dream about commas.

And fuck, this post is almost as long as a Stephen King novella.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Thursday, November 23, 2006

50 Questions from Malone, 11-15

Gabcast! Questions 11-15 Audio Style

50 Questions from Malone, 6-10

6. Ever married? Explain.
No, never married. Never close to being married. Never really wanted to be married. Never met anyone who wanted to marry me. Now I'm too old, and I never think about it anymore, not that I ever did think about it, but if I had, I don't think of it anymore.

7. Last date. Explain.
It was during the Clinton Administration, back when I was teaching, and it was with another teacher who was a few years younger than me, and then the whole hyperthyroidism thing hit and dating was the last thing on my mind, and now, seriously, the dating pool that is available to me, and I mean age wise, because, well, women my own age, or near my own age, just want to talk about their children, or their granchildren, or their dead husband, or their divorced ex-husband, or Oprah, and who needs that, and ... if I were to date younger women, who would feel more skeevier, them or me?

8. Pets? Explain.
I had a dog for sixteen years that I got a few months after I moved up north in 1984, and when he died I didn't really want to have to deal with that birth, life, death cycle again, but I did sort of want a pet, so I bought three parakeets in 2001, and in the past year two of them have died, and really their whole birth, life, death cycle didn't effect me, and I just wrapped them in paper towels and threw them in the trash when it was time for each of them to respectively meet their maker, and now I have one bird, and I think this is the perfect bird to be the last of three, because he jumps around, and squawks, and pecks at his reflection in the mirror all day, and seems pretty much as happy as a pig in shit, or maybe I should say a bird in guano.

9. What are you good at? Meaning – everybody has at least ONE super, huge skill that they can do with relative ease. An uncanny talent. What’s yours?

People can confide in me. I mean you wouldn't believe some of the shit people tell me. I mean they tell me stuff right out of the blue, and I don't mean just friends or family, I mean the guy pumping gas next to me at the gas station, the old lady in front of me in the supermarket, so, is that a talent, I mean they don't even swear me to secrecy, but if they did I would certainly honor that, well, if it was something really juicy I might tell a few people, but I would swear them to secrecy. So I guess my talent is I'm a good listener, or I look like I would be a good listener, or maybe I give off a sympathetic vibe, or something.

10. Feel awkward being so tall?
I'm really not that tall. I'm only six foot three, and you know what is weird about that? Up until I was in my early 40's I was only six foot two, and I guess I had some sort of late growth spurt, because one time I was at the doctor's and they checked my weight and height and I was six foot three, and when I told the nurse that I must have grown an inch she looked at me like I was an imbecilic child who had to be humored, but ... when I went home I measured myself without my shoes, because I had forgotten if I had my shoes off or on at the doctor's office, and I was still six foot three, and no I have never felt awkward being this tall.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Fifty Questions from Malone, 1-5

1. Why’d you pick "Boz"?
Ok, to the best of my recollection this is how I came up with the nickname Boz. Actually, I'm not really sure how I came up with it. I think maybe that two incidents that happened long ago and in a galaxy far away may have had some subliminal influence on how I came up with Boz.
a. When I was 18 years old I woke up from a bad dream and the first thought that came into my mind was that I wish I had a dog named Boyz, and for a week or two I actually considered getting a dog and naming it Boyz, but I enlisted in the Air Force instead.
b. In college I had a friend who's nickname was Bozo, yeah, like the clown, and I used to call him Boz for short, but Boz with a long o and not a short o.
Flash forward, wait not that far forward, yeah, flash forward to about six years ago, yeah that's better. I needed a nickname in a hurry to sign into an unsavory chat room, and after going over a few options in my mind, the name Boz just came to me like a flaming surf board, and I have been Boz ever since.

2. What does M Boz think that you do on the computer?
I don't think she has a clue, and that she really doesn't care, ok, I think she knows that I have online friends, and when I first started a blog I told her about it, and it's really not so much not having a clue as not really caring.

3. M Boz ever catch you surfing porn?

No, my reflexes are still fast enough that if she sticks her head into my room I'm able to close the window before it registers with her what I've been doing.

4. What do you know about Kev’s personal life based off of the top of your head? Don’t mention specific names of companies, cities, etc.
He spells his name incorrectly. He has a very pretty girl friend that gets aggravated with him because he is such a stick in the mud. He lives in a house. He does foolish things when he is drunk. He likes comic books, and Star Wars stuff, and all kinds of writing. The two sides of his ethnic make-up are as polar opposite as they can be. He adores his little sister, and stray animals, and the snot nosed kids in the neighborhood, and now this is getting kind of sappy so I'm going to stop. Ok, he'll probably end up on a freeway overpass with a high powered semi-automatic rifle laughing maniacally as he picks off motorist after motorist after motorist.

5. What are you surprised about? Meaning anything that you’re doing now that you never thought you’d ever be doing?

I'm surprised that I'm taking care of my mother, and that I own a computer, and that I have tattoos, and that for the most part I'm pretty content with life, well, except that part about looking in the mirror and seeing that I'm not twenty-one anymore.

Malone and me and the fifty question challenge

I've known Malone longer than I've know any other blogger, I think it's been four years this month, and yeah, we sort of drift in and out of each other's internet life, but still, four years is a long time in internet years.
So anyway, Malone contacted me a couple of weeks ago and suggested that we do some sort of cross post/guest post sort of thing, and I said sure, why not, and then he came up with the idea that we should both come up with 50 Questions for the other person to answer, and then post them on our blogs, and I think I'm still making sense, but give me time and I'll eventually wander off on some sort of tangent.
So yeah, so I don't take up too much space I'll post Malone's questions and my questions on a specially designed blog ... ok, this is where I start not making so much sense.
Whatever ...
My Questions for Malone
Malone's Questions for me

And you know what, even though neither of us knew what questions the other person was going to ask, there are a number of our questions that are (cue spooky music) eerily similiar.

I'll start working on my answers sometime today, but I don't know if I'll post all 50 answers in the same post, or, you know, do five here, and then five there, and then five more after that, but ... I will be posting the answers in here and not in the specially designed blog that is just for the questions.

Malone also said that if that anyone had any questions they would like either of us to answer that you should go ahead and ask, because we are both so desperate that we will do almost anything for a little attention.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I coulda been a contender

It's been a good day, so I'm going to bed.
Well, it's been a good day except for ...

Monday, November 20, 2006

Every story needs a picture

Fresh out of the shower with hair like spun gold,

And if you look closely you can see a devilish gleen in my eyes.
I'm all about the gleen you know, all about the gleen.

4 step 4 star dining

I am very proud of the dinner I prepared today from leftovers.

Boz's Leftover S-t-t-t-t-t-eamed Supreme
1. A leftover baby red potato,
2. Three small slices of leftover bottom round roast beef.
3. A mixture of frozen cauliflower and broccoli, which really wasn't leftover, it was more frozen, but to make this post work everything had to be a leftover, am I right, so I am using a little poetic license in calling the frozen cauliflower and broccoli leftover.
4. Throw them together in the steamer thingie that I bought at the Dollar Store years and years and years ago, and steam until it's been steamed enough.

I can still hear the cries of my compliments to the chef ringing in my ears.

Yeah, this is what I fixed for MB, me, on the other hand, well, I had a Whopper, a medium fry, a diet Coke, and a Hershey bar with almonds.

Hey, I asked MB is she wanted to go with me, but she said since she is getting her hair done tomorrow she didn't feel like going out today, and she is 85 years old, so I kind of let her do what she wants, and besides, after she gets her hair done I'm going to take her out for deep dish pizza, and not just because it's a Tuesday Special for $5.99, well, yeah, that's mostly it, but still, it's the thought that counts, or is it something else, you know, that counts?

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Saturday night's alright for chanting

Trying to look pensive while listening to Krishna Das.

Friday, November 17, 2006


I love my Google search requests ...

Wear my sister's leotard
lovely frock
sandra oh panty gray's anatomy
barber shave gay
lou christie big cock
load in my diaper
bad hips clunks
cocaine "missed the vein"
V-shaped forehead indentation
tracy turnblad song ishkabibble
fat mens underpants, 1930s sign
laurie partridge kidnapped
tom jones+potatoes in his pants
farah fawcett beaver shot in car
everything is everything witchi ti to
dressed up like a girl
why halloween sucks
John Cougar Mellencamp Ferd guitar
ennui compounded
when you gonna buy me a canned ham
Grant Wood American Gothic whoopi goldberg

The thing is, they all make perfect sense to me.

Porn for the Blind as narrated by Boz

It's is Porn Week over on RW ... BS, and in my quest for new and unique porn I stumbled across a site called Porn For The Blind. To be quite frank with you, I liked their idea, but their execution left a lot to be desired. So, as a public service I decided to do my own version of Porn for the Blind, and it sounds something like this ...
Gabcast! Porn For The Blind by Boz

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Give that girl some pudding pops

Happy 39th birthday to Lisa Bonet, Yeah, who knew she was that old, and talk about a career that went nowhere fast ...

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Yeah, but she's still a bitch

I had a dream last night that if you took the back off of an appliance that wasn't working and said
Meredith Baxter Birney
Meredith Baxter Birney
Meredith Baxter Birney

the appliance would start working again.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Deborah really is a pretty name

The first movie star/tv star/actress that I had a crush on was Dorothy Provine.

I guess I was about nine or ten years old, and we only had one television, and the television was a 17 inch Muntz with two broken knobs, so we would use a pair of pliers to change the channels and turn it off and on, and it was in the living room, and it was Saturday night, and Saturday night was my old man's night off, and if he wasn't off bowling, or playing cards, or getting drunk, he would be on the couch, within easy reach of his unfiltered Camels and a cup of coffee, because he never drank beer at home in front of us kids, at least not very often, and my old man OWNED the television, which I guess was ok, because he worked afternoons and only got to watch television on Saturday and Sunday night, and my old man loved Westerns, so on Saturday and Sunday night we watched Western, after Western, after Western, we watched Maverick, we watched Have Gun Will Travel, we watched Gunsmoke, we watched Cheyenne, we watched Sugarfoot, we watched Johnny Ringo, we watched the Rebel, we watched Wagon Train, and we watched The Alaskans, which was more a Northern than a Western, but yeah, I guess it could be categorized as a Western, and it took place during the time of the Alaska gold rush, which I think was in the late 1890's, and it followed the exploits of a couple of gold miners, and a lot of the action took place in a saloon, and one of the dance hall girls, who if it took place today would be a hooker, was played by Dorothy Provine, and it was love at first sight, I mean, look at her, how could it not be, and I knew some day I was going to meet her, and despite the age difference I would win her over with my charm and wit, and I would let her use my Al Kaline autographed baseball glove, but only if she didn't stretch out the fingers, and we would fall in love, and we would get married, and it would be a small wedding with only our immediate families, and the cast and crew of The Alaskans, invited, and let's see, we would have two kids, and they would be twins, and they would be a girl and boy, and we would name them Deborah, because I always liked that name, and Kent, after the cigarette, and I guess the crush lasted until one day when Ron Baxter and Richard Slater and I were hanging around outside Don's Market and we started talking about who we thought were HOT movie stars, and I think Ron said Marilyn Monroe, and I think Richard said Jayne Mansfield, and then I said Dorothy Provine, and after Ron and Richard stopped laughing Richard said who the hell is Dorothy Provine, and I panicked, and said I don't know, I just made her up, what I really meant to say was Sandra Dee, and they both say ahhhhhhhhhhhh, good choice, and as quick as that the crush was over.

What we have here is a failure to communicate

Cool Hand Luke was on tv last night ...

And sometimes nothing is a real cool hand.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

To prove that I am serious

I bought this pair of pants with a 36 inch waist the other day. As you can tell I can't button them. I will not be satisfied with my diet until they fit comfortably.

Don't worry, they only cost three dollars off the clearance rack at the Evil Empire.

As promised ... me talking to myself

Audio Bozzio

Saturday, November 11, 2006

As promised ... the snow video

The snow video

It's November, I can't help it

I can't sleep tonight, which is odd because I have been sleeping so well lately.
I tripped over my exercise bike in the dark while walking to the bathroom. Don't worry I'm cool though.
The wind is really blowing outside, something like 40 mile an hour gusts, and we had a lot of thunder earlier, and there is a winter storm advisory until 6 am, and we are supposed to get between 4-6 inches of snow, but it hasn't started snowing yet, so it had better start soon because it's getting close to 6 am, and I just heard a train whistle, and that always sounds kind of spooky when it's dark and windy and weather advisory out.
I guess that's it.
No wait, there is something else, but I'm tired now, so I guess it can wait.
Did I tell you that I'm on a diet?
Yeah, I plan on getting down to 200 pounds by March. I've lost about five pounds so far, so I've got a ways to go, ok, I might as well admit that I was up to 243 pounds, and yeah, I know, I don't look it, but it's all in my gut, and you know, with my spinal problems and stuff it is probably a good idea to lose a little weight to make it easier on my joints and stuff because I am in those osteo-arthritis years, and yeah, some of it is vanity too, and seriously, I already feel a lot better, I'm getting my cat like moves back, I'm a pretty agile guy, you didn't know that, did you. Ok, tripping over my exercise bike could have happened to anyone, that had nothing to do with agility, see, it was dark, and I was half asleep, so yeah, I really am pretty agile.
Ok, I think I know why I can't sleep. I had a glass of Dr Pepper at about seven tonight and that's loaded with caffeine, and did you know I've practically cut all caffeine out of my diet, and that is why I have been sleeping so well, well, except for tonight, but that's because of the Dr Pepper, and yeah, the no caffeine thing is really cool, I don't even crave it any more, you see, I started by changing to caffeine free diet soda, and you'd be surprised how fast you can get the caffeine jones off of your back, and after a week or so of nothing but caffeine free soda you lose the taste for soda, so yeah, I mostly drink water now, about two liters a day, and that is the real reason why I tripped over my exercise bike in the dark while walking to the bathroom, it's because when you drink two liters of water a day you go to the bathroom a lot, well, duh.
Now that I've got that off my chest I can go to bed with a cleansed soul and a slight bruise on my knee, but I think I should make another trip to the bathroom first.
The end

Friday, November 10, 2006

Continuing with the "making stuff up" theme

Ten Google searches that brought people to my blog
1. It's not the ennui, it's the humidity.
2. Is Chez Whiz an acceptable means of post coitus birth control?
3. Celebrities with mongoloid children, is this the latest fad?
4. How do I get a pair of underpants off of my head without touching them?
5. I remember when the alphabet had more than 26 letters, or was this a dream?
6. In what countries can you marry a goat without being laughed at?
7. That time Mick Jagger had sex with the Utah Jazz basketball team and had to get his stomach pumped.
8. Does it increase you chances of getting pregnant if your dog watches?
9. How can I stop thinking about gay sex with one of the apostles when I am in church?
10. What are the rest of the lyrics to that song that starts out "I've got a condom in my pocket and murder on my mind"?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Stuff, just stuff, ok, just stuff

I don't know what to say, but it's really dead around here, so maybe I should make something up, you know instead of taking something that actually happened and lying about it, but what's the difference really.

Ten things I just made up while sitting here.
1. My third leg just fell off.
2. I'm taking Ed Bradley's place on 60 Minutes.
3. Donald Rumsfeld cried on my shoulder last night.
4. I have a dog that farts the melodies to all the songs on Beatles 65.
5. In a past life I was a pirate, no, not a pirate, but like a pirate, you know a brigand, yeah, in a past life I was a brigand.
6. I have a xmas tree decorated with the underpants of all the women I have had sex with.
7. I'm the guy who put the mouse in a bottle of Coca-Cola.
8. I wanted to put a moose in a bottle of Coca-Cola but I didn't even make it past the moose knuckle.
9. My last unfulfilled sexual fantasy is to have sex with a woman with a cast on her leg, preferably her right leg, ok, that's not something I just made up, it's sort of true, and it's not my last unfulfilled fantasy either.
10. There used to be two countries named Irao and Irap located between Iran and Iraq, but the League of Nations disappeared them after WWI.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Tuesday in the fog.

So anyway ...
After I voted today I took MB out for pizza at Hungry Howie's, they have a large deep dish with one topping for $5.99 on Tuesday.
On the way to Howie's, and isn't that a great name for a pizza joint ... HOWIE!!!
So anyway ...
On the way to Howie's (HOWIE!!!) we listened to the Beast of Boz #8 CD, and sung along as Steppenwolf sang The Pusher, and whenever the chorus of goddamn the pusher man came up MB would practically scream it out ...

God Damn! The pusher.
God Damn! God damn the pusher.
I said God Damn! God damn the pusher man.

I think she is still pissed off about the 90 days she spent in the L.A. County Jail back in the 40's when her and Robert Mitchum got busted for reefer possession at that party out in Laurel Canyon.

Monday, November 06, 2006


I'm not feeling good today.
So it's all up to you.
I wish I had some Bosco.

And a fine figure of a woman like Maureen O'Hara.

Maureen O'Hara, a fine figure of a woman with a hint, just a hint, of a pokie.

A fine figure OF a woman, not like a woman ...
I don't want to be a woman, I think I should make that perfectly clear.
I'm just trying to say that Maureen O'Hara has a fine womanly figure, you know, with curves and stuff. I mean just because I dressed like a girl that one time for halloween doesn't mean anything.
You guys twist everything I say around, and I'm getting sick and tired of it.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Seems like Doogie isn't the only one.

I just heard from my old friend Francis Pottie.

Friday, November 03, 2006

My sister's wedding, December 1961

MB just put her copy of my eldest sister's wedding album on the coffee table.

Mad dash for the garter ... guess who wins?

The girl who caught the bouquet gets manhandled by me.
She kept saying "That's high enough, that's high enough".

Musings and brusings

Songs I've heard tonight that I've liked.
1. 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins.

We had our third train derailment in the last two months in East Tawain today.
I got a haircut today.
I don't think the two events are related.
I want to lose 20 pounds by March so my family doctor won't yell at me when I go for my annual check-up.
I went to bed last night at one in the morning and fell asleep almost immediately and I slept right through to morning, and right through morning into afternoon.
I think cutting back drastically on caffiene had something to do with it.
I drink tap water out of an Aquafina bottle.
I think the garbage man was being a little passive-aggressive with me today. He set two of the cans right back where they were, and he sort of flung the one that had my dead jack-o-lantern in it half way across the yard. Well, this is what I think he did. I didn't actually see him do it. Maybe I shouldn't judge him so harshly. So, Mr. Garbage Man, if you are reading this, I am sorry if I judged you harshly, and honest to god, if you leave a comment I'll link you.

2. Personality Crisis - The New York Dolls

I rode my brand new used exercise bike for a half hour today. The seat doesn't chafe, thank god.
My neck hurts tonight, but I don't think it has anything to do with anything. I think it just hurts.
I was really nice to the cute girl who waited on me at the store today, but not because she was cute, but because she reminded me of someone else, and I guess because I am generally nice to the cute girls who wait on me even if they aren't cute.

3. Curly Headed Baby - Doc Watson

I wish I could play the guitar. Did I ever tell you that when I was a teenager I bought a Fender Telecaster for $200.00 which I sold for $2,000.00 ten years ago? I could have been the next Duane Eddy, or maybe the next Dwayne Wayne. When my sister was in high school the star of the basketball team, whose name was Doine pronounced Duane or Dwayne, asked her out on a date, and she turned him down ... she turned down the star of the basketball team ... she turned him down!!!

4. Alison - Elvis Costello

I always thought it was spelled Allison. I see has a husband now.
The same sister who turned down the date with the star basketball player was in Memphis on vacation on the day that Elvis Presley died. She was so proud of her Memphis newspaper with the King is Dead

5. I Ran All The Way Home - The Impalas

The same sister took me to a Donkey Basketball Game at the junior high school when she was in junior high school and I was in elementary school and then she ditched me to hang out with friends.

6. The Love You Save - Joe Tex

Who'll take the woman with the skinny legs? When I was in high school there was a guy whose hair would just randomly fall out and then grow back in again. That must have sucked big time. I think there is a name for that. Seriously, that really must have sucked. I mean since we didn't have any albinos in my class he was the guy everyone would stare and point at, except for the girl with the skeletal leg disease, she didn't point and stare at anyone, except for maybe that one time she saw an albino kid, and she probably couldn't help herself.

7. So You Want To Be A Rock & Roll Star - The Byrds.

I think everything is going to be alright. We had snow flurries today. On this date in 1969 I was in Mississippi. When I was playing touch football one time down in Mississippi, when I was in the air force and going to tech school, when I was playing football one time a guy ran into the metal hand rail on the stairs leading to the second floor of the barracks and impaled himself a good two inches.

8. Sunny Goodge Street - Donovan

I'm starting to get a little sleepy. I'd go to bed and turn on Turner Classic Movies, but they are having an Ingmar Bergman festival tonight, and damn, I spelled his name right on the first try, but it took me five tries to spell try correctly.

9. I Can't Hide - The Flamin' Groovies

I'm just randonly picking out songs now. I mean they are alright, but I wouldn't call them songs I've heard that I like tonight.
My head has just started wobbling around right here on top of my shoulders, now I know what Michael J. Fox must feel like, kind of, sort of, you know when he is doing the whole stem cell research thing.

10. Do You Wanna Hold Me - Bow Wow Wow

So yeah, the 80's were strange. I mean, I'm a guy, and even I wanted to wear leg warmers and take off my bra under my sweatshirt like Jennifer Beals. Stem cell research NOW!!!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

I'm so tired

What I did today

1. I bought a used exercise bike at St. Vincent De Paul's for five bucks.
2. I cut my finger while trying to fit my exercise bike in the trunk of my car.

3. I washed the stuff that I hope was dirt off my exercise bike.
4. I rode my exercise bike.
5. I kept hitting my knees on the handlebars of my exercise bike.
6. I turned the handlebars on my exercise bike around and put them on backwards.
7. I quit hitting my knees on the handlebars of my exercise bike.
8. I rode my exercise bike some more.
9. I decorated my exercise bike with Bettie Page stickers.
10. I wrote this post about my exercise bike.